When is findomme ok? If ever?

As I was reading through the posts, I too was thinking people were confusing “findom” with professional sex or erotic services.

My understanding is as @madams-sissysub said. The reason findom has a bad rap is because the giver is exploited by the dom and given nothing in return.

 

Well, the assumption is that they're being exploited and getting nothing in return.

An experience, or feeling, or feedback, or being ignored etc can be perceived as valuable to the person who believes that.

It seems people are really quick to judge other people's lives based on their own feelings/values/beliefs, and then when it challenges them, they assume the other person is wrong / needs help / is being hurt.

I notice how often people don't really care to know what a findom or paypig gets out of it, and when they do ask, they first admit that they don't understand then proceed to judge it.

It's really strange behaviour — why ask anyone a question about their life if you've already made up your mind about it?

 

Ok, to start with, I wasn't sure what "findomme" was. My 1st thought was: Findomme means to be dominated by a fish? (LOL-that really did run through my mind). I then looked in up in Urban Dictionary.

On the validity of "findomme", I have mixed feelings. I can certainly see potential for exploitation. OTOH, My wife/KH and I have a FLR. I work (and am well paid), and she does not, but she does control all of our finances. I am given an allowance, and have a $50 maximum on any purchase without her approval. She pays the bills, and manages our investments, with a financial adviser. And she's much better at it than me. She is clearly protecting me(and herself), and I'm grateful for it. We will be in a good position for me to retire before too much longer. In return, she has been and will be very comfortable financially, and will be set for life if I die first, without ever working outside the home. How much different is that from "findomme"? Is it a matter of degree? IDK.

 

I'm a long time lurker and don't post much here, but this topic was so close to heart with a recent online event for me.

On a different platform I was approached by a lady, where we talked very casually and where I am very vigilant of online connecting nor do I want to waste other peoples time if they want to make money from providing a service like femdom and keyholding. If I would have gone for a findom way, I would have contacted a real pro domme for that.

I believe that paying for a service can be ok within the chastity femdom flr idea's. For me I doesn't work, it feels unreal, and it is just empty stuff, but like I say I'm talking for myself here and not to judge others for what works for them.

To continue I tried to connect with that lady in the hopes I could establish if the offer was something that could have worked explained multiple time I am looking for a chastity lifestyle with a woman not paid service that would be provided ... and I was very specific that if it was findom related, I would call it a day and that it wouldn't work.

So we continued with casual talk at first, she claiming to be local to me ... in the end we dabled shortly in trying online domination through chastity for maybe tops a week, or maybe 8-9 days with some kinky exhange of play. Then I get the message that is going to be her birthday and she says what I'm going to get her all the while way to many questions are still unanswered nor a real deeper connection is established.
Expecting me to buy her a latex suit from a very specific shop on the otherside of this planet ...

I know nothing is free, but that also counts to dominating side, if a sub says that it won't work with findom ... then it won't work, I would not have continued if she would have been open about what her expectations where.

I do an honest attempt on trying to establish what both sides think and are expecting, but don't expect me to accept that your a lifestyler when in fact your a findom ...

In the end I was able to even proof she wasn't anything local to me, so some people are just trying the cashgrab without anything or expecting things for barely nothing ...
This also count to us subs, even in lifestyle we should be very gratefull to the person who walks the path together with us.

I ended it quickly by saying I don't want to waste her time since it clearly was findom what she had in mind and wished her all the best

I do miss someone to walk this path with together atm and believe that somewhere I'll find that lifestyler but I would much prefer to play it single then to go the findom way.

The domme side in a lifestyle also get her pleasure from the dominating part, where in findom that often isn't the case and it is just for the money.
But that clearly is because I see findom as something empty and not real ...

Not trying to put labels on people though. If it works for you it works ...

 

I think there's a lot of variations to Findom; it's not a one-size-fits-all, nor is it an umbrella term for any woman who chooses to request a gift, tribute or money for something in return.

I sense that a lot of people are simply looking in the wrong area; like going to the flea market looking for genuine Prada...

 

Lol, so true, love your comment.