I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about how to tell when you have "broken " your sub. My boy and I have have been in chastity now since the end of September. Altho the first few months were more focused on him handing over orgasm control and us working out what we want. I have seen such change in my boys attitude, every week that goes by I know he will eventually give up his alpha around me completely. SO the question How does one know when a sub is fully broken? I look forward to hearing everyones thoughts.
Love the question! I guess it would depend on what you consider broken. Is it demeanor? His unselfishness? Willingness to do things out of his comfort level? Being subservient at all times? Although mistress enjoys my attentiveness while I'm denied, I doubt she would like me that way all the time. I still tease her if says something redundant, am sarcastic with her, and joke and play with her a lot. I make her laugh and I doubt she would trade that in for a permanently docile maid in the corner. Speaking only when allowed and never my mind. I'm sassy but if it was something that was actually rude or inconsiderate she would say so. Being broken as far as actions...I guess it depends on where they started and where you want them to be. If she wanted me to refuse orgasms...she's got a ways to go, cause I still love em. If she wants me to enjoy her orgasms almost as much as my own...we are there. There are some things I do for her I do because she wants me to. The only reason. I consider that broken, but she could take it further and say that is the way it is all the time, which I suppose would make me truly a slave to her desires. That's the long version, the short one is, does now see your needs as his? Is he willing to sacrifice things he desires to make you happy? And is he willing to do whatever you ask if you really want something? Even if it's out of his comfort zone?
I am by no means the expert, although there are a few on this site whom can't remember what they posted even a few days prior, and I don't know how they get their head(s) thru the door, regardless of how tiny their cage is. However, it has been my recent experience that genuinely giving up any part of your male alpha side also carries over to some extent into your personal interactions of day to day life with other people as well. Even if it's at work, or your shopping, or just out and about doing stuff, you don't mean for it to happen or expect it to happen, but it happens. You react differently, and its almost always in a more open and positive way. I believe to be " fully broken" as you refer to it also depends at least in part on what you expect from him, now and in the future. For a "boy" who willing and lovingly receives your golden showers that you have spoken of as well, it sounds like you have him fairly well broken and under your control. Speak with him to see if he wants to experience being pushed further.. Do you want to break him down further ? Some subs will only tolerate being broken to a certain point. If you go past that point, you could risk loosing him. With some subs the sky may be the limit. Others may need to stay a bit more vanilla. Personally, I am in a situation where I am totally compliant, do all that is expected and then some, but always desire the challenge of being pushed further. My KH does not look at herself as a Mistress, but enjoys the benefits of a FLR and KH. She knows I long for more of her control and discipline, but she just does not have the personality or ability presently to "totally break me down." I slowly and gently try to help her along, giving her all the options, and she chooses the ones she is able to handle and be comfortable with. However, we are happier and closer than we have ever been, and I look forward to all the obedience, discipline, and direction I can receive from her. If she ever wanted to go further with regards to submitting and breaking me down, she knows she has my permission regardless of whatever shape or direction that may take. I believe "totally broken down" is extremely personal and unique to each couples relationship.
It's a little hard to write in everything that happened that led up to wen my wife knew she "broke" me. So many things were happening that it might be hard to know if it was any one in particular or the combined effects. I will try to give some of those details without making this too long! Not always easy for me. The goal was 100 day lock up, it would almost double my previous record of 55 days. This lock up was started in the Mousetrap tube device and then our Steelwerks Prince's collar came in at about the 90 day mark. This is only important because a device fixed with a piercing just makes things a bit more serious mentally, at least for me it did. The lock up went along smoothly with a bit of extra teasing. Her best friend found out not long before, along with her mother and father in-law to be. That was on my mind because I would be meeting them soon at her friends wedding and they wanted to know everything! We attended her best friends wedding at day 97. I sat at the table with my wife, who was in the wedding, and the other bridesmaids and husbands or boyfriends. My wife shared the secret with the bridesmaids, at the prompting of her friend, about the necklace that she placed around the neck of the father in-law to be at the rehearsal dinner a few days before the wedding (it was kind of a scene). Anyway, that was all a big mind game and it really did enforce to me that was more proud of my commitment to my wife than embarrassed. Day 100! In truth, I didn't want it to end. I had passed a feeling of submission that was beyond my experience at that point. I was settling in and enjoying pleasing my wife in any way she wanted, though mostly not in sexual ways. The thought of my pleasure was truly starting to fade. My wife told me she was going to make me orgasm because I didn't want to, she wasn't giving me a choice. I wanted to, but I'm sure some of you understand… It was the most intense I have ever had, even still. But after, I was shaking and a complete mess for about three days. It is very hard to describe the emotions I was going through (that would get even longer lol). I was kept free after because my wife was worried that she did real damage and legitimately broke me! After about five days I asked her if I could put my tube back on. We had some long talks about everything and the emotions that I had gone through and everything that we had been doing with chastity. I admitted to her that as amazing as the release was, it was nothing to the feeling I have when left denied and allowed to completely focus on her pleasure. It was very clear to both of us that there was no going back. We had been playing a game and very much enjoying it up to that point. It has evolved into just part of our everyday lifestyle.
You could be there already. Basically, it's when he's accepted that you've got him by the balls every which way and there's nothing he can do about it - so he does as he's told, or else!
After 47 years of being a sexual submissive with 30 years spent being dominated by my wife's live in girlfriend, this alpha male is still very much alpha. The sub has all the power. No one can dominate a sub without consent. The sub sets the limits and the sub can halt things instantly by using a safe word. I do not know why domes think they are in charge. Then again my submission is limited to the bedroom and done for stress relief. As my wife says, I have a forceful personality that dominates a room and intimidates people. I will never lose that because I do not want to. The first woman who dominated me also cuckolded me. When she asked my visiting friends to gang bang her, I gave her a week to move out. I was into some extreme stuff, as were some we played with, but outside sex play time we were all our normal selves. Most of the stuff in porn is pure fantasy as are many posts on the internet. I have come across men who enjoyed being a slave, but they were the minority. Your experence is probably different than mine. My wife's biggest fear when we started Chastity was that the alpha man she married, that made her feel safe and protected, would become a slave. She told me point blank that she did not want to be married to a slave. Just a different viewpoint, but one I think applies to more men and wives than not. My wife is in charge in the bedroom only. There is a fine line between a fetish and psychological need. I suffer from depression and my doctor told me that BDSM is often the refuge of the depressed. It forces me to not think of anything but the pain. Since being treated, my interest in the more extreme aspects of BDSM has waned.