When does it kick in for a reluctant keyholder

The thing I get out of it is the horniness for my (reluctant )wife. The thing is that as the horniness level rockets, it is my wife who is on and in my mind...to a level of distraction comparable to when we just met.
Not really interested in other women or insta babes or porn.
I stare and even gawk at my wife thinking that if this is mine for life then Im a lucky guy and I'd better take good good care of her.

But I masturbate if she doesn’t hold the key and then I don't get those strong feelings for her anymore.

I don't understand how it works so I'm sure she doesnt!

But if wives were taught this before marriage then most husbands would be locked up hard and marital councillors would have no job left!

 

Allegedly it’s in the hormones. Oxytocin levels. Look it up. It makes sense of you read it with a pinch of salt.
When my wife read it, that’s when she decided we’d be going 24/7

 

Yeah I understand the mechanics of keeping me horny...but why does it focus all my thoughts on my wife ?

 

Isn't it because she becomes the source of your pleasure?

Also, studies have been done that show if you stop watching porn & viewing other visually stimulating images of other women that the attractiveness of your spouse increases in your mind. There was another study that showed an increase in desire for your wife & decrease in interest in other women when your oxytocin levels are higher from just non-sexual physical intimacy with your spouse.

 

Right, it becomes the inverse of porn addiction. Your mind does what you train it to do. Want to be addicted to porn, go watch and be addicted to porn and re-enforce those neurological pathways. Want to be addicted to your wife, go get pleasure with her and be addicted to your wife.

 

Interesting.
I'd add that all/any physical intimacy with my wife feels somewhat sexual even if the genitals are removed from the action.

When unlocked and a woman passes by...I always imagine her pussy, but not when locked, my mind is focussed on my WIFES PUSSY.

 

I couldn't agree more. Any prolonged physical touch with my wife has me straining in my cage within about 10 seconds.

 

People aren't machines.

 

Maybe ask questions, get the details, watch her masterbate? That’s what I did. But, that was a while ago. When we first got together. Chastity is new in our relationship as well, and she is interested but not like into the idea of it. But it does even out our sex drive. She has literally just handed me the key at lunch yelling freedom! Lol and getting her groove on, and once done with lunch. Back in I go. We’ve been on a week break of the cage tho, just got a lighter one in. So we will start it tonight, hope it goes well

 

My wife and KH took a year. we had several goes and I learned that for it too work she has to see benefits and be in charge. Topping from the bottom or suggesting things killed it.

Forth time - I am now one month into permanent locking with her happily holding the key somewhere. I have a plastic cage for travelling which is swapped under supervision. Cage does not come off and am I not permitted an erection or any form of orgasm whatsoever. I am banned alcohol and we have goals and targets for me to be allowed to pleasure her. She like to toss her underwear for me to sniff, or get constant massage and tickles.

It clicked

 

As others have said, of course everyone's different and it depends, etc.. But I just wanted to share a thought, in case it's helpful. Just one woman's point of view - I'm definitely no expert but still a rather nervous newbie!

Until spring this year, my only experience of chastity was a few hours here or there of tease and denial, alongside other play. For one reason or another, I looked at this and some other sites and even though I had been interested in taking the lead and having the associated feeling of control, I was very nearly put off the whole thing by what appeared to me at the time to be very extreme behaviour and quite yuck. I found all the talk of devices and mechanics extremely off-putting and quite distant from a loving relationship. I also hadn't properly realised that the things being described were part fantasy, part reality, (there's no harm in that!).

A couple of things really made a difference for me.

When I plucked up courage to ask some rather naive questions from people on this site, I braced myself for a torrent of pornographic or offensive comments. But instead, every single person has been polite, generous with their advice, and a lovely combination of fun and thoughtfulness. That made me realise that this is something that 'normal' people like us might experiment with.
The second thing was, leaving aside anything to do with chastity or devices, we both realised that it might be a lot of fun for us to experiment for a bit with me having control over our sex lives for a while, to see what it was like. Not the rest of our lives in any way, but just that. This wasn't about just about me deciding whether to say 'yes' or 'no' all the time (I have my needs!) but about me deciding for us when we would play and deciding for him, whether he could make himself come, even when I wasn't there.

I enjoyed that feeling of control and it actually made me want to play more often. I loved that he was desperate for me, and felt very flattered. But I realised I also had the responsibility that came with that control, to make sure both of us were satisfied. I discovered that if I didn't find a way to control when he played with himself, and he could come whenever he liked, then that feeling of power, and the responsibility, were taken away from me. But how do you stop a man playing with himself? A-ha! So, the wish to try a cage on him came from a combination of just the usual fun denial-play, plus a feeling of wanting control and enjoying (but being a little scared of) the prospect of the responsibility.

The first time he wore the cage outside was really nerve-wracking for him, especially when he needed to ask me for the key at one point, so he could have a pee. We were out at a lovely restaurant in Manchester, all flirty and fun, when he leaned over and asked for the key and I found myself just saying 'no'. At that point , I thought it was just part of the game and nothing especially thrilling for either of us, and he slouched off to use a cubicle rather than the stalls. But when he came back, I was surprised how aroused I was at the idea of having control over such an intimate part of him. It wasn't the pee thing, it was the thought of controlling his sexual responses.
And then we just gradually progressed from there. Lots of ups and downs and things not going to plan (see my journal/blog, (link in signature) which I probably overuse. It's been quite a journey, most of it me trying to figure out how I feel about the whole thing. Maybe you could show your partner some of my early posts?).

I suppose what I'm saying is, that your partner might be put off by some of the things in the chastity world that look and sound quite extreme, and the whole mechanics of it, whereas if she felt she could set the pace herself and experiment with the very simple side of taking control (no equipment needed) she might be surprised at how much she enjoys it, especially when she sees you responding positively. She could tell you when you can play with yourself and withhold permission if she wants. Then she might wonder to herself whether you're keeping to the rules. And what would happen if she had some control over when you can get hard, as well as when you can come. And then you might both start experimenting with a device.

I still can't say I like chastity devices in themselves. Most of them look to me as if they've been designed by blokes in a garage and there's something about them that makes me think of lab apparatus which is potentially a turn off. In fact aesthetically, I don't like most sex toys. But, and this is a huge thing, I've come to associate some of them with pleasure for one or both of us and now I don't really see the objects but am able to think more about the fun and the weird squirmy joy of it all.

In the end, just as some people like classical music and some like pop, some people like taking control sexually and find it a massive turn-on, while others don't. So maybe your partner will find this just isn't for her. On the other hand, people can discover that they enjoy immensely some things they thought they would never have touched with a barge-pole (that's what's happened to me), not least if it gives a lot of pleasure to someone else.

Maybe try starting with a little tease and denial, working up to her having a bit more control and feeling of power and only introducing a chastity device as the next logical step after that?

I've read this back and it sounds like a lecture! Please don't take it that way and of course, this is just the experience of one rather underconfident person!

Good luck!
Sal

 

So what is the longest you've gone so far? Were you able to make it 30 days?

Can you easily pull out of your device and have you cheated the process doing that?

 

You need to show her the benefits of her controlling your penis, with household chores, servicing her without getting anything in return, foot and back rubs.
There are a lot of things that you can do, good luck.
My wife is still iffy she does it for me because I enjoy her owning me and she does enjoy the fact that I can't masturbate anymore so whe we have sex I am much more sensitive.