When does it kick in for a reluctant keyholder

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by MichaelAlan, Aug 3, 2022.

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  1. MichaelAlan
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    MichaelAlan Member

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    We are experimenting with this initial "90 day" recommended " lock up period to see if it has any effect on either of us.

    Currently, My wife is playing along for my benefit to please me. When ( if ever) does a reluctant key holder begin to get a kick out of this and REALLY start to drive the train and not just try to please her husband?
    Thank you
     
  2. Locked for Goddess Tina
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    I would say 6 months is a minimum length period but every couple is different. I was maybe 4-6 months before my wife even began to embrace it. It has been a little over 10 months for us and she is slow to embrace it but, slowly she is opening up to D/s. As for the cage I got a custom cage (Badass metal works) 8months in and at 9 months she chose to wear a jewelry key on her own. She said last week the cage is permanent and will never come off except for rare short periods. I have been locked 24/7 for at least 3 months
     
  3. NowIveDoneIt
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    NowIveDoneIt Active member

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    When do people fall in love? When it happens. Everyone is different, some never come around, some get it immediately, some appease, start to get it and learn to like/love it. There's no way to really tell going in. Just think of this as the biggest and longest "sell" of your life....
     
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  4. MichaelAlan
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    #4 MichaelAlan, Aug 3, 2022
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2022
    Let me rephrase that, it may have sounded rude.

    I knew when I hit post that was probably a " it depends "question..... I should have asked, when did it kick in or you? As you say it may never.
     
  5. MichaelAlan
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    MichaelAlan Member

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    I am enjoying it and she seems to be. And she is willing to give it a try for awhile. So if it takes 6 months so be it. If she just plays along, that wi be fun too. But I'm the meantime I'll try not to push.

    Did you see any benefit from a 90 day not touching or edging initial lock up period? There seems to be a lot disagreement on this.
    Thank You
    Michael
     
  6. Crowe
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    Crowe Long term member

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    It took my wife a couple years to start getting comfortable with it. It's pretty much the norm here now, but she sometimes feels some guilt and other times she surprises me and really takes control.
     
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  7. Locked for Goddess Tina
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    As I said, 6 months is really what I have read and it was about right. From this point forward it has to be all about her. In a nutshell it is the infancy of a D/s orFLR marriage depending on what the two of you want. In most cases you don’t know what you want but are working to figure that out. PATIENCE
     
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  8. MichaelAlan
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    MichaelAlan Member

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    Excellent advice,
    Thank You
     
  9. Mazikeen
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    Mazikeen New member

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    • Hi, I’m new to this, thought I’d give my view on this as I’m a wife being asked to be a key holder and like your wife at this point I’m mostly doing this to please my husband not because I should or im his wife but as a wife who loves her husband and wants to please him as he pleases me. I don’t understand the thought process on why men enjoy it or pretend that I’m going to enjoy caging his cock. I’m doing it because he trusted me enough to share this with me and ask if I would. I don’t know what I’m doing, or if it right. I’m here to learn and see if this is something we can share together.
    • He has been thinking about this for some time where this is brand new and wow this is a life style for me. So I don’t see myself going from a typical wife to a key holder over night or even a few months and he understanding on that. There is so much to know and learn about. I’m learning about a new life style and new things about my husband all in one go. Some days I feel like I’m living with someone else, I didn’t know this part of him existed until he told me. Being a key holder also mean a role change for us, that a lot to take in for someone who new to this.
    • For us it’s a lot of talking, patience, and reading. I’m not sure what to make of it, how I really feel about yet or if it even something I want but I’m reading learning and being open minded about it. He has been patient, helping me find reading material and even this site, to helping me to understand what it is and why he enjoys.
    • I guess what I’m saying is be patient it’s a whole lot to take in and at time very overwhelming.
     
  10. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    Go ahead. The 90-day lockup will make or break the trial.. 90 days without erection.. enough to drive a man to nirvana like celibacy. It strengthens you as a man of honour, trust and willpower.
    Did you get the memo that she is to receive lots of oral orgasm, if not daily, during your time of abstinence..?
     
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  11. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Long term member

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    Ok so we’d played around before so we knew I was comfortable in a cage. She was over the hang ups about that side of things, but still had reservations…

    But it took 17 days.

    17 days from being locked up with reservations, to locked up with her denying release.
    It’s about perspective about what you want from this.

    I don’t agree with this at all. There is nothing to learn. No change of lifestyle. He’s asked you to hold the key. He should embody a change to encompass your needs. Should he have got into this so you entertain his other kinks than that’s a mistaken idea.
    My wife and I have an amazing sex life whilst I remain in chastity. However, we don’t do things that we weren’t comfortable with from the offset. I don’t suddenly have to rim her ass as a form of humiliation, nor does she go out and cuckold me so she can force me to clean her afterwards.
    We were already quite comfortable with pegging and some more extreme toys etc. she’s added punishments to her arsenal but only because she has rules to enforce. It’s not a maintenance task, she does it when she genuinely wants to remind me how to behave. The only real difference is that the more kinkier side of our lives is more frequent. She is however, far more comfortable than before so open to new things.

    Does she have an orgasm daily now? No. She didn’t want that before so she doesn’t now. Am I more kind, attentive and better for her daily? Yes.

    So to answer the question ‘when does this kick in?’. Basically, when she agrees the benefits are worthwhile and doesn’t want to set you free.
    I have become naturally more submissive, and in turn she has become more dominant. That stems from listening to what she wants and acting upon that.

    On the other aspect of 90 day lock up. I’ve never really understood that. When your locked up your instantly under control. Whether after 90 days those impulses become more natural and you can be released without concern of ‘misbehaving’ i don’t know. I read a lot that people have to repeat the 90days, so there’s evidence that it doesn’t actually work if you look for it.
    But for me, the initial lock up should be about enjoying the experience. Learning together what you’re both comfortable with and to set a standard going forward. Not trialling what you’re reading on forums or ‘how to’ guides. Chastity should be a unique shared experience of your own making.
     
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  12. MichaelAlan
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    MichaelAlan Member

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    Absolutely I did. That has always been something I love and she she doesnt. It taken my urging to get her to let me. I hope this chastity experiment will get her to actually enjoy it
     
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  13. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Long term member

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    Maybe never, it sounds like you need to communicate more. Sometimes a person's idea of "driving the train" is letting someone else drive it because they don't want to.
     
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  14. Locked for Goddess Tina
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    This short time of 17 days is in my mind premature. No disrespect intended, but give it time. Looking at your profile your 36. I have been married longer than that. Young people adapt much more easily than older people A more mature wife would say this is a fad that will pass or why? Or maybe as my wife said reluctantly for the first 6 months "I am waiting for the other shoe to drop" This is a major shift for some. and that has a lot to do with the length of the relationship and the ages of the couple. At 64 years old I wish I had started 15+ years ago. A marriage (for some of us) is a permanent partnership. Lifelong, and in a long life many things morph and change. I know for certain I am not the same person I was even 30 years ago. I will suggest that you are fortunate to have found this so early in your marriage
     
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  15. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Thank you for sharing. As a woman, your viewpoints are especially welcome. You are an amazing woman just for trying. One of the benefits of this lifestyle is the openness and honesty that can develop between partners. It goes much deeper than a typical relationship. And by accepting him, he will be as loyal to you as is possible. It may seem like an odd kink, but you have been given a gift that can give as much as you wish. He is still the person you married, and you can still be partners.
     
  16. starflyer
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    starflyer Junior Member

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    its like how longs a piece of string ! depends on her state of mind
     
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  17. MichaelAlan
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    MichaelAlan Member

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    IB Chaste,
    I suspect that your wife was already playful and willing to take charge in the bedroom.nso the transition was minim. That is not the case for my wife and may not be the case for Mazikeen.
     
  18. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Long term member

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    Im confused whether this was supposed to be belittling or complimentary. It took 17 days for my wife to overcome her reservations and take control. Will that relationship adapt over time? Absolutely.
    My point was regarding starting to drive the train, or @Mazikeen belief she should somehow have to change. Chastity should be there to enhance a partnership. Not deliver a kink that wasn’t their before.
     
  19. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Long term member

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    Absolutely not. Serious and controlling in life outside of the bedroom. Obviously we have a whole lot of fun in whatever we’re doing. Reserved and recessive within... but she was willing to do things to please yes, I however instigated everything. Now the benefit of chastity outside has taken her to shift her approach sexually.
    My point is go in with the expectation of denial, use your change to please your wife, anything else will be a bonus.
     
  20. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Great question. As has been mentioned, it depends.

    You are defiantly playing the long game. If she has some latent dominance, you have a chance. It may take time for it to develop. And a lot depends on you and your support.

    If she does not have dominant tendencies, it may never happen. She may accommodate you, and that can still be satisfying for both of you.

    Time will tell.
     
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  21. MichaelAlan
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    In that case, things are very similar. However my wife is not one who is generally playful. This is changing that somewhat. She is still very reserved.
     
  22. MichaelAlan
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    MichaelAlan Member

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    True very true. We'll see. I have read some forums where this lifestyle did encourage some latent tendencies to grow.

    And if they never do, it's still a lot of fun when she's just pretending.

    I am currently away on a business trip so it has been on hold. But she has been teasing and threatening me from afar.

    I slide out of my improperly sized cage and masterbated. Since then She has insisted I don't masterbate while I am out the cage( or else)and have gone a week so far. So she is playing along which has been fun.
     
  23. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Long term member

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    Firstly, why do you get to come out for a business trip?? Sounds a lot more interesting if you stay caged.
    Secondly, how dare you! I hope you can’t sit down after she punishes you for breaking her rules :mad:
     
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  24. MichaelAlan
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    MichaelAlan Member

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    Haha.
    It was an unintentional escape. I'd have relocked but I lost my emergency key.

    Soaked in the bathtub and one ball slipped. I couldn't reinsert the escaped ball so I freed them both.

    My wife paddling me probably isn't in the cards. But perhaps. I think I might wait before I suggest something like that.
     
  25. Xileh
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    That's a great start. But, no cheating! If you want to test your 90 day theory, you need to stick with it.
     
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