What's an flr (in essence)?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Proud to be chaste, Apr 28, 2022.

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  1. Proud to be chaste
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    Proud to be chaste Active member

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    I wonder if someone can help me out here. Most material I have read on flr seems to avoid any definition. Also, there are lots of examples of what a flr may look like, but they vary greatly. Some focus on kinky activity, some focus on her being pampered and treated like a princess, yet others focus on her power to decide (to the extent that she wants, which may be very little or a lot). To me, this seems like more or less disparate pictures, and without any clear definition.

    One could say that the term "flr" is self-explanatory. IMO it is not quite that simple, as it is not clear what it means for one partner to "lead" the relationship.

    What do you think? What do you mean when you say "flr"? What is a flr (essentially)?

    Let's for example say that he initiates chastity, and after some time she starts to enjoy it a lot. Then she (small steps at the time) starts taking advantage of her new privileges. When does it become a flr?
     
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  2. CuriousAndy
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    CuriousAndy Long term member

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    The definitions I've read define levels of Female Led Relationships, ranging from moderate too extreme.

    The underlying principle is a reversal of old fashioned gender roles were a male is perceived as having more power in the relationship. In a Female Led Relationship it is acknowledged that the woman has more power than the male and makes decisions he must abide by.

    In a moderate Female Led Relationship that might be certain aspects of the relationship, there might be expectations around limits. As an example she might make all decisions regarding chores while financial decisions are joint.

    In more extreme Female Led Relationships all aspects of the relationship would be under her control and the man would be expected to obey all her decisions.

    This doesn't necessarily have anything to do with sex... but it can. In a Female Led Relationship a woman might be dominant in bed and there might be BDSM elements were she is dominant and he is submissive. That might include chastity.

    My wife has always been very dominant in terms of making relationship decisions, she nearly always got what she wanted. Later in our relationship we experimented with BDSM scenes were she was dominant and I was submissive. Chastity devices were introduced into prolonged scenes. That evolved over time into more of a life style were it's acknowledged that I obey her decisions in all things and she keeps me locked up. Being Female Led is something I sometimes get wrong in terms of deference and general behaviour, but she reminds me of my place and I try to do better.
     
  3. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    In our case, it's fairly simple: She's always right; I am always to accept her decisions; I am to always do as she wants or asks or instructs; I am to always treat her with respect, patience, and love; and I am to never talk back, argue, roll my eyes, etc.

    I assume there are as many different ways to answer this as there are couples.
     
  4. knight4princess
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    knight4princess Active member

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    I think there as many definitions of FLR as there are couples who practice it.

    For us, it is first and foremost a relationship. A lot of our day-to-day activities are much like any other couple. But she is the breadwinner and I work for her at home -- a "househusband." She is considerate of my wishes, opinions and thoughts about things -- my advice. But in the end she knows that she will get what she wants.

    We aren't into BDSM much at all. We dabble in chastity only slightly. But we are definitely big fans of the Hotwife dynamic.

    After years of playing in the swing lifestyle, I accepted her request to return to being monogamous with her when it comes to other women. But she continues to have a wide open hall pass to play with any man of her choosing at any time. In practice that means she has two or three men who send her flirtatious texts and emails, and show up for occasional encounters. My wife is finally becoming comfortable with the label of being "dominant" but just barely -- even though she definitely is. So there's a label thing that puts off some women and couples.

    Other FLR couples are more into BDSM and chastity -- and not into cuckolding at all. Some aren't into anything kinky but she just calls the shots.

    A final thought: There are millions more couples who have an FLR than even realize it. Many women "rule the rooster" but don't see theirs as some kind of Female Led Relationship even though it clearly is. There are millions of others who know what they have but don't know what it's called.
     
  5. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    Female Led Relationship. Various degrees of the woman making the decisions. Depends on the couple how they take it.

    Some only do it in the bedroom. Some do it 24x7. Don't need to do it just to be chaste.

    A
     
  6. subrick
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    subrick Junior Member

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    The parameters which make up an FLR are defined by the individuals in the relationship and what THEY feel is best for them.

    For us, the Female Led Relationship part of our marriage is 100% Hers in the bedroom and anything having to do with our intimacy. She determines the when, where, how, etc. The interesting thing is that since She locked me up and we started with our sex life being completely under Her control, the shear number of "intimate times" we share per week has increased dramatically. We probably average at least once per day (I get to massage Her hot, sexy body almost every evening), and sometimes twice (on days I don't have to rush off to work). So in that way, I'm definitely very fortunate the way things have proceeded with our sex life since being under Her control. Considering that just about three years ago we were doing good if we had one intimate session every 2-4 weeks. Now, we are definitely in a better place with our relationship. And She agrees, too!

    We are slowly including FLR in other parts of our relationship as well. But my Lovely Wife & Keyholder isn't interested in being responsible for EVERYTHING. Most maintenance related around the house and cars are on my plate. She has made me a bit more responsible for some of the typical "lady" household chores which she used to do. But She still does them at least 50% of the time Herself. She's a "stay-at-home" mom and I'm the main "bread winner" and very busy with work, and She realizes that my available time at home is limited.

    Now....when I retire in a year or so? All bets are off. I suspect She will have me become much more active in doing many of the housekeeping tasks which She now predominantly does.

    So, our FLR is a work in progress. But in terms of our intimacy, it's been 100% under Her control since this current lockup started, over 749 days ago! ;)

    ~subrick
     
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  7. Proud to be chaste
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    Proud to be chaste Active member

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    This must be the clearest explanation I have ever come across. Thanks!

    And thanks all for the replies. The term 'flr' is clearer to me now!
     
  8. Guest 6019
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    It's evolving here. We still make decisions together, except when it comes to sex. We don't have sex when she thinks I want it and she is doing it for my sake, even though she's not in the mood herself. I would like her to keep me denied longer than she does, but that's her choice. I know I'm not at my best day 2-3 after orgasm, and then feel guilty for being an arse. It's a cycle I'd like to break, but things are just a little bit too vanilla to take the next step. We have spontaneity, which is right and loving and us, but to really push those submissive buttons, for me who is a recovering dominant, the denial would have to be longer, and that's not her goal. She should. I kinda need the discipline and order the longer locks I've done has on my mind. There is a certain clarity in denial and the view of your loved as a goddess bathed in light. Tis a wonderful feeling.
     
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  9. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    I think this sums it up really well. I think you can also assume that the parameters will change over time, just as the individuals do.
     
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  10. starflyer
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    starflyer Junior Member

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    In our case FLR means she rules my cock and any sex is on her terms, she's not really in to massages or foot massages, although i do most of the cooking.
     
  11. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    In our mariage, its just simply as our roles have been reversed.. she has a excellent career n i lost my job years earlier.. d pendemic has just worsen d situation. Since she brings home d bacon.. she decides al money aspects. Im handy n helpful ard d house.. n she likes my male energy Instead of a sisy in maid uniform. Chastity does com into d picture n its on me.. whereas she liberates her sexual choices.. responsibly.
     
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  12. madams-sissysub
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    For me and my madam it is simple, she is in control. She decides everything, and it is my place to conform. In every way and about everything, end of.
     
  13. lovetohearno
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    lovetohearno Active member

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    Every couple defines it for themselves together. There is no one size fits all. In our marriage she is in complete control in the bedroom but when it comes to housework we have it split pretty evenly but I am also the breadwinner with her income as supplemental and most of the financial decisions are mine because she doesn’t want to deal with it and she trusts me. Those are just a few examples of how different aspects can have varying degrees of control within just one relationship.
     
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  14. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    Simplest definition: the woman is the dominant/decision maker/deadlock breaker when it comes to the most decisions.

    No couple is completely egalitarian. Some split roles, being a decision maker in some areas (for example, accounting, or education for kids) while deferring to their partner in other areas.

    However, at the end of the day one of these partners is 'more equal' than the other. And by my observation that is usually The Wife, meaning even most vanilla couples are technically in an FLR, even if they don't recognize it as such.
     
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  15. Disciplined Boyfriend
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    . Also known as nagging wife syndrome. But usually only extends to cleaning, leaving the pub on time (or not going) and watching sports on TV.
     
  16. LockedTower
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    LockedTower Long term member

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    A relationship where one person has submitted power or authority to their female partner who accepts and acknowledges the power transfer.
     
  17. cdsub2wife
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    For me an FLR is something that has evolved in our marriage. My wife wants to be in charge of the marriage and finances. She wants to make the important decisions. She wants me to obey her. She wants me to do all the housecleaning. This caused conflict for many years. A couple years ago I suggested a wife led marriage to her after reading about it on the internet. Her idea of FLR (or wife led marriage in our case) does not include kink. I suggested tease and denial. She goes along with that. I told her I will not masturbate and rely on her for orgasms (tease and denial with a vibrator). This has worked for us. I could cheat but I don't. Sometimes I go a a few months without an orgasm. That keeps me horny and wanting to obey her. My submission needs to have a sexual component. I use butt plugs which she is Ok with. She is Ok with my cross dressing and body hair removal. Except for that there is no kink and I am seldom allowed to perform oral on her. I want more kink but I have accepted that I won't get anymore. I want to be her sub so I try my best to obey her and do my part.

    Feel free to PM me if you are in a similar marriage. I would like to hear from others who are in a wife led marriage with a mostly vanilla wife
     
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  18. Guest 6019
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    Guest 6019 Long term member

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    If we are to define it, but take sex out of the equation....

    An FLR is when the man doesn't see his wife's natural superiority and leadership in certain situations as nagging. The wife maybe in control, but if the husband isn't willingly led, it isn't an FLR. There needs to be some degree of acceptance on the part of the male. "She wears the pants" is seen as a positive comment, a compliment on your relationship.
     
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