What to tell a reluctant keyholder

Discussion in 'Novices and newbies' started by Amanda85, Sep 14, 2020.

  1. Amanda85
    Offline

    Amanda85 Self-locked bigendered person

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2020
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Occupation:
    Consultant
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA
    Local Time:
    11:43 AM
    My wife is a reluctant participant in chastity, and I'm working on what to tell her that might be persuasive in getting her to try keyholding. What are some of the benefits of chastity I may have overlooked the first time around? Many thanks for the advice.
     
    Danny15 and njcuckold like this.
  2. MissyB
    Online

    MissyB Active member

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2019
    Messages:
    3,093
    Likes Received:
    4,254
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Occupation:
    maid, (I wish)
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Tennessee hills
    Local Time:
    11:43 AM
    Well a lot has to do with why she is reluctant. Does she not like seeing you in a cage? Does she not like assuming a more dominant role in you sex life? Is she confused as to what all you expect from her with chastity? I think the best approach would be to talk about your relationship, including sex, intimacy, and expectations. Introducing chastity into a marriage can be difficult. If you can get past her uncertainty about her role, then you could point out things like how chastity would allow you to focus more on her pleasure without worrying about your own, how you can do a wide range to things to help her in day to day life, like more chores or massages, and how by denying you, she can make the connection stronger. Good luck and enjoy.
     
    njcuckold likes this.
  3. King Hippo
    Offline

    King Hippo Active member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2020
    Messages:
    577
    Likes Received:
    554
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    New Jersey
    Local Time:
    11:43 AM
    This has to be a mutual part of the relationship between you and your partner. For someone who didn't have chastity on their radar at all, I could understand not understanding the purpose of it. I am sure your wife or partner would like to see some changes in you even if they are small, and maybe you could work chastity into that...

    There is no good answer considering all relationships are different and there is no right or wrong way to do this.
     
  4. NZSenator
    Offline

    NZSenator Active member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2020
    Messages:
    215
    Likes Received:
    224
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    3:43 AM
    There are some good books out there if she is inclined to read up on it, but it really comes down to why she is reluctant.

    My wife was apprehensive and only saw it initially as my thing, that I must be getting something out of it to keep doing it. Patience and time are your friends. Give her time to digest information and don't rush into full on keyholding straight away.

    Positive reinforcement helps. If she does something that is along the lines of a keyholder (denying release, tease, session just for her etc) then reinforce with praise or actions so she gains confidence in what she has done.

    I wouldn't go straight to "goddess mode" with her, small gestures can be quite powerful, do some chores that you might not normally do without being asked, try and predict what she thinks needs doing and do it (I say try as I know my wife has an endless list of things). Don't overdo it, its got to be built towards, but these sorts of things help with the positice reinforcement of you submissive position.

    Physical well-being is another issue for some, they see the penis all squashed into a cage and it can be quite off-putting. Make sure that you are healthy (no signs of distress) and comfortable to try and alleviate this concern. Don't go into too much detail about some of the comfort issues (ring burn for example) as this will only deter acceptance, but absolutely discuss all issues (especially signs of distress like discolouration of the testicles, or them going cold etc).
     
    Blue00 likes this.
  5. Couple4517
    Offline

    Couple4517 Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2018
    Messages:
    122
    Likes Received:
    109
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Europe
    Local Time:
    5:43 PM
    How long has she been aware of this and how long have you been ‘trying’ it in front of her since? I just ask because when I first introduced my KH she was surprised and unsure etc. The more information etc I tried to throw at her the less keen she was as she really just needed me to be patient and her have time to think it over.

    Once she was ready to be more involved the main thing that I think helped her understand was me explaining that there is so much enjoyment from being kept very horny whereas with cumming there is a great high but then a lot feeling longer after. And stressing that anything we try was zero commitment and at any time either of us could end it or take a break if we felt uncomfortable.

    My fantasy could have been having no choice and her being really harsh about it but that would have put her off straight away. Now she is everything I ever dreamed of from a KH but it did take time for her to feel confident and understand.
     
  6. Wonderwomanssub
    Offline

    Wonderwomanssub Active member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2017
    Messages:
    1,006
    Likes Received:
    2,071
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    9:43 AM
    When I first brought it up to my wife she didn’t understand why I would want to do this and what her benefit would be.
    Sometimes we think we’re explaining things really well and it makes sense in our mind. What you have to remembered that before we got up the nerve to ask our lovely partners to lock us, we’ve had the luxury of researching chastity, FLR and looking up related content and we think we have a good idea of what chastity is all about.

    It seems to me after being a member here for several years that most potential keyholders feel the same way initially about chastity as your wife does. I know mine did, it took 2 weeks of subtle convincing to get my wife to try but once she was on board and saw the benefits and potential benefits for her and our relationship she was onboard and hasn’t looked back.

    initially my wife was intrigued but she just couldn’t push herself over the edge to say yes to chastity until after I bought her a book on chastity titles Male Chastity by Lucy Fairbourne. The book was a good choice because it was actually written by a woman but written from her perspective. Although the book does cover a wide variety of chastity related activities, ideas and lifestyle concepts but it doesn’t dive heavily into each subject. The author leaves just enough of a taste of each subject that the reader if intrigued can then go and do their own research to learn more.

    I don’t think my wife would’ve said yes if I hadn’t bought her that book, I just couldn’t explain chastity to her in a way that made sense. After she power read the book in about 45 min she came out of our bedroom enthusiastic to try. That was 5 years ago and 5 years ago we identified as a vanilla couple, now she is my mistress and dominatrix and I am her submissive husband. We wouldn’t have it any other way, we have fun and enjoy slowly going further down the rabbit hole.

    Another good book is by a mistress here at CM that goes by Mistress Jules. If you google Mistress Jules Scotland you’ll pull up her site and I think she even has a pdf version of her book for download.

    Watch out for a lot of the other books out there, there’s a lot of stuff that lays the kink (i.e cuckolding, feminization etc...) on too heavily and I think that turns a lot of women off. Think of chastity like a very hot hot tub, you just need to take your time and with each step you become more comfortable until you’re fully submerged.
    Good luck and I hope this helps :)
     
    Rectrix likes this.
  7. Amanda85
    Offline

    Amanda85 Self-locked bigendered person

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2020
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Occupation:
    Consultant
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    USA
    Local Time:
    11:43 AM
    Thank you. I bought this book and read what I was allowed to read, and it's good. I'll be offering it to her at an opportune moment. I appreciate all the advice!
     
    Wonderwomanssub likes this.
  8. madams-sissysub
    Offline

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2009
    Messages:
    3,252
    Likes Received:
    2,163
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    nurse
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    uk (west mids)
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    3:43 PM
    You could just get her to have a look on here, let her see how many happy locked men there are, and how many pleased key holders there is to!
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice