What to expect physically and mentally

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by jake4u, Feb 23, 2010.

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  1. jake4u
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    jake4u Junior Member

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    Hi everyone. I just found this community and it has been a great resource for me as I learn about male chastity. My wife has been leaving hints for me that this is something she is interested in. I know she has read just about everything Elise Sutton has put out and would like to establish a Female Lead relationship where she is the Domme and I am her sub, and possibly her slave down the road.

    The idea is somewhat intriguing to me, but I do have some questions. Reading the forums I am quite satisfied that there are no adverse medical consequences from long term chastity, but I'd like to hear from members about what they have experience both mentally and physically as the length of their chastity increased.

    I'm a typical guy and have never gone more than 2 or 3 days without ejaculating, so I'm wondering:

    What physical changes have you experienced? Do you have more energy? Are you thinking about the need to have an orgasm all the time? Is your cock constantly straining to become erect? Do you have involuntary wet dreams or constantly leak precum or cum?

    What mental or psychological changes have you experienced? Are you more submissive now? Is your mind cloudy and are you able to focus on work and vanilla aspects of your life? Has your psychological state changed as the length of your confinement has increased?

    Thanks in advance, I think I am going to submit to my wife and allow her to place me in chastity, but would like to have some idea of what to expect.
     
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  2. bound spirit
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    bound spirit Junior Member

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    Some thoughts

    My wife and I have been enjoying chastity off and on for about 2 years now. I was more interested than she was initially but we've both grown to really like the experience for different reasons. I typically go "in" for 1-3 months with releases every 2-3 weeks. We've tried lots of different devices and you're going to have to be willing to experiment to find one that works for you. None are perfect. I've settled on a CB-6000 thought tried two others in the series as well as a full Neosteel belt. The deal is relative comfort and hygiene with relative security - can't manage to put them all in one package (at least that I've found).

    In terms of physical, you're going to have to get used to this thing touching you all the time on your "bits" which I find pretty erotic but it takes some getting used to. I work out, live in mine 24/7 and haven't had a problem being noticed but you'll have to modify your behavior (showers at the gym) and airline travel is always interesting. The primary physical issues are at night and in the morning when you typically get a woody. For a long time, that was painful enough to wake me at 4:00 AM and cause me to sit on the john until I could pee to get a little relief. It probably took about a year (off and on) before I just forgot about it. The longer you go without release, the more you'll be challenged but that's also the fun of it. The key I've found is to go slow and take your time. Experience with devices, rings and spacers until you get something you can wear. Figure out how to stay clean, etc. Start with a few hours, then a day or so - forget all the crap about mistress bought this XYZ, locked me up and threw away the key - horseshit - your number will rot off or you'll have running sores. Teenage fantasy at best.

    The emotional aspect is the one that really will be surprising to you if you're like me. I found it to be an amazing transformation that took me through stages that went from excitement, super-horny, frustrated, pissed, resigned and all the time the focus on my wife built and deepened. It really takes you away from focus on yourself - you're wife/domme becomes a much more central part of your experience (we had been married for 15 years before). You'll have to find ways to channel the energy (and frustration) so you don't make her crazy or end up whining too much. Obviously, her skill at playing, tease and denial, mental games will have allot to do with it but you will be very surprised how much the fact that you can't just take care of yourself whenever you damn well please impacts things. It is also amazing the mental/physical aspect of no orgasms for weeks - to me it almost feels like a deep intense heat I experience - that a a constantly dripping number.

    I think you'll enjoy it if you give it an honest try and your wife helps you through the initial process. My wife is not naturally dominant so I probably had a bit more control in terms of setting my limits early though now, she kind of runs the show when I'm in. Good luck - happy to help if I can.

    Bound.
     
  3. sophia
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    sophia Senior Member

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    I agree with bound spirit. I think we have been into chastity for four years now. My wife instantly liked the idea, but in normal life it has been playing for 2-3 months maybe, then a break for some time and then we are suddenly starting over again.
    It tends to be more and more and right now it is 24/7 and longer between release.

    Some days are easy and fun with a lot of teasing and obey to HER wishes. In fact it has developed to a "Female Led Relation".
    This was not a goal from the beginning, but it has been the result.

    The difficult days are when you may feel neglected. You probably are not, but feel that way. There are lots of reasons your wife can't tease and dominate you 100% every day. My advice is to understand that and be patient.
    But then again you will probably be surprised some days the of the unexpected treatment your Wife/Mistress will give you...

    I say, go for it! But be careful and listen to your keyholder.
     
  4. johnkelly00
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    johnkelly00 Junior Member

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    My wife has recently agreed to enforce a contract between us for a 3 month trial. During this time, she holds the key and decides when, and if, I will be released. In theory, I'm to be punished for discussing the chastity or my next release period.

    After 1 week in, I was going bonkers and I couldn't help but ask when she was thinking of releasing me. She told me that she hadn't given it any thought but it was going to be quite awhile. She said she wanted to wait until I was tamed.

    The thing is... she is very vanilla and doesn't really seem into it at all. At this point, it's been 11 days and I'm going off the wall. I realized yesterday that I need to just accept that I'm not getting out until she says. I need to surrender and give in to her control. I'm finding it hard to do - in part because she is so ambivalent.

    I am most likely going to ask her to let me out and we can chalk it up to a failed experiment. The problem I'm facing is that I decide to ask her to release me but when I get in front of her, I find I am super-submissive and can't speak to her about it. The longer I'm in, the more submissive I become. It's driving me crazy.

    Also, I find if she allows me to pleasure her in the bedroom, it satisfies me and I want to continue being locked up so we can focus on her sexual needs. I guess that is a part of the submission element as well.

    I emailed a woman who advocates male chastity for couples and she said that I need to give it a month and I should be "nice and broke in". She told me that she was glad to help but I should have gone to my wife. She told me to show our email chain to my wife and she suggested that my wife add an extra month of chastity to my initial period as punishment for questioning my dedication to our new lifestyle.

    I showed my wife and she laughed and thought that was a great idea. She later said that it seemed cruel though so I'm not sure what she's thinking.

    The reality that I have learned is that:

    a) my wife is not a fantasy dominatrix
    b) my wife isn't changing as fast as I am
    c) I need to surrender to my wife mentally or risk going nuts

    For what it's worth, I hope my experiences help. I wonder if anyone can provide me with suggestions?

    Should I keep going or should I get out now before I am "broke in"? Will my wife naturally turn more dominant or will she stay the same the longer we go? My biggest fear is that, once I am in for awhile, it will be hard for me to go back to our normal relationship and she will call it quits after our 3 months is up.
     
  5. bound spirit
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    bound spirit Junior Member

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    Insightful thread - another tidbit

    Lots of good advice here for the OP - advice from the real world versus fantasy stuff.

    I think one thing you can absolutely count on is that unless your wife is a deeply dominant person who is seriously stimulated by the idea of chastity, control, tease and denial (not just enjoys it on occasion - but stimulated by it constantly) then you can bet that your going to be exponentially more focused on the experience of chastity than she is. In effect, it's as if someone/thing was grabbing your cock 24 hours a day - it is always there, always a reminder and that is not true for her. You have to deal with that, channel it somewhere besides disappointment with your wife/lover because she isn't as in to it as you are or as she should be.

    Luck. Bound.
     
  6. jake4u
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    jake4u Junior Member

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    Thanks bound, sophia and john. The wife and I have settled on the cb 6000 as a chastity device for me and she will be the keyholder. I'm pretty exited about going into chastity, although I've never been a chastity fetishist like I suspect most members of this board are.

    Hopefully my wife will take it easy on me and let me out frequently in the beginning!

    I know she has been reading the Elise Sutton books and I'm quite sure that one of the next major steps in our journey into the D/s lifestyle is a severe whipping that will bring me to tears. Although I am sort of dreading it, I'm also excited about it in a way since I've never been into pain.

    Thanks again for the great feedback and advice!
     
  7. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    Hi Jake,

    Can I suggest you buy the Lucy Fairbourne book also (it is on Amazon) "Male Chastity - a guide for keyholders". Elise Sutton is great but very much lifestyley and Ms Fairbourne is a bit, well, kinder in how she treats the subject and you will probably want your wife to go easy on you at first. Jay Wiseman's "SM101" is also very instructive as to how to get a flogging just right.

    Good luck. Hope your ironing and cleaning skills are up to scratch :)
     
  8. jake4u
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    jake4u Junior Member

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    Hi Celtic Queen,

    I have ordered both titles. Thank you so much for the recommendations. We're both excited about the journey we're embarking on!

     
  9. wishful4
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    wishful4 Member

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    Great Thread

    A lot of familiar feelings discussed here. This journey seldom goes the way we plan. I guess the reason is, no two KeyHolders are alike and we all lack patience. The short story for me is, the first couple of days is just getting used to the CD. This is followed by increased frustration and need. After day4 or 5, I start to focus on my KH needs more and what I can do for her. It seems to be the same for each successive lockup, not just the first one.
     

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