What to do when you are locked in chastity but feel angry about daily affairs with your KH/GF/wife?

Can you be a little more specific, what are the things that make you angry?
I can tell you from experience there probably not very good reasons, at least that’s what my wife tells me

 

Each relationship dynamic is of course different. I would recommend you pen a non-judgemental letter to your KH calmly explaining your perspective. Share how you feel and don't impose on how she may or may not be feeling. Ask that you find some time to speak about it together.

Acknowledge that while she can receive and digest your feedback she is not compelled to act on any of it. She cannot feel pressure or coercion. With my KH a solid whipping sets the stage for very calm and sensible discussion afterwards. Good luck and let us know how you make out.

 

I dont have a relationship where I submit to my wife (I dont think she would like to think of me as being weak) but I do leave the sexual side of things in her control and if I am locked and we argue I myself feel at a disadvantage and a bit weak and really want to ask to be released so as to feel more equal.
I dont ask but feel a little foolish at such times, this is the best I can explain my feelings.

 

I think with any relationship of any flavor communication is paramount. There should be a safe avenue for you to air your grievances.
But the second paragraph of Gigaman’s response could be real possibility

 

IMHO unless the issue is with you being locked up, then you deal with being in your belt and the life issues you are having right now. Many of us here do that on a daily basis. You want to argue but feel below her as she is holding your keys. That's the way it is. Being in a chastity belt for me is a submissive act and my wife is more of the dominate because she is in charge of my releases.
As they say, It's not a democracy when you're the one in a belt, it's more of a dictatorship!

For us, we save Sunday morning as our safe talk time. I can bring up anything I want good or bad without fear of arguing. My wife listens, we discuss everything and she'll decide what she wants to do (if anything) about my issues. During this time I'm naked except for my belt and she's fully dressed. This works for us and proves to be very effective in airing problems out. She will also discuss problems with me (can you believe that??? LOL)

Good luck.

 

I used to have more of a temper but realized that immaturity and entitlement was the fuel that drove any of my acting out. Chastity has helped me think twice before I open my mouth and say something I regret. We're in a relationship and if something is important we discuss it like adults and come to an agreement on issues that come up. Otherwise I don't talk back anymore and let things roll off my back, the most important thing to remember is that she is always right

 

You sit down and discuss your feelings and concerns like an adult.

 

Me being locked up isn't an issue it's normal and if we have a disagreement it's dealt with like anything else! Daily life is just that. To be fair we are fairly much in tune with each other so issues are rare.

 

What do you do if you are *not* locked up, and angry about daily affairs? That is, why is this any different? Just because someone holds the key does not make them a mind reader, or even perfect in their other life aspects.

Okay, yes, more than once I've felt pretty silly, and thought "This is stupid, I'm just going to take it off." But when I realize that I'm feeling like it's stupid, that reminds me that it's time to make sure that Mrs Edge and I have a serious conversation about (whatever).

 

I started a similar thread when we started chastity, we had a fight/argument and the last thing on my mind was keeping a cage on my cock. When we started it was just her holding the keys and had no other power dynamic change. When we had the argument I was confused, she was wrong, I was right, why was I in this cage and not able to cum or get hard until she decides when she was the one acting like an ass?!

After some thinking and some time i came to a conclusion that me being locked had nothing to do with being right or wrong, fair or unfair...I gave her control of our sex life, period. So I would have to learn that my sex life isn’t to be given and taken back like a letterman’s jacket. I gave it to her for keeps, and how she treats it is up her.

Not long after we started delving into a more FLR type of structure, mainly discipline. It started out as more of fun domme sessions but escalated to punishment for infractions. Getting paddled and having it all done and over with was the best way to keep things straight without heavily relying on chastity as a weapon.

 

This. If you feel weird arguing while in chastity, perhaps it's time to further and deeper.

 

I would do the same thing locked or unlocked, kinky or vanilla. Talk to her. It's the only way. If she doesn't know your annoyed she can't do anything to adjust her behaviour (if she so chooses) because she doesn't realise anything's wrong. Then it festers, gets worse and worse for you, and she starts thinking you're in a mood and blaming you. Vicious spiral.

 

You learn to communicate better. If she is angry at you, even without chastity sex isn't going to happen. If you are angry at her and she is oblivious ... look down at your cock and realize yelling isn't going to solve this.

You need to ask why you are angry and if it isn't about sex and it is relationship talk to your partner. Wait until there is a quiet moment and state, I am angry because of X why did you do Y etc and take it from there ...

In short take the dick and the device out of the picture since it doesn't matter

 

I guess when your locked your locked through a whole range if emotions it is something you have to get used to
Can't ask to be unlocked over a specific issue and only locked when it feels right
I hope I read your situation right ..if not please ignore what I have said lol

 

A lot of good advice here in terms of generalities. More specifics are necessary to get better advice. For most, chastity is a sex game and should be taken off the table if you are dealing with real life issues. The other thing to remember is that as the "locked" you actually have all of the power unless you choose to give it away. There may be consequences if you use that power but that is something you and your keyholder need to understand. Locked doesn't mean subhuman.

 

For my wife and I there are three categories where we have disagreements.

1. Unimportant things... things like what show to watch on TV or where to go for dinner. These it is really her choice, I might have have input it is usually ignored. This is pretty easy but can be frustrating at times.

2. Important things .. things like major purchases, careers, etc. Here we can argue and have honest disagreements. But in the end I have made it clear to her, and her clear to me, that if she feels certain about something she can grab my caged balls and declare that she will get her way. There was a major decision in our lives recently involving a large (> 1 year salary) amount of money and home renovations. I just have to accept her final decision or otherwise I am not in a FLR.

3. Family things .. we have kids. Any discussion involving our children we are co-parents. There is no FLR involved in this part of our relationship.

 

Perhaps you should have a talk with your wife and discuss the categories in which dissension is allowed. For our part chaste_zombie (directly above) is EXACTLY how mine works. If I get pissy about categories 1 & 2, I can only go so far before it gets to be a disciplinary issue. You have to have trust in the F to have a comfortable FLR.

 

A female will always get her own way. The only thing that changes is how she acheives it.
Chastity is just something else she may use.
Guys when you think you are having your own way its only because it suits her.

 

I haven’t done too good with point 2 over the past twenty years without a chastity cage and as for point 3 and the kids- we both agree that we can’t wait until they move out!

 

Honestly, regarding point 2, it is freedom. Take the home renovations for an example. The discussion about what to do was delaying making a decision. Once a decision was made (by her) and it was made clear, I no longer had to concern myself with it. I may have disagreed with it but it was better for a decision to be made rather then spend 6 months arguing over it.

Honestly, point 2 is the most important part. Once you accept that final decision making is no longer in your hands, you will find it sooo much better. This is assuming that you are a submissive at heart and she wants to get her way.

 

Not so much anger but annoyance and it can happen to all couples, if you spend enough time together you'll find special ways to annoy the other one. It happens.

When I get grumpy and she is doing something that gets me annoyed, I have often thought how vulnerable I feel about being locked up and outside of her good graces. I want the cage off, I want distance from her and I feel completely stupid for having asked for any of this.

What those thoughts have to do with her forgetting her password at work and wanting me to "fix it" I cannot explain but regardless of the topic, it is a recurring theme for me. I suppose it NEVER occurs to her as she often forgets that I'm locked up and considers my chastity as item #24 on her list of daily ponderings.

We don't fight, we squabble and then we move on. Chastity plays into it for me because I think about it constantly (I'm horny, frustrated and feel the cage all day long). Chastity doesn't play into it for her because... it doesn't, she's just annoyed that I didn't pick up the eggs like I promised.

 

The fact you are locked up and she holds all the control should not be a consideration here. You have made a decision as an adult to accept her to be in charge of your relationship. Now you understand what this means just as many women do when they enter into a male dominated relationship. The male often make poor choices so she has to find ways to convince him to make better choices. How you do this will depend how capable you are only understanding telling her she is wrong and you are right is unlikely to get you a good result.

 

I agree and disagree with that statement. I agree that by giving her the keys to your cage, it shouldn’t be a consideration. I disagree that by doing so you accept she is in charge of the relationship.

Being caged doesn’t automatically put someone in a FLR, and FLRs come in so many different varieties. We are fairly female led, but by no means is it nearly as dictator like as others...she’s certainly in charge of sexual activity, most of the mundane stuff that in general isn’t worth the fight, and has a reduced work load and increased amount of pampering...but major decisions are still a group decision, we keep totally separate finances, and we check in with each other as far as plans go, we don’t need to ask permission from each other about how we spend our time.

Handling arguments, disagreements, annoyances, and dealing with the fact that, as a lifestyle, you can’t expect anyone to take this seriously if you pout and want to quit at every valley, is the key to longevity.

What it reminds me of is how would I feel if a person kept on giving back my wedding ring, then asking to wear it, taking it back, etc. A key is more than just a tool to open a device, it’s a symbol to both if it was given. You can’t keep asking for it back when times get tough, or the reality of what it represents loses its meaning.

If it’s just a sex game, and you happen to be wearing it when you two have a fight, go ahead and ask for the key back. It’s a game, and every game has an end. If it’s a lifestyle choice, I would suggest you come to grips that yes you will be locked, and no it won’t feel like fore play any longer... better make things right as soon as you can.