Hypothetical: Asking for a friend...er um... Unlocked, no spare cage available, at least ten more days of the same. Please consider all sides, from the pov's of Dom and sub. Does this change things? Should roles/expectations go off also? Without the cage, does the dynamic remain the same?
It depends on what you both want. My partner is not locked in a chastity device at the moment, but he knows what I like and what I expect of him. I think there are also others here who practice the "honor system" when there's no cage involved.
Interesting point @beck ... I have the ominous challenge tonight of giving my wife a massage and I have no cage on and I’m not allowed any release tonight. This is my wife getting in training for when my cage arrives in a few days time.... and pretty much my own doing... I just know my little chap is going to be absolutely hopeless and will probably leak like a bloody drain in the knowledge that I have to be strong and fight the urge of cum expectancy knowing I’m not allowed to... this is gonna be tough and I hope my wife is suitably tough on me.... note, in my mind this is a test for both of us... will I be able to manage to be strong even though massaging my wife’s fabulous body is an unbelievable turn on... and a test for my wife to see if she really is getting into the swing of being ultra firm and ultra mean to me (as she should be!!!) by denying me the release I know I am going to desperately crave!!.... will she, won’t she..... watch this space!
@beck I'm not locked at the moment as we are sorting out cage issues (and probably won't be locked until we gt a custom device sorted). I made a commitment that I wasn't going to have unauthorised orgasms. So, for me at least, not being locked changes nothing - the commitment remains even though the cage isn't on.
I guess this links to the various threads about honour. If you've made your agreement with your Mistress, then caged or uncaged you should be observing that agreement.
I would have to agree with @LadyMoon and @Panda2010 nothing should change when your not Locked up. The commitment is between you and your spouse the cage makes it easier but is also only a simple of your devotion to her
We started off without a device so I already knew I could only have an orgasm when when she permitted. I do honour that as well because it's what she likes and wants. The device can't always be worn at certain times so you have to use the honour system. She even gets me to edge it for her during the day on my breaks when she's not there to increas the frustration. It also depends on her mood. She likes the idea of me going to bed extremely edged and hard while she's completely satisfied. So, sometimes I'm locked up for days or weeks, sometimes we don't use it. It all adds to the excitement.
Thanks for the replies. Just a few more days, then i fully expect to return to a caged status. My apathy for submitting without chastity is two-fold. Without it, she just interacts with me differently, and without a cage i do not feel submissive. I still am, but that feeling goes a lonnng way. The honor system is fine and dandy, but lacks the certainty that i believe most men who ask for chastity are seeking. There in lies my quandry of when or how i submit. In seeking a condition, i realize the irony of the outcome-being my submission and wearing a chastity device. That seems to intrinsically create a flaw in the whole dynamic. Also, I am a bit of a survivor per se, it is ingrained into my routine and being. I tend to be good at finding virtue in selfishness, to a degree. I am not trying to make excuses, only trying to show why expectations could easily change without the almost symbolic nature of chastity. Also having been chaste for long periods of time, I must say that waking up involuntarily aroused is perhaps more torturous than anything, particularly when I'm the last one laying in bed. Of course, there is a very easy solution...
well a lot of men has a big willy when they aint got a cage dont they but if they are very good they dont do anthing with it still.
I believe the desire for chastity has several facets: Orgasm control Submission Bondage I think you're feeling the lack of both submission and bondage when you're only practicing the orgasm control part of it (through the honor system). She behaves differently toward you, so you're not getting that submissive rush; you aren't in bondage, so you don't feel she is really in control. Some people can feel chaste by only doing the first one. Some people need at least two or all three. That's my theory why the honor system feels fine for some and hollow for others -- it lacks the bondage element which can be a needed part of the experience for some men.
@LadyMoon I do need the bondage. I think she gets off on it too. Chastity as an element of control is almost more of a scarlet letter, something placed upon me not at my time of choosing. It reflects her exerting her ownership as the dominant in our relationship, but really changes nothing else.