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What is your relationship like.

Discussion in 'The Pedestal' started by mrfelix, May 12, 2017.

  1. What is your relationship like. Are you in a flr or a cuckold relationship or simply male chastity and denial. How long were you in your relationship before you started with chastity play. How do you practice it. What is your daily routine like. My wife and I have been married for over 40 years and have only been practicing chastity for about five of those years. We are constantly changing and adjusting how chastity works for us. CM has helped us with our adjustments and helped us with trying new things. My wife likes to hear how other key holders control their husbands and sometimes puts this information to use. A big thing she learned from other chastity mansion members was to demand things to be done in her way or there is no chastity play to follow. We like to hear of strong women controlling their men. So how do you do it? Especially for the long term.
    Mash2214 and manintyres like this.
  2. Female Led! It's not so much that Xena uses chastity to control me, as that having me in chastity makes her feel in control.
    Chase for life likes this.
  3. We only started recently. As a Christmas present I bought my wife a cheap chastity cage and the book "A Keyholders Guide". I did it more as a sex game type concept. I've done similar things with other kinky presents in the past. They got used once or twice and then put in a drawer or tossed. I didn't have a chastity fetish or real interest in this lifestyle at all. I figured she'd have me wear it on a date occasionally and then tease me about whether or not it would come off. I was mainly interested in the sex part of it, not the chastity.

    The first time I wore it was for half a day. Had no idea what I was getting into. Tried to go pee standing up. When I was done cleaning the bathroom I realized I needed some help and started searching the internet. Among other resources I found CM. This introduced me to the concept of longer term wear as well as health and hygine issues. At this point we approached chastity as a game. We created a wheel of fortune type game. One wheel for time and one for a daily activity. My first time wheel was measured in hours with a low of 12 and a high of 48 :p. My wife was shocked that I would be willing to wear it for that long. The activities were items like "Wear butt plug", Wear panties, give Mistress a massage and Mistresses choice".

    Each time we played my lock up time would double. Not by plan, but we gradually changed the time wheel and it just became longer and longer. Something started to change with me first, but her gradually as well. I used to masturbate a fair bit. Not as much as some on CM, but 2 - 4 times a week. I didn't realize it, but at the time I would resent my wife because I felt she was "making me" masturbate because she wouldn't have sex often enough. When denied the ability to pleasure myself and becoming reliant on her for my pleasure I started to have strong intimate feelings for her. I realized how pleasurable it was to spoon or snuggle with her as opposed to treating it like step 1 to getting off.

    A big game changer for me was my first full week in chastity. Wrote a thread in the Vault about it. My wife was away on a trip for a good portion of the time. In her absence my feelings for her grew more profound and moved beyond intimacy to a desire to serve her. To make her life as pleasant and free as possible. To make her feel like the Queen she is in my eyes. This trip was also a big deal for her because it was really the first time in a years where she took a vacation just with her and a friend. They went to a Spa in Arizona and were pampered and catered to. It also gave her time to read a lot of the book I gave her which she hadn't done before then.

    I prepared a lot for my wife's return. I wrote her a Love poem, set out flowers and gave her a fairly long and in depth letter about our chastity journey thus far and what it meant to me. I confessed the extent of my masturbation habit and explained how much happier and affectionate I was in chastity. I told her this was becoming more than a game for me and that I wanted to embrace it more completely. I didn't just talk the talk, I started walking the walk. I prepared every meal, cleaned all the dishes and the Kitchen and did all the shopping. In the past she did 75% of these. Most importantly I started making the bed everyday. She loves a clean well made bed.

    My wife struggled with and continues to struggle with a lot of this. Her concerns were largely focused on two things. Number 1 is she doesn't want to be mean to me. Locking up my penis, taking me to the edge of orgasm and stopping, focusing sex on her pleasure all seemed greedy, selfish and mean. Number 2 she was certain that I would come to resent her for doing all of this work and allowing her to just rest. I did my best to reassure her on these things and stayed the course as best I could. Focus on her needs, her pleasure and take joy in the journey. She finally reached her comfort level one night when we were out doing a pub crawl with friends. I'm not sure what clicked for her. Maybe it was how focused I was on her compared to most of the husbands. Maybe it was the Irish Car Bombs she was drinking :D. At the end of the night we stopped at a taco truck and had a late night snack. As we were eating our tacos she was saying she needed to start a diet cleanse. She told me I would be responsible for researching and preparing foods that met the guidelines of this cleanse. Keep her well stocked with healthy snacks and meals. We then went home and she had me bring her to orgasm and left me locked up and told me to go to sleep.

    From this point on my wife really became not just my KH, but my Mistress in a FLR. She expected my attention and handling of chores. She would tell me to do things such as sit on the floor and rub her feet while we watched a show or to go get her tea. She was in charge and I was to do what she said. She took control of her orgasms and began to have me service her regularly with my mouth and a couple of vibrators. Neither of which she was really into before. We also added a new wrinkle in terms of punishment. I confessed to her that I felt like at times I needed correction, mainly in the attitude department. I tried to make it as easy as possible for her. I kept a weekly list. Mainly I would record what I saw, but as time progressed when I did something that didn't please her she would say "add that to your list". At first her punishments were pretty feeble, but like everything else she has grown in strength and purpose with this. Just had one administered that had me apologizing profusely for my transgressions in the hopes she would stop.

    After a couple of months I suggested to her that we both write down 5 things we like about our chastity experience and 5 things we don't like or worry about. One of the things she wrote was "I absolutely love when you get me off with some toys and that I can go to sleep after without you begging to cum too. It may be selfish, but it feels wonderful". Another thing she wrote was "I love all the things that you do for me. I've never felt that I could expect this kind of treatment and it is amazing". Most of her worries focused around discovery by others and her "Mistressing" ability. She see's some stuff as too out there or gross and worries I want those things or will. Clearly we had evolved into a fledgling FLR with male chastity being the center piece.

    We still have our struggles. My problem is I try to top from the bottom. Telling her she should do this or do that. Frankly my biggest issue is she has really scaled back on the elements about me such as tease and denial and edging. I guess I need to be careful what I wish for as it really is all about her. I'm trying to work on this, but at the same time I know she is looking for ideas and suggestions. I think with time as she gets more comfortable and confident in the role I will do this type of stuff less and less. We also have two kids at home and we know family comes first. We have work, kids sports and social activities. Chastity and FLR are a very private part of our lives, so we don't really live this 24/7. Although Mistress is now getting more comfortable telling me to prepare food for her friends when they are having a book club or other event. She even tells me to wear panties under my male clothes when preparing and presenting the food.

    We just completed a 46 day lock up about a week and a half ago. I was a real turd after my orgasm for about 24 hours which is why the punishment was so harsh this week. During that time I told her she had always told me that I could say when this was too much and I needed a break. I told her I wasn't going to re-cage for a couple of days and I wanted to cum a few more times before re-locking. She told me fine, we are done with chastity then, go throw out your cage :eek:. She called my bluff and reclaimed what is rightfully hers. My devotion, service and loving attention. I love my wife, my KH, my Mistress and I love this lifestyle.
  4. Up until 7 years ago I was dominated by my wife's long time girlfriend. They both got involved, but my wife stepped out when the S&M stuff started. That lasted for 30 years. Prior to meeting my wife, my live in girlfriend was having sex with different men just about every other day and into gangbangs. She also enjoyed dominating me sexually but I ended it when she did a gang bang with my three best friends and expected me to lick her clean. Sometimes I do not believe what I did in my life. Then again I was very into sex and fetishes.

    We got into chastity when we moved away from our girlfriend and found ourselves as a couple again after so long living in a poly triad. Sex got boring and after sex with her girlfriend a few thousand times over 30 years, my wife went to the dark side. She came to prefer sex with women or the type of sex she has with women. She banned any form of penetration, not even a finger. My wife's idea of good sex is a male and female in bed with her. I guess the best way to describe it is that she likes to warm up with a guy but finish with a girl or her vibrator. I do get to perform oral on her every few months in lieu of an orgasm.

    We found ourselves going from threesomes several times a week to sex maybe twice a month. I was getting sexually frustrated and not happy about reducing the amount of sex we have. In the past when sex got routine or boring (yes, even threesomes get boring after the first thousand), I would find a fetish and we would try it. We have tried every fetish found on fetlife but what stuck with us the longest was BDSM with a focus on pain to get into subspace. The pleasure of an orgasm contrasted by a lot of pain, makes the orgasm that much more intense.

    The only fetish I could find that we had not tried was chastity as it ran counter to my orgasm seeking behavior. The more I read about it the more I realized that it could take my sexual frustration and turn it into a fun fetish game. My wife would not have to deal with a penis or semen except for a few times a year. Orgasm denial also fed my sexual masochism, without any pain needed. So we tried it.

    The first few times I threw too much at my wife. She was overwhelmed with not only denying me orgams, which she always used as a measure of my attraction to her, but also was expected to go from submissive to dominant. It was not until we just tried teasing and denial without a chastity device that it clicked. My wife kept increasing the time between orgasm to the point that I could not promise her that I would restrain myself from masturbating anymore. That is when I showed her the CB6000s online. She just told me to order it if I wanted to and I did.

    It took me a few weeks to get used to wearing it all day long and figuring out which combination of spacers and rings worked the best. Once I was wearing it all day I started to wear it while I slept. That was not bad at all once I learned the trick of placing a pillow between my legs to keep them from pressing the cage into my thighs when I slept on my side. I am 65, soon to be 66. Too soon like next month. Nocturnal erections do not occur as often as they used to so I only woke up a few times a month to wait it out and then go back to sleep again.

    I broke the ring twice and split the cage by wearing it 24/7 so I got a Jailbird from Mature Metal. It made a very big difference for me as far as comfort and controlling my erections go. I have worn ther Jailbird for about 4 years now. We mostly are into just T&D. My wife likes to edge me for a half to a full hour once a week. Each day she will do something to tease me until it gets uncomfortable in my cage. She is good at it. We did dabble in Domestic Discipline for a while and you can see the results in my picture gallery. She does not like to hurt me though which is the opposite of what her girlfriend liked. That girl would sigh with pleasure at my pain and every orgasm she gave me was when I was in pain.

    Eventually the punishment became less and less partly because she did enjoy doing it and I no longer was doing the things that resulted in punishment. I had learned to accept and live with a few orgasms a year without annoying her about it too much. We do not have a D/s relationship. Our marriage has always been equal as far as decision making on things that affect each other or our marriage goes, but she is clearly the submissive one in the marriage. That is one of the reasons she loves control over our sex life.

    My wife struggled with guilt feelings for denying me for months a time. She would often take pity on me and instead of denying me for 4 months, she would deny me for 2 when she saw I was desperate for an orgasm. We are in year 5 and she is just now feeling more comfortable in denying me when I am begging to orgasm. She is finally believing that when I ask for an orgasm, I really want her to deny me. She has learned that no matter how horny I am in the moment, I will cool off after sex is over. I think my next orgasm will be about 5 1/2 months from now on our wedding anniversary. She insist that she will not waver but she has said that before. She does seem serious about it now. Time will tell.

    So that is where we are at now. I work from home so 24/7 lockup is easy for me. I do not go out much, maybe a few hours a week. We are not fixed on the chastity cage and if not practical, she will unlock me. In T&D play, it does not matter if I am locked or not since I am not going to masturbate no matter what. I like the cage as it stimulates me and prevents me from idly playing with myself while watching porn. I call it a speed bump to give me pause to think about what I am doing. I enjoy the anticipation of the orgasm more than the orgasm itself. While I may be pleading for an orgasm, I regret having it. I am so used to the sexual energy I have that when it is gone, I feel blah.

    We took a few breaks but both of us missed chastity and went back. Sometimes you appreciate things more when you live without them for awhile. Normally we would take about a two week break each year but this year we did a month and a half due to skin issues. That went away and we are back on track. Outside of the bedroom and me being locked up all the time, our marriage has not changed. Putting on a cage did not magically make me want to do all those things you see listed. I wonder at times if guys really feel like doing them or do them because they think they should as part of chastity. Does not matter what others do since we have always done things our way, even our type of marriage. I like living outside of the box because I make my living thinking outside of the box.
    mrfelix and Mash2214 like this.
  5. We've been together for 37 years, married for almost 32, I first introduced Chastity in June almost 7 years ago. It'll be 3 years this June that I submitted to serving her and giving her total control over my orgasms. She stated than teasing me and telling me to do things for and to her. Than in September she just kind of stopped teasing me and almost stopped even touching me until Christmas of that year almost 4 months. Than she started to explore being a Mistress some but never really committed to it till Feb 14/2017 after I treated her to a very lovely Valentin's present the last three months have been Great. She's doing things to me that I thought she never would and I'm continuing as I have been for almost 3 years doing all house work ,most of the cooking, giving her numerous massages and foot rubs. And pleasuring her sexually as often as she wants.

    She gives me the priveledge of an orgasm about once a month. But was told at Easter this year my next one would be in July. She disciplines me when and how she wants and has become more creative.

    Earlier in our Chastity Life I believe she wanted me to just quit with Chastity and serving her. She has excepted that I'm not going to stop serving her and has started to be comfortable with controlling me and enjoying the benefits.

    Sometimes you can't force Perfection you have to allow it time to grow. My Mistress is as close to perfection as any Mistress could be. In My Opinion Anyway
  6. Orgasm denial with chastity cage. In practice our relationship is a flr even if we don't explicitly put it like that. Married 20+ years before introducing orgasm denial (10 years ago) which within a few years included a cage. Locked 24/7. My wife enjoys oral sex and as she likes this every few days she doesn't tease me often between times. For the first few years she was mostly into the orgasm denial aspect but increasingly is enjoying having me locked up all the time. For example yesterday rubbing her clit next to me in bed and when I adjusted my cage as a result she spanked my hand and carried on. She hates any violence so a hand smack is as bad as discipline gets in that sense but she makes it * very * clear when she is unhappy about my behaviour. We don't do ruined orgasms and regular ones are every two or three months. The hardest part for me is keeping my scrotum skin in good condition do it does not get sore even though the jailbird is a great fit.
    The best part is pussy worship: what could be more intimate than feeling your wife orgasming at close quarters. Like others have said, she has become comfortable about concentrating on her orgasms only and as a result has many at a time. For periods when she loses interest a bit because of other life events I have learned to be patient, not moan and not top from the bottom. With time she gets back into it and the fun restarts.
    mrfelix likes this.
  7. I will try to give the cliff notes version.

    We started dating in February 2016. We had both just had aweful breakups, and I think we had both kind of given up on relationships. I did however want to sleep with her and asked her out. We clicked really well and started dating.

    I did not want to start this relationship based on lies, so before she was too invested I told her all about my sexual submissive tendencies, being born intersex, the works. When she didn't run I ordered the cage. I tested it out for a few weeks and once I was sure it could be worn for long periods, I just waited for the right time to ask her to be my kh. Which happened to happen rather quickly, she said she ordered a sex swing, I told her I ordered something too. I explained that I wanted her to control my sexual activities and after some discussion she reluctantly agreed.

    She is a bit younger than me and she is no stranger to the internet. She must have done a lot of research and looked into a lot about it. From there she ran with it making it her own.

    We are equals but lean towards FLR. She has embraced the punishment reward aspect and likes both lol so win win for her. She likes who and what I become when I am at my subbiest and directs my activities to make that happen. She also likes the aspect of domestic service, but understands I have a full time job, and I do what I can. I dress en femme on occasion, usually coinciding with domestic service, but strictly for submissive effect, and to give me a time to let my hair down and let go of masculinity for a bit. She is not attracted to women and sex is not part of it.

    We have no schedule for my orgasms, she gives them to me when she wants. Ever since she has embraced her desires and not feeling guilty about my lack of orgasms, she has honestly not a lot of need for me to cum, so I usually don't. She told me that they are a privilege for me now, as well as being inside her.

    Well that's what our relationship is like.
    mrfelix likes this.
  8. My wife finds penetrative sex painful and has always been afraid of my erections (at least until last weekend when she played with my cock a little bit). I started the chastity thing because I was really embarrassed and ashamed of my masturbation habit. My wife saw it as an a tool to suppress my eretions during sex and make penetration impossible.

    My wife is naturally submissive and does not want to lead me. When she started telling me that she wished I could be permanently chaste she made it clear that she didn't want to enforce it. She wants my chastity to be something I do out of love for her. She doesn't want to boss me around or punish me or any of that stuff. She just wants me to keep myself locked for her.

    I have to unlock myself for hygiene and lock back up after cleaning. Again, she doesn't want to manage my chastity, she wants me to be dedicated enough to her to do it on my own.

    With the exception of last weekend, I don't get to have erections, and I rarely manage to have an orgasm in my Holy Trainer.
    mrfelix and danijean001 like this.
  9. My wife also has down time. That's the hardest thing to learn is to be patient and not whine or mon.
    manintyres likes this.
  10. Whine or moan. The rewards follow, usually in acknowledgement of your chaste behavior, are very special.
  11. Does she use you for oral pleasure?
    Vagina only? Does she allow you to worship her anally?
    I think I could endure no erections if I got used on a regular basis. You have a beautiful woman who has confided in you her desires and needs and deserves your dedication. Congratulations.
  12. No, she finds oral to be gross and neither of us would even consider anything anal. She just likes me to use my fingers on her clitoris. That's all she wants or needs.
  13. My wife and I have been together for about 40 years and because of this site, have tried "orgasm tease and denial" for a few months. I had no idea how good it feels to be horny and submissive all the time. She would say that we are NOT in a female led relationship, but in the bedroom, she decides when I,m allowed an orgasm, she also gives me a pee treat every morning, but that is only her decision, and can deny me at any time.

    Outside the bedroom, she drives the new car, I drive the old car. She now makes all the financial decisions, I just say that I trust her judgement, which I do! So I think that I am in a female led relationship. Life is good!
    gary170, manintyres and mrfelix like this.
  14. We are not officially in a FLR, but essentially I defer to her wants/desires all the time. We have been together for over 16 years and my Wife has been growing more dominant year after year. Recently, she expressed her desire to try chastity.

    I have been given the task of researching chastity in depth and to select a device that I will ask for her to lock me in to.

    Due to our work schedules, we so not have a lot of time together and i wind up wasting my sexual energy on myself. She wants to control that. She also wants to make sure that i am being faithful when I travel for business.
    manintyres likes this.
  15. When he's not under discipline of in chastity, we're equals. When it's time for love play, I do prefer him in lingerie, makeup and perfume, but that's just something I discovered after gettting involved with him.

    When he's in chastity or under discipline its:

    Miss Cecilia is In Charge.
    Miss Cecilia has the vagina, Miss Cecilia makes the rules.
    Pantyboy has the penis, pantyboy obeys the rules.
    Miss Cecilia is always right.
    If Miss Cecilia is wrong, see above.

    I didn't get the cheap cage. I got the CB-6000 from Kept for Her, the points of Intrigue and the anti-pullout device. Both will keep him from pulling out. When he first saw the Points of Intrigue, he said the Absolute Stop safeword on those points, only. He agreed to the other 2. I read the instructions which said you probably had to round off the points, and since he's a handy guy, i showed the directions to him and he said he could do it. Now I use them sometimes for immediate disciplinary purposes, but not for long term.

    I read in a lot of places about how it was better for the wearer to pee sitting down, but he insists its better for him standing up. I even went as far as to watch him do it both ways and it's true, at least for him it is. I had hoped for the sitting down, since it would get him to put the toilet seat down. It's his house, he said it wasn't ever the rule when he was growing up, so he's not putting the seat back down. I did have a bright idea, though, that when he's under discipline or in chastity, the seat has to go down. He agreed. So when he's under discipline or in chastity, when it's seat up. it's panties down! HIS panties, of course. Since he's not used to putting the seat back down, his bottom is frequently red while he's in chastity.
    jack-ie, mrfelix and sissybitch like this.
  16. My Wife and I have been together for the last 15 years. We only started living a chastity and a FLR lifestyle in the past year. It was introduced by me and lovingly accepted by her. While my Wife is excited by the opportunity to be a KH and live with me in a FLR, it is not always as simple and easy as it should be for her(us) as she travels a great deal for work, and sometimes pleasure. We don't have as many fixed habits or rituals as we used to, as their is a need to be flexible given her(our) busy lifestyle. We clearly don't get to spend the kind of time together that we would like. Still raising one of four children as well. She does like to keep me locked for longer and longer periods of time, and 3 weeks seems to be where she lets me unlock and be rewarded for my work and servitude lately. She has mentioned allowing me fewer and fewer orgasms over the last few months, and I know this is because she sees the difference in her ability to control and get what she wants from me, and enjoying a closer and more communicative relationship. She has gone so far as to tell me several times in the past few weeks that my next lockup may last until I have a "wet dream." She knows this could take many many weeks, and says its something she wants me to truly experience. I hope it will be possible, although I know she is not ready to lock me up permanently yet. And yes, we have discussed permanently locking me up as well as making me a cuck, non of which she see's as a priority right now. She has abandoned any kind of punishment schedule recently, and is reluctant to punish unless I have really upset her, which I haven't lately, thankfully. She does hit very hard. No fooling around. I give her lots of oral worship and she enjoys all the toys and presents I can find. . She hates giving oral for reasons I won't get into here, and I have told her she never has to go down on me again, a sacrifice I am trying to live with. I have been on the "honor system" for the last few(2) weeks, allowing for some rest and healing in a spot or two. While she gives me all the orgasms/handjobs I want right now, I know she will be only to happy to lock me back up the first chance she gets. This August will be our one year anniversary of chastity and FLR. We agreed when we started that we would assess the situation and see what direction this will take after the first year. I don't think she is even remotely interested in giving up on it at this point, and I believe she really likes what has evolved. Since starting chastity and a FLR, I have experienced many new and amazing things. Some of them were in the bedroom, and many of them have been outside the bedroom. I would not give up or change any of these experiences for anything.
    mrfelix and Nicoftime like this.
  17. My chastity is pretty much a necessity for a happy and healthy sex life with my wife. Because of a combination of pelvic pain syndrome and vaginismus, penetrative intercourse has always been painful, often to the point of tears, for my wife.

    Chastity gave us a sex life that we didn't think was possible. Long story short, my wife never wants to go back and her dream is for my chastity to be permanent.

    We're working toward the permanent part, but it's not easy. A few months at a time is about as much as I have managed before sneaking out of my cage and masturbating. I would really like to switch to a more secure device with a PA piercing, but my wife doesn't like the idea of putting holes in my cock. I feel bad that I just can't do it on my own.

    Aside from my struggles to give my wife permanent chastity, she is much happier with our relationship. I put a lot more effort into keeping the house tidy, I am more productive, and she tells me I have improved greatly in the bedroom (she had never experienced an orgasm before my chastity journey started, so I can only imagine how much better it must be for her now).

    The only bad part is there are periods when my wife just isn't interested in anything sexual and I really feel neglected during those times. It is extremely difficult sometimes to be boiling with desire and have absolutely no way to calm it down. When she's playing with me regularly, I can go a few days before I start getting desperate, but if she doesn't play with me I start getting irritable.
    mrfelix likes this.