What is the single most valuable lesson you have learned

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by sissyblueballs, Nov 9, 2018.

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  1. sissyblueballs
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    sissyblueballs Long term member

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    Should have read - I am not alone here - but I can't edit it now.....
     
  2. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    You haven't been locked long enough. Submission will come if she gives it enough time.
     
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  3. Arti_Rao
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    Arti_Rao Long term member

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    Could be, so this time I'm leaving it locked for the longest possible time.
    Just for an idea should it be in more weeks or months
     
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  4. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    It's up to her, but my experience is once I get over about 3-4 weeks I stop obsessing about cumming and fall more easily into service as her submissive.
     
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  5. Arti_Rao
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    Arti_Rao Long term member

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    Still it's not cumming coming to my mind but the behavioral change
     
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  6. Calibob
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    Calibob Member

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    @Rectrix , Our "no excuses, no tolerance" policy regarding my attitude and tone of voice has been in place for nearly two years. Her enforcement of it has become more strict over the past year, as she has become more confident in her ability to lead, which to a large extent is highly tied to my learning to follow. It is certainly easier for her to lead when I am an amenable follower, just as it is easier to follow when she is my consistent dom. The two go hand in hand. It has taken me to be very patient, and very humble, for her to find I truly mean for her voice to be the dominant voice in our relationship.

    Not long ago, for our anniversary, she bought me a necklace and a bracelet as "hidden leashes". I am to wear them every day. This came about because I told her I would like to have something that would often remind me of my "new" position in our marriage. She then decided that she wanted to lock me and told me to immediately buy a chastity device of my choice. This was a monumental change in our D/s relationship. She had been exposed to the idea of male chastity through various blogs, books and web sites, but had always told me she had zero interest in it. So it blew me away that she came up with this on her own. Since then she has told me that she likes me locked. She says she likes how I respond to her, seemingly with more respect and humility.

    Our "No tolerance, No excuses" policy is very key to my improvement in attitude and voice. It is the baseline for what she will accept as behavior from me. when I cross the line she has the power to "Hush" me. When I hear that word "Hush" I know that I will be receiving some form of punishment Generally, my punishments come in some form of spanking usually using a hair brush or a bath brush. She is very no nonsense about administering my blistering, and I am very happy when she tells me we are through. She is strong and resolute. She has learned that I respond very well to the submissive resetting that discipline brings to me. Lately, she has taken to just calling out a number when I cross an attitude or voice line. For instance, even in mixed company she may simply look at me and say ten, or five, or fifteen. No one knows what it means, but I do. That is the number of additional swats I will receive added to any preconceived number she will be applying to my backside for crossing a line, If I don't pull back on my attitude or voice, she may say a number multiple times during the evening. The numbers are added together and that becomes the additional swats I will receive because of my infraction. For me it certainly is a significant deterrent.

    To be clear, I am whole heartedly in favor of her leading and whole heartedly in favor of her doing the things she needs to do to ensure that her voice is the dominant voice of our relationship. Her confidence level has grown greatly as I have openly discussed with our adult kids and our friends that I am now happier than ever since I have stepped back and become a more relaxed, and at ease individual. I let them know that my patience level had to improve, that I wasn't proud of how I had allowed myself to become such an impatient person. I don't discuss our personal life with our kids and friends, but I do explain that she and I had a rough time for a couple of years largely do to allowing my impatience to spill over into me being an overall angry person. I explain life is too short to live that way, so I am trying to change, and she is trying to help me.

    She and I have had this discussion many times as well. I don't expect her to forgive me for my previous behaviors. In fact, I have told her I would rather that she remembers the issues and when necessary remind me that we are on our journey largely to correct those actions. I want her to remind me that I have asked to be openly submissive to her, and that her dominance is good for me and our relationship. By way of my "hidden leashes", and by locking me in chastity there seems to be no doubt that she has decided to take me up on my word and accept and embrace my submission. For that I am extremely grateful. For 33 months, ever since I opened up my heart to her and asked her to lead, I have been trying diligently to not interfere with her stepping up her game.

    For the last 33 months, and for the rest of my life, I have a personal vow to never contend any of her corrective comments or criticisms of me or my behavior. I have told her that if she believes I was in the wrong, then I accept her word as fact, and I promise to not hold any grudge against her. I am of the opinion that because I have held true to that promise she is becoming a believer in my submission, and has allowed herself to become a stronger leader. It is symbiotic, one can't happen without the other. In our relationship I have had to lead the way and create the atmosphere where she could clearly lead, and she could clearly count on me following. It is truly a work in progress.
     
  7. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    Discipline.
    - To listen (really listen).
    - To improve my manners.
    - To let go of my own selfishness.
    - To learn how the feminine mind works (including my feminine side).
     
  8. Jail Bird
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    Jail Bird Long term member

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    That will show your wife that you really want to try and stop doing the things that make her upset. Make sure she buys you one she can lock on. They use the same small padlock our belts use.
     
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  9. Cincy
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    Cincy Long term member

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    I'm still learning how to do my household chores properly.
     
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  10. Allen1987
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    Allen1987 All for Her

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    Listening with undivided attention. Not just words, all of Her. The body language, tone of voice,
    facial expressions and Her reaction to what I say. I can almost know what She wants by really
    focusing on Her when She speaks about anything. It is amazing after 42+ years you can still see
    things that were missed before. Women show us many things we miss because we don't really
    listen sometimes. Women our so wonderful to help us along.:love::+1:
     
  11. WomenWearTheKeys
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    WomenWearTheKeys Active member

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    This is beyond brilliant. Soooo many married women are entitled by today’s world of greater freedom and walk all over their husbands (not in a sexy dominant leader way). Belittling him, taking him for granted and destroying any sexual chemistry.
    What you’re doing now is BOTH more loving and more dominant. Not to mention way more fun : )
     
  12. Peter Rabbit
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    Peter Rabbit I'm her bunny

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    @Nicoftime
    I like your mention of expecting things.

    Shedding my expectations was the key to our FLR flourishing.

    I finally let her lead, and stopped being pushy. I trust her now.

    I float on her ocean - often warm and supportive, sometimes tossing me about without a view to the shoreline.

    I gave up masturbation, eventually all self-stimulation, and put myself in her hands, literally and figuratively. I do think that’s helped. It’s the one decision I “forced” on her ... that I wasn’t going to get myself off... that she’s grown over these past 4 years to first just tolerate, then accept, later openly embrace, and is now holding me to, completely, with calm and grace. She’s so lovely. I’m a lucky boy.

    She says “there’s no backing out” (not with my PA haha) and “I’ve got you... this is eternal” and I absolutely melt.
    I finally learned to give up expectations, not force her to stroke my fetishes, and I’ve gotten so much in return. It’s wonderful.
     
  13. WomenWearTheKeys
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    WomenWearTheKeys Active member

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    My wording wasn’t super clear...Just to clarify my comments, I’m not downplaying the bennifits women are enjoying these days. Not at all. I’m just saying that a FLR is both healthier, sexier, and superior to a relationship of ambiguous leadership and lack of spark which has become common place.
     
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  14. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    @sissyblueballs please i cant read your writings in that funny yellow color.
     
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  15. buildup
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    buildup Long term member

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    #40 buildup, Feb 28, 2019
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2019
    I think it's difficult to say so what is the single most important lesson I have learned from being chaste because multiple important lessons have been learned. Such as not interrupting my Wife when she speaks and listening to her with undivided attention; asking my Wife's permission to express my opinion, but leaving the final decision to her; doing all the housework
     
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  16. Jail Bird
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    Jail Bird Long term member

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    Well put! The things you mention all on top of my list as well. I'll add asking permission for many things not just to express my humble opinion like when I'm cleaning if I can remove my uniform, heels etc. I have to wait for her to answer before I take anything off. I must always ask permission to cum. Whatever the act she might be using on me, that moment before I cum I must ask her permission. I love all of it and thankful for her and the control she has over our WLM
     
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  17. boi paul
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    boi paul slave to my Mistress 24/7 365 days a year.

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    What I have learned is A submissive male that has always been portrayed as weak or have a will of there own.
    Is not because it takes a strong person to be collared and submits serving A Man or Women. to balance Family Job and Friends but still, serve with honor for there Owner looking forward to being of service. I remember before Mistress and myself stopped trying to hide it and have dinners with family or friends I do all the cooking set up serving. Her friends said he is a keeper can you train my Husband. Or our families boy do you have him trained. make me well up with pride knowing I did my best Thank you.
     
  18. Charleston
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    Charleston Active member

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    I have learned that the confidence my wife has gained from calling the shots has had a positive impact on her professional life.
     
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  19. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    Perfect. In our captivity we free her to become confident and powerful and fu)y realize herself.
     
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  20. skD
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    skD HausCuck

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    I have learned that her words and resolve are rapidly matching up. I pay close attention to her instructions since she has no compunction at delivering the discipline if I fail to observe appropriately.
     
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  21. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    I am still hoping to reach that point of consistency and strictness. Congratulations to you both.
     
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  22. MsTara
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    Verified Female

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    This is something that I have found as an unexpected benefit too.

    However the biggest thing that I've learned is that you never stop learning. This journey is ever evolving and new facets come into play as old habits/norms drift off or don't seem as important as they once did.

    I'm not naturally dominant and I'm learning that I don't have to be the stereotype domme. Still not quite sure what I am evolving into, but I've learned not to worry about that and to just see where it leads.
     
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  23. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Long term member

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    This is fundamental. All he really wants is for you to lead and control and train him. All the other accoutrement are just fetish and kink.
     
  24. Shimone
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    Shimone Long term member

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    to trust without question
     
  25. buildup
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    buildup Long term member

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    Evolving is a most appropriate word to use I think when it comes to chastity.
     
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