What do you wish your partner would do?

Some things I wish my wife would do:
1. Open up and tell me more about her sexual feelings and desires. She almost never speaks about it and tries to change to subject if I try to discuss it.
2. Have fun with our sexual relationship. She is so serious most of the time and never tries to have fun, especially in the bedroom. She can be playful if I get her going, but in almost 9 years of marriage she has never surprised me by planning something fun in the bedroom. Never surprises me by putting on something I like, or anything like that. She will only do those kinds of things if I ask her to, which spoils a lot of the fun.
3. This kind of goes with number 2, but it is a big issue in its own. I wish she would realize that sex is supposed to be a fun bonding experience. Her attitude is that it's just a biological function that a guy needs and it's for reproduction. It's like pooping or sleeping, just something a guy needs to do occasionally. And it's to make babies. That's it from her point of view.

 

I need to find a partner first ,
However will keep looking at this thread to see what others are saying with their partners

 

My biggest wish was for her to have the confidence to take control, order me to do things to please her instead of asking, and when I miss behave to take control and apply the discipline and not worry so much about hurting me. It's discipline it's not suppose to be enjoyable. She has gotten a lot better in the last few months but it's taken 5 years to get to this point. Most men wouldn't wait that long. If he's asking you to control and dominate him than give him what he wants on your terms.

 

When I complain or give attitude, I wish she would not internalize my complaints and become defensive, but rather be more strict and firm and discipline me accordingly. For the record, she just about always is more strict and firm very rarely defensive.

 

After I'm allowed to cum, I lose interest in sex for a couple of days. For those few days, I wish my wife would become more dominant (without being mean) and force me to..."do your clean up duty", "lay on the floor, it's time for your pee treat", and "I want your tongue between my legs". It would make me feel very submissive, till I get back to my normal horny self.

 

I wish my partner would have some interest in anything sexual. She seems to have no sex drive at all. That means she has no interest in sex with me, and when I tried to include chastity as a way to maintain some semblance of sexual interaction, albeit low impact on her part, there was still no interest.

I try to be mindful of the 1000 legitimate reasons she might have to not want sex, but it still wears heavy on my ego.

 

I wish my wife would would hold my key and willing to read the chastity book I gave her - She ok with me wearing the cage - but she not invovled

 

My reading of the replies so far is that our desires are a lot more basic than might be thought. I think a lot of the males on this forum, myself certainly, adopted chastity partly as a way to try to increase intimacy. It seems that many women compartmentalize life into (1) intimacy/sex and (2) the rest, and dedicate a quarter of one percent of their effort and thought to (1). I once spoke to my wife about this and her curt response was "you have got testosterone swilling around like crazy, you can't compare." I'm a runner and when younger I tried to get my wife interested but she never really wanted to try it or put in any effort. Years later, she now goes to the gym 3 times a week and really enjoys it. Suddenly she realized that physicality can be enjoyable. Another example: sex toys yuk; later: oh no, quite nice actually.

So I think a lot of us would say our fantasy is that our partner, and not just us, makes an effort to enjoy intimacy and keep it alive in our relationship.

 

This was pretty much what I wanted and I told @Mistress Jules this a hundred times or more.
The fantasy being turned into reallity is no where near the same as I had imagined it.
I asked for it and I got it ill lve with it.

 

Understand the difference between tob/bottom and dom/sub. It is possible to be a submissive top just as much as a dominant bottom. Just because you're locked in chastity or hold a key doesn't necessarily need to dictate all actions in the bedroom and life.
This was a critical epiphany for my wife GC in order to fully embrace chastity. She is much more comfortable with being the bottom in the bedroom i.e. being spanked or tied up. For her, locking me up seemed incongruous with her identity as a bottom. Also, there was no way for me to explain this to her, it was something she had to realize for herself.

 

Wow. Opening a can of worms or what!? Or maybe Pandora's box... and, as my old mum used to say, what I want and what I get are two different things.

What I desire is for my Wife to be able to forget all of the societal pressures and accepted norms and to really accept that she is enjoying being dominant and to relax into her role as my Mistress Keyholder Wife. But that isn't going to happen just because I want it. Just like @Shepherdsflock mentioned with his wife, Elle really struggles to talk about her sexual desires, partly because she doesn't know what they are. She was brought up in an environment where that sort of thing wasn't discussed and people who did were considered not very nice.

I want her to relax and have fun. I also wish she would talk to other women who are Keyholders and Mistresses, to network and share ideas and gain confidence. I wish she would demand more of me.

 

This is more difficult to answer than I thought it would be.

As others have said, I wish my wife would have more confidence in her sexuality and her sexual power. I would add to that the desire for her to be less worried about her body image and more focused on the psychology of D/s and cuckolding. I could go for a lot more active T&D, and more references to her being in charge. I would especially love it if she would call me "Alice" instead of my given name when we are home.

I also wish she would stop making excuses for her Bull. He has become quite a diva since late last year. We have gone through multiple rounds of pouting and ghosting from him, then he gets an erection and wants her to drop everything. And then flakes half the time! Way too much drama for the hour or two per month that he is willing to commit to the relationship. I used to look forward to their playtime together but I'm at the point I really have no interest in serving him. He doesn't respect what we have to offer and I can't get her to see that. I can't tell you how many weekends we have set aside to accommodate for his last-minute scheduling (after a few days or a week of sexting buildup) only to have him flake, sometimes without even bothering to contact us. I know we can do a lot better than him.

One thing that my wife has been doing lately is actively seeking out Bulls on her own via Fetlife and CL. I really like that. A few weeks ago she met a new Bull for the first time by herself, without telling me in advance. He made his first house call the other night and seemed like he has the kind of experience we are seeking.

My wife has told me her "goal" is to have sex about once or twice a week with her Bull(s).



One thing I have yet to see any mention of on this site is the fact that there is a fine line between being a fun and exciting Domme and being a controlling bitch. Anyone that has been married to a controlling bitch knows exactly what I am talking about. I'm not sure how to address that in a book about chastity and FLR but I think it is a topic that merits discussion. Maybe it's just one of those things that some women can do and most women can't.

 

I don't think you will ever get to 100%. I would say I'm at 50-60 now and it's fantastic. Aim for the stars and settle for the moon. Full red moon works for me.

 

G

Good point about the controlling Bitch. I'm lucky that my Wife / Mistress isn't that way.

 

I wish my wife would take more interest in holding my key and keeping me in chastity. I would love it if she pegged me more. She enjoys my panty collection and seeing me wear them. I'd like to wear panythose and stockings on a regular basis and I hope she would also like that. She has fully dressed me a few times, and I would like her to dress me more. I want her to make me give her orgasms with my tongue and a strap-on. I want her to have many more orgasms.

 

I want her to understand that by giving up my own orgasms my need for her to have orgasms has increased. A lot. In the nearly two years we have done this I have seen a drastic reduction in the orgasms I have received but when she has one it is very nearly as good for me.

There is however a very fine line between her having an orgasm because she wants one and because I want her to have one. So I'm not saying that I want her to want to have more orgasms because it will make me happy, but because it is what she wants. It is a happy coincidence that it would also make me happy.

 

My wishes:

1. That she would be more open to talk about her needs and desires and to get help to boost her libido.
2. Take some time to try and understand desires and needs from my point of view, without looking at it from a societal standpoint on what is "proper" or "weird".
3. Understand that by locking me up and taking more of a lead in an FLR, i would be happier and more content in pleasing and serving her needs and wants, in and out of the bedroom.

 

I seem to have it very good. I've got very lucky with my amazing KH. So while some of this applies to me and my desires directly, much of it is just me musing on what I would want or need were I not lucky enough to be be getting it from her already, or thinking back to earlier days.

1) First and foremost. Do what you say. It's better not to have a threat made than to make one and not follow through. Same for anything really, not just threats. There's no bigger let down than to have ones mind filled with anticipation, good or bad, because your Domme was feeling talkative or frisky for a moment, only to have the night, weekend, week, come and go as the realization sets in that she's clearly forgot whatever it was she'd said. Say a lot, do a lot, or say less and do more, but never say a lot and do less. It's confusing and frustrating, and over time makes it very difficult to take things seriously.

2) only bother making rules you care about. A hundred "rules & requirments", 80% of which ignored and unfollowed, cheapens even the other 20%.

3) You don't need a reason. For anything. For punishments, for changing your mind about releases, none of it. Arbitrary is not necessarily cruel. Hell, for most of us it's a bigger turn on and the strongest signal of who's in charge.

4) do what YOU want. We in the cage wouldn't BE in the cage if seeing you get what YOU want wasn't quite satisfying.

5) do it for real, or it's better not to do it. Leave the pink fluffy handcuffs at the store. If the sub knows that if he wants he could free himself and take physical control within 10 seconds, then it's pretty hard to feel submissive in the scene.

6) Denying orgasms really, Really does go a long way in helping bring out submissiveness. Hate to admit that one.

I guess the big theme for me would be follow through and consistency. It's just huge. Without those things it's extremely hard to let submissiveness take over the mind. Constantly wondering if the rules and expectations are in effect today or not is confusing and counterproductive. And eventually frustrating and ultimately detrimental, depending on the submale.

If you're not expressing your power and control in some way, it's safe to say he's feeling empowered and in control.

I've got so lucky to have someone who has found enjoyment in developing her strength, but it's still a process. And those thoughts above are what I've learned so far. There's lots more but that handful of things is, for me, the foundation.

 

7) your voice is your most powerful tool. By orders of magnitude.

Wish things were moving faster around here so I could have added that in time.

 

I totally second point four. Elle doing what she wants when she wants is the best thing she does. It makes me so happy knowing that something I am doing, whether it is painting her toenails or collapsing in a heap in the shower from her attention, is making her happy.

 

We have struggled with this, too, and I think it's getting better. She finally realized about two months ago that I'm not exaggerating when I tell her that her orgasms are as enjoyable or maybe more enjoyable than my own. Since then she has been orgasming quicker than she used to. I think she feels more free to enjoy orgasming knowing that it satisfies me just as much and she doesn't have to feel guilty about me not getting to have one.

It also seems to have eased the tension about whether her orgasms were for her or for me. Now that she feels better about it, her orgasms are just "our" orgasms.

 

My fantasy/wish list:
-Wish she would talk with and share her KH and FLR lifestyle with another woman or Miss. so that she remains confident, interested, and excited about her place and power
in our relationship.
-Wish she would more fully and truly embrace her role with me as her subservient submissive, in the bedroom as well as outside of the bedroom.
-Wish she would truly embrace more of the types of sexual play and fantasies that those in a chaste FLR life experience.
-Wish she would share me and/or herself with another of her choosing, in any way that she wants or sees fit.
-Wish she would actually stop and take the time to punish when needed, even if its simply to reinforce what she wants or needs.

I could probably go on way too long with this, but that's the general idea.

 

My fantasy/wish list:
-Wish she would talk with and share her KH and FLR lifestyle with another woman or Miss. so that she remains confident, interested, and excited about her place and power
in our relationship.
-Wish she would more fully and truly embrace her role with me as her subservient submissive, in the bedroom as well as outside of the bedroom.
-Wish she would truly embrace more of the types of sexual play and fantasies that those in a chaste FLR life experience.
-Wish she would share me and/or herself with another of her choosing, in any way that she wants or sees fit.
-Wish she would actually stop and take the time to punish, even if its simply to reinforce what she wants or needs.
-Wish she would follow thru with more of what comes out of her mouth.
-Wish she would simply make me do more of those kinds of things that truly make me her subservient submissive, and really be happy and content with that.

I could probably go on way too long with this, but that's the general idea.