What do you expect out of CM?

Discussion in 'Site announcements and information' started by LadyS, Apr 5, 2017.

  1. LadyS
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    LadyS Lover of LOVE

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    Latley I have seen more than a couple complaints about CM just not doing it for them anymore.
    And I'm am curious as to why?

    I don't know what it was like around here befor I joined but it can't of been that different?
    How come it doesn't interest you anymore?
    Has it not always had People telling stories and asking questions of what chastity is?

    When I first signed up for the site I started ready @Mistress Watchful's blog posts. That gave me the courage to start my own.
    I found it intriguing and honest .
    So I decided I would try to be the same. I didn't come on here to take control of all the boys , I didn't expect my thread to be popular. And I didn't think I would make the friends that I have made. To be hounest, if I didn't talk to some of you people ever again I would be sad,Woman and men. Even though we are all just words through a computer screen I have shared some pretty great and not so great conversations.
    I have always been a extreamly sexual person. When I was a teenage I had met a man who offered me more times than I can count to make porn for online distribution but I just couldn't put myslef out into the world like that. Now many years later I have found this site to be involved with. I get to be open and hounest and share anything I want. As hardcore as I want or as soft and loving as I want. For some it might not interest you but it has let me learn to open up about talking about sex in real life, that has led to many other realizations. All in all I have changed mentally and emotionally. I have, with baby steps, been learning to be the one who has the say and that living with and alpha males doesn't mean I should be living below him. And quite frankly I enjoy teaching him more than I thought I would.

    Anyways..... I try my best to make the mansion a good place... you can find me in the chat room a lot and I comment on things that draw me in. Sometimes I'll even have a chat in a message ( as long as it's not about you wanting me to control you, hold your key, or giving you your own personal jackoff material)

    So How can you make the mansion better?
     
  2. CJ's hubby
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    CJ's hubby Active member

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  3. sillymaid
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    sillymaid <--- that's me....

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    I've been here a long long time...don't post that often....like all forums i've been on, things ebb and flow, folks come and go.

    It will reach low points and highs....I personally tire of folks who have an opinion on everything and feel the need to contribute lots and lots their own commentary or view, now and again nice, but they can become the bore at the bar you start to avoid.

    I love to hear about peoples experiences, how couples live with chastity, how the power exchange works...I admire the really submissive folks or the deeply cuckolded guys, not sure i could go there.

    i have my fantasies and dreams, but i do realise they are unlikely to be achieved, so many other things in life to achieve and do. Many other people in my life that will not understand or accept, and it would not be fair or right to impose myself.

    So the Mansion becomes an escape....somewhere to share some of my dreams and desires.
     
  4. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    The Mansion has been the place where I have opened my heart. I have tried to be as honest as I can about the journey into male chastity and an FLR my Wife and I have taken. I get comments from visitors who appreciate my honesty, and the best are from those who say my ramblings have helped them in some way, when they have issues and problems that are similar to the ones I have had and written about.

    I love reading about the journeys others have described. Even the people on wildly different courses to my own have given me things to think about. Elle and I have started doing so many things, simple things, as a direct result of suggestions and ideas others have given me, directly and indirectly. The change to our relationship is staggering. It was good before, now we are stronger as a couple than we have ever been.

    The down side. Recently there have been some quite nasty arguments that I have been pulled into. In one I was accused of leading a witch hunt, and that hurt. I was trying to be a voice of reason, trying to put a different view point across without mocking anyone or belittling their ideas when they disagreed with my own. This kind of thing has dulled my interest quite severely. I'm not giving up chastity, I'm not giving up on the Mansion. I just found myself needing a break for a while.
     
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  5. manintyres
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    manintyres Junior Member

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    We all have to start somewhere and this can be a great site for new people especially new ladies without them being bombarded with "porn type" images and videos .
    I love reading new couples journeys and watching them grow on their journey .
     
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  6. maid_carrie
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    Staff Member Moderator

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    What an interesting question @LadyS and I've noted the comments too.

    You are correct of course, quite a few long term members are looking at CM and saying the culture has changed, and not for the good.

    It's also interesting that you've read Mistress Watchful's back story. The site was, of course, started by her and her sub, who was the webmaster ( a slight misnomer really. More. Websub) and she was a force to be reckoned with. It wasn't quite a rod of iron but everyone knew the bounds beyond which they didn't step. She was also known as a real life person attending munches etc and involved in the kink scene in her locality.

    The site was then predominantly a U.K. populated place and most were nice to each other and knew the acceptable bounds. There were a few North Americans and they were very civilised people and great to chat with.

    Now we have people who happily throw the F word into posts or call people bast***s quite happily. I realise some of that is quite normal in some social circles in parts of the world, but not everywhere.

    There also seems an obsession with and talking constantly about cummimg, and how they have been having sex and graphic descriptions to go with it. All signs that a bloke culture has developed without restraint.

    These guys seem to think it's a guys site to do as they wish while debasing the female members, and challenging them strongly if they query anything and hound them out of the site if they don't fit in with their ideas of what a domme lady is.

    This locker room attitude has been going on for some time and is chasing people away - males and females. Some men use the mini chat facility to be abusive to female members and think that is perfectly OK - no respect for anyone as they are not really people, just a wank facility.

    Some seem to come here thinking that this is a pick up joint to find a domme with ease. Which in turn encourages them to consider any female here as the equivalent of a hooker who is fair game for their fantasies and self indulgence.

    The secret is to apply the "social occasion" test - if you wouldn't do it in face to face mixed company, don't do it here.


    There is also a view that many of the female profiles are, in fact, males posting more wank material for their own ends - and those who follow them. In addition, many posts are considered more appropriate in the fiction section. Those thinking this way may be wrong of course.

    There was another chastity site, which had a reputation for being more than racy, which closed down and reappeared, and I think there was an influx of members from there and they felt the laissez faire attitude could be brought across to CM. many CM members avoided that site because they didn't like the culture - so kept themselves here and free from the other culture.

    As has been observed by @manintyres , this site has no adverts for porn sites and people can come here "without them being bombarded with "porn type" images and videos", and that should be noted. It's also been a "safe" environment for people new to the idea. A recent name comes to mind, who was put off by the site culture.

    I doubt much will change and the site will continue to go downhill in some people's eye, without a firm hand on what is, and is not, acceptable.

    Just my thoughts as a member of 8 plus years. Some may disagree and say they can do what they like here, but that's just my take on things having talked with people who are keeping away or just observing what's being posted.
     
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  7. Dumb1
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    Dumb1 senior member

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    I think this is a very good response to a very interesting post and i could not agree more with your summary of the way things have and hopefully will continue to be run on this very helpful and for the most part friendly orientated site. Long may it continue as such.
     
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  8. Steve-0
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    Steve-0 Long term member

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    I think you missed the point of the post. She's sick of the whining not asking to hear more.

    I find this place entertaining as hell (didn't say f--k!). There's a huge mix of people and I think that's a good thing. Making friends, learning, laughing, sharing, arguing.
     
  9. lockit
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    lockit Advanced Member

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    The first line of Lady S post:

    Latley I have seen more than a couple complaints about CM just not doing it for them anymore.
    And I'm am curious as to why?

    That was the question he answered..
     
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  10. SubVerity
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    SubVerity Still the mansion's fairy godmother. ;)

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    I think Carrie may not have gotten whatever Lady S was driving at, but the question was answered perfectly well, and the historical context of Carries post is very good and happens to be true.

    Personally I come here as a refuge from the outside world, as do many other people.
    I expect it to be as accepting of others as it was in Mistress Watchful's time. Even when their threads do not correspond with your own thoughts. If you dont like something someone's talking about the common rule here used to be to move along.

    Mistress Watchful was always very careful in promoting understanding of others, and to provide a supportive environment.
    Don't like what someone's saying in their thread, or what they're sharing of themselves, their private moments? Well you should back away and leave the thread to those who are prepared to be supportive.
    She was very aware that when people start threads they are often really vulnerable, and her position was they may be being open about something that they are afraid of the world and all of their friends and family judging them for. It did seem at times as if this place was full of people back-slapping each other for things that you (I mean I) might have found a bit odd, or not quite right, but at the same time, we were all aware that the most important thing was that people came here for mutual support. She posted rarely at the time when I joined, but she would still often post in support of the more vulnerable members, and for that I give her huge credit.
     
  11. Steve-0
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    Steve-0 Long term member

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    I stand corrected. I think though, that she was trying to bring positivity. Ohhhhh well!
     
  12. SubVerity
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    SubVerity Still the mansion's fairy godmother. ;)

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    I find this conversation to be very positive.

    The idea of Chastity Mansion being a refuge from all the sh** going on in the world and elsewhere on the internet is a very positive one wouldn't you say?
     
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  13. Steve-0
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    Steve-0 Long term member

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    I agree completely!
     
  14. Catbond
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    Catbond Aka Professor Mittens, aka Fluffy.

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    I will make CM great again people , trust me !
    I'll build a Great Wall between the Dommes and Subs (at the sub's expense) and everything will come back to normal ! VOTE Catbond :eek:

    Right @Steve-0 ? haha :p
     
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  15. SubVerity
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    SubVerity Still the mansion's fairy godmother. ;)

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    Er....ok. I think that might be the sort of post Carrie was talking about. Lets keep this on topic and productive.
     
  16. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I think this place is i great. I too have met some friends, as well as some colorful characters.

    I don't agree with everyone here, but how boring would that be.

    How to make it better? About the only thing that has bothered me about the site is something that really isn't the sites fault, it happens when any site has active moderators with a behavioral code. Namely moderators policing how and what is said. Maybe I'm a conservative, but I like less control and let people take care of themselves.

    Will that be more drama? Kinda, but no one is forced to open or read threads they don't want to participate in. Not to mention a few mods tend to put in their own two cents in. Again, really isn't a problem, this isn't the type of forum you can just say whatever you want, and here people's feelings matter. I myself was a bit out of line and called out on it. I reread my responses and admitted I went a bit too far in the heat of


    That's as far as I got before someone modified my post. Wow, the word I used was with someone I frequently chat with not in anger and quite frankly in proper form. Maybe I don't belong here, shame, I had made friends here. If I can't joke freely with a friend on his own thread, I see no point.
     
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  17. Her Dividend
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    Her Dividend Junior Member

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    My favorite poster got banned by the management -- severing my main tie and connection to this site. Compared to other forums, it's pretty good here for the topics it covers.
     
  18. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    I return to the Mansion because it often helps me think about what I am doing, why I am doing it. I talk about things with people here that I just couldn't in my everyday life. I couldn't say to friends and family about how giving up masturbation has made my relationship with my Wife so much better. Or that wow, she denied me so hard last night, it was fantastic! or that she is now up to an average of letting me have an orgasm every two to three months and why that is so brilliant! I sometimes wish I could but I can guess most just wouldn't get it.

    Sometimes the discussions are informative, sometimes fun, sometimes a huge turn on, many times of no interest to me at all. The thing I could do better to make this a happier place is not react to posts that wind me up. I could at least learn how to challenge someone less confrontatoinally. I did this again yesterday and immediately regretted what I had posted, but the edit rule caught me out and I was unable to tone down my words.

    One thing that makes me sad is many people who I interact with in the Mansion appear to fade away over time. I don't always know why because I don't see them post anything that explains why they are leaving, but it appears that some get fed up with the bickering, or the rude males in the mini chat, or they get bored with the idea of chastity once the fantasy wears off. I treasure the interaction I get with long term members but I have stopped expecting them to stick around for any length of time.
     
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  19. Vinny
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    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

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    I have engaged in every fetish on Fetlife.con over a 47 year period. I had thousands of FFM threesome compliments of my wife and her girlfriend. We have also done a lot of kinky things. Yet I never told anyone until 3 years ago. I had to bite my tongue when guys would talk about having one FFM threesome before they died. Even they got to be routine after 10 years. Yet we never posted or visited sex sites. Neither did the people we played with. There was no reason to, because we had a group of friends into non traditional sex or married lives to talk to. I did not want to risk my job and we never told any of our parents that we had a poly triad and my wife is bi and so was her best friend who always seemed to be staying with us when they visited. Marriage hides a lot of sins it seems. People assume.

    The first time I opened up about my sex life was when I got into chastity. I visited her, but mostly on that other chastity site that is no more. This place had a lot into sissy play and had a reputation in other chastity forums, to be the place for chastity players into that. Now it is different. There is a more even distribution of the versions of chastity. I have said things here that I never said before. I held it in so much, mostly because our sex life was normal to us. However, I started to remember things as I posted about them. Call me stupid but I did not even realize that my four relationships since I was 15, were with bi girls and I never once sought out bi girls or knew they were bi until well into the relationship. Still do not know why but my wife says that after they had sex with me, they decided to stick with women. She could be right because she did not come out as bi until her late twenties, after having sex with me. :) I think the real reason is that I am very sexually liberal and the girls felt safe with me. I was not going to judge them or break up with them. I am a bi magnet for some reason. I did not even know that I was considered a hottie by the girls in my wife's school and in our town. I thought women just liked me for my sense of humor. My wife told me that she had seen my picture and heard about me from girls I had been with, years before we even met. I was oblivious to all of this and only when I started posting and asking questions of my wife, did I find out some of these things.

    So purging myself of what I have carefully kept hidden for 47 years has made me realize that what we had was special and different than most others. When you live someway for most of your marriage one way, it is your normal life and not discussed as if it was abnormal. In this respect this forum and a few others has been a good way to look back on my sexual life and view it from the outside and sometimes amaze myself at the things we did that I could not think of doing now.

    The only thing I do not like, and this applies to all sex related forums, is that more and more guys are living their sex life online and it is difficult to tell the real posters from those putting their fantasies in pixels. I quit most of the other sex forums I was a member in. When I post in marriage and relationship forums to let all those who rather go down with the ship instead of finding a different ship for their marriage, I am called a pervert or worse. People rather cheat in monogamy than try a different path. The last time I mentioned chastity, I was bombarded with replies about how stupid could I be to give up orgasms and that cannot be a good way to make a sex life better. I left fetlife when the chastity forum I was in for a long time seemed to be all guys without keyholders looking for a KH or others who were both prisoner and warden. It is a form of chastity with a much different reason and experience than mine. Not worse or better, just very different in why and how.

    I do not recognize many names from two years ago here. Wonder where they all went. Then, let's face it, chastity is not a very popular fetish and it is one that about 90% try and then give up on when reality overcomes their initial excitement. Nighttime medication kicking in so I better wrap this up. This is the only forum where I feel comfortable to post without getting nasty replies because I did not follow the non existent rulebook of the fetish I was posting about. I will admit that I do not get self locking. Not putting it down because I spent a year in self S&M play. I was both sadist and masochist. I can understand how a fetish can gnaw at you and be a problem when you have no one to play with. So not putting anything down. Just do not see how the power exchange fits into self locking. At its core any D/s relationship is about a power exchange or submitting to someone, so I cannot see the benefit, but I have done things that would make some retch and they will never understand why I did it. It is not putting anything down when you truthfully say that you do not understand the psychology behind a fetish and they all have psychological reasons even though most just say that they like it or it arouses them without digging deeper. I can understand sissy play because I dabbled in it for a short time and know why I am into BDSM and Chastity. Just that I cannot understand the fetishes that I never tried. Just like I did not understand chastity ane even thought it was crazy at the beginning and yet here I am doing it for 4+ years and cannot imagine not living this way anymore. My cage is like my wedding band. If I think about it I can feel it. If I get it stuck on something, I am aware of it. Same with my cage. My Ambien is kicking in and I might not remember what I posted tomorrow. It is always a surprise to wake up and see food on my desk and orders from Amazon that I do not remember. :)
     
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  20. maid_carrie
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    Staff Member Moderator

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    I thought I was answering the questions
    Put simply - If the locker room attitude/lad culture was cut out. if the gratuitous language disappeared and if the sleazy approaches in Mini chat were stamped upon, it would be a better place.

    Also if the baying hoard/mob mentality was removed when someone says something people disagree with and replaced by thoughtful exchanges then things might start to look up.

    We have lost two young ladies who had an interest in this kink recently, and to what end?

    So - yes there has been a culture change and some longer term members don't like it. And don't give me the "If you can;t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen" weak get-out clause.

    As @SubVerity has already said, the ethos on this site is to be accepting and open to everyone and if you think a thread or post is a crock of "sausages" then just move along and read something else - leave them to it.
     
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  21. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    i like it here i do and i think the folks on here are nice as well. i wudnt come on here if dint like it.
     
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  22. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    I come here to feel like connected to others like me, and to learn about what makes people tick, or click. ;)
     
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  23. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B

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    I have been a member since 2012 and yes, the Mansion has changed. The membership has massively increased. This is good but it does mean that there are bound to be more arguments. Hopefully, not too many. It's unfortunate that we have lost some female members but we have also gained some. I'm afraid we will never please everyone but I do hope that the majority are at least moderately happy with it all.
     
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  24. Thatguyontheinternet
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    Thatguyontheinternet Owned by Thatgirl

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    One doesn't get to complain about "mob mentality" chasing a user off when the user in question was constantly inciting the mob. Does that make sense? Because whether for attention or out of genuine ignorance for what she was doing, trouble followed her non-stop. And by "trouble" I mean a long line of offended people who often felt belittled and judged by her. So I find it quite ironic, and more than a little disingenuous to pretend as if an angry horde of foul mouthed men simply pestered and abused her until she left. Picking on her at random. Come on.

    It's simple cause and effect. Say something that bothers large swathes of people, get flack from large swathes of people. Do it time and time again, and eventually the tolerance for your rudeness decreases and people are bothered more easily by your judgemental attitude toward them.

    That she happened to be a female, and a "domme" had precisely nothing to do with it. It's that she upset people. Often.

    Continuing to harass members who actually live this lifestyle in conjunction with a real live relationship until they feel the need to back away from the site will leave you with nobody left but the single men looking to hunt for a female Donne - the exact opposite of what you say you want.

    Since we're sharing historical context, that's mine. It may not go back a decade into CM's past, but I believe it speaks directly to some of the drama and its aftermath that newer members like @LadyS are picking up on. Which is something very important to note.


    @LadyS - in a more direct answer to your question: to me, CM has been a place to come and share details of mine and my amazing love's experience with chastity. A place where people who have some clue about what we're living can be found, unlike day to day life where there's VERY few people with whom I could ever share this stuff with. And the complaining you mention seeing, if you'll notice, comes almost exclusively from people who share little to nothing about themselves or their relationships. Perhaps that's a clue as to why many of them were so sad to see a very cute, single girl leave. But for those of us still trying to enrich the site with the sharing of actual experiences to be hounded away, one by one, in favor of those who's purity of devotion to chastity / FLR ideals comes primarily from the fact that they don't seem to be actually living any of it, is, I think, antithetical to what the mods keep stating their goals are for the site. And therein lies the underlying conflict I think you're picking up on.

    Do you want real humans talking about real life (including the occasional naughty word), or do we want a site full of single male subs so desperate for female approval and attention that they'll unwaveringly shower you with praise and adoration, however hollow and meaningless.
     
  25. Steve-0
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    Steve-0 Long term member

    Joined:
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    That's it right there.

    On a side note I'd like to say that it's offensive to me to be lumped in with creepy messagers because I swear. I'm not creepy at all. I think.
     
    Jasmic68 likes this.
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