What are the major stages in the chastity lifestyle?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Mr M, Jan 16, 2018.

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  1. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    The more I read and the longer I live this chastity lifestyle, I am noticing an evolution of 'stages' between the Locked and the KH. What are the major stages or phases you have evolved through?

    For myself, the stages have been:

    1) the introduction- KH and I read and played lightly with increased sex and short lock ups.

    2) the tables turned- my KH began to enjoy the benefits and wanted me to be satisfied. Lockups of a week or so with relaxed rules but more requests. I often broke the rules.

    3) just follow the rules- I became more excited about the denial and my KH got more turned on by the control. Light punishments and some spanking for not following the rules were enforced. My lock up extended to 10-14 days.

    4)lets explore the power and the kink- my KH and I introduced and tried some of the kinks to explore the power exchange. Strapon, panties, teasing toys, massage table, role play, worship, etc. She built comfort with the power and I built a craving for the kinks / submission.

    5) the guilty rebellion and need for real punishment- I loved the game, but still resisted losing control of my orgasms. After disclosure, my KH got serious about spankings and real lockups. My first lock ups were 2-4 weeks and had harsh punishments for not playing by the rules. My KH started to enjoy her dominant position in most things, not just my lock. I began enjoying the strength of my KH. We played, but I was not allowed to O.

    6) The demotion of my Orgasm- my KH grew in her strength and definition of her desires with clear requests for my service, submission and denial. My post O attitude became unpopular. I enjoyed the tease and denial as well as the alternative ways to get off without getting off. I desired for more intensity chasity. For the first time my KH set a target of at least 3 weeks maybe more if I mis behave.

    This is my current experience... I would love to here from others to see if there are any themes in the stages. As well as the experience beyond my own.
     
  2. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Long term member

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    Stage 1 - You are locked

    Is there more?
     
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  3. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    Maybe not...
     
  4. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I could have written that almost word for word.
    I would have to say, that we have gotten to 7. Her preference is to orgasm with other methods, my orgasms are done as something she is doing for me, and she doesn't feel the need to pretend to need or want my penis.
     
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  5. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    From one KH's perspective... I realize these stages don't start with chastity, but neither did we. :) However, to provide context and to accommodate your theme here, I'll explain a bit. Skip '#1', if you like!

    1. (a) I met a submissive man online that suited My needs, and surprisingly he steadily became My best friend as we discovered interests aligning more perfectly than either of us realized... all starting with tease and denial, as this was an essential requirement for My enjoyment of Owning a sub. (b) Rapid-fire development in our long-distance relationship lead to exploring heavier desires in D/s over several years. Lots of time and travel went into exploring these desires, as well as our friendship. The dynamic was growing, until... (c) 'infidelity' from his side (non-physical) shook the relationship, but it made Me think more closely about Myself, our bond, and the things I wanted... and certainly, what I didn't want. This obviously included more control, and less dishonesty. Tearful admissions from his side about desires I never knew he had led Me to understand the things he'd been (unnecessarily) hiding. (d) A year later... after much healing, discussion, reevaluation, and growth... we got married. That was earlier this year. Since then, we've discussed many things and the kinky horizons have only appeared more vast. As such... this lead Me to exploring chastity more thoroughly.

    ---​

    2. I entertained My curiosity about chastity more directly a couple months ago, and was shocked to find how much the ideas excited Me. I brought these ideas to My husband, and he melted into them much more quickly than expected. I ordered a semi-custom metal cage after reading about them here, and sized him from afar the best we could. We started slowly, taking care not to push too hard, to make sure everything was physically in good shape. Monitoring of his physical and mental state was imperative for Me to make sure we didn't kill this before it started.

    3. His endurance is building, his body is adjusting, and his mind is following suit... he's bottoming out hard, and it makes Me ache with satisfaction. Our T&D dynamic is leaping onto the main stage more and more, since he's been caged. He's "used" to being denied and focusing on My orgasm and pleasure... while only having his own at My discretion. I have trained him to accept that My pleasure is his, and he accepted that a long time ago. However, this cage is producing stronger versions of emotion and arousal for both of us, more than we expected... I am quite excited to know that I've found a tool to move this relationship in the direction I always wanted. Previously hard (heh) limits have all but evaporated, and we're both finding new ideas flooding our minds.

    ... what's 4 and beyond, for us? I truly have no idea. And that's what's so exciting. :)
     
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  6. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    1. Curiosity
    2. Lock up
    3. Hand over key
    4. Except her control
    5. Enjoy the Experience

    I like to keep things simple. KISS . Keep It Simple Servant
     
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  7. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    I have seen hints of this. She has told me that her strongest orgasms are with me locked, but going through the motions while she gets either a vibrator or strapon.

    Maybe it is the next step... thanks for the reply.
     
  8. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    I have heard of KISS but not for the servant! Awesome!
     
  9. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    Great story and distinction between phases. I like that you added more of the emotional elements as it relates to the relationship in the context of D/s. Amazing the you developed it in a distance relationship. That is tough going. In the end it sounds like you found the submissive man you wanted and could train to deliver on the D/s requirements. I personally thinks it takes a stronger man to submit than it does to dominate.

    I appreciate the post and the provocative avatar... the building of the relationship is something I didn't think about, thank you.
     
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  10. demale
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    demale Long term member

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  11. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    @demale That is definitely one road... some stop before that stage or maybe take another route. For some, that logically comes next...
     
  12. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    Couldn't agree more, @Mr M. Spineless 'submissives' are a dime-a-dozen. His 'weakness' is reserved for Me, and that's more than fine in My book. Doesn't take shit too kindly from anyone else; that's why I married him. :)

    My pleasure, x2. Nice thread. :)
     
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  13. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    I like how you describe the time it took to evolve the stages. I have read many posts that mention the evolution over years not months. It shows how committed couple has to be as well as how long of a game this can be. Wise words. Thanks for the post!
     
  14. Beck
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    I've often thought of my experience with chastity in terms of the 'Maslow's Hierarchy of needs' -there are a number of stages where different needs are met, satisfying the evolution as it developes. Things aren't always so linear though, and certain stages can be repeated or out of order. Over all, the idea is that certain basic needs are met, leading to the satifaction of more complex ones, and finally a form of self actualization. For me, that moment will be when my questions and wonders are finally all answered. Any anxiety about being chaste, be it struggling against the cage, fear of outsiders knowing about my chaste state, or the need for its removal will all have subsided ensuring a complete submission and dedication to my KH. Until then, I continue to strive for higher, and try to remember to enjoy.
     
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  15. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    I have read about 'stages' too ...
    As my device is still on order, I have no first hand experience with wearing a device per se.


    My journey started with TND about 3 decades ago.
    The Honor System incorporates a lot of the same ideas as shared above.
    But with the HS, there is no real powerlessness.
    That will by my next 'phase' (I suppose) ... and I suspect more of an intensity of the others.


    I bet some of you are laughing at me thinking I have a grasp on what this will be like.
    Once that security screw is put in place - it will no longer be theoretical :eek:
     
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  16. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    So profound ... so profound.

    I need to add that to my belief structure - I am a big supporter of FLR (and think it should extend beyond relationships).

    The concept of 'which is the stronger male' fits perfectly into turning the reins over and creating a more balanced environment.

    We all become stronger ... individually & collectively.
     
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  17. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 Long term member

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    It is interesting to think that the stages are different for the Keyholder than for the chaste male. On my part it was one heck of a roller coaster ride, as warned by the much missed @Caged Wolf so it is difficult to remember how the stages it went. I will attempt to do this without Elle here (she is at work and I am on my lunch break) and will check with her that I have it right. J is me, E is Elle.

    J1. Offer - I gave her the idea of a chastity cage not for chastity but as a way of hiding my penis. (Long story, it is in my journals.)
    E1. Agreement. She didn't really know what the deal was, but she thought why not, give it a go,
    J2. Excitement. A completely shocking realisation that Elle's control turned me on.
    E2. Surprise. A realisation that this is fun, that her control of me turns her on.
    J3. Confusion. What is going on? I used to have three orgasms a week, on average, now I am having one every two weeks. I didn't agree to that!
    E3. Guilt. Surely this isn't what he wants? How can not having an orgasm be fun? I better let him have an orgasm
    J4. Submission. A growing realisation that I like being denied more than I like being made to have an orgasm.
    E4. Realisation. Wow, he is really enjoying me denying him, and this teasing thing is a lot of fun, and wow, I am having way more orgasms than I have ever had, ever!

    The switch. We go from doing Chastity because I had asked her to do it, to doing it because she wanted to do it. At this point I lose the right to call a stop to what we are doing. it is too ingrained, too much a part of our new dynamic. Elle likes it far too much for it to stop.

    J5. Research. What is an FLR? I need Elle to really control me, I can only accept that she has the right to deny my orgasms if she truly has control, across the board, not just in the bedroom.
    E5(I). Yes. yes I will control you. Yes I will deny your orgasm. Yes I will be your Keyholder and Mistress. Yes, you will call me Miss when I give you a command. Yes, this FLR is real, and not a game. Yes.
    E5(ii). No. No I don't feel guilty. No, you cannot ask me for an orgasm. No, you cannot suggest what we do in bed, unless I tell you that you can. No, you cannot stop this lifestyle, this is permanent.

    The lengthening. During the stages I have detailed my average time of denial was effectively being doubled, until it reached something around two months between each orgasm. Then, completely out of the blue, Elle pushed me further than ever before, for a denial period of just over five months. Her control during this period developed exponentially. She hasn't pushed me that long again since, but has warned me that she is thinking of doing so this year.
     
  18. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    I never thought about why chasity would evolve, you are right that there is an evolution of needs along the journey, which might be underlining the changes or defined stages. We are human after all and in search of those fundamental needs.
     
  19. Mr M
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    Mr M Find yourself, find peace; find others, find joy.

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    You should post about the decades of honor system tease and denial. How did it start and what phases did you go through. I am fascinated by those who can play through an honor system. I personally have no chance, I just love my own body and my own sexuality. What was your journey and how did you stick to your commitment without a lock? Did it change over time and how did it change with your partner?
     
  20. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    Those ^^ were some very interesting observations that got me a-thinkin'.

    Yes - few things in life are linear. We may want them to be for simplicity sake - but complexity breeds an intertwining. The bramble and the rose.

    Thanks for making this a conscious connection - varying stages helping each meet their needs.
     
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  21. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    What a great idea :)
    I'll try to find an existing thread about the Honor System ... and if I can't, create a new one.

    You could probably piece together a good picture by some of my posts here and there - but a single entry would indeed be simpler.

    I'll get right on that!
     
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  22. zebra
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    For me
    1)Curiosity
    2) locked
    3) tried to open up my feeling why I am interested to the wife - talks,books
    4) it been 12 years since I saw the first cage , wife has no interest in kh or chastity - she puts up with my interest
    5)as long as wife gets off when she wants - my chastity is out of site out of her mind .
    6)she has expressed if I need outside interest to handle my interest
    Just always love her.
    She never has been able to allow herself to put chastity and what she can benefit from it together.
    So I use online kh .
    It not perfect but it works - I wish she has a slight interest would really make perfect
     
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  23. masohedo
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    masohedo Long term member

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    In our case stages developed as follow,aprox. on a yearly basis:
    1)caged but frequently (weekly)free for t&d and periodic orgasm via PIV
    2)less t&d sessions uncaged,more of the same while caged . PIV extinct and orgasm via handjob.
    3) orgasm and t&d session's frequency declining from weekly,monthly,bimonthly
    4)uncaged only for hygienic purpose and orgasm via anal/prostate stimulation
    5) introduction of ultra short cage
    In each stage body and mind incredibly adjust,on one side to remain horny and find pleasure and relief in the only ways permitted and on the other becoming more submissive,docile,content and truly enjoying servicing the KH in every possible way.
     
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  24. Dr MBogo
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    Dr MBogo You heard the lady! In you go.....

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    There are more flavors (var
    There are more flavors (variations) of chastity play than of ice cream. I don't know that there would be much consensus regarding the "Stages" of it. Do as much or as little as you want-there's no wrong way to do it. Example: my wife/KH and I have the following approach: I am locked most of the time. I'm pleasure her with my mouth/hands almost every night. She allows me to unlock for an orgasm (usually to jerk off in front of her, which she gets off on) occasionally-average lately is 1-2/month. I wear pink panties under my pants and over my cage at her request. (once a week or so). She occasionally will wear a strap-on and take me anally. (I encourage any locked male with a loving wife/KH to try it!) There is no punishment, no S&M, no crossdressing, no cuckolding. Basically, we appear to be perfectly vanilla from the outside. And we both love it. It has spiced up our sex life dramatically, making us much more intimate, much more often. Recent additions include: No more PIV, at her request (command, LOL!). She much prefers oral/manual stimulation. And I don't really miss it that much. I actually have MORE orgasms now (1-2/month) than I did when we were plain vanilla, and in a horrible rut.

    She and I both know this only works if we both are enjoying it and want to continue. We can "suspend disbelief" in my chastity and FLR, realizing that if either of us wanted to stop, we would, and there is nothing the other person could do. And, I'd bet every other couple who participates in chastity in some form or fashion also realizes that, although maybe not consciously.
     
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  25. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    Great thread ...
    Interesting to read all the 'stages' being shared.

    For me, its been a series of double stages ...
    A first time was when I was introduced to TND with Mistress Robin when I was in college.
    And a second time with my wife/Mistress as our relationship developed.

    A) Mistress Robin

    1. Through eye opening discussions to develop my 'feminine side' & be more thoughtful about her. We agreed on the basic ground rules - and adjusted them accordingly. This was the start of my FLR belief structure I have today.

    2.'Fun' type tease and denial which taught me to appreciate wanting to wait for her & our times together - otherwise I would just take matter into my own hands. This is where I got 'hooked'.

    3. Bringing me more under her control by intensifying what expectations she had of me. This was where our 'contract' was introduced.

    4. Conditioning me for servitude.
    mR did this in a number of ways:

    a. By gaining my willingness to serve her (and eventually women in general).
    b. Orgasm Control - what O's I were allowed were now tied to pleasing her.
    c. Upping the ante as I made 'progress'.
    d. Giving me regular & positive feedback to reinforce my willingness to serve her.

    5. Once she had me where she wanted - me wanting to serve her rather than her making me - it became a matter of maintaining my behaviors. Also, occasionally changing things up to keep me guessing & to let me know who was in charge.
     
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