What are men getting from it?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Ms Amanda, Mar 17, 2019.

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  1. Ms Amanda
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    Ms Amanda Member

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    Hello there.
    Id like to know what are you getting from your female led relationship and how that's being achieved.
    Most of the threads and posts are about sexual gratification, how chastity or controlled orgasms are mutually beneficial to a couple and it's obvious that a keyholder or domme might benefit from having a reduced chore list which in turn can make everyone happier.... But what about you men?
    I was recently inspired when I read a post by a man who saw a professional domme who helped him with parts of his life where he might need improvement for example with his diet, or an exercise routine.
    Id really appreciate an insight into what could be achieved by a woman taking charge other than the sexual context.
     
  2. cagedjon
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    It makes me a better person. I concentrate solely on her needs, sexual or otherwise.
    What do I get? The hapiness of being a better husband, and better man.
     
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  3. shannonsanders
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    It's made me much more disciplined. I've lost over 30 pounds over an extended period of time and took up running. I'm also much more social and better at talking to women and men both.
     
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  4. Ms Amanda
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    Ms Amanda Member

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    Thank you for your reply. Would you mind sharing a little bit about how this has been achieved?
     
  5. shannonsanders
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    At some point, my Wife realized that I am happier when I have outlets as a submissive, and that she could use this to her advantage, and we started branching out to more than just sex when it comes to BDSM. There was no magic bullet and it is a little-by-little work in progress. We've been together for the last 20 years, and it's only been the last few we've focused on this aspect of things.

    Part of this might be because we finally went to a kink-friendly therapist after many years of seeing a vanilla marriage therapist. The vanilla therapist helped us through a rough patch, but we never got very far on sex. The kink-friendly sex therapist was recommended to us by a dominatrix. Lol. The kink-friendly therapist in turn recommended a new dominatrix when the old one left town and a club we can join. Does that seem strange?

    My wife has always noticed I'm in a better mood and listen better when I am denied, but we've gone further and further with it.

    This seems non-sexual---but she made me go on a weight loss program and run. I feel like I would disappoint her if I failed on it. It's given me discipline to focus on every day that puts no obligation on her. Because I joined a running club, I've had to be more social with the group. We only meet once a month and I'm not social with the runners besides that. But It's given me a place where I can work on my listening skills. I've also tried to find easy little things to do---like making bed.

    I haven't wanked in over a year. We are not completely strict about chastity, but my "releases" have become more and more restricted. It's been either a ruined hand job or sex for the last year, mostly ruined hand jobs. Full intercourse has gotten less common.

    I've been cuckolded by women. My wife would like to try it with a man some time. That scares me a little more.
     
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  6. Chaste J.
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    Chaste J. Active member

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    Hmm. I've wondered about this a bit myself. I mean it's all counter intuitive really isn't it. Blokes being locked up and not allowed to cum and serving their partners! All I can say is I enjoy it and so does Mrs Chaste! Our FLR is still developing and it seems to be working well for us. Like most things in life there isn't any particularly right or wrong way of doing it just one that works for both parties! Mrs Chaste is very much a "traditional" wife. She looks after her husband and makes sure I'm fed, watered and happy. She has always been ready to experiment with things and has certainly been more than happy with me in my Chaste state. The move towards a more FLR is still progressing at a speed dictated by Mrs Chaste. What do I get from it? So many things on so many levels I think! I'm still in awe of the fact that Mrs Chaste is prepared to invest so much time and effort into something that was basically my idea! She has said that there is no going back as our marriage is getting better and better the further on we go. I know one thing I might have planted the idea but now it's growing Mrs Chaste is the one leading!
     
  7. Ms Amanda
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    Ms Amanda Member

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    Thank you so much for opening up. I'm interested in the fact that intercourse has reduced for you. Are you happy with your sex life? Did you masturbate regularly prior to changing your lifestyle? And I love the idea of creating a running programme. People are often reluctant to start new things but a change and regular routine can be life changing, even if it is under duress.
     
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  8. shannonsanders
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    I'm happier than 5 years ago. It's always a work in progress. I used to MB 2 or more times a day...to wake up in the morning...and fall asleep at night....I didn't like that I was using sexual energy to deal with stress versus using it for something more pleasurable.

    If we have time and energy to get creative with our kinks, and feel an intimate bond, then intercourse is great, but not necessary for feeling like we have a satisfying sex life.

    One example is when I pleased her with a strap on. This was very frustrating because I didn't get a "release". But I really enjoyed watching how turned on she was and feeling her without worrying I was going to come and it was going to end. it doesn't happen very often, but she really enjoyed it.
     
  9. luckyhubby83
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    luckyhubby83 Active member

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    I willingly do more household chores to free up her time. be it to enjoy the morning without having things on her "to do list". I am more productive. more awake during the day as i dont stay up late at night after she goes to bed so i can masturbate. oh did i mention i dont waste hundreds of hours a year masturbating any more?

    then there are the relationship benefits. being more attentive to her needs and emotions. knowing she alone controls when i will get played with and orgasm if feeling generous, has totally changed how i treat my wife. I used to do the hard press for sex, and if that failed just wait till she fell asleep and took care of my urges myself. We have been practicing chastity long enough that im making a real effort to become a better husband in every regard. the newness wore off which was sad as i was constantly aroused before, now i am but not nearly as much, however the mental attraction is growing exceptionally each day. before i would compare my wife to the women in pron, now i look at her and truly feel im the luckiest husband in the world. IE I am happy, she is certainly happy with the new devotion, dedication, lust, and emotional attraction reaching all time highs in the relationship. i know it sounds cliche, but relationship therapists really should require chastity for couples when they first start having marital issues.

    Im pretty excited to see where we will be in a few years.
     
  10. StarCitizen
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    StarCitizen Member

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    I learned a lot about myself. I think it made me a better person. I'm less shy, more outgoing, I'm more concentrated and treat people better. I'm more selfaware and self confident. I'm a better host, because my eye for detail got better. Always looking that the glasses ar full etc. I managed to organise my life better, started to see that my flat is always clean. I exercise more, I'm healthier and communicate way better. I'm no longer selfish. I learned that life is about the person next to you. I'm happy, when everyone else is happy. No longer I just want to get into someones pants. I'm just more interested in other people lifes, see how I can help them. I hope this makes sense. :) I started a more altruistic lifestyle.

    It took some time to learn all this, but I guess it helped me a lot as a person. Of course having my kinks fulfilled, as long as my Keyholder is happy, is a nice plus. But it's no longer abouit just getting my kick.
     
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  11. LockedPom
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    LockedPom Active member

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    Yes, Chastity can make men more disciplined, happy to please their partner, etc. However let's face it, I'd we are lucky enough to have a kinky KH, then it also allows us to experience many of our kinks. That also keeps men happy!
     
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  12. StarCitizen
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    StarCitizen Member

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    That's true!
     
  13. Rectrix
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    Rectrix Active member

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    Being locked and chaste has given me a totally new outlook on myself, on my wife, and on the needs of our marriage. For so many years I was that alpha, closed-off, career-oriented guy, who also "managed" my marriage as another piece of work. I was (am) a masturbator, and having that available also meant I didn't need closeness or to woo her any longer. As I got older, I realized I was wasting my sex drive on masturbation. When we began orgasm control I still masturbated, but not to completion, and I began to soften towards her and share myself more.

    The chastity cage was the big step, however. That was where I learned finally to put down the alpha burdens of management and accept the emotional availability and vulnerability in a close marital relationship. Without my erection I was forced to see myself differently -- it's hard to pretend when you can't get hard -- and allow my caring and service-oriented side to come out and develop. I accepted that our marriage was truly about two peoples' needs and I allowed myself to become submissive to her, to accept her needs for intimacy and closeness, and realized those were good for me too.

    In a sentence, it's allowed me to become a more emotionally complete man and a better husband. We still have a ways to go, I want her authority to develop. I hope she'll continue to grow and that she'll never stop.
     
  14. locked_top
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    locked_top Caged tiger

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    I love it.
     
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  15. cagedjon
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    Very very well put. I can only concur. Accepting her dominance has been the best thing that IU have ever done for ME. I would never go back.
     
  16. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    This is a good question.

    There are lots of secondary benefits around eroticism, self improvement, and smoother relationship. However, primarily I am in an FLR because I am a submissive. It just feels right.
     
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  17. tecolote
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    A lot of men are driven by sex, so it seems odd for a man to desire any sort of denial, let alone a physical barrier between ourselves and pleasure. But, like ice cream, if you have pleasures any time you want, it loses some of it's appeal. While we recognize that waiting creates better experiences, many of us don't have the self control not to create orgasms on demand.

    Now when you lock up, and hand the keys to someone else, suddenly you are no longer in control of your own orgasms. This coupled with the constant contact reminding you of your naughty little secret, and suddenly even the most mundane things feel sexual. It's almost like a super extended foreplay. And always there is lurking in your mind that at any moment, your keyholder can turn you into a sexual plaything. Honestly, that's what most of us are hoping for at almost every moment. We all fantasized about impromptu sex since we were teens, and suddenly we are in a situation where that is possible. We have opened a door that we will be a sex toy on someone else's terms. Of course, we get denied. Often. But this is all part of the build up that results in (eventually) an almost spiritual release. This brief moment is worth the discomfort and frustration, and these moments cannot be gifted. They have to be earned through the sometimes difficult process of being at someone else's whim.
     
  18. Tom Allen
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    Mrs Edge and I have a more "traditional" and vanilla-ish relationship. We don't have any other kink or BDSM going on (sadly), we do not have an FLR, and we have always split the chores according to convenience. Our chastity/denial play is mainly me wearing the cage 24/7, and using a strapon "replacement" when we have rather conventional sex a few times a week.

    Mrs Edge does not consider herself to be "domme," but she does have a control streak. For her, it manifests itself by being 100% in control over when and how I can orgasm. Over the last 15 or 20 years we've been at this, she tends to make me go for long periods of denial because she knows how aroused it makes me. We've done the weekly unlocking thing, the unlocking as a reward thing, and denial without a cage thing, but it seems that she prefers making me go through long periods of denial. That's what floats her boat, and I've stopped questioning it, in part, because she's not the least bit introspective about it. She likes what she likes.

    As for what *I* get out of it: I would like to have more kink, roleplaying, bondage, or more overt displays of dominance, even if it's just scening once a month. Mrs Edge is just not comfortable with any of it. The only thing that she seems to enjoy is, as I mentioned above, denying my orgasms to keep me aroused and affectionate all the time. So I decided if that chastity & OD is the only kink that she will engage in, then that's what I would learn to enjoy. And I have - for example, the past year has been really fun, and we've had more sex than we did when we were newlyweds. I find that afterwards, when she's satisfied, then I'm satisfied as well (albeit in s slightly less physical and more mental/emotional way).

    What I get out of it is a little bit of the kink that I'd like to see in our marriage, plus a very satisfied wife.
     
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  19. cshorts
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    cshorts Locked in love for SL

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    Hear, hear. This perfectly describes what’s in it for me.
     
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  20. Ma’ams Slut
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    Ma’ams Slut OWNED, LOCKED, SUB TO MY LOVE @Ma’am M

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    It’s made my wife and I closer and more open with all things and able to talk a lot more about all things inside and outside the bedroom. We have def become a better working couple and more understanding of each other. Also the argument have pretty much gone away . We are still people and always will have some little stressors but it’s so much better. It has never done anything for my gym habits but I can see how for others it can motivate to be more productive and lose weight.
    This was a good thread You started and is an interesting read
     
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  21. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Active member

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    In a healthy relationship, both parties change. The man focuses on making his partner happy which possibly includes picking up more of the domestic slack. That in turn should allow his partner to focus even more on making him happy. There should be symbiosis in a relationship.
     
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  22. cshorts
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    cshorts Locked in love for SL

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    If that's you in your avatar pic, I think we all are your gym habits don't need any help!
     
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  23. b2please
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    b2please A fun and powerful game!

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    Such a complex topic!
    > What do the Men get out of it?

    Well, It's an amazingly intense experience to not have control of one's genitals, yet to be physically reminded of this fact quite often.

    It seems to change the biochemicals in my body and mind, so I really have some different personality traits and preferences. For example, I'm a messy & creative person, normally. But chastity changes me (after a few hours or a day?) to being driven to tidy, organize, clean up, do Spring Cleaning, exercise. I couldn't make this up. It really changes what I'm inclined to spend my time doing.

    And I think it is very appealing to those that want to experience or play with "being controlled", and maybe it's a type of bondage for some. And if you carry the play into the bedroom and are sexually denied orgasm, while your partner has multiple orgasms, it can be a very interesting experience.

    I'm currently reading the book "The Heart of Dominance" by Fullmen, and it's quite fascinating. There are infinite ways to play with one partner being dominant in some way, and one submitting in some way, and both are deeply satisfying to the right people, when done in a unique way that suits these two people. Some pursue being dominant (seducing the other into submitting) to nurture and guide them for their clear benefit, while other dominants strongly enjoy being served (in infinite creative ways) by people submitting (who find that deeply satisfying), while others have darker ideas for mutual exploration.

    Chastity seems to be an easy way to help a man explore their submissive side even if their partner is not aware or interested in exploring a dominant role. And if they are? There are infinite possibilities for games and experiments. :)
     
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  24. Wonderwomanssub
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    Wonderwomanssub Active member

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    What’s in it for me is a closer more intimate relationship with my Miss. this whole thing kicked off because I felt like I was looking at to much porn and masturbating to often. My Miss had gone through a lot of changes in the 2 years before we started chastity such as being laid off from her job and then having our baby. She had several shit jobs over the span of a year before deciding to go back to school for speech language pathology. (She’s almost done :))

    All of these factors were making her depressed and unhappy and I was not focused on my partner’s physical and emotional needs. After learning of chastity and doing more research into the lifestyle it just felt so right for us. Our sex life had dropped to nothing after she gave birth to our son. She had gone through an abnormal amount of trauma giving birth due to a condition she has so it took a long time before she even wanted any sort of penetrative sex let alone physical intimacy.

    Although we’ve always had a great relationship and been the best of friends I really felt that we were losing our intimacy and that special closeness we share. Once discovering chastity it felt like the answer to many thing I was hoping for us/me to achieve. First and for most I wanted to make her the center of my attention and let her know she is my queen. Second, I wanted our intimacy to regrow to what it was before in all aspects sexual and non sexual. Third, once I realized that I truly had a submissive personality I needed a way to express my submissive self and be under my Miss’s thumb, feel owned by her.

    I would not describe us as vanilla but we are also not crazy into kink but my Miss really enjoys being a domme in charge of me and being pampered. Her control over my erections and orgasms is a lot more important to her than I ever thought it would be. Things have progressed at a snails pace over the last 4 years because of her graduates school and raising a child among other things. But what has grown between us in regards to intimacy, FLR and chastity it is strong and here to stay.

    So what’s in it for me is the rekindling and strength of our intimacy in our relationship. She makes me feel submissive and knows how to make me feel right and like I’m right where I’m suppose to be. Lastly, the perk of being sexually experimental or role playing or role reversal has allowed us to communicate better and be more open with each other.

    I’ll be totally honest that when I first asked my Miss for chastity, sex was a big focus and driver for me. Everything I said about wanting to rekindle our intimacy is true but I admit I focused on some of the wrong aspects of chastity like many of us do when we first start out. As time has beat on I had reshaped my goals and wants in life and in this type of relationship. I have matured and begun to look at life differently as we progressed on this journey. That may be part of getting older and having experiences but there was something more special that chastity brought about in regards to appreciating women like I never have before and especially appreciating my Miss who means the absolute world to me. So what’s in it for me is continuing to be with my amazing Wonder Woman and making her happy and content.
     
  25. Steviepie
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    Steviepie Being developed for mental submission to Ms. Lucy

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    Much thoughtful wisdom in this thread that I greatly admire.....I'd like to add one more very sweet benefit - when one has been locked long enough ones appreciation for femininity grows to include every nuance of feminine beauty or outlook even in women who might be considered "plain" in our porn jaded culture but now can be seen for both inner and outward beauty.
     
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