I'm in my forties now and have difficulties naming friends or acquaintances who have never cheated on their wives or girlfriends. A handful crossed the line while intoxicated, but for the majority it happens all the time. I always feel like I'm the odd one. I just can't do it and can't explain why I can't either. For validation: my wife can share some stories from strippers. Yes a cage prevents cheating, but I'm more interested in the underlying psychology. Am I the only one or could there be a relation between chastity and being faithful? I'm curious.
Dear Pietje, Interesting question: I can only reply how it is for me: no cheating from my side, and we have built up good communication so I believe it will be vice versa from her side too. I know what you mean, lots of our friends too have walked the cheating path, but most of them unfortunately divorced meanwhile... Not a path for me,
To be more specific: I agree that cheating seldom leads to happiness and the majority of the wives/girlfriends are just not aware and a few turn a blind eye on it as the financial situation after a divorce makes it the worst option. On a different level: you can decide not to cheat to avoid hurting your loved one; because you can't deal with wrongdoing down to a level where the impact on others is irrelevant because you feel no urge at to even consider doing it. I'm somewhere at the very low levels where cognition doesn't play a role anymore. Is this more common when FLR or chastity comes into play?
I am serial monogamous primate. I devote myself completely to my BETTER half and always have. I personally do not understand why someone (unless in an open relationship) would want to. And even then none of the couples that I know that tried that lasted. I have been cheated on in the past and it felt like such a breach of (what I thought was) a mutual understanding of our commitment to one another that I was utterly crushed. I now know that someone who would do that to me doesn't respect or love me and certainly doesn't deserve my love and respect. Even sex with two women sounds both exhausting and unappealing. Besides I only have one penis. And yes I do think for males that putting a cafe on their manhood and giving up control is a positive way to show exactly how totally and completely they are committed to their BETTER half. Cheers
i think for me I had seen many friends getting divorced and finding new girlfriends. They never really seemed happy and kept dating more and more women. I think the issues they had before the divorce get dragged into their new relationships and it just seems to happen all over again. No thanks. I'll stick with what I got. After all she was my first love
Madame Belle and I were high school sweet hearts first loves, but immaturity and teenage angst broke us apart. We are luckily now happily married and I absolutely cannot imagine being as intimate as I am with her to anyone else. She is my everything. Cheers
We are both married for the second time round. We met, fell in love, and went through the fallout of divorce from our first spouses. We certainly don't we to go through that again! For me, the answer isn't necessarily monogamy, it's being open with each other. Chastity play certainly helps, but I think it's because it's a mutual interest (along with other activities) that keeps the spark going. I know it isn't for everyone but in our relationship having sex with someone else isn't cheating provided the other knows about it and with whom before it happens. As an aside, and I realise it was a typo, I am still giggling at the idea in madambellestoy's post of "a man putting a cafe on his penis". It made me think of all sorts of inappropriate things like well filled baps! Love Jane X
Pietje, all men cheat unless they are locked. I think perhaps you've failed to recognise or perhaps just overlooked instances where you have cheated or perhaps it was a grey area cheat.
Ms Amanda i cordially disagree. I have never been unfaithful. Even when I used to masturbate I was never thinking about the sex, it was always a means to an ends. Pressure relief or a way to calm the mind to sleep.
I've not cheated on my wife. And vice versa as far as I know. We've both had infatuations which didn't last long or lead to anything. I've been locked for much of the last few years, but despite me working closely with many young women, my wife likes my chastity because she gets the sort of sex she likes, when she likes. She has become much more dominant during that time, partly down to my chastity, but I've never had the impression that she doesn't trust me.
I'm not sure how being intoxicated is a reason for cheating. I know it makes a handy excuse but it is, quite frankly, a piss poor reason. If you cheat whilst drunk it is probably because you already have the morality of an alley cat. The booze only disables the common sense in you. So. Have I ever cheated? It depends on how you define a relationship. With my wife of nearly twenty years, never. Nor do I have the intention. Luckily I'm aided by becoming "podgy" and having a face like a smacked arse. I'm lucky to be with one woman, never mind many. In the past. Of course. I was a hormone fuelled arsehole of a sex mad maniac. I figured until you're together for a fortnight (arbitrary, I know) then it's not a relationship, we were just enjoying fucking each other, emotion going no further than the next set of orgasms. So during those times it was "do as I please" assuming the girl had pretty much the same idea.
I was shocked and surprised when several of my past girlfriends cheated on me. For me it wasn't so much about the cheating, but lying straight to my face. I'm pretty sure if they had they been open and honest and discussed it they could of cuckold me and I would have been fine with it. I soon realized that I couldn't trust them after the lying that was the real problem and the reason for the break up. In my FLM our contract says my wife can cuckold me if she wishes, but I doubt she ever would. The trust is total, and if she did it would not be a secret or lie.
well i think that a man that's got his willy locked up wont cheat cos if he does when he takes his trousers down the Lady who he has gone to see will see his cage and he wont be able to do nothing anyways.
Exactly: for me too it is a matter of trust, only trust allows you to build something beautiful and when trust is present you can go on a journey together with as much detours as you both wish and how you both want them.
Trust is already there, but to be perfectly honest, I think it does give her some peace of mind that it is an impossibility. It’s more like an extra, not a reason to cage it up though. If she wanted it on because she didn’t trust me, I would be very disappointed. I think she also gets a kick out of me not being able to cheat with myself. Knowing that I’m not getting myself off without her. She could and has the option to find a lover that is bigger and experience that, but I doubt she will. If so there would be no lying or secrets.
@Allen1987 I'm touched by your post. The last sentence rocks. You describe my exact feelings but you did the chastity part a lot better. Thank you. @Mascara^Snake: please define cheating. Have I been in private rooms with strippers? Yes. Have they tried to sell services? Yes. Have I been in a brothel? Yes. Do I have the cell phone numbers of quite e few women in the business? Yes. Have I ever touched anyone of them? No Does my wife know? Yes. Has she visited all those places with me at other times? Yes. Let @TheKeyIsMine12 tell the rest. I definitely entered the grey area, perhaps even the black one, but I didn't want it so I didn't do it. We once kind of double dated with extras. I ended up with a disappointed lady on the couch because I couldn't do it.
Not all. But very many will. Mine did, repeatedly, and not just on me. Not any more though: he is closed down. 100% 24/7/365.
Well cheating is definitely not something that creates my respect, but in a real world sex is used as leverage / means of pressure between partners. In cases where it became disproportional, I could understand cheating. Before starting to ask questions let me dig into the archives first. Forgiving is quite a loving and bold move.
I think couples can define their own expectations regarding exclusivity. "Cheating" is not a deal-breaker if that's not the deal you have. And even if it is, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. It can be, though, of course. Every case is different. I have never been unfaithful to my wife, in over 30 years of marriage. She travels a lot for business, and I told her once that if she wanted to accept a proposition along the way she didn't have to ask my permission. I seriously doubt that she has, since she's fundamentally very conservative in matters of the heart. But... who knows? I find the idea hot, anyway. What do you understand by "cheat"? If you mean having sex outside of marriage, I disagree. Lots of men do, and lots of women do, too; but not all men or women by any means.
Esther Perel's book, State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity Since 1990, states that the rate of married women who report they've been unfaithful has increased by 40 percent, while the rate among men has remained mostly the same
And what would be the rate for men? And for women increased 40% from what? I hope you know these figures, am very interested in these. thanks in advance, brgds Felix
I tried to post the link to the article but it claimed it was spam. If you google: "Esther Perel's book, State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity Since 1990, states that the rate of married women who report they've been unfaithful has increased by 40 percent" Then you'll find the link as the first result from a website called TheCut. It's not a great article, the general tone is if women cheat it's all men's fault but men should in no way cheat too. But it has the stats there.