What’s the breaking point?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by IB-Chaste, Jun 23, 2022.

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  1. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Long term member

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    More out of interest than anything personal going on with myself… I was wondering. What’s the breaking point? At what stage does a (naturally submissive) husband decide that sexually interests are as important as the rest of the relationship?

    If you wanted to be locked but your other half was unwilling? If your other half would hide the key but do nothing while you’re locked up. At what stage in a relationship does chastity become more important than the relationships itself?

    The thought came to me watching a random series. When a woman doesn’t want sex we know how that can be portayed… so when a man ultimately wants abstinence where is the line?

    Will apologise if this has been covered in another thread but I haven’t seen it…
     
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  2. DLockeD
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    DLockeD Member

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    cant really comment as I am single and self-locked for personal reasons. My motivations are WAY different than what would motivate a man in a real Fm or Mm chastity relationship.

    Just the same, I think each persons motivations and limits would be different. I believe that you should not force your fetish on someone else, the same as you should not force sex on your partner. If he or she is not interested, then find a way to convince them, or keep it to yourself. So then the question becomes at what point do you end the relationship because the other party will not work with your chastity fetish.

    And we are still no where close to an answer, because there are too many dynamics in relationships to boil it down to one thing. For example: would you really divorce your wife and mother of your children because she doesn't want to hold you key? what kind of selfish human does that make you? 99.9% of people would not. TONS of people have unrequited fetishes that they never even let their partner know about. So the answer I will give to the original question is: there is no breaking point. deal with it until you cant.

    Also, be careful what you wish for. you could create a monster by sparking off some long dormant spark in your partner by making the suggestion.
     
  3. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Long term member

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    Ah well here’s the point that I was making… well maybe not making but he in my head…
    If a man desires chastity. And his wife does not… and they follow up on that… where are we left? As that’s the behaviour that puts people behind bars…
    You say in your reply “convince them”… is convincing another way to coercion? Is that correct also?
     
  4. IB-Chaste
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    IB-Chaste Long term member

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    I’m not trying to be a dick… but how is it acceptable for a woman to say no but a man’s reluctance be put down as a fetish?
    Ps. I’m also very drunk right now. Considering the universe and all that jazz
     
  5. DLockeD
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    No, never coerce. You have to plant the seeds of the idea in her mind. get her to agree to the slightest part of the lifestyle. then show her why its sexy. She may take the bait and then your off to the races (careful what you wish for, style). or she doesn't, in which case you drop it.

    What im saying is, its your fetish. You cant make her like it. if she refuses to participate, then you have to decide for yourself based on all the merits of the relationship, if what you have is fragile enough to throw away just because she rejected your fetish, or if you deal with it and carry on.
     
  6. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    You have several questions here. I will address what I think your question about imbalance between the partners.

    If you are facing an imbalance, of any kind, it needs to be addressed unless it is by mutual agreement. Even chores around the house.

    If it is sexual, adding chastity will not improve things until you both talk it out and understand why the imbalance, or the perceived imbalance exists. In some cases, once understood, chastity may fit in nicely. But, you both need to understand and agree on how it fits.

    I think most men would agree that being locked up and forgotten is the worst imbalance.

    With the information given, it is difficult to know if I’m even on the right track. Please let us know.

    Your second question about abstinence is a good one.
     
  7. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Long term member

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    If the sexual relationship is otherwise healthy, active, and mutually pleasing, I would just move on. Although chastity play can be fun, if your partner just can't or won't enjoy it, it's not worth risking damage to the relationship to keep pressing the issue
     
  8. NZSenator
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    NZSenator Long term member

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    1000% this. If my wife was put off or felt negative about chastity, it'd be ended immediately.

    It's fair to say she hasn't always being enthusiastic about it, and has entertained my desires, but each time we cycle in/out of chastity she is more comfortable with it.
     
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  9. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    A man can only propose such arrangement.. its up to her if she wants to play along.. if she doesnt but dont mind if her man wishes to practise chastity, he always start by self-locking. If she cant stand the sight of such toy or that her man is locked at the penis.. he better get rid of it. The timing is just not right at the moment.. maybe next time. If she shrugs and says ok, its up to you.. but doesnt want to keep the key.. go on self locking and unlock only when she wants sex. She might get the idea.. most of the time its he who initiates and up to her to accept.. rarely does she stumble upon such device out of nowhere and declare.. ok, dear, i need to lock up your cock or else…!!
     
  10. billzboats
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    billzboats 63rd birthday

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    I agree Andy. My wife and I are still on the journey, but she is more and more willing to play along. We are an older couple and I can tell you that my wife has never had the orgasms that she has now. I like to think that by my letting go, she has been able to explore some too.
     
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  11. Slave_Of_Ukrainian
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    I think it's all about luck as is a lot of things in life and being honest and open from the start when I first met my Mistress I instantly realised she was a dominant woman so it didn't take long for me to just tell her what I wanted and liked. Although she had NEVER heard about cages she instantly became very interested and aroused by the ideas and it wasn't long after that I was locked up while she was still was still in Ukraine and I was in UK...now though I'm locked up while she is in UK with me and I have NEVER been happier !! Just be honest.
     
  12. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    So now both of you are together..? Congrats.. i hope she will be receptive to your silent gestures in making her more dominant in bed and in life.. ukraine women are such goddesses.. wuu..
     
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  13. Slave_Of_Ukrainian
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    She Is very dominant in all aspects of life...she loves the cage and using her cane on me !! Life is perfect and yes Ukrainian woman are goddesses , beautiful, slim and very classy !! Im so glad I looked east and found her.
     
  14. shieldingmatrix
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    shieldingmatrix Junior Member

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    I my first marriage, her vanilla nature and disinterest in chastity was the least of our issues. But in our case it was also symptom of the greater failure of our relationship.
     
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  15. Slave_Of_Ukrainian
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    If your not happy it's always best to leave...so many people stay as it's the easy thing to do... generally money plays a big part in the decision but the is way more to life than money !!
     
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  16. shieldingmatrix
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    shieldingmatrix Junior Member

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    There's a long story here that I won't tell, but after a lot of effort on my part and a lot of negative energy on hers, therapy, both couples, and after she quit, individual for me alone, I concluded that I needed to leave. She was having none of it and basically demanded that I stay, and stop annoying her with my "selfish" demands, which were that we have a full personal and sexual relationship in which we showed each other mutual respect. This was not a demand by me for kinkyness, this was for an adult marriage of partners and equals. She was not prepared to have this kind of relationship.

    I left, found my second wife, introduced her to male chastity, and we have been having a wonderful life ever since.

    But I agree that there is a point where relationships can become untenable, and even though it is fantastically hard to split up, deal with kid issues and all the rest, there does come a point where the suffering inside the relationship is greater than the suffering created by its dissolution.
     
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  17. madams-sissysub
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    I agree,
     
  18. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I would say the breaking point depends on what kind of relationship you have.

    If I was married for twenty years and then unloaded a bunch of kink on my wife, expecting her to like it or lump it, I would say that wouldn’t go over well. I would do a risk vs reward equation in my mind, and probably try to salvage what I could, compromise, and put the kink behind me. Suffer in silence in a wonderful relationship that just doesn’t share my kinks.

    If my partner knew all about my kinks, turn ons, fetish’s, and was fine with it and then decided down the road that she doesn’t want to participate anymore…it might be a time to go. At least for me.

    You see, this is fairly close to my actual life, my current wife was my girlfriend that entrusted with all my secrets, kinks, and everything. We started chastity right away, and it’s a fundamental part of our relationship. For her to suddenly not want to participate with that aspect of our relationship, I would take to mean she isn’t accepting of me. This is who and what I am, she has been aware and actively participated, if she isn’t into this then she’s not really into me.

    I could no more grow a tail, than I could ignore my desire and needs. It’s who I am. I can’t change my stripes. Life is too short to be miserable for most of it.
     
  19. HusbandX
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    HusbandX Long term member

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    There is something deeply disingenuous about begging, "Enslave me, place me in chastity. Demand that I worship you and obey you. Require me to hang on your every word, and if you don't, do exactly as I'm telling you to do, I'll leave you and find someone else who can dominate me."

    If you want her to be in charge, then what she wants is all that really matters.

    If you want to be in chastity, and she doesn't want to participate, what's stopping you from locking yourself up?

    "Deny me, or I'll leave you," has a psychotic streak that would take hours to dissect. The fine point, however, is that the words are a lie; what is actually communicated is quite the opposite: "Obey me and do my bidding, or I will leave you. Play-act as though I am submitting to you, though we both know that in reality it is me telling you what to do, and you doing the obeying, under threat and coercion. Do this, or I shall replace you. But pretend you're doing it to me, okay?"

    The question mark is rhetorical.
     
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