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We’re on the road to…

Discussion in 'The Vault' started by Anonoman, Jul 22, 2017.

  1. Update! Thought I’d start a new thread as things have just changed – quite significantly! As you may have read, I’d written my wife an email as I thought it would be easier to read and take in, rather than me saying something without thinking it through and/or making a hash of explaining it. Anyway, I finally sent it, well, a slightly shortened version. It was received surprisingly well. So much so that on Friday she phoned me to tell me to go and put it on! That was at 3pm and I did and gave her the keys. It’s now just over 29 hrs later and I’ve only had it off for 10 mins for a wash. I don’t know how long this will go on for – I said it’s up to her!

    The down sides are that my wife hasn’t exactly hidden the keys and has put them in a pot in the kitchen. My wife has also 100% completely ignored the fact I have it on. Sorry, not quite true, the only time it’s been mentioned was a question as to how I can go to the toilet. No conversation, questions, touches….nothing. I did ask if she has read any of the book I’d given her “A woman’s guide to male chastity” but unfortunately not. Humm. I have to be realistic and it’s never going to be the fantasy that we all dream about but I do hope we at least start talking about it. She must have some questions!

    We’ve been out to the shops and visiting friends, things I hadn’t really considered doing before in chastity. All went OK.
    I thought she might ask if I was comfortable wearing it out. Or if it was physically comfortable at all.

    Going to carry on with complete patience and see if any interest develops.
    Mash2214 and CagedAnimal2 like this.
  2. Just remember that you're the one wearing a chastity device, not her. You always feel it, you always know it's there. It's not the same for her.

    Also, women can be deceptively silent about things that they're actually thinking about. My wife was quite excited about me wearing my device at first, but never said a word until much later. Until she spoke up, I figured she had zero interest in it; all the while she loved it and found it to be a big turn on.

    Just be patient. If she acted positively about it after your email, then there's probably something about it she likes and just hasn't felt ready to express it to you yet.
    Mash2214 likes this.
  3. Yeh, your right! Also she can see I'm serious...
  4. Do not despair. It is going like it usually does. Only in porn stories does a loving wife become a dominatrix overnight. The reality is different. Same happend to me. I found a great letter online and modified it. It moved my wife to want to try chastity with me. However she did not start getting serious about being my keyholder for a few months. Then again it took me months to get used to my devices for 24/7 wear. I needed the key because I was locking and unlocking a few times each day until I could go all day and night locked up in comfort. Take baby steps. Get her used to one small thing at a time. It took a few years until my wife lost the last of her guilt for denying me an orgasm. Only in year 5 is she very comfortable as a strict keyholder. In fact, she was just sitting on my lap teasing me because I am going to perform oral on her before she turns 65 tomorrow. My wife cannot imagine our sex life like it was before. At the beginning she called sex without my orgasm, fake sex. Now it is just sex. Go slow and you will get there. Most of all know that fantasy usually does not transfer into reality 100%.
    Mark Owen likes this.
  5. Just like Vinny said, it is going how it normally goes. Just take it easy and enjoy the ride.
  6. I also purchased my wife keyholders guide . It's been about one year now and it's still going slow. I have been very much a self locker as she showed little interest, honor system for bathing, I make it a point to kneel for her, I make it a point to present myself for inspection twice a day plus a photo daily from work, sometimes in risky places, share tease pics from Tumblr. As well as spoiling and babying her. Her guilt for corpral punishment is beginning to fade and her smile any time I do these things has become intoxicating. Many arguments it took to get here. I already had ideas and fantasies and knowledge from in depth research on the subject. Her pace is her pace. We are growing together. But no faster than that.
  7. Thanks for all the encouragement!

    This morning I took my chance and asked her how she was finding it and got the straight reply that she hadn’t really thought about it much as she had been really tired all day Saturday. My wife then volunteered that she needed to read the book. This made me feel a lot better, a genuine reason and not just she didn’t want anything to do with it. I talked some more about how it was for her to control and that I wouldn’t be trying to ‘top from the bottom’. How I hoped it would put her more at ease and, as I’m not allowed (as I put in my email) to make any reference to wanting an ‘O’ or sex, then there was to be no pressure or guilt at all. I said that, in fact, I did in a funny way hope that she’d want me to pleasure her but get nothing in return.

    As I type this I’ve been locked up for just short of 54 hours and have only been released (when I asked) for 10 mins for a wash on Saturday. I had a shower with it on this morning. We had another conversation just before; my wife tried to give me the keys back so I could take it off before leaving for work in the morning. I, as politely as I could, requested that she gave them back to me in the morning as that would leave me unlocked all evening and night. I did also mention that would leave me open to too much open to temptation….

    I have to say it doesn’t still feel very real yet, a bit like being tied up but knowing that ‘one’ could wriggle free and the gag could be pushed out/off. I think as my wife has shown no authority as yet. Also the cage feels a bit flimsy. Anyway, my wife has just gone up to bed and has said she’s going to start reading! Wonder how (if) this will effect things… ?!
    Mark Owen likes this.
  8. It took my Wife months before she fully took control and understood why this lifestyle was so positive. Months!

    When it clicked into place there was no stopping her, but until it did I was never sure how into it she was. Now there is absolutely no doubt at all. I had to completely let go and let her be the one in charge. And she still doesn't hide the keys. Her attitude is if I want out, go for it, but that ends all play for good. Needless to say I leave the keys alone!
    Mash2214 likes this.
  9. The whole be careful what you wish for slogan is cliche but true.

    It's more than likely you are feeling excited, and happy that your wife has agreed to try this with you. The reality of it eventually hits, which is also exhilarating. At some point several realities will start to give you pause.

    I might not ever masturbate again...ever.
    I might wear this thing...forever.
    I might need to sit to pee...forever.
    Here is nothing stopping her from eliminating my orgasms all together.
    And even if you aren't as good with this as you thought you would be, she may not want to go back...ever.

    Good luck with your journey, and enjoy the uncertainty...which once started on this path, is the only thing certain.
  10. My wife has made it quite clear she does not want to go back :)
    Mash2214 likes this.
  11. Nicoftime is spot on - be very careful what you wish for! Your wife sounds just like mine a year ago. This chastity thing of mine was just that; mine. She was curious, but didn't own it. I've gradually over the last 12 months fully explained how I feel and why I feel I need her control (a chronic masturbator with an unlocked cock is like an alcoholic running a pub...) and she's warmed to it bit by bit.

    You'll know when it happens. For me, it was confirmed last night. We sat and watched a film - popcorn and nibbles, open fire...just the right mood, and it was only just turned 10pm - and then she says "right, I'm going to have a shower". Now that's code for 'I'll be warming your ears with my thighs in 10 minutes' in our house, so I ran around and locked the house up (its a big house...) while she went upstairs.

    I get to the bedroom, and she in bed. "I'm too tired for a shower" she announced. "But I've been locked since last Monday and you promised 2 days ago and changed your mind..." "Do you need to take it off because you're sore?" She asked. "Err..no." "Well another night won't hurt you then. Night."

    Yes, it would appear that She's into this chastity thing now. Be very careful what you wish for...
    Mash2214 likes this.
  12. @Nicoftime@Nicoftime has a nail on the head moment! I've never been through the worrying about sitting down to pee thing, I actually like that. Both the realisation that I was never going to masturbate again without my Wife's permission and the realisation that I was probably going to wear a chastity device for the rest of my life were powerful moments.

    Although chastity wasn't my inspiration for wearing a device the power and control I handed to my Wife with the keys has resulted in her thoroughly enjoying the affects of my chastity. There is no going back, for either of us.

    The amazing thing is everyone who does this successfully as part of a heterosexual couple has a woman who takes control and decides what direction she wants to take it in. It doesn't matter what the initial fantasy was, or what the male in this wanted. My Wife has taken us into a mild but firm FLR with periods of denial that are usually at least two months long. She is the only one allowed to instigate or suggest sexual interaction.

    All of this took time. She is still learning, still developing, still exploring, and we have now been doing this since October 2015. The times we nearly failed were when I had a brain fart and tried to rush things or tried to push her in a particular direction. Truly giving her control was a hard but necessary step.
    Mash2214 and For69 like this.
  13. Well, Monday morning I got a phone call at work to tell me to make sure I wasn’t playing with myself! And when I got home, after standing around for about 10mins I got a finger pointed vaguely towards my trousers and told that I better go and put my ‘thing’ on.

    This morning my wife took it off for me before I left for work but when I got home she’d had a long day so I took the initiative and I put it back on and gave her the key. Sort of had the feeling that it was one more little thing she didn’t want to have to deal with.

    We did have a chat Monday night and agreed that it wasn’t going to be a life style choice, but something we could pick-up and put down. I’ve been locked (apart from at work) since 3pm Friday and really enjoying it - I actually look forward to coming home from work so I can be locked up! (Life style choice?!) However do I really like to ‘switch’ in the bedroom, as far as my wife wishes to go, which sadly isn’t very far...

    Quick fantasy: I’d stand her facing our bed and tie her ankles to the bed legs. I’d slip a leather mono-glove over her arms and lace it up tightly. Next would go on a posture collar and ball gag harness with a transparent panel. I’d then bend her over and tie the bottom of the mono-glove to the beam above. Next I’d subject her ample breast to some rope bondage and fit nipple clamps with little weights. Finally I’d kneel and pleasure her with my tong before holding her by her hips and thrusting hard and fast into her from behind. I’ve got to stop now anyway, my cock is so hard in its cage it’s getting painful!

    But back to the chastity, sadly it still feels like solo play and knowing I can simply get the key. I don’t actually know where it is, but there is no realism or power play yet. I get a bit more excited thinking we haven’t sent an end date but that’s it. I’d originally mentioned a week to 10 days to sort of ‘set the scene’. i.e. so I wasn’t proposing to only play once we’d gone to bed, or at most over a whole evening. I don’t want to rush things, but I’m thinking about say that I’m happy to ignore the original time frame and just play until she decides to stop… but remembering we’d agreed it was not a life style choice!
    Mash2214 likes this.
  14. Just take it slow and let her develop at her own pace, which will be something like 1/100th of the pace you would like.

    Right at the start of our development my Wife said that no way was this going to be a 24/7 lifestyle choice. That is exactly what it has become. 24/7/365. There was no trick, we just took things at her pace and she developed this the way she wanted to. We had been doing it several months before she let me read Georgia Ivey Green's How to set up an FLR to her, and she read her Keyholder guide to herself. She had to have a grounding in the basics of this lifestyle before the books made any sense to her.

    So, are you 100% sure this is what you want? There could come a time when you realise that this is now firmly under her control and there is no going back.
    Mash2214 and gary170 like this.
  15. Quick update from my phone so please excuse spelling!
    Last night my wife said she thought she was due to start on her time of the month and I replied that it looked like the game had just got longer. She thought we better prospone my locking else it would go on too long and become 'normal'. I said only become normal if I was just told to lock and unlock, same as putting on trousers. A little teasing and denial would make it fine for me! I said not to feel guilt as it was my idea and I'd asked her to play. Seemed to accept that OK.
    Later in bed we kissed and I asked if she'd like to be pleasured and reiterated that I had no expectation to be unlocked. She replied it would be rude to say no... Wow! She seemed to really enjoy it and gave me plenty of encouragement. I was rock hard in my cage from the first kiss onwards. After she asked if I would be able to get to sleep OK, I replied yes (!), but i was still rock hard and twitching. She snuggled up and went to sleep. Well... that was intense!
    Mark Owen, 1mlockedup and Mash2214 like this.
  16. sounds like things are going good. Don't rush her, let her find her own feet on this and you'll do well.
  17. Lots of women go through a guilt phase where they feel it is unfair to receive without reciprocation. They have to get to a stage where they realise that tease and denial is potentially as fun for both of you as it can be when allowing you to have an orgasm. They then need to see that when you are allowed an orgasm it is more intense for you after a period of denial. The final piece of the puzzle is when they see how you respond to them during a period of denial, how it is also intensified.

    This can only happen with them experiencing each of these phenomena over a period of time. You will be in effect training her (subtly, not by cheating or faking anything, simply by being yourself.) it is critical in fact that you don't cheat during this period as she could doubt that what you are doing is real or worth her effort.
  18. Keep patient no matter what. It will take time to develop just as you have shown here. It will be a lot of baby steps and will naturally develop into something that will work for you as a couple.
    gary170 likes this.
  19. It's odd, I can't remember the exact time that it clicked that sex was her having an orgasm, but when it did, she didn't look back.

    I think it might have to do with morning or nightly oral that I give, doing that often enough and reciprocating takes a back seat.

    Good luck sounds like you are on your way to something.
    gary170 and ineverknew like this.
  20. Your journey seems to be developing well. The reaction of your wife is like others have said normal. A woman's mind works different than our does, that's a proven fact. Just because we're thinking about sex and our selves being locked doesn't mean that they are. Communication with her is Very important and like I've said before. If you can show her that you being Lockedup is a benifit to her your chance of getting what you want will increases. Patience isn't always the easiest thing to have but it's required.
    ineverknew likes this.
  21. Sorry this isn’t very well written; it's a bit of a brain dump, hope I make the point I’m trying too…

    I’m hoping that our journey does really helps our marriage. Over the years the pressures of life have built up and we’ve slowly stopped communicating about ‘us’. Also we never did talk much about sex and it’s only got worse. My wife had started using the term like ‘to put out’ for me. Sometimes she’d drop a hint that we’d have sex the following night, then I almost felt she’d deliberately be in a bad mood the following day so we didn’t. I used to get frustrated and twisted-up in side as I felt I couldn’t talk openly about sex and her and my feelings as it would only make things worse - and my wife feeling more guilty. I started to watch too much porn and also found that it was turning me on less and less so I’d have to find something kinkier. I was starting to run out of kink. A few weeks ago I even googled porn addiction and how to recognise and treat it.

    As some of you will have read, I started playing ‘solo’ with a homemade time lock safe. I’ve struggled to have some kinky play time, as I just don’t get the privacy at home for solo play, so this was something I could indulge in without my wife knowing. Well… it was great. A massive turn on. Closing that safe and knowing I couldn’t get the keys back until the morning was amazing. I started fantasising it was my wife keeping me in chastity and using me as her sex slave. But I also started to worry, we’re predominantly in separate beds as my wife is feeding our youngest but soon I’m hoping to be back in our room with her. Then I wouldn’t be able to play. I hatched a plan and so far it’s turned out OK!

    Back to our marriage; I’m hoping that this will force us to start talking. We’ve certainly talked more about sex in the last week than we have for years. I’ve said I understand that my wife is tired and has a low sex drive at the moment, which is completely understandably given the circumstances (it always has been lower than mine), but we can turn that around to our advantage by her holding my key. Also, if she enjoys the play, even if it’s not sexual but about power play to her, then maybe there will be more teasing and touching and even romance as a result. Now if I put my arm around her on the sofa she knows it’s not me trying to initiate sex and she doesn’t need to get grumpy with me to tell me to ‘back-off’.
  22. Communicating can be difficult and sometimes even painful. For what it's worth, I think it's more important to communicate about intimacy than sex. Maybe try to open that door and see where it leads. You could ask her what gives her that sense of intimacy other than sex and maybe think about the same thing yourself.
    What's most difficult about intimacy is that it requires vulnerability which means that it also requires immense trust and that can only be built over time. I'd encourage you to explore those thoughts and communicate them to your wife. One thing I know is that showing vulnerability and openness with your partner will often help them do so, as well. It might take a long time for them to also open up, but it often only takes patience and persistence to reap the benefit.
    For instance, you could tell her that you really enjoy the feeling of closeness when she lets you put your arm around her and that you'd like to be able to do that more often. That would give her the opportunity to tell you how it makes her feel when you do that, but it would also give both of you the opportunity to acknowledge each other's feelings and perhaps discuss how to be on the same page.
    And it's really tough to stay non-sexual when your feel really close and intimate. So, you know, that's a bonus. ;)

    I know this is your thread, but I'm really just shouting into the void here since I don't really know you. So, sorry if none of this is helpful. Maybe it will be for someone out there.
    NsToy likes this.
  23. Not at all and thanks for your reply. My wife has never been good at opening up, I'm probably the more open and will talk about feelings more. I'm quite a typical male with an additional British 'stiff upper lip' so that's saying something! Being open and talking about vunerability, submissiveness and chastity has helped. I know I've missed intermisy there but one step at a time!
    Living Curious likes this.
  24. Good communication, extreme patience, and being very attentive are all keys towards you goal.
    ineverknew likes this.
  25. New update, again on my phone so please excuse spelling...
    I was asked to be locked on Friday afernoon. Sunday night I got a chance to pleasure my wife so really went for it. Spent ages (for us!) working my way down with my fingers and was getting a lot of vocal encouragement. Even got a finger working around her anus and wasn't told to not to go there. I was concentrating so much I was aware that I wasn't getting particularly hard in my cage. I was then told in no uncertain terms that she wanted me to enter her and really give it to her. I then started to get performance anxieties... and it got even worse.
    When I finally calmed down and was able to do as asked I lasted all of about 5 seconds. Bit disappointed!