So my wife and I have been playing around and dipping our toes into chastity for a while. We've gone all the way to buying a long-term device and her creating a game based on playing cards that will add to it. We're having an issue going into a long term play though based on her wanting to fuck after we have a play session or based on her not feeling she's "living up to my fantasy" Has anyone else had an issue moving from short term (1-3 day) play into the full thing? What was the clincher that gave your KH the confidence to assure their sub doesn't top from the bottom? What kept the KH into it? Any help would be fantastic. If you need any ideas on what we've tried, I'll be happy to tell you.
Pleasures that you already have with your wife are so amazing that you should stop, absolutely stop seeking/pressing for anything more, which would mean less satisfaction, less pleasure, less fuck for your wife. You should think only about her needs, having achieved pleasures of chastity that most of us could only dream about. Be careful not to damage what you have in your love. Now her needs are first to be respected.
Its not an easy thing to do. Your partner will always want to provide you with pleasure, because that's how we've been programmed. Teach her to say "No", just because your wife got to orgasm, doesn't mean that you should. Let her know that you'll be more considerate, attentive to her needs if you are locked.... and then hope that one day she'll let you out again. Remember the mantra - Be careful what you wish for
She should get as much of you as she wants. The only thing she needs to learn is that you don’t want sex/orgasm as her duty rather when she wants it. Keep it simple: you stay locked, no masturbation and she unlocks you whenever SHE wants.
1- if she's into the chastity thing for you, and into having PIV often, that's fine, and you can still enjoy chastity! 1a- find out if PIV is the only thing that gets her off. 1b- find out for sure if a substitute penis in the form of a dildo would still get her off. Some women don't enjoy a dildo.... 1c- find out if she would be okay with foregoing PIV from time to time and working together with you to find other methods of reaching the same pleasure. 2- let her know that you are interested in her, and having sex with her! 2a- express to her that you would like the chastity experience, and it could be that she keeps you locked except for sex? a good first place to start... 2b- express to her that for you to get something out of the chastity that sometimes you need to be denied, even if she's in the mood, and that perhaps there can be other ways of making sure she's pleasured while you are denied. 3- help her find what she can get out of your being in chastity. Not just about your being attentive or things like that.. but to be open to discovering how she can/does feel about the times when she does get off and you don't. .,.,.,.,.,. Sheesh.... there's just too much to mention on the subject!!! The point I'm trying to make is have fun, help her find the fun, keep her satisfied - even if all your dreams/fantasies about chastity aren't fulfilled. The two of you need to find the middle of what will mean the most and do the most for each other. Not just your dream of something, and not just hers the same. In a perfect situation, everything just clicks and you both get what you want/need out of everything. Not likely to suddenly have that! May never have all the things you both want... Find the middle where you are both content and happy! Good luck!
@amvetsb - I can't stress #2 enough! At the moment, this is the only thing stopping me from being more engaged in chastity play with my husband. His lack of interest - which he presents as him submitting to my wishes (i.e. he's happy for me to want or not want intimacy but he doesn't do ANYTHING to show me he wants any intimate interaction with me) - is killing what we've built up so far. And when I try talking to him about it he gets upset and tells me he's trying his hardest, etc. But there's no evidence that he is. An occasional 'you look nice' and an obligatory morning peck on the lips don't amount to evidence; the rest is up to me and, frankly, I'm almost done trying.
I try and engage in more passion. Each kiss counts, embracing and touching her as often as I can with lots of expressions of love too. It can be a fine line though not being too over bearing or needy. Keeping up discussion and open communication though is critical
You can be locked 24/7 and she can let you out to fuck as often as she likes. Your big-O doesn't have to be a part of that. You will both learn to recieve satisfaction from her orgasms.
As others have indicated, enjoy what you have, make your focus on her, remind her how important she is to you by word and deed, encourage her to use you as she sees fit, and explain how you being in chastity for her is a way to signal your commitment to her, her needs, and her desires. Good luck and enjoy.
As sort of been said already, you need to find out why she wants sex so often. My wife initially wanted it often because she felt it was her duty not that she wanted it or enjoyed it that often. If this is the case you need to discuss that this is not a requirement. It will take a while for her to gain comfort in not giving you sex when she knows you are horny. The second thing that might be happening is she really wants the sex because she likes the results of the cage and is enjoying the sex. If this is the case have sex with her and satisfy her the best you can whenever she wants it. She should not have to give up anything. I can tell when my wife is doing her duty versus when she really wants sex. You might want to read how your wife is reacting with this sex. If you really know your wife you can probably figure it out.
A healthy relationship should include some form of intimacy, otherwise, you're living with a pen-pal or something. When two people have an interest, spend time together, date, court, commit, get married and then stay together, no matter what other dynamics evolve or change, that interest should stick around, without it, why stay together? There may be compelling reasons, but even with a reason to stay with someone that you aren't interested in, there's still got to be something to unite a couple or odds are there's enough to drive them apart... *sigh....
If you're locked up for a while you can be needy ;-) what was really helpful for us, is having fun and also make occasional joked about me beeing locked in a cage. Because it is not something that people consider normal and we do they same..having fun and beeing in chastity is great. Sometimes I just say "I know I am needy, but I can't resist... I love you..." Of course only if you really do. As someone wrote FLR is on top of a (good) relationship, make her feel like she is the only woman in the world. Because she should be so and she deserves nothing less. Piet
I'm with you. My wife and I had a really good long talk about what we both kind of want. I think we both get so excited but when the other doesn't act exactly like we imagine, we kind of lose it, so we're making it a sort of goal to be able to do it long enough to find out what we both want out of it. It's a give and take, and I imagine quite a big undertaking for the keyholder. I'm sorry for the breakdown between you and your husband. If you find a path through that rift, let me know!
We have a contract which is written by her and each point get scored at the end of the week. She is allowed to weight certain points which are very important for her and they count double. This allows us to check it I met her expectations and is also a very good ressource for talking about our FLR. Maybe this will also help you? Still giving her lots of attention will create magic effects... Just give and give and give and suddenly you will see what may come big is more than you have thought before.
This is not actually a problem. If your Mistress is so turned on by your locked up penis that She wants intercourse, that is actually amazing. So much of the "fantasy" is built upon impossibly long lock ups, when it's really about Her enjoyment of it and, as a sub, we joyously go along for the ride. As a practical piece of advice, ask that She put the orgasm on a calendar (and stick to it). The card game turns it into chance, the calendar makes it Her choice and gives Y/you both something to look forward to immensely on that day.
What do you mean with "wanting to fuck", like PIV and is it important for her that you get an orgasm? I always suffer from the mood drop, which happens after having an orgasm. Is this what you "fear", when she wants to "fuck" (ugly word).