Very very late 2022 Locktober recap…

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by bknd90, Dec 18, 2022.

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  1. bknd90
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    bknd90 Stella's Paradyce

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    Been a bit MIA… I got very fatigued with life during Locktober-November… I recognize that I’ve been solely relying on my kinks/fetishes as my only avenue of stress relief… It has started to make me feel empty inside whenever I can’t indulge in these kinks/fetishes - I really did to do a better job of balancing my other hobbies - video games, hanging vanilla friends, reading, studying, sports, etc.

    I would consider this my first real Locktober as last I was still very new/inexperienced... I was hoping that this Locktober would be my first real experience which ultimately I failed....

    My locktober started with anxious excitement but ended with uninspiring motivation… ultimately my personal life stressors/depression affected my overall locktober experience… I did experience some extreme ends of the spectrum of emotion/lust - ranging from things you wouldn’t believe I did/feel… to mundane/boredom…. The wave of stress and other personal factors was a catalyst for feeling these rollercoasters of emotions.

    I did take pictures of daily verifications for week 4 of locktober but honestly, I got really disinterested in posting it...

    Even though I failed Locktober…I certainly learned a lot about myself during this loctkober that I haven’t experienced before wearing my cage...

    • Longer time wearing cage without taking off for cage – unlocking to clean only once a week rather than every day. I developed a system in which to clean myself without taking off of the cage. This is a positive as one of my hesitations about giving someone my key was the ability to adapt to longer/infrequent releases.
    • I have developed the ability to sleep in my cage without taking it off. A few times a night however my balls would get caught/pinched in the base of the ring (so so so painful)… but still I wouldn’t remove my cage and I learned how to correct myself while sleeping with the cage on. Before being able to sleep with the cage, I would take it off at night and put it back in the morning or I was only able to sleep with it on for 1-2 days over the weekend. Still need to find a way to adjust to my very horny morning wood…
    • Wearing my cage to work and being more efficient with using the bathroom. Thankfully the metal cage I have has a good amount of opening at the top which also me to urinate pretty easily without having to even use a qtip.
    • I certainly felt throughout Locktober that my craving for submission/humiliation definitely reached a new/interesting high peak. I kinda felt the same energy that I did when I wore my chastity cage for the first time a year ago…

    So yeah I got some good insight/growth in a positive direction... but I felt that I had an overall much more negative experience based on the perceived hype that I went into Locktober…

    • As my horniess increased, my self-control of singing decreased as I got into a really bad habit of leaking/edging in my cage due to - this was one of the reasons why my sails started to stop… I started getting into a deep dive into porn which made me edge a lot in my cage… I had serval leaks throughout Locktober which left me demoralized…
    • Wasn’t able to do any anal/dildo training - I was able to do a little bit… but not certainly not enough…
    • Losing general interest/motivation – I recognized that I wasn’t sure what my goal/target was… I was just doing Locktober just to do it… and ultimately not having a set boundary/point really made me lose my enthusiasm and question my overall motivation for my chastity relationship (another day/another post)...

    So… yeah… I kinda failed locktober… I had a lot of inorganic momentum that I developed in September that I was hoping would carry me throughout October… however by the second week, my reliance, unfortunately, became fleeting…

    But now that I think about it… did I really fail? I mean I don’t even know what I was trying to achieve - was I trying not to cum this whole month? Was I trying to see how long I could wear my cage without removing it for cleaning? Or was it for another purpose… hmmm…

    I think this was the problem as I did set a specific goal… I was kinda just winging it…. I had a lot of momentum honestly in September (I actually had to force my energy into this creating this mistime due to personal life factors…) but something at the moment that was inorganic didn’t fully translate to an organic reason/expectation on why I wanted to do locktober…

    ATM/rn – I’m back into chastity and trying not to cum until New Years day… I hope to refocus/adjust my relationship of chastity… and maybe look into finding a dedicated/interactive keyholder for 2023…

    Stella
     

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