Unveiling my chastity desire to GF (26). Asking for advise.

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by Peter van der Plas, Jul 31, 2020 at 9:01 AM.

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  1. Peter van der Plas
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    Peter van der Plas New member

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    Hi everyone,

    I'm Peter, 29 years old and I work in the real-estate business. I'm new to CM and very new to the world of chastity, but BDSM has always been an important part of my sexual desires. However my GF is relatively vanilla and does not know anything about my fetishes. We have been together for 7 years, living together since 2 years.

    I have been indulging in toys like buttplugs and nipple clams which over the years progressed into wearing lingerie when possible and using dildo's. I've been hiding this from my GF, but in the meantime our (vanilla) sex life has been great. I know she is open-minded, however I think that me confessing to all of the above and explaining my submissive desires is going to be a little bit too much for her.

    But, a few days ago an opportunity arose. My GF left for a vacation abroad with her friends and she's away for two weeks. In line of my fetishes above I've obviously drawn my attention to chastity and when my GF left on Monday I finally ordered a chastity device (CB6000S). Now I told my GF yesterday that I thought it would be a fun challenge for me/us if I could withhold my orgasms for two weeks until she comes back home, and thus have build up an enormous sexual desire for her, which would lead to great 'welcome home' sex. She obviously pointed out that she could then make me orgasm within seconds with only the help of her finger tips (a plan she seemed to enjoy). I asked for her help throughout these two weeks and she's happy to support me 'not orgasming'. A few days in now and she's been asking me how I'm holding on (she knows I normally either masturbate or have sex with her every 2/3 days), and I've been telling her its not easy but I feel motivated to succeed. Now here comes the opportunity. My plan is to tell her (somewhere in the next few days) that I've been searching for advise on the matter online and that I found 'something called a chastity device' (making it look like I've never heard of it before but it sounded like it could help me in this challenge).

    From there on I have a few options I would like to ask you all for advise on, maybe from your own similar experiences?:

    A) I tell her about 'something called a chastity device' and say that I might want to order it and ask if she thinks thats a good idea
    B) I tell her that I have already ordered it and that its being delivered today
    C) I tell her that I have already ordered it and just put it on for the first time and that its actually pretty comfortable

    Hopefully the outcome of this will be that she's accepting the chastity device for this challenge and that when she comes home I try to tell her in a subtle manner that I could wear it more often if she's okay with that and she could hold the key sometimes as that would create even more build up of sexual desires towards her.

    Oh and by the way, I'm just wearing a chastity device for the first time and slept with it last night (approaching the 24hour mark now). It was a hard night (pun intended) but I'm very proud I managed;)

    Thank you all for taking the time to read into my situation and I would love to hear about your experiences and/or advise.

    ;) Peter
     
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  2. Cumschot
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    Cumschot Active member

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  3. Anonoman
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    Anonoman Active member

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    I think it depends on how receptive you think she might be. Have you introduced any other toys or ‘light’ bondage play? I tried to do this from the start when I was dating my wife. I can only really advise that you don’t get caught up in the excitement and jump in too fast. I.e. I think waiting for her to return with it locked on is a very high risk plan o_O
     
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  4. Peter van der Plas
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    Peter van der Plas New member

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    Thanks for your reply! We have talked about the introduction of buttplugs in our sexlife but only from the perspective that it would be for her anal pleasure. She did make a joke right away that "if I do it, you should do it too;)" but I was too afraid to go with it as I thought she might find out that I actually like that. Anyway, thanks for your advise, I agree it might be too high risk to 'jump in too fast'
     
  5. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    I think you should tell her nothing that's an untruth.

    Just be matter of fact: "You know how I like delaying my orgasm? Well I got this sex toy. What do you think?"
     
  6. Peter van der Plas
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    Peter van der Plas New member

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    Thanks! That actually makes a lot of sense
     
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  7. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    If you think about just the practical implications, it's probably a bigger thing for you than for her, so that should be your attitude going in.
     
  8. MissyB
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    MissyB Active member

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    I would go with honest approach. It seems safer to me on several levels. If she was okay with you delaying your orgasms until she returned, it seems possible she'd enjoy some chastity play for you. Good luck and enjoy.
     
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  9. HappilyLockedMan
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    HappilyLockedMan Active member

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    I hid my many kinky desires from my girlfriend, who then became my wife. Actually, I brought them up,but when she responded kind of negatively I didn't pursue it. This was a big mistake that I urge you not to make.

    Your post was about chastity but obviously you have a lot of kinky thoughts.

    Keeping my kinky desires secret was destructive to our relationship. It kept me from being close to her. I stayed in the closet because I was ashamed of what turned me on. I wanted her to accept my kinks but I didn't accept them myself. That was asking too much of her. I first had to accept myself. Then I could ask her to accept me. All of me.

    You've been living together for 2 years and living a secret life. I know so well what that is like and I know it's bad. If you're like me you haven't been open with your girlfriend because your ashamed of yourself and because you're afraid that if you're honest with her, really honest, your relationship will end. It's possible it will end but that would be better than living a lifetime of lies.

    I urge you to find a therapist who will help you understand and accept your desires. It's possible that when they're in the open they will lose some of the power they have over you now. I'm not suggesting that your kinky desires will, or should, go away but if you can talk and joke about them with your girlfriend your life will be better.
     
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  10. Peter van der Plas
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    Peter van der Plas New member

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    Many thanks for sharing your personal experience! I feel the same like you describe so I will take note.
     
  11. Peter van der Plas
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    Peter van der Plas New member

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    Thank you MissyB. That's an encouraging answer. I feel honesty is always the better approach, but not the easiest.
     
  12. Peter van der Plas
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    Peter van der Plas New member

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    Wanted to express how much confidence it gives me that everyone here on CM is so supportive and honest. First experience ever for me talking about this part of my life with anyone, and it is already helping me a lot. I will keep you informed on the progress regarding this situation, and I feel very eager to become an active member here as it feels great to talk with like minded people. Thanks P;)
     
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  13. rwpLocked
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    There is a book on Amazon called "Locked in Love" by Key Barrett that explores a two week chastity experiment from a very vanilla perspective of improving intimacy in a relationship.

    It's a quick read, and it might be a conversation starter (or even something to follow along with). Though chastity was not new in my relationship, the book did give my wife some valuable insights and marked a turning point in our play/lifestyle.

    Above all be patient and don't try to manipulate her. Good luck.
     
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  14. Jessica Alexander
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    Jessica Alexander Trans woman not a mistress or Dom

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    Just keep it simple and don’t dump 10 years of fantasy on her. Tell her you simply want her to control your orgasms so that they are all for her. She gets access any time she wants and let it evolve from there. You can even start it as a game that lasts a weekend or a week rather than a lifestyle. Let her know there is no right or wrong way to do this but only her way. Don’t burden her with your expectations and added obligations for her.
     
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  15. SubSnuggler
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    Start slow and NO HIDING stuff. If she asks, answer honestly.

    My advice would be to wait for a time that's a bit less hormone fueled and ask her to let you unburden a bit. If she agrees and is receptive, leave all the pornhub/femdom/spank fuel out of it and just tell her you have this kink you want to explore with her. But then leave it ALONE.

    Let her approach it on her own time, no pressure. She has to want to enjoy it for you, for her, and for you together. It might not ever happen, and maybe it will. But if you come out of left field with all these weird kinks all at once it will be a hard stop, maybe forever.
     
  16. amvetsb
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    I agree with the 'honest approach'.
    Since she's already expressed an interest in supporting your denial while she's away, and that she had a prompt reply to your welcome home where she could make you orgasm with a touch of a finger, she's likely going to be okay with supporting the concept of chastity and orgasm control. The fact that she's asking how you are doing/holding up really sparks a positive sign that she's willing to be a part of this.
    If it were me, I would simply tell her that I had been interested in this sort of 'play' that you've already opened up about, but don't feel that you can do it on your own, that you heard about chastity and think it will help, to the degree that you found and purchased a chastity device, that you locked your bits in it and it really helps keep you from even getting an erection and obviously doing something with it. Feel free to answer any questions she has, but don't offer much more about it until she comes home. When she does, I'm sure she'll be curious to see and play with the cage and you in it.. That would be a great time to hand her the key(s) and see what she does with them.... She may want to unlock you right then and there and 'make you orgasm' or may want to see how long she can keep you locked. If she does unlock you, it may be quite clinical and she may want to explore the chastity device and put you back in it and see how it all works.. She may make you orgasm and then lock you right back up again... Ya won't know until you try!
    As for the rest of your kinky interests... Take it slow, keep it personal and playful... Although vanella, she may have plenty of kinky things in her head that she's never approached you about and you won't know what she's really open to or interested in until it's brought up... She might not be the all-in type. She may have 'needs' or interests of her own that will need to be carefully navigated along with yours.
    Have fun! I think you will be okay with approaching the actual chastity and chastity device with her... Keyholding will take a LOT of time for her to understand and get sorted out....
    Be careful what you wish for!!!
     
  17. tecolote
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    tecolote Active member

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    Definitely keep it honest. Definitely don't unload everything at once (unless she is digging for information).

    It depends on her. One thing I think that you shouldn't do is to be wearing it when she comes back unless she is totally on board. Like enthusiastically on board. A chastity cage is a bit of a wild thing for a vanilla wife. It's better for her to have time to wrap her head around the idea before you are suddenly just in this weird sexual torture device.

    Personally I think that when she is out of town is not the ideal time to share this. Play denial games with her while she is away. When she comes back, give her everything she could ask for.

    If she asks how you managed to keep chaste for her, tell her the truth. Otherwise, you can take this opportunity to start talking about playing denial games with her in control.

    "How would that work?" Well, there is something called a chastity device. It actually helped me while you were out of town....
     
  18. amvetsb
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    amvetsb Member

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    I keep seeing this.... It's one thing if she's oblivious to anything naughty to say this 'like that', but don't belittle her if there's even the slightest chance she's ever heard of 'chastity devices'.
     
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  19. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    I wouldn't make up any stories, just be honest about it. Also, let's say you come up with a fib about it... and she is really into it someday with you... She makes an account here... sees this post about you essentially lying to her about it...

    Yeah, it's a bad look... Just be honest... you have been with her 7 years, living with her for 2... just be honest.
     
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  20. tecolote
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    tecolote Active member

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    Not everyone hangs out on a fetish site. Many who might have heard of male chastity would be glad not to be forced to admit that they know what it is. My wife either had never heard of it, or was perfectly happy letting me believe exactly that. Unless you use a condescending tone, I hardly expect anyone who could be described as vanilla to take offense.
     
  21. Thatgirl
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    Thatgirl Owner and Wife of Thatguyontheinternet.
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    C. If she is even remotely enjoying delaying your orgasm not knowing you’re locked up, I think she’d be open to the idea of “I was looking for ways to not masturbate while you were away, and I came upon this. It’s called a chastity device. I ordered one and have been wearing it, which makes me feel like a teenager again.” She’d have to be super vanilla and puritanical to not at least be intrigued. Honesty is 100% ALWAYS the best policy, as well as open communication at all times.
     
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  22. luckyhubby83
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    luckyhubby83 Active member

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    just tell her.
    not all at once. but roll it out gradually so she is not blindsided with tons of kinks.
    see how she reacts.
    my wife and i filled out a kink interest list many years ago to breach the topic.
    we both filled it out and then swapped the paperwork to see what the other was interested in and not.
    shockingly most of my long term wants were on her list of interests or willing to try once.

    if you never ask, it will never happen. and you will regret it. that realization hit me one day, so i mustered the courage to tell her how i really feel. she smacked me on the shoulder saying i should have brought this up a decade ago. better late than never.

    roll it out gently and gradually. but dont hold anything back.
     
  23. Peter van der Plas
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    Peter van der Plas New member

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    Very constructive advise Jessica! Highly appreciate it. Thanks
     
  24. Peter van der Plas
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    Peter van der Plas New member

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    I agree! Thank you this feels right!
     
  25. Peter van der Plas
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    Peter van der Plas New member

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    Thanks, she is absolutely not puritanical so I think we are on the right track here
     
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