Unusual situation outside of bedroom

Sounds like she one-upped you on the chastity play. She wants you to be chaste outside of bedroom, on your honor, so to speak. But in bed, be caged so your focus remains solely on pleasuring her. That might be one of the most FLR moves I've heard of and certainly flips your attempt at topping from the bottom. Although, I totally get where you're coming from, as wearing a cage, day to day, is a way to be sexually charged yet remain controlled. Might take a lot of explaining, pleading, or demonstrations of what you'll do for her, non-sexually, outside of bedroom if allowed to be in a chastity cage. Got to give her props though, well played my dear. Good luck and enjoy.

 

Be Careful What You Wish For

 

Do you mean at ALL times in the bedroom? Or only during sex? Huge difference. Either way, that's the hardest time to be locked.

 

@yanksfolife, could it be that your gf is making the connection sex -> kink -> chastity tool only? In that case your gf might first learn more about your intention with chastity and the goal you want that both of you achieve.

In my situation, chastity came accros in our relationship as I wanted to shift my mindset from being always occupied with stress and bringing tension to our relationship, towards a more communicating, intimate and deepened section in our relationship.

Therefore, abandoning masturbation, staying denied and chasted are helping me a lot to achieve this. Of course there is sexual arousal though denial and wearing my cage, which we both enjoy. But, the fundamental change comes from living a denied and chasted lifestyle apart from the sex. So, I may conclude for myself that chastity outside the bedroom is even more important to achieve the goals concerned, as it changes your behaviour in particular when not being exposed to sexual things and arrousal.

All the best!

 

Mostly, give it time.

However, it's worth describing a device as more like a piercing than a butt plug.

 

Does she have any idea of how often men, whether single or in a relationship, can masturbate outside of the bedroom?

 

When I brought it up to my KEYHOLDER she felt it was not fair but I convinced her it is best for us both.

 

For now just wear it when at home and remove it when going to work.

She may eventually just keep it on you.

 

I would encourage you to "do it her way" for the time being. It will give both of you a baseline and something from which to grow together and communicate about.

 

Maybe she will learn the benefits of keeping you locked in and out of the bedroom as she warns up to the idea of chastity. I will not pretend to be some kinky dominatrix. ... although working on it I am naturally quite vanilla as well but understand the benefits of chastity. By keeping my husband locked it brings out his attentive loving side. While he is always hardworking and loving this helps keeps him focused. When locked he has no spare time to think about wasting his energy on himself. Instead it is a constant reminder of me and pleasing me.

 

When I first looked at buying a chastity cage, it was for the "sex toy" aspect of it rather than as a means of shifting power or serving my wife, I was excited about the prospect of having something holding my penis/balls all day. It was only after reading up further on the chaste lifestyle that I realised that it wasn't just another sex toy. Perhaps your wife has the opinion I first formed?

Don't get me wrong, the physical sensation of wearing a cage for me is still somewhat arousing, constantly reminded during the day that you have something attached and if you do get aroused, the discomfort of the forming erection isn't necessarily unpleasant either (well, it can be if it trys to go past a casual erection), but, its not a sex toy in the same way that a butt plug is and for the most part, is an invisible extension of me.

Perhaps negotiate that you can (should) wear it at home only (locked up when you enter the house, unlock when you leave). Restricting it to just the bedroom is going to be tough.

Its taken a long time for my wife to accept the cage, for the first month or 2, she would barely acknowledge it except for the "ewww, its all squashed" comments and looking or touching me caged was a rarity. It is now becoming the norm for me to be in one and she is more open to interacting with it but still not to the extent of a full on tease / denial session in my cage.

Let her go at her own pace

 

I agree with all the others about going her way. If she denies you in the bedroom, you might explain to her later that being in a cage outside the bedroom is easier. Trust me, because of what's going on with that virus, I had to spend 3 weeks on the honor system. Excruciating. Hated it. I am so glad to be back in the cage now.

 

Agree totally with the other replies. You need to give her positive reinforcement for her interests in topping you, not arguments about how she is doing it wrong.

Sheesh.

 

Seems that she attributes this as a sex toy and not a lifestyle or a way of servitude to her. Have you thought about talking to her about your thoughts and how this isnt just a playtime thing for you? Maybe asking her to read about it, I feel that the more my wife has read about it or looked into caste life the more she accepts it and embraces me for it.

 

Lot of interesting stuff . . . most of which I agree with. Have you discussed with your KH that wearing you cage to work is actually and very definitely a NON-sex toy ? It will become uncomfortable if you even think about getting aroused by any other woman and that it is HER as your sole focus ?
Also does she wear sexy, provocative underwear under her everyday clothing with out or at work ? It is something a lot of women do as a way of making them feel empowered and a bit of 'naughty secret'.
Does she also wear your key, on a necklace or anklet ? If not, buy her one and suggests she give it a try: again it certainly seems to be something a lot of women enjoy.
Wearing a cage is exactly the same for you, except it makes you feel submissive and 'owned' by her - as you should be.
Finally, and importantly, don't 'push' let her feel feel her way and go at her own pace. You're lucky to have her and it sounds like she's doing a grand job.

 

I agree with most comments. Let her have it her way and let it become more normalized with her. After a while take small steps without pushing her.

 

Baby steps.

I agree with those who suggest that you follow her lead. Give it at least a couple months before revisiting the subject.

Don't try to force her to change faster than she is comfortable changing. I assume that you put her 'in charge'? If so, then you do it her way.

As hard as it is, try not to pester her to do it a 'better' way. Her way is the better way *because it is her way*.

 

Do it her way, take things slowly, and things will hopefully progress.

 

She is new to chastity and such. Do it her way like many others here are saying. She may need time to get use to the idea. Then you best watch out loi. Remember be careful what you ask for.

MistressS

 

So many beautiful ladies say that, unfortunately so few are willing to follow through

 

Give them a little time and they will.

 

There is another eay...

How do you eat a whole salami?
One slice at a time.

If you want to change something, anything, you can often do it gradually, so the change day to day or week to week is small, but over months and years you progress from here to there.

Start by leaving it on until you get to the bathroom in the morning, then later, put it on an hour before bed, "to get ready". Get up late one morning and 'forget' or 'not have time' to take it off. Make a joke about it. Slowly, gradually, extend both your wearing time and locations. Slowly, gradually, what once appeared strange, or different, becomes normalised.

 

Do as she wishes, because she has compromised. She is right as from her view if you are into her the only time you should be excited is with her.

Now being a man, I get it 100%. I don't have a cage, and I am doing mine through pure mental stamina. You want to talk about being hard AF.

Everything triggers me .. when she types or flirts I start to twitch. I have to work hard to direct that sexual energy into something. She does notice, and I believe she gets a rush over it as I am mastering my sexuality through service and submission while being alpha like.

Men may not get it but women will.

Don't cheat on trying to play the edges, but also do talk to her about how strong your sexual urges are outside the bedroom.

You might want to talk to her about a piercing and use it as a bridge to showing how you wear a ring for her.

But talk talk talk and never force consent or top from the bottom. In the flip side, maybe then spend all your free time in the bedroom ... That would be legal

 

Speaking to the original poster, I don't find it sexually arousing to wear my device. In fact, I do not notice it most of the time.

I think that getting sizing right might be a crucial point.