Uncertainty?

Yeah like some sort of marshmallow test.

 

The answer to this question can be found in the neurochemicals produced in the brain. People who are addicted to stimuli actual produce dopamine on the anticipation of the event. It's why tease and denial is so instrumental in a successful chastity journey and locked and forgot doesn't work.

I was listening to a podcast with one of the best therapists in treating alcohol & drug addictions. He had a PhD but had succumbed to alcoholism. One morning, he was living on the streets and would wait for the liquor store to open. He was suffering from the shakes associated with withdrawal. Once the store opened, he went inside, put his money on the counter, the store clerk put his bottle preferred bottle of liquor on the counter, and he grabbed it with his free hand. Immediately, the shakes dissipated even though he hadn't tasted a drop. He realized then that his addiction was driven by the anticipation and his later research for which he earned a 2nd PhD proved that the dopamine was being released because of the anticipation of taking a drink.

No one in their rational mind would beg to be denied longer. But in an aroused state where the amygdala is overriding the frontal lobe where rational impulses come from, knowing that the highly anticipated orgasm is about to happen could drive someone to choose further denial and the associated anticipation over the actual pleasurable orgasm.

 

So maybe you don't tell him anything beforehand, but then on the day itself, let him know that he's about to get a full O, not a ruined.

 

Sounds like a plan.

 

@MsPamela , have you told Hubby already about your plan? How has he reacted?

 

always be kept in suspense is the best way in my opinion.

 

My KH (vanilla wife) had become very predictable, with regular “hump day” releases, etc. she is caregiving for her parents and I travel a lot for work, so we only sleep in the same bed / see each other once every 2-3 weeks. I think she felt guilty making me wait to orgasm, hence the frequent, regular releases.

I asked her to stretch things a bit and make it less predictable, and I am enjoying the surprise aspect for sure

 

Well, your alcohol example you gave is the exact opposite of begging for more denial. I understand the science around neurochemicals, etc. But descent into utter irrationality is not one of my fetishes, not arousing in any way.

 

My bad! I tried to address two topics / questions with one post. The alcohol example was more about the original posters question about Uncertainty.

When my wife and I first started this intimacy / chastity journey, she was teasing me 5-6 times a week in the morning before we got up. She still does with a little less frequency. I told her if there was ever something she wanted from me / wanted me to do, she should ask me duing a teasing session because I couldn't think rationally and would agree to anything she requested. The command to ask her to beg her to deny me another week actually came from a caption I saw some time ago. It then occurred to me that I probably couldn't say "No" to that request in a hyper-aroused, irrational state caused by the flood of dopamine to my brain.

I just finished reading @IB-Chaste 's latest journal entry. In his latest encounter with his wife, he could have easily had the full orgasm he clearly is dying for, but 3 times he stopped his wife or pulled out of her vagina and mouth of his own volition. That's the kind of control that I can't imagine. It seems tied to his arousal template because his brain somehow relishes the denial even more than the actual orgasm.

 

Or… im terrified of what my wife would do if I disobeyed her?

This is intriguing. Even though I’m the person in question I couldn’t tell you why I assist my wife in denying my orgasms so willingly.

Is it fear? Is it devotion? Is it addiction? Is it servitude?

Do all those terms define what is commonly known as love?

 

The answer to your question might depend on the nature of your relationship.

Are you practicing chastity for orgasm control, or are you in a FLR?

If you are practicing orgasm control, then a scheduled time for release might work well.

If you are in a FLR and exerting more control than just chastity, then uncertainty works in your favor if not over used. You can gain a great deal of power through uncertainty as long as you keep him motivated.

It sounds like your instincts are very good. I am sure that whatever you decide upon will be very effective.

 

Miss Pamela, You seem to have a very good handle on your relationship and I suspect your locked husband has no complaints. In regards to your question, I agree that a little uncertainty is good. On the other hand, there is absolutely nothing wrong with informing him about certain special occasions like birthdays and especially Valentine’s Day. It’s builds anticipation, wanting, and his desire for you. With that said, trust in any relationship is paramount…even more so in the type of dynamics we have chosen. If there is any chance it won’t happen, then I suggest not telling him. Having been in that situation, I can tell you that the disappointment, of a commitment unkept, will set you guys back and challenge his commitment to remaining chaste for you. It’s silly, but I love this quote: “With great power comes great responsibility.” It definitely applies to an FLR.

 

Now, THAT I can identify with!

 

Suspense or no suspense, I suspect that it boils down to your pro active style. Getting the best responses from your hubby (me) boils down to one thing frequency for me it’s needing a steady flow of any type of stimulation , where I feel under her authority or where she makes me feel under her authority her control. She has the ability to do that in so many different ways, but the absence of it leaves me very frustrated. The more powerful the orgasm the deeper the possible frustration level.

 

"If you're good, there might be something special on the 14th for you."

 

Every statement she makes should start like that…best whispered

 

Except that the one thing that is consistent with most of the answers here is, don't set up an expectation that you don't end up following through on. So, unless you are 100% positive that you will be doing something special on the 14th, don't give that expectation. I totally agree with everyone else who said it that there's nothing worse than getting all excited for something that was promised only for it to be forgotten, or she was too tired, or she got busy, etc etc.

 

As someone who lives this exact scenario day in and day out I can say it is miserable...

 

I prefer not to know about liberation . It should be a surprise

 

Agreed, this also happens to me to often and it’s just disappointing. I’d rather not know…