Turning a negetive into a positive

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by BKwife, Dec 4, 2018.

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  1. BKwife
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    BKwife Key holder of Gigaman
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    For me, I've been with my hubby for almost 40 years and over the years he's gotten to be pretty impatient and frankly a little dicky and disrespectful at times. It's bred a lot of unhappiness from time to time for me. We got to a pretty low point in our relationship where we actually discussed "divorce". Somehow, and we really don't remember how, my husband mentioned chastity and me being dominant in our relationship. I'm a VERY laid back person and I don't consider myself to be a bitch but frankly the idea of this was INTICING to me. I get the chance to retaliate for his disrespect and I am treated like the Princess I always wanted to be. Win win!. I have actually discovered my inner BITCH!. I wield a pretty wicked tongue and I find it very enjoyable. I have a very easy time verbally abusing and humiliating him (which he LOVES), the area I need work with sometimes is coming up with different ways to engage him when I'm not really feeling in the mood to play. Any suggestions and ideas are welcome.
     
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  2. Bonobo
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    Why do you have to engage when you are not in the mood?
     
  3. BKwife
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    BKwife Key holder of Gigaman
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    For me, I am still married and he is my husband. I don't feel right him being caged, catering to my needs, cleaning my house and everything else involved and ignoring him and not throwing him a bone every now and then. Maybe that makes me a less than mistress but that's how I feel
     
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  4. Bonobo
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    No it makes sense. I guess the question is how often are you not in the mood? I have learned to accept that sometimes it’s just not going to happen. If she started to make a habit of it I would want a conversation and find out why.
     
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  5. Unlucky
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    Unlucky Active member

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    Making sure your subs needs are met is what a good mistress does. In theory, a pure submissive should be happy simply with service, but that's basically nobody in practice.
     
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  6. Herboi76
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    Herboi76 Finally Collared by M

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    It is a balancing act. My Wife had the same issues in some of those areas. However, for me the denial was just as important as the bone so to speak.
     
  7. BKwife
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    BKwife Key holder of Gigaman
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    EXACTLY!. We both get what we want out of this and that's how it should be in my opinion. I love my husband and we're a team.
     
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  8. BKwife
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    BKwife Key holder of Gigaman
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    If everything is going along great, I have no problem engaging several times a week but sometimes, I just don't feel it
     
  9. jim48
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    jim48 Member

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    Then don't worry about it. Several times a week should be more than enough.
     
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  10. Bonobo
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    IMO it’s not up to us to determine how much is enough or not enough. This is a conversation the two of you need to have together. Then you follow through on what you agreed upon.

    My wife and I did this and it made life much easier. It ended a lot of my frustration because I knew she was not forgetting me. She has a history of not being interested in sex and this helped her stay on track also.

    In the beginning I made sure I got what we agreed upon but as time has gone on I have learned to accept she just may not be in the mood and I accept that. As I said earlier if this became the norm then we would need to have a conversation.

    We are a married couple and I have wants and needs. Being in complete service without getting my needs met would not be fun.
     
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    Unlucky Active member

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    Are you really telling someone what should or shouldn't be right for their relationship?
     
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  12. Junebug15
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    Junebug15 Active member

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    Nothing better than a lady with a plan
     
  13. Ma’ams Slut
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    Ma’ams Slut OWNED, LOCKED, SUB TO MY LOVE MA’AM M

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    Thanks for sharing this and I am enjoying reading it and anybindi that comes from it
     
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  14. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    The Bitch is in all of us ...
    The threads that make up our human nature are two ended.
    There is no capacity being a bitch without an equal capacity for being its opposite.
    We have no method for doing Good without an equal potential for doing Evil.
    We must not fear the natural balance of the universe - all that is necessary is that we are aware of the choices and choose wisely.

    A wonderful feeling no doubt.
    And, at least for me, it acts as an unspoken 'check & balance' - if I dont want you to retaliate, then I won't feed you the ammunition that lends you to make that choice.

    My belief is that the KH decides ... you have the final say.
    You're in charge - dont be coerced into something you dont want to do.
    If you dont want to play ... there will be no playing. Simple.

    I became only too familiar with Her gesture of "Shoo, boy. Beat it. Diddy mao." ...
    An outstretched arm with the fingers pointing down ... the fingers repeating a sweeping motion towards me & then back down.
    Of course there is no need for eye contact - not worth the bother.
     
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  15. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    You two sound like a success story to me ... 40 years!
    I am only at 25.


    D/s. Bone throwing. Less than a Mistress.

    Ohh, BK, you got this ...
    A great Mistress is one who wears many hats: loving, supportive, teacher, partner, disciplinarian, etc. When it comes right down to it, its gotta be rewarding.
    I often got snagged by what I call "The Poison Fairytale" - What I thought something should be versus what I found out it was. I had to adjust my interpretation, attitude, approach & expectation. Took a while to figure out sometimes.

    I suppose the relationship dynamics are as varied as there are people.
    No one is going to be in the mood every single time the other person is.
    Its gotta be right for all parties.
    Maybe it does have some guilt involved - but it also has a lot of communication.

    Some Dommes / KH's are strict. Some beyond strict. Some not strict as all.
    Choose what is right for you. Be okay with it. Dont beat yourself up.


    And reality always interferes ...
    a snap of a finger might mean "Right this second!" - but if the dog is barking furiously, its gonna be dealt with before the finger snapping reason.
     
  16. HeavyFeather
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    Married. Full time FLR. She says we are a Domme/Slave relationship. We have two children and one on the way. I do all domestic duties. All of them. Basically, the only time I am allowed to do what I want is when it’s associated with baseball. Life gets in the way, juggling work, kids, sports. But, even we are busy, she does little things to keep me kept and happy. In the AM, while the kids are eating breakfast, she calls me into the bedroom, has me assume the position, and sticks a butt plug for me to wear all day. It takes 2 minutes, but it reminds me all day how lucky I am. All of those little acts, add up.
     
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  17. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    Baseball tips the scale!
     
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  18. HeavyFeather
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    Playing or coaching. Not sitting and watching TV
     
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  19. Gigaman
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    Gigaman Kept by BK Wife

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    I wish we could say were a success story, but we’re not there yet. Even after 40 years we are still learning how to treat each other especially during those times when we have conflict. I Have to admit BK is better at this than me even though this lifestyle isn’t her first choice. Never would have never guessed it but it seems that it’s easier for BK to become more dominant than it is me to become more submissive, even though I’ve been waiting for this my whole life. We definitely don’t have all the answers, and we have are ups and downs. As long as were having fun we’re gonna keep trying.
     
  20. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    If you are looking for ideas for him to engage without necessarily needing to really be “in session” there are plenty of tasks that either require little to no work from you, but being verbally told to do them and the act itself, creates a scene all on its own.

    -get home from work, plop down on the couch and “your mouth on my feet now, I’ll let you know when your done.” This is a scene. You did nothing more than tell him to worship your feet, and you can even watch tv while it happens.
    -“start licking my ass, now!” Out of the blue, you can read a book while he does this, watch tv, have him fetch a drink in the middle. This isn’t sex, it’s telling him to worship you because you feel like it. When you are done with it or bored tell him he’s had enough.
    - tell him he has a chore. Unlock and edge 20 times and report back when finished, no cumming, you can keep sending him away to edge while you are busy doing something else.
    -little comments. You don’t have to mean them but they will do a number in his mind. I’m not sure if I really like you after you cum, you might not have another, maybe a year or so, I’ll think about it. Stuff like that.

    Tons of little things that don’t require you touching him, or him trying to touch your privates.

    Good luck
     
  21. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    okay ... a work in progress.
    one that has lasted 35 years longer than most.

    relationships alone take a constant effort ... add in a dynamic like this & it increases the complexity. i think the degree of difficulty triples. still, in time, with honest communication. the chance of success goes up.

    it introduces role playing to some extent if its not something thats 100% natural. there is a steep learning curve. i wanted to get it figured out quick ... but it took much longer than i hoped.

    meh. it is what it is.
    the journey is worth it even if its a gravel path sometimes and not the soft sand of the beach.

    Plan!
     
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  22. Gigaman
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    Gigaman Kept by BK Wife

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    So true!
    I wish I could hit the like button 3 times.
     
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  23. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    @HeavyFeather

    Never coached.
    Played lots - sandlot, little league, softball leagues.
    Track & soccer in HS. Wasnt serious enough about it to make the baseball team in college.
    Spectator for stadium games - Fenway every year!
    We have a AAA park 10 miles away.
    TV is okay - necessary for post season even.
    but I dont sit & watch game after game - too much to do.

    For me, the best way a spectator can be more involved is to keep a Box Score.
    I love the personalized shorthand - its an art form really.

    I keep a baseball on desk at work - its a stress reliever.

    Anyway ...
    It was nice to have a baseball smile before spring training.
    Thanks!
     
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  24. Gigaman
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    Gigaman Kept by BK Wife

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    Ok I don’t want to hijack BK thread but she out with the girls tonight so I just wanted to thank everyone, not for BK but from me. I know a lot of stuff on here is fantasy, hell I have a lot of my own too. But you guys have responded with good ideas and good observations in this thread. It’s a hard road to navigate throw in I’m getting old, family, work, health, and sometime I really get discouraged about the lifestyle. Then things go right, the stars line up and wow, it’s the best thing ever and I can’t get enough. Sometimes the good times are far apart, but we still keep trying.

    Thanks guys it’s nice to know there’s other people out there going through the same type of things I’m going through. And I know BK really Appreciates your views since she only had mine until now.
     
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  25. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Her Locked Little Boy

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    This issue isn’t something new @BKwife you've already received some good suggestions.
    The key is to have him do things that’s keep him excited theirs nothing like being wet while your cage is tight. Also have him do things that you enjoy. These are things that you have to think about between the two of you.

    Some of the things Miss Shelly does when she’s not really in the mood is.
    Have me self spank myself
    Caress her property( caged cock) while she does what ever she wants
    Ties me blindfolded to a chair. Nude of course
    Corner time.
    Have me suck on a fake cock.
    Stimulate my anus
    Have me kneel beside her, sometimes with cloth pins on different parts.
    Have me just being ON Display for her

    Keeping him excited in some way shape or form will go a long way. Good Luck.
     
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