Trying to take it slow. (My journey)

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  1. Mrblueballs
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    Mrblueballs Junior Member

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    When I was younger (maybe around 12 years old) I was curious about women and started wearing my mothers bra, panties, and hosery. I started wondering what it is like to be a woman and eventually what it would be like to be penetrated. I started using carrots and small cucumbers until one day I found my parents toy drawer. Kinda sick to think of it now, being my parents and all, but at that point I was too curious and horny to care. I would get all dressed up (put a condom on the dildo) strapped it to a chair, wall, or floor and sucked and fucked that thing like a little whore. I loved the fem feeling and having my ass rammed and filled. (As I am sure most of us here do.) After a few years of doing this I began to worry if I was gay (even though the male body didn't/doesn't get me the least bit turned on, except for the cock). This would be against my religous beliefs so I stopped everything even masterbating. I became rather religious met my wife, waited to have sex until we were married.


    My wife and I have been married for about 5 years with a few wonderful children. We are both very conservative and religious people (hence the both virgins when we married). A couple years ago I started wanting to do the things I used to. I bought some small cucumbers when my wife was gone and masterbated with those and started wearing her clothes while I did it. Being as conservative as she was, I was afraid to bring this up to her. I tried to hint around at it, but was too afraid to be very specific, because once that is out, it is out and I had better be prepared to answer some important questions. I started bring up anal sex when it was that time of the month. She relunctantly tried it and loved it. I then brought up the subject of her using a strap-on to return the pleasure and let me know what that feels like, and of course the whole prostate "P-spot" thing. She was kind of weirded out and silent about it, but I pushed her to try it. I was so excited. I got on the computer and ordered and 8" strap-on. It came and the next time we were getting things started in the bedroom I pulled it out. Bless my wife, she put it on and used it. (Doggie style) I was enjoying it SO much I started talking dirty (fuck me harder... Oh, yea... Make me your little slut.... O-o-h-h F-u-u-u-c-k M-e-e-e-e!) and I didn't even notice she wasn't enjoying it at all. There was kind of a distance between us for a few days until we finally could talk about it. She was completely freaked out by the entire thing. The dildo hasn't been used since (well... except when she is gone for a while). She said it felt un-natural and caused concern that I may be gay. I understand that, but I am pretty sure I screwed things up by pushing Way too much, Way too fast. Now she has a negative feeling towards the whole thing. DANG IT I AM STUPID!!!!

    Luckly I was smart enough to leave it alone for a while and go back to the vanilla sex (which is AWESOME). I started asking her questions about her fantasies, if there is anything she would like to try. There were a few things like making love out in a country field on a sunny day under a tree, but nothing by any stretch of the imagination one would call kinky. I kept asking and still ask occasionally, but nothing new. (I am going to work on finding a nice place out in the counrty though.) I tried to ease into it more this time with saying that I like it when you guide me and tell me what you want while we make love. She was comfortable with that. After that was part of our routine, I brought up making me do something for her. Like making me lick her pussy (which she doesn't like because the orgasm is so intense and she feels out of control, which I find ironic for someone who didn't want to take control in the bed), or maybe making me last until she orgasms. She was interested in trying those and really started to get into it. We started having sex with her on top almost every time now for the past few months. She is really coming out of her shell. Now during sex she holds my hands down, takes my hand and uses it to finger fuck her and then makes me lick off my fingers (I pretend like it's a bad thing.), and a little face sitting (especailly if I am about to cum). A few times I have cum way too early and she has ordered me to clean her out. She kneels over my face, pinning my arms down and rides my face to orgasm while I struggle to breathe and swallow all my cum and all her juices. It is GREAT!

    Just a few nights ago I suggested that a way to help insure I last long enough for her this time is to tie me up and put a bunch of condoms on me so I don't get enough stimulation to orgasm until she wants me to. She got really excited about that idea and as did I, I almost blew my load as she was rolling on the condoms! She rode my cock to 4 orgasms. It only took 3 thrusts after she removed the condoms for me to blow! She was too exausted to have me clean her up, though I wish I could right now! Wow! Am I ever horny after writing about this. She didn't go for the tying me up part, she doesn't seem to be comfortable with that yet.

    I hope this is just the beggining of a long and joyous road of her sexual domination over me. I just need patience, and maybe one day I can be in my sissy clothes, in chastity, with her ramming my ass with a strap-on. For those of you there who are in my situation, be patient, take it slow, and I hope you can learn from my mistakes. For those of you who have "been there, done that" I am open to advice. Particularly ideas of what to do next, ways she can mildly dominate/ control me.

    I wonder if i could compile a bunch of your ideas and then go through them with her and try the ones she finds interesting?

    Thanks for reading,

    Mr. Blueballs
     
  2. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    Wow, congratulations on making it work, slowly but surely!

    mikecb
     
  3. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    I think with her using the strap on you just have to go at this sloooooow. One idea that might help make this just a little less weird is to try renting some adult vids with this as a theme. Bend Over Boyfriend 2 for example? You might tell her that you enjoyed that and while you don't want to do that everytime you would like to do it again. Maybe one thing you can do to make this more enjoyable for her is to try a double headed dildo like the Nexus or the ahh? Can't think of them off hand but there are others. Her getting "fucked" while fucking you maybe better. Also suggest putting a strong vibe in her harness so it helps her orgasm. Once she starts getting off while doing you it will all become more appealing I think.

    The cross dressing stuff may put her way off. I think the religion and wondering if you have gender issues would make that a difficult sell. Btw DO you have gender issues? Would you prefer you were female? Having these desires at such a young age seems to me like transexualism but??? I don't know. Anyway, do try to communicate. It seems to make any sex life better.

    Good luck, use lots of lube and don't try to cram too gigantic a dildo in you at least not straight away.
     
  4. Mrblueballs
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    Mrblueballs Junior Member

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    Maybe?

    Yeah, I maybe do have some gender issues? I think I fight them because of my beliefs. I don't want to tell others here it is wrong, I am not here to preach, especailly about something I struggle with. I am not judging, and please don't judge me. I believe that God made me a man for a reason and I need to be that for my family, even though I think it would be fabulous to be a sexy woman. I feel it would be wrong for me to ever alter my body (surgery), but I justify pretending as ok. As for adult films... My wife is against porn (even as education) and though I look at it, I believe she is right. One of our rules is, and probably always will be, that no one else is involved in our sex life, it is just between the two of us.
     
  5. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    I think it might be worth talking to a therapist who does gender identity issues. You clearly have some strong feelings here. Maybe you were meant to be born male and then transition to female? How Gods plan is limited by what we think is right seems to me to be very silly.

    Man thinks and God laughs!
     
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