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Trying to convince the wife being keyholder

Discussion in 'The Foyer' started by hunci, May 24, 2017.

  1. I am a proud owner of a metal chastity device which I am quite well adapted to. I have been wearing it secretly for a while and a couple of days ago I confessed to my wife after lovemaking that my cock is unsensitive due to intensive masturbation and I wanted to try being locked.
    Unfortunately she didn't support this idea so I am pretty disappointed but I don't give up. I am going to bring up the subject again after our next lovemaking during complaining about my inabitlity to cum. Unfortunately we couple usually once a month, her libido is low, so I have to wait.
    locked17 likes this.
  2. Can I recommend you read @Mistress Jules@Mistress Jules book on how to introduce chastity to your partner. It is written with your sort of situation in mind and can save you a lot of heartache if you get this wrong.
    Ormaz likes this.
  3. Another thing to consider assuming your Wife is willing is to see if She'll have Her hormone levels checked to see if they are out of the 'ideal' range and thus causing a low libido.

    Both my Wife and I do testosterone therapy - I self-inject every 10 days and She does the pellet therapy.
    Years ago I discovered I was VERY low and my Wife also discovered She was also low on T - women normally think of estrogen as the primary but they also need testosterone up to a certain level. This along with monitoring Her thyroid has made a tremendous positive impact on Her libido and overall mood.

    Obviously it's very important to work with a qualified physician and monitor your levels on a regular basis.
    Also, I recommend targeting an 'ideal' level based upon each individual person - for example Lab Corps 'acceptable range' is from 270 - 1070, very broad - I personally (51 yr old male) am targeting ~ 900 +/-

    I use my Primary Care Physician along with his RN - ironically his nurse is also on T-Therapy and we usually have a fun discussion about how proper levels have such a positive impact...

    And... By the way - Welcome to CM!
  4. When asking someone to do you a favor, in general it is better to just ask.

    You can give them reasons why if you like, but you are asking them for something, don't make it sound like it's something for them, for the greater good, help you get hard, or it will make you treat her better. You aren't doing her a favor, you want her to do a favor for you, so ask like it is one and cut the bs, they don't buy it.

    Tell them this is something you really want, you need help with limiting your masterbation, and it would mean a lot to you if she helped. This gets the cage on, it doesn't make her a dominant, it just makes her willing to help.

    After that, let go and let her drive. No bugging her about teasing, orgasms, no orgasms, she unlocks you when she's ready and just let it be.

    She may change her mind about the whole thing and be into it if you take this time to make her feel special, she may never really get into it, ya never know.

    Just what I have learned after seeing many struggle with this.
    Ormaz, macmagna, ineverknew and 2 others like this.
  5. Without getting into fetishes and fantasies, try to show the simplicity and value for her in being your KH, and how it's better for you both in the end as well.
    Wish you the best in your journey.
    Ormaz likes this.
  6. I have a feeling that someone who posts a a big picture of his penis to the world in his first post, is not going to be a very subtle person, and subtlety is what it takes to get the wife onboard. If someone came at me with that thing, I would run too. :) Seriously though, I started without the cage. I made a promise not to masturbate. I just suggested teasing and denial on the honor system to make my orgasm more intense the next time. We slowly extended the orgasm denial period until I suggested that I would need a cage to go without an orgasm for as long as my wife would like. Baby steps is what works best. Most guys who just spring their cage on their wives do not succeed. Really depends on if your wife is sexually adventurous or not.

    If you are not able to refrain from masturbation after making a promise not to, chastity is not going to work for you because you can easily masturbate when locked up, especially in the cage you are wearing. You cannot expect your wife to keep guard over you 24/7. You have to want to not masturbate and not put the burden on her. She can help but ultimately your success is literally in your hands. Welcome and hope it works out for you. We tried 3 times before we found success. We only succeeded by starting out with teasine and denial until my wife got used to that. We went from sex once a month to once a week now and my wife is having the most intense orgasms of her life. At least she thinks they are since she does not remember our younger days. If you think you have a hard road ahead of you, I have been denied intercourse for the last 15-20 years and my wife is bi with a strong leaning towards women. If I could get her onboard, so can you.

    Just worth mentioning is that chastity may not work for you unless you can get your wife to tease you at least once a week or two. Being locked up and ignored will make you feel as if she just locked you up to avoid having sex with you. You may not feel it now but once the initial excitement wears off, it will. I went through what you are going through. I was masturbating 4-5 times a day. Baby steps works and forget the fantasy version of chastity where you are magically turned into a sub and your wife into a dominatrix simply by locking up your penis. Do this realistically and you can make it work. We are on our 5th year of chastity play after 47 years of BDSM play so we know what works for us as far as fetish play goes. The key is really to make this a joint effort. It will never work if you are trying to masturbate. We can all masturbate in our cages in one of several ways but we don't. Good luck with the wife but take it in baby steps.
    Jessica Alexander and littlecuck like this.
  7. You are getting some good advice from everyone so I hope you are paying attention. Take it slow. Tell her about your masturbation issue. Start tending to her nonsexual wants (suggest back rubs,dinner,date night etc) DO NOT ask her to be your keyholder. Stop looking at porn. Use the honor system without a device. Tell her if you cheat and masturbate. If you feel bad about it then you are doing it right otherwise you are attempting to bring fantasy to life... She will never meet your expectations. Treat her like a truly valued person. She doesn't have the experience you have and doesn't know the first thing about being a keyholder. Be a good husband and ask her if she would like to help you. Don't be pushy. This can take months to do in a way that sticks.

    If it's not fun then you aren't doing it right.
    Jasmic68 likes this.
  8. I strongly suggest this book: A KeyHolder's Handbook - Green, Georgia Ivey.
    Just finished reading it all at once (like 70+ pages) and I'm going to translate it for my girl!
    Jasmic68 likes this.
  9. My Wife read the Keyholders handbook and wouldn't let me know what was in it, she banned me from reading it. I have an idea though as she keeps doing new things and I ask her where she got the idea from and she is very vague about it. She did say she enjoyed reading it though. It's one of those books that people seem to love or hate. Elle falls into the love category.

    Although I wasn't allowed to read the Keyholders Handbook Elle is having me read Georgia Green's 'How to set up an FLR'. We take it one chapter at a time and then discuss what it said. It really is having an impact and is helping Elle become comfortable with the idea of being in charge, and not just in the bedroom. The other day our grandson was giving off a certain whiff of dirty nappy. She told me I had to change it. As it's not my favorite job I asked her why did I have to do it. Because I'm in charge and I just told you to! she retorted, in her just do as you're told tone of voice. I can honestly say that was the first time I've ever got aroused changing a nappy!
  10. It does appear we are talking to ourselves though, @hunci@hunci only posted this and hasn't been back. Do you think it was something we said?
  11. Dont worry, it's just full of suggestions and other things you better not to read, or the fun would be compromised!
    Jasmic68 likes this.
  12. maybe he can chat only in weekends...
  13. No, you talk with a real person. Furthermore you talk to a fellow caged person as I successed convincing my wife to be my keyholder. We decided to try it for two months then seeing the results make it permanent or leave.
    Mark Owen likes this.
  14. anyway, I thank the suggestions. I brought to reason my masturbation habits and this was what convinced her.
  15. just to make it clear. As we agreed I will be released when we make love. It usually happens two times in a month. I used to masturbate every second day, so we just synchronize my releases to her needs.
    Ormaz likes this.
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