I mentioned in my introduction post that my wife and I agreed to a trial run of keeping locked up basically 24/7 and unlocking at her discretion until Thanksgiving. I’m thinking about suggesting this as that deadline arrives: we put everything on pause to enjoy all the family time, and the following weekend we open a bottle of wine and discuss how it went. In order to help kickstart the discussion, I’ve been considering having us both answer some “survey questions”. So far I have: 3 things you liked 3 things you didn’t like Any rules you would add? How did you feel about the unlocking frequency? And ultimately Do you want to keep playing? My question to you all is: is this a good idea or is it too much? Would you add or remove any questions?
It maybe doesn't need to be as strict or specific as that but yeah definitely wise to have that discussion before/if moving forward.
After some trial and error in getting a good device that fit and didn't cause chaffing, we agreed to do pretty much what you suggest. We would do a 1 month lockup so I would know how that felt, no sex, no masturbation. I did take it off for cleaning etc. and to let my skin rest. Sometimes I wore it at night and sometimes not. After the month, we talked about what we liked. She liked I didn't ask for sex, I got WAY more done around the house. She enjoyed getting foot massages. We decided after that, I would be on the honor system, no masturbating without permission and that occasionally, I would do a 1 week to 10 day lockup roughly every month to 6 weeks. During that time, no asking to get out. We would still kiss, snuggle etc., but without the sex part. We still enjoy it and that first 1 month lockup was three years ago.
As a start for communication on the experience, sounds good. Just don't limit or direct the conversation unless it is needed. Listen first and talk second, as you seemed eager to do more, so tt is her decision where or how to proceed. Good luck and enjoy.
It sounds like a good idea but I think it is a little too specific. How about dropping. Maybe anything you would like to add and drop rules. Why are you asking if unlocking frequency is working if it as at her discretion? How about asking if the discretionary unlocking is working? Maybe drop the information about the holidays? It sounds like you are making the rules. Maybe ask do you want to continue now or wait until after the holidays?
Looks a bit one sided. They're all directed at her. How about use each as a topic of conversation i.e. I like this, what do you think?
I think it depends on the personalities involved! Some people benefit from discussion points, others don't. I would personally err on the side of not having shared prepared questions, but have a mental list of things I want answers to.
The good thing is you're planning to keep the communication going. That's the important thing, regardless of specifically how you do it.
Thank you all for the feedback! I intended for us both to answer the questions, but I’m starting to think now it might be a little much. We’ve already agreed to have a discussion, and I’m thinking now I should let that go it’s natural course without trying to make an agenda. I may just make some notes on thoughts I have so I don’t forget in the moment. I’ll definitely keep that in mind, I tend to ramble when I’m exited about something Thanks again!
Be careful when you have the discussion to focus on your wife. Your questions seemed to be more one sided towards you. Example of you saying things you like. I like you deciding when we have sex. I never pressure you and I love being ready when you are. That makes things so special. You also said you like to ramble. My vanilla wife does not like constantly talking about the cage. In your trial period do not wear her out constantly discussing. Try to have some normalcy while you are treating her special. One more point of a vanilla wife. She had a really hard time saying she liked me locked. She thought it was mean locking me. Reassure her this is for both of you. Good luck with your trial.
Why limit the likes and dislikes to three? It might be interesting to see how many likes there are compared to the dislikes.