Transitioning to a FLR but resisting due to alpha male ego!

Welcome to CM.

 

Continue your journey into FLR. Her taking to this and control of you. Careful what you wish for.

 

Hello and welcome to Chastity Mansion. Remember one key thing you wanted her to take more control now you must live with it. Be thankful you have someone that will do this to you now enjoy the ride and let her do her job. Your role is now to listen to her and do what you are told to do. And she should join Chastity Mansion to help her to get some ideas from others here members here ( Mainly other ladies in FLR relationship and Mistress ) to help change your mindset.

 

It really depends on what makes you both happiest. There is no one way to live FLR. You both need to discuss your limits and desires. Being her sub doesn’t automatically mean she will cuckold you although it’s always a possibility (but that could happen in a non FLR relationship too). Has she shown any interest in this forum? She could learn a lot here and it would give you both many things to discuss and use as you transition into a FLM. You should always retain the power of your safe word. I wouldn’t worry about being view as weak. It takes a strong man to be secure in his manliness and sexuality as a beta to his partner.

 

You're coming in too hot. You're going to burn out. My advice is to slow down.

 

It is about the relationship. Make sure you both understand what you want in this relationship and what your limits are. If the goal for both of you is to let her be in charge at home and make you pay more attention to her and be a better husband you have nothing to fear. If her goal is to turn you into something less of a man and just take advantage of your desire to serve and love her better then you could have a lot to fear. Talk to her about it.

 

100% agreed. For someone raised as the alpha male you have to take it slow. I know, I was there. You've got to ease into it. Frankly I think sharing with the girlfriends was a bit premature. For mature relationships where everyone is comfortable, sure, but you are not there yet. Slow down and ease into it.

 

I agree that sharing with her girlfriends was premature but it’s water under the bridge at this point.

Define what you both want out of an FLR when you aren’t in play mode (ie: thinking logically not passionately). Map out your interests and discuss your fears. It’s a serious commitment -like marriage. Any work you put into it now will pay off down the road. Of course if you can get everything aligned by your wedding date, it could make for an intense honeymoon.

 

That just sounds like your life insecurities getting the best of you. If she chose you to marry then that means she loved your alpha personality. If she loves being in control of your FLR then that means she loves her new dominant role. It all meaning that she wants you to continuing on being who you are in your day to day life outside of the relationship and being submissive to her inside of the relationship. Maybe don’t blur or cross the two ways of life. Keep them separate

 

It doesn’t sound like she wants this to cool down. Sounds like she is loving it

 

You are definitely on the beginning. I wish you to stay on the same level od excitation months later, but be realistic: It will be hard. Chemistry is working in both of you (Hormones etc). Prepare for worse moments, and don't loose what you have. Pay much attention to yourself. She is most wanted diamond (from what You described in other posts), so take it slowly and do not say or do nothing (while you're angry or "not in the mood") you will regret later for years.
Being alpha-male takes responsibility.

 

The best way to let her take control, is to come to the realization that she is a better leader than you are. She is the leader, you are the follower. To get in this mindset is the best way to stay on track in your FLR.

When my wife and I first started our FLR, I would have a lot of instances where I would give pushback on my wife's leadership. As our relationship progressed, I found myself giving her less and less pushback. Now we are at the point where I give very little pushback. Whenever I feel the urge to do it, I tell myself that she is a better leader than I am, and that she knows best what should be done.

This mindset is not 100% fool proof of course. While my wife is better at most things than I am, I am a lot better with finances than she is. She ultimately makes all the decisions when it comes to finances, but she does listen to, and make decisions based on my input. You should do the same with your wife in the areas that you may be stronger in.

As an alpha male, this shift in mindset won't be easy, because society has always told us the man should be in charge regardless of who would make the better leader. But once you adopt this mindset, and have been following it for long enough, it will become second nature.

 

What is all this Alpha Male nonsense, lol, heard it all now.

Sounds like a square circle to me.

Cool story though.

 

I was wondering what happened

 

I agree! Take a step back and think things through, then start again. But bear in mind once you put it out there with other people, there is no going back in.

 

Hello,

Welcome to "the mansion".

Very often I have seen topics like this, which are mentioning the words "alpha male" like it's some kind of brand.
Therefore I'd like to know what actually is an alpha male and what is the opposite a beta male or a man who behaves like a "pussy" (as other 'typical males' call less male men)?
Because it is mentioned so often, is it more ok for some people to be honest that they love being in an FLR as long as they are an "alpha male"... Wait no, I am still a "real man", an alpha man even if I love being ordered around by my girlfriend/keyholder etc.

- feathers.sub (male*)

* Seems to be something between "alpha male" and "sissy". Do we need those attributes?

 

Is the "alpha macho" more alpha than the "alpha male" ? Sorry, couldn't resist.

Feathers.sub

 

I too came from a job of constant danger. Everyday, taking the active decision making role that held life in the balance. Along side a previous journey of being a member of a very select community of even more constant danger abroad. get my drift?

I choose to leave those jobs for many reasons, and believe me, I was very good at them, very good. I still enjoy being involved in some of those jobs on the side but my days now are spent doing other things that actually provide more financial freedom and freedom to be me.

This may not be your exact case but I'm guessing we're cut from a similar cloth.

I let it go, I can still do those jobs and be submissive or a Fagge as you say, because the mind is open and very powerful.

I offer you this, continue growing your contract, don't be afraid to explore. If you check off all 50 boxes in 6 months you may want to scale back or you may be searching for the next "fix". Even in your language you have the "machismo" attitude. That will subside after being locked up 24/7 for a few years lol.

I wish you well, sounds like you have an amazing partner. Respect her, comfort her, please her, and have fun.

Best wishes,
Janie

 

The only nightmare I see is living a dishonest life. Not being true to yourself. And let's be clear here, all that macho programming we've both grown up with (yeah me too) is fake, false and incredibly harmful. Therefore it is not in your best interest long term. And it's worse than any fear based worries about an FLR you have dreamed up.

Dont let your imaginary fears sabotage your new found excellent lifestyle. A good way to reaffirm your FLR bond and your submissive position in it is regular beatings. What "real man" (fake man) would not only allow his wife to severely beat him but would ask for it and then hold still while its carried out.?
This weekly session helps to cement your roles by changing the way you see yourselves, and each other, in the big picture. It sounds like your Mistress will grow to love this too and make sure it stays a part of your lives.

Best of luck in your journey of submission and self discovery. You have far to go before you can hope to make an informed decision. And besides, SHE is supposed to make the decisions... You on the other hand are just supposed to confess all your deepest darkest kinks and secrets, and then let Her decide what to do with them.




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Alpha male to me isn't one that is commander and chief of all he surveys, but one who has confidence in his own role in life, be that in a leadership type position or in support.

Being strong "behind" someone doesn't mean you are weak or less of a man, it simply means that you work to your strengths to provide the most benefit.

We have some "alpha" types at work who think that means they are the greatest, but its amazing how quickly their worlds collapse when those around them have no desire to help them retain their "alpha" status.

 

This is brilliantly well said NZSenator. I find the whole alpha/beta dichotomy boring, annoy, crappy, bullshit - yeah, I don't like it! Sooner we move one as a species and junk it the better.

Even if it's more of a spectrum than a dichotomy, in my experience most people can be dominant in some situations and submissive the next. They may be more comfortable being a particular way, but that can also change over time as the OP's post suggests.

Like NZSenator, when I think of the CEO in my company, he is fantastically democratic and supportive, he puts his team first, yet he leads from the front if the team needs some confidence or when things gets hot. He is neither an alpha or a beta, and I'm trying to learn a lot from him.

 

I agree. Whenever I see someone refer to himself as alpha, I immediately think “arrogant overconfident dickhead,” although I realize that’s a bit of an overgeneralization.