Tips for selflocking discipline without keyholder/Mrs

Discussion in 'Online chastity and self locking' started by goodforyou, Dec 23, 2020.

  1. goodforyou
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    goodforyou Member

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    Hello, still a newbie here. Are there people here who lock themselves because there is no keyholder? And how do you control yourself, manage release if you need it for physical health or because you think you deserve it. How to avoid cheating? I have a wife but she is not into it yet and since i got the advice to take it slowly and not push it onto her, i was wondering how i could in the meantime lock myself, in a safe way. I put on my chastity cage daily, slept almost 2 nights with it, but sometimes when i unlock myself i feel the urge to masturbate since wearing the cage keeps me horny all day. In that case i do try to have a ruined orgasm which i succeed in. But still i cheated. Maybe my question sounds stupid?
     
  2. Guest 2684
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    Guest 2684 Long term member

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    Not at all I started with self locking i told my wife what I was doing and made a promise if we were not having sex I would be locked. It made it easier. I guess what I am saying is keep it on for her to be ready for her when she wants it. Just you run the keys till she wants them
     
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  3. Sipriotes
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    Sipriotes Slave to Artemistress

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    There are many here who successfully introduced their wives to the benefits of chastity by focusing on her pleasure -- which is what this really should be about anyway. If your wife is open to it, any time you feel like masturbating, offer her oral or other pleasure instead. This will get your mind off the horniness and may -- over time and without being pushy -- open her up to the idea of holding your keys.

    Good luck!
     
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  4. MissyB
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    MissyB Long term member

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    I self lock, although i do have an online Domme. I don't always wear a cage but try to stay chaste. Locking up helps when you get super horny, but really it is an honor system. Like others said, try to use that energy to focus on pleasing wife. Whether that is sexual, or just being close, or doing chores for her. help her see how you being in chastity is good for her, as well as you. use this time to get acclimated to wearing a cage and placing yourself where you can be most helpful. Of course, many here just use it for short term chastity play to heighten sexual encounters. Find out what works for both of you. Good luck and enjoy.
     
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  5. goodforyou
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    goodforyou Member

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    Good strategy! Tx
     
  6. goodforyou
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    Good strategy indeed! Of course i need to be able to stay all the time locked then, but nights don't work out yet. Tx
     
  7. goodforyou
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    goodforyou Member

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    Well actually i tried to do that already, but... she is often tired or wants to sleep. In that case i am on my own.... but thanks for the good advice.
     
  8. goodforyou
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    goodforyou Member

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    I suppose for me to find out what chastity can mean to me. I would love to have more willpower to refrain but i can be so weak if really horny. So therefore the need for a cage with a keyholder who decides. Tx for advice.
     
  9. Danny15
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    Danny15 Long term member

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    When I was in my early 30's I couldn't self lock for more than a day or 2 as it would make me too horny .my wife just found it weird and with 2 babies to look after didn't have the energy or interest to get involved. A couple of years ago I realised that I was satisfying my self regularly and had lost interest in intimacy as my libido began its downward slope . it dawned on me that in order to regain those intimate moments with my wife I needed to not be selfish and save myself for her . Now aged 50 we still have those intimate moments and when they arise I'm always up for it . That was the penny drop moment, that was my motivation to self lock . If I don't self lock then I revert to my old habits . I've. Spent probably 10 of the last 12 months locked and I am now very comfortable with it . I might be locked for a month or 6 I have no idea .

    It will take time for you to find that motivation particularly if your other half isn't fully on board with the idea. My wife wouldn't bat an eyelid to find me shaved and locked , she kind of expects it , she says she loves how it makes me feel so horny as
     
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  10. Alana
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    Alana Long term member

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    a time-safe for your keys can help enforce minimum locking times
     
  11. goodforyou
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    Obh yes i forgotbthe kids factor Well, reading all this gives me some hope and comfort. I defintely see chastity and my cuckolding wish as a way to re☆energize our sex life and increase intimacy. I have a strong will and desire to make it work, but the flesh can be weak.... and unfortunately there is no punishment yet. Let's give it some time. I suppose time will tell.
     
  12. goodforyou
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    Interesting idea. Thanks.
     
  13. Deny Me
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    Deny Me DenyMe

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    I have trouble with the cage fitting but have no issues being in denial if I am with an online mistress. Have gone months before. My ex denied me except once a month I could jack on her feet if I cleaned up. Sexless for 11 years I understand my role as a weak submissive man. All the women in my life are bbc exclusive as it should be. ISO a mistress who will push my limits and eventually permanent denial.
     
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  14. goodforyou
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    You are lucky having such mistresses.
     
  15. ballsblue
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    You could try using ChastiKey to enforce minimum lock times, or if you want to give yourself some discipline, you could set up a lock that doesn’t start until you decide you want out and then enforces a “cool down” time of say 30 mins or maybe a few hours to give yourself a chance to decide if you truly want to unlock. So, no way to obtain “instant” gratification, you must wait and perhaps the need passes and you can then just reset the lock to push yourself to longer lock times. I find that restricting my ability to “give in” in the moment, is usually enough to keep me focused and prevent those weak moments.. Just a thought..
     
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  16. goodforyou
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    Interesting idea. It's indeed a matter of bridging the moments where i crave the gratification.
    Best for me would be to have my wife calling the shots but that is a work in progress :)

    What i also try to do is to watch porn on the difficult moments. It makes the urge bigger for a moment but when i look long enough (with precum leakage/no orgasm though) my desires are sometimes "fullfilled" and i can move on.
     
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    Yeah, understand the challenge.. My wife is lukewarm at best and seems unwilling to accept the control I am yearning for.. Ultimately, I may regret if / when she does get serious, but we’ve all been warned about “Be careful what you wish for”.. even so, I sit here wishing
     
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  18. goodforyou
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    Glad to read i am not alone. I know, i kniw, be careful... but sometimes the desire and pleasure will beat the pain, discomforts or regrets. Yoi can also say : no regrets.
     
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    Danny15 Long term member

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    Think that may be why I let the subject be. I currently enjoy my chastity on my terms . I get to enjoy the feeling of being caged and denied but haven't relinquished any control. Now I know I can be comfortably locked for long periods I know I can do it if my wife shows an interest .

    I've always been reluctant to bring up her keyholding and control of my orgasms as I didn't want to have to ask to be let out every few days as I knew I hadn't got my head around it myself. It's taken years to get here and dozens of devices . If she runs with it now , I know I won't disappoint her by asking to be unlocked . It will be a very different chastity experience to what I've had so far but I'm now good to go .
     
  20. ballsblue
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    “It will be a very different chastity experience to what I've had so far but I'm now good to go .”

    No question about it.. Regardless of the length of lockup, it is quite a bit different when someone else is holding the key and making the decision.. Still trying to figure out how to get her on board for more than just a short occasional indulgence..
     
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  21. CONRAD ST IVES
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    I HAVE A LADY THAT DOES MASSAGE FOR ME , WE TALKED A LOT SO SHE KNOWS I AM A BIT ODD. I ASKED HER IF SHE WOULD HOLD MY KEYS FOR ME . SHE WAS VERY O.K. WITH IT . I HAVE NOW BEEN LOCKED UP 24/7 FOR 7 WEEKS . I WAS GETTING A MASSAGE EVERY MONTH
    I WAS GOING TO GET THE KEY BACK THEN , BUT COVID CAME UP. I SHOULD GET A MASSAGE
    NEXT WEEK AND BE UNLOCKED BUT IT WILL BE UP TO HER. I WILL NOT BRING IT UP IF I CAN STAND IT . IT WILL BE A REAL TURN TO SEE HOW LONG I CAN GO. IF SHE KEEPS ME LOCKED.
    SHE WAS IN THE ARMY FOR 2 YEARS AND SEEMS TO ENJOY BEING IN THE CONTROL OF MEN.
    I EVEN ASKED IF SHE WOULD CONSIDER GIVING ME A FEW SWATS DURING THE MASSAGE.
    SHE SAID SHE WOULD THINK ABOUT IT BUT DID NOT SEEM AT ALL UPSET BY THE REQUEST.
    I KNOW SHE LIKES MY SMOOTH SHAVED TAN BODY I AM IN FAIR CONDITION FOR MY AGE.
    I GO TO THE GYM 3 TIMES A WEEK, TAN EACH TIME AND DO PUSHUPS AT HOME THE OTHER DAYS. THIS COULD BE VERY INTERESTING, WE WILL SEE WHERE IT GOES .
     
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    WHERE CAN I FIND OUT HOW TO PLACE A FOTO IN MY PROFILE.
     
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    W
    When i first started self locking about 2 years ago, i wanted to find ways keep from getting the keys.
    i thought about keeping in my gym locker, or in my p.o. box , or just dig a hole for them at the park .
    but all i had to do was drive and get them . i wanted something that would be a punishment to get them . their is a pool at my complex . if i dropped the keys in i would have to endure the very cold water to get them . I was sure this would keep me in chastity much longer. a great idea yes ?
    I felt i should test the water to see if i could do this. i went out at night ( so no one would see me )
    in just shorts shirt and flip flops . I went in up to my shorts and almost died. years ago i took cold showers every morning , but never this cold . you can be sure i was
     
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