It was with great sadness that Lady C's favourite strap was considered fatally wounded in action and had to be retired to the great toy-chest in the sky, or back to the scary place of fire where it was forged - http://www.quality-control.co.uk/pr...s/s31blackrubbergovernorstrapsolidsevere.html However on a happier note a replacement is on order to fulfil part of Lady C's long list of Xmas gifts. For its triumphant return it was decreed that it would be joining us on a regular basis on our famous Friday night curry and beer nights. These may be getting renamed as curry and tears nights. In honour of this, I have been tasked to provide a suitable comment as what these nights may be like with the three of us. So since we're are rapidly approaching the Silly Season I have made a start to a product label mimicking a spicy ingredient. Feel free to contribute, or for those non-UK residents, ask what the hell is he on about now and how did we manage to fatally damage a strap. ===================================================================================== Thwack - the perfect way to spice up your meals with additional heat. Use to bring out the best colour at mealtimes with a this simple additive. Make meal preparation exciting again. Bring your curries up to to restaurant quality with this simple ingredient. Bring a glow to the kitchen. If your diners are expecting something wild, why not give them that something extra. Surprise them with a Hot Madras, or maybe they wanted something like a Vindaloo. Make sure they get what they ask for. Not limited to curries, Thwack can make the mildest midweek pot roast into an occasion to be remembered "More authentic heat and colour than Paul Hollywood's tan" - Mary Berry. "Wish we had this in to settle things in the Bake Off tent" - Paul Hollywood. "Easy to use, nicely balanced, one of my favourites" - Lady C. "Hotter than the Cracks of Doom" - Gandalf the White. "Perfect when you need to whip something up quickly" - Lindi St Clair. "Essential when I have some roasting to do" - Lady C. "Revelations as BSDM served up as a main course. Busty brunette housewife Mrs X reveals…" - The Star. Instructions for Use For best results, apply liberally. Not only for the kitchen, but can also be used at the table. Not limited to main meals, but appetisers, soups, starters, sweets, puddings, cheese boards and snacks. Ingredients Sting, thump, heat, colour, attitude adjuster (E666), dominance (E999], love, anti-brat agent [E000] Ingredients in bold are liable to cause a minor skin irritation. Suitable for vegans, no animal products are used in Thwack. Warning Store upright in a cool dry place. Hold by the handle only, the working end may cause serious discomfort. May cause eyes to tears at the time of serving, this is nothing to fuss over. Keep out of reach of submissives. Extended use over longer periods may result in positive behavioural changes, this is to be expected. Quality Policy We aim to please. ===================================================================================== So, the challenge is set. Best answers will receive absolutely nothing more than a like and possibly a comment. I should also be chasing Quality Control for free products given the amount of advertising and product endorsements I give them.
Dear Sir Based on the assumption that your Thwack product is made using leather, We put it to you that it is, therefore, not suitable for vegans or vegetarians. If you persist in describing it as such, we will have no option but to report you to the Advertising Standards Authority. Yours sincerely Ben Dover Esq. For and on behalf of: His Majesty's Red-Rear Society
LOL, but it's made of rubber and if I remember correctly smells like old tyres! Although this mammal at the keyboard might be harmed with it. "I would love to have a chance to review this product" - Mojoman A