1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Through the looking glass

Discussion in 'Chastity journals and blogs' started by PouchPantyLover, Feb 8, 2018.

  1. Jack344
    Offline

    Jack344 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2018
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    7:26 PM
    Thank you for posting! I think there have been many men in "fight or flight" mode when danger shows up and the dominant attitude can be lifesaving. My route back to submission is to stop viewing submission as weakness. When you get a sense of accomplishment, satisfaction, and personal growth from serving a woman there is no fear of weakness that pushes you back to wanting to be dominant.
     
    Love&Passion likes this.
  2. PouchPantyLover
    Offline

    PouchPantyLover Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2017
    Messages:
    502
    Likes Received:
    561
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    1:26 PM
    So I'm sitting here looking at my chastity key and I feel like crying. Today was the day. My wife made it clear in the morning that we were changing things today! She went off to her morning workout and I went to my jobs and meetings. When I returned shortly after lunch she told me to get dressed in my sissy outfit and get to work cleaning up the kitchen and doing the laundry. OK, has some promise. I do as told and while I'm in the Kitchen. She comes in and makes me stand for her inspection, lift the hem of my maids uniform and do a turn. She delivers some comments about my sissiness, an ass slap and a fondle. Great, I'm thinking, here we go, she's going to do some sensual domination. Then she goes and sits down and I return to cleaning the Kitchen.

    As I'm done cleaning the Kitchen I go and look at my phone and see I got a text from a subcontractor. She asks if it makes me feel like a sissy looking at a text from a real man while I'm all dressed up. OK, now we're cooking, she's going to do some humiliation. She adds "maybe I should take a picture of you right now and send it back to him". Wow, public exposure threat. So I respond with "please don't" and she says OK go do the laundry. Wow from 100 to zero in 1 second.

    So I go up and start folding laundry and she comes into the room and starts fondling me and asking me about how it feels to be dressed up. Yeah, we're back in business. She asks if my cage is tight and I say yes and she responds with that's surprising since you have such a small penis. She adds that if I had a real mans penis, none of this would be necessary. Pow-Pow, what a 1-2 jab, now go for the knock out. She then says keep your panties on when you come back to work and leaves and goes back to the office.

    The whole time I'm folding laundry I'm saying to myself, she's coming back. Any second now she's going to come back. She's had weeks to plan this. We've had intimate discussions about what works and what doesn't work. She's got to know she can't just leave it like this. All laundry folded and put away I change and head back to the office. I just know she's going to do something. What is her plan? How much more suspense can I take. As the clock ticks away and it gets closer and closer to the time she leaves I realize that there is nothing else, there is no more. In my mind I'm saying to myself she can't be feeling dominant, she can't see this as being the big push to get me rolling. Surely she knows I'm not feeling submissive.

    She comes over to me as she's ready to leave and gives me a kiss and then see's the look on my face. What's wrong she asks? How can she not know my mind is screaming. So I apologize. I'm honest with her and tell her I don't feel dominated or submissive. I tell her that I wanted her to succeed so badly. The whole way home today I was literally praying for her success because I genuinely miss our life, but I can't fake it. She was clearly mad, frustrated and annoyed. She said OK and fished the key out of her purse and dumped it on my desk and left.

    Now it's just me and the key and I'm so fucking sad. I hate the idea of taking this cage off. I hate the idea of giving up on this. I don't know what to do. I can't be submissive unless I feel dominated. It feels like the way a break-up used to feel back when I was single. This really awful hollow feeling combined with a disbelief and denial that it's over. But just like then, my denial doesn't change the reality that this journey appears to have ended. Aloha CM a ua halawai hou
     
    Mash2214 likes this.
  3. PouchPantyLover
    Offline

    PouchPantyLover Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2017
    Messages:
    502
    Likes Received:
    561
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    1:26 PM
    So I'm back and I have an uplifting post for a change, but you've got to stick with me to rock bottom first. I couldn't bring myself to unlock. I sent her a text telling her I was leaving the key where she dropped it and I'm going to some meetings. No response from her. When I return two hours later, there is the key. So sad as hell I go unlock myself, clean my cage and put it away in a locked case with our sex toys. That whole weekend I was just sad. She was mad at me, I wasn't mad at all, just sad.

    Monday rolls around and a funny thing happens. In order to explain it fully I own my own business and she works for me as an administrative assistant. In theory this is her job that she works at when she is not doing motherly type things. Her schedule Monday starts off with getting up an hour after me and I have kids ready to go and I'm at work. She drives them to school and then hangs out and chit chats with other parents and teachers for awhile. She then goes to her first work-out class (that I pay for) with her friends. After which she chit-chats until her second work out (that I also pay for) with her instructor at a friends house. More chit chat before hurrying home for lunch and a shower so she can go get her massage (that I also pay for). By the time that's all done it's time to go get the kids.

    While all this is going on my office and mobile phones are lighting up, very busy day with lots of stress. Some stuff I can handle and others I need her for. All of a sudden this huge ball of resentment starts building and building. I'm furious with her. Not only is she ignoring her job for all this, she's ignoring me. That's when it hits me. The realization that the greatest gift chastity gave us, was changing my resentment to joy. The submissives pleasure in seeing his dominant get what she wants from life. I remember how often this ball of resentment used to choke me and it makes me sad to know it's back. This huge cycle of anger, resentment, loss, sadness starts spinning.

    After processing this for a day I share it with her. Share it thinking she is the woman I love and maybe this will help her see why our chastity relationship is worth fighting for. Nope it has the opposite impact. She's furious and hurt because she thinks I'm blaming her. Things take a sharp turn for the worse here and we hit rock bottom. She has cancelled all her work-outs and is in the office full time, but angry with me the whole time. I'm sadder now because I felt like at least one of us was happy before. I just feel this widening gulf between us. This simmering stew of misery just rolls on with neither one of us able or willing to do something to bring it to an end.

    Fast forward to Sunday and it's been 8 days of this. I'm in the backyard working on a project to keep my mind off things when she comes out to talk to me. She then talks to me in a very serious voice. I don't think she meant it to be commanding, but that's how it sounded to me. She says "I love you. We have to get past this. Tonight in bed I want you to hold me." I feel this shiver run up my spine and I tell her I love her too. Suddenly it dawns on me. The point so many people have said on CM to me and others. She is my Mistress. I can have my hopes and requests, but at the end of the day all that she needs to do is accept my service and respect. So that night I held her and planned my own path back.

    I convinced her to go back to her exercise class in the morning. While she is away I got my jailbird back out, shaved and locked up. When she returned I told her I loved her, but that I couldn't live with myself being mad at her or making her feel sad. I told her that if she didn't want to be dominant, she didn't have to be. I asked her only to accept my submission to her and for two favors. First I asked if she would hold my key again. She said yes. Secondly I asked her if I could call her Mistress again. She said yes. I'm sitting here a month latter and we are both so happy again. I took to it like a fish to water. She was a little slow warming up, but once she got going she took us to new highs. I'll share some of those highs in my next entry, but for now let me just say....IT IS GOOD TO BE BACK!
     
    El Guapo, Nicoftime, DonnaSue and 3 others like this.
  4. Mash2214
    Offline

    Mash2214 Her Locked Little Boy

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2013
    Messages:
    2,183
    Likes Received:
    4,219
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Business Owner
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Canada
    Local Time:
    5:26 PM
    No one has ever said that Being Married would always be easy and if they did they were lieing. When we have that strong marriage everything else finds away of working out. The power of Love
     
    Love&Passion likes this.
  5. LesterBallard
    Offline

    LesterBallard Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2016
    Messages:
    756
    Likes Received:
    274
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Management
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United Kingdom
    Local Time:
    12:26 AM
    Keep working at it. Glad things are going well
     
    Love&Passion likes this.
  6. DonnaSue
    Offline

    DonnaSue Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2015
    Messages:
    1,297
    Likes Received:
    1,452
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Southeast US
    Local Time:
    6:26 PM
    This whole thread proves that, with communication, we can work through problems! Good job!
     
    Love&Passion likes this.
  7. Love&Passion
    Offline

    Love&Passion Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2016
    Messages:
    152
    Likes Received:
    164
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    7:26 PM
    @PouchPantyLover thank you thank you thank you.
    I followed your journey and I liked your journey. After your Feb 23 post I was short of words. I was hoping YOU would come to your senses but knew I wasn't able to give advise the correct way. I am so happy to see you back. Congratulations, what a journey!!!!
     
    Mash2214 likes this.