Through the looking glass

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by PouchPantyLover, Feb 8, 2018.

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  1. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    Where to start? I feel that for those that know me on this site I could jump in at the middle, but for others this might be confusing. So a little preamble for them. My wife (aka Mistress/Keyholder) and I have been involved in a chastity and FLR for about a year now. I joined CM about 11 months ago and up until January 1 of this year have been a very active member. On that day a neighbor violently threatened myself, my wife and our two children. My wife was scared. She told me she needed me to protect our family. The cage was already off that day for a shave and a swim and it never went back on.

    I've spent the past month plus being in charge and taking care of our family. Every effort has been focused on making them feel safe, first in our home and then in our neighborhood. Working with an attorney I got a TRO which has now been expanded to an injunction against harassment that is good for 3 years. This guy looks cross eyed at us and I can have him arrested. I worked with the police to get the case referred to the prosecutors and now I'm working with them to bring charges. I focused on strengthening what I call a defensive perimeter by adding multiple motion activated floodlights as well as a security camera system. I have also laid on the bravado and humor to show we have nothing to be scared of.

    All of this combined has worked. Our neighbor who has long been an annoyance is running scared and not bothered us since the TRO went into affect. My wife and kids have grown more comfortable by the day. This culminated this weekend with a party where we and many guests walked back and forth from the beach in front of the neighbors house with no harassment or even an appearance on his part. So with this confidence and with this progress my wife shocked the hell out of me by saying it was time for me to lock back up.

    I would love to be able to claim that I was being "submissive" to my wife or "serving her" as I did follow her instructions. The truth is that I took control of everything. Control of decisions that I had surrendered to her many months before. The truth is that I made love to my wife frequently and powerfully. When her libido did not match mine I took matters into my own hands and masturbated at will. She would try on occasion to wrest control by forcing me to do something and I would simply give her a "yeah right" look.

    I wasn't a jerk. Even though I'm the primary bread winner I've always helped with the kids and around the house. I still did those things, but if I made dinner, she could damn well clean-up the Kitchen. If I did the shopping, she could damn well put the groceries away. She fell into these old roles easily too. Instead of telling me what we were going to do, she would ask. Instead of waiting for her to ask, I would decide and she would agree. Now she wants to unwind the clock and go back to how things were before and that's where i get to the title of this thread.

    I can see the guy I was like a hazy reflection. I can read my posts on CM and remember having those experiences and coming here to write about them, but they feel like they happened to someone else. I don't know if I want to go back or if I even can go back. My wife has tried a few things. She tried hiding all of my panties and I told her that's fine, I haven't worn anything but boxers since the incident anyway. She tried grabbing my balls to give them a good squeeze and I didn't allow that to happen. 45 days ago I never would have had the temerity to resist her right to grab my balls and I would have been in tears over the panties.

    After a candid discussion with her yesterday I agreed to put the cage on, but a little more than 24 hours later I demanded to be unlocked as I didn't see her being at all dominant or me submissive. I've left the door open to another attempt, but I'm not sure that I haven't undergone some profound change due to this experience. So this is where I find myself at the dawn of what would be year two of our chastity experience, except I'm wondering if it's DOA. I figured I'd start this journal in case we do make it work, but it also might be the shortest journal on record.

    On a final note I'd like to say thank you to all of those who read my thread (none of this matters now) and responded with very uplifting and supportive comments. This place has such a great sense of community.
     
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  2. Love&Passion
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    Love&Passion Long term member

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    Sorry to read about all the troubles you had with the neighbor. Am sure you will find back in to your submissive role and looking forward to reading about it. If you don't find back now you probably will later . Hugs.
     
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  3. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    Sorry to hear things are a bit uncertain for you right now. As time passes, the path should hopefully become clearer for both of you. When someone messes with your living situation, it's never a good thing. Hope to hear from you soon. Jil
     
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  4. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I haven’t had the turmoil you have been going through, but have had a minor change in attitude lately. After my last O, I didn’t bother locking up, which turned into about a week now. I haven’t been touching or anything, but I’ve been under the weather and busy with work, I hadn’t really thought it was necessary.

    She hadn’t been really throwing out the “I’m in charge” vibes, and really, if we aren’t doing it the whole way, it doesn’t seem very practical to do unless everyone is on board.

    Then all of a sudden she said I need to start caging up, I am getting a bit lippy lately. I’m still sick, my son will be with us for the next 3 nights, and I’m really not seeing the point, but I will cage up.
     
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  5. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    It's great you took action to protect your loved ones and yourself. I hope this person doesn't give you any more issues! It will be interesting to see more of your journey, should you wish to continue. Who knows what could happen, especially if your 'Dom' switch has been flicked?

    Best wishes, for whatever's ahead!
     
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  6. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    So last night after the kids went to bed the wife kind of lit into me. Saying she's in charge and I'm not allowed to demand anything. I need to stop trying to control the situation and shut the f*** up and go lock up. A tirade like this before would have had me cowering on the floor, but I'm just not feeling it. I decide to humor the woman and do as she says, but it just feels so contrived.

    After locking up I come downstairs again and we sit and watch some TV for awhile. Again I get the feeling that she feels like she has had some big dominant break through and I don't. So I say to her "is that it? Just going to yell a bit and call it a day?" She looks at me and says "get down on your knees, right now". Again not feeling it, but I go along with a smirk on my face. Once I'm down there she slaps me in the face. She has never done that before. In that instant I felt the rush of submitting to her power. She says "never speak to me like that again" and follows it up with "now go clean the Kitchen". For the first time since all of this happened I called her Mistress. I said "Yes Mistress, I'm sorry Mistress".

    It was there and it was gone. The profound feeling of submitting to her will was so fleeting. By the time the Kitchen was clean it was gone. I've spent today trying to feel this way again. Trying to make it real and powerful, but it just feels fake. When her hand hit my face it certainly didn't feel fake, but everything since then does. I feel like I'm trying to be submissive and failing because I don't feel submissive. I don't feel dominant either, I guess I just feel independent. Still not sure where this is going, but will continue to document the process for now.
     
  7. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Not to sound like a topping from the bottom guy, but after that slap to the face, it might have went in a different direction if she would have continued with the discipline or turned it sexual.

    I mean if the end game is to get you back to the role...incentive and motivation help. Given the chore to clean the kitchen wouldn’t have done it for me either. I would have thought “hey we were almost there but now it just seems silly”. I hope you two get back to what makes you happy.
     
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  8. Beautiful and her footman
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    Beautiful and her footman Long term member

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    Do you want to go back to being submissive? I'm not asking if you feel like it, obviously you don't, I'm asking if you would choose to do it if you could. If you want to go back to the submissive role, then do it. You may not feel like it at first, but commit to doing it for a short time. Give your mind and body time to reacclimatize to the submissive life.

    From the physiological/psychological stand point, feelings are just chemical compounds released in the brain. Your brain had to make rather large and abrupt change in response to an immediate threat to you and your family. And rightfully so. From what you said, your brain switched modes again in response to your wife slapping you, although it was no where near as big of a change as your neighbor caused. If you choose to go back to being submissive then go through the motions for a week or 2. Give your body a chance to rebalance. Your feelings may change as well if you go without an orgasm for a while. Because, Science!

    -the footman

    P.S. I'm glad you are all ok and good job taking care of your family.
     
  9. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    Hmm... Sounds like some primal play could be on the horizon, perhaps? It would make sense, considering the emotions you've both felt recently.

    I'll be watching this thread, wondering if I'll need popcorn soon. ;) Semantics can be confusing; regardless of the D/s slash, have fun!
     
  10. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    A persons life is always changing. Yours has had some very serious changes in it lately. What direction your life goes now may include chastity or not. That part of your life may never be the same as it was before and that's totally OK. What's important is you have a loving wife and family no matter what direction you go the Love of your Family should always be Number 1. Take Care of Yourself and Your Family and all the best to you
     
  11. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    So Wednesday night was the face slap. Thursday was nothing. She told me firmly to do some of my old domestic service stuff. I did some with kind of a halfway effort. Ignored others. Friday (today) morning roles around. I'm working in our home based office and my wife walks in and sits down at her desk and says "this isn't working is it?" It Ultimately prompted a really healthy discussion that was too lengthy to write out here, but I'll hit the highlights.

    I agreed that it was not working and told her that this is supposed to fun, especially for her. If it was causing her grief or feeling like too much effort we could just give up. She resisted and said that we both were so happy with how things were a couple of months ago that she would really like to get back to that.

    I told her that if she wanted this, then she needed a plan and be willing to follow through with it. I told her that right now I felt like a cork floating in water. When she slapped me the other night she pushed the cork under and it felt right and good. The problem was that the cork popped right back to the surface and that until she was prepared to exercise a concentrated effort to keep the cork down it would continue to do so.

    She accused me of being intentionally subversive to her will. I explained that I wasn't being subversive to her will, I just felt an absence of her projecting her will onto me. She also offered up that she didn't want to be such a bitch that I resented her for it. This is an old insecurity from when we started down this path a year ago and a sign to me that she is struggling with re-finding her own way. I told her as much and pointed out that I always felt most loved when she was the most dominant and that I had never resented anything she had done including some of the really powerful and profound punishments.

    At the end of the conversation we agreed to hit the reset button. I was getting out of my cage this afternoon for sailing anyway. She told me to go take it off this morning. She was going to figure out what she wanted to do and when. I told her that whenever she was ready to start I would lock-up without complaint and do my best to follow her lead. She promised to make a plan and focus on holding the cork down as long as it takes.

    At this point I feel a nervous sort of excitement over the whole thing. To answer the question raised by @Beautiful and her footman I do want to go back to being submissive. That slap proved that to me. Over the evolution of our FLR and participating in forums on CM I've come to appreciate that for me submission requires domination. I can't submit to somebody that won't dominate me. So yes I want to go back to being submissive, provided my wife can muster the energy and enthusiasm to put me there. That is the part I find exciting. The part that makes me nervous is either another lackluster effort on her part or too much float in my cork on my side. I guess only time will tell.
     
  12. El Guapo
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    El Guapo Ladies First.

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    @PouchPantyLover

    Speaking generally ...
    Trials and tribulations are no fun going through - but if we are living in the present & conscious of our parts & willing to adapt to changing circumstances, we grow.

    In that context, it sounds like you are on the correct path - talking, seeing what happens, figuring things out, talking more, etc. Here. Here!

    Events & progress occur in their own timeframes, not ours.

    I am reminded of an old Indian saying:
    "Keep your eyes on the stars but your feet on the ground."
    [Pursue your dreams in a practical way].

    Its gonna work out ...
     
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  13. Mistress Jules
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    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
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    I am so glad to hear that things have gone forward in a positive manner regarding your family. As your primary concern, it must make you feel better that your actions have procured a positive response.

    As for the D/s relationship - it took you almost a year to get to the place you were before you had to hit the Alpha button and change instantly. It is not going to get back there in a couple of days even if you do both want it. I don't think it will take as long as when you initially started but it will take some work and some getting used to again.

    At least now you both know what you are aiming for and how good it can be in reality. You have your goal but now instead of being freshmen with no clue, you are now sophomores, still a lot to learn but you know what it is you are going for ;)

    Good luck with whatever you choose and enjoy finding out.
     
  14. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    So nothing much to post other than a growing frustration on two fronts. Dealing with the crazy neighbor was relatively quick initially; TRO in a week, police refer to prosecutor in a week and permanent injunction against harassment at 2 1/2 week mark. Since then things have shifted into low gear. Our case is yet to even be reviewed by a prosecutor and when I call to check they keep telling me what a huge backlog they have and how the case isn't a priority as the statute of limitations is 2 years to bring charges. :mad:

    On the home front after our conversation last Friday absolutely nothing has happened. I'm not sure if this due to the fact that she is planning something that takes time and preparation or because she hasn't planned anything and doesn't know what to do. Historically the second is more likely. I made the comment yesterday that I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and she responded by saying how busy she is.

    That's the rub for me and her and has been for a long time. She has the time to go to three 3 hour workout sessions a week and meet up for hikes or jogs on other days. She was up until 1 last night making valentines cup cakes for kids to take to school and went out for 2 hours last night to meet up with a social group that works on charitable efforts. I see her making these efforts and I get jealous and angry because I want to be the recipient of that effort. :(

    It probably doesn't help that today is Valentine's day which is probably one of my most detested holidays. It's not that I object to the concept of a special day to express your love, although I think every day is appropriate for that. It's the gross commercialization of it. You don't love your wife or SO unless you get the biggest bouquet, go to the swankiest restaurant and buy the most heartfelt greeting card. Did that last year? Well, do one better. Singing telegrams, rose petal trail to a candlelit bed, etc.

    Probably could have done without this post, but this is the only place I can really vent on this subject matter and it is cathartic to do so.
     
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  15. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    I too am not a fan of v- day. In general I try to go out of my way everyday to do something special. In reality, she would probably be upset if I bought 100 bucks worth of flowers, at the same time I know she would really like it as well. If you figure them out please do let us know.

    I totally understand sharing time. I sometimes feel that sometimes our excuse is that we don’t have the time for the D/s portion of our relationship, yet she has time to go gamble, do things on the computer, or go to bed early and read. I am of course fine with it, but at the same time, much of this was her idea(discipline,FLR) and it seems she isn’t putting in the effort on those fronts. That confuses me, and I wonder are we still doing this? Then out of the blue she will say something that puts us right back on track and I realize she still wants this dynamic.

    I certainly hope things settle down for you.
     
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  16. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    Unlocking that secret would yield fame and fortune that would surpass even my wildest dreams.
     
  17. At all Times
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    At all Times At all Times

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    Well I'm sorry for your troubles, and hope that the safety and security of your family is maintained.

    As far as your D/s relationship with your wife is concerned it sounds very much to me that you are employing a very much "alpha male" approach to get your wife to respond in a way that suits you and is for you. From what you have said it sounds like that the only way that your going to "accept" your wife's dominance is if she takes it too "another" level and keeps it there.

    I can't imagine many FLR's surviving or growing, if all the men took this approach. I appreciate that you may have lost your submissive mojo, and that it maybe difficult to get back, but what you seem to be suggesting will only work if your wife takes things to a level the your setting for her. What's in it for her? Pleasing you? Or mutually enjoying the experience?

    I imagine that the majority of submissive men concede all sorts of fantasies and desires in an attempt to cajole and encourage their partners into becoming more dominant, making them feel more submissive. I am sorry to say but I don't see your current approach having a long term positive outcome. I hope I am wrong and I do understand the frustration of feeling neglected, but that's often the way things are when your partner is not into being the dominant you want her to be.
     
  18. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    I here what you are saying @At all Times and on some level I agree with it. The way our dynamic evolved requires very little maintenance effort on her part once it gets going. It's like rolling down hill, but I always need a push to get going. The longer the break from chastity, the more of a push I need. If you have the interest you can look up my thread "Vacation from Chastity" to read about how it's been in the past. The problem here is not just the duration without chastity, but also what's been going on during that time. I can't flip a switch in myself, only she can do that.

    I'm also a big believer in the idea that submission and dominance are linked. I submit because she is dominant. I can't submit to her if she's being submissive. It's a power and control thing. When she exercises her power, she controls me. When she doesn't, well we get what we have now.

    The one place I disagree with you is I'm not trying to force her to do anything. My very first statement to her which I recorded in this thread was "This is supposed to be fun, especially for you". I love my wife chastity or no chastity, FLR or no FLR. If she doesn't want to do it, we can put this stuff in a box in the attic. If she wants the FLR though, it is a FEMALE led relationship. She's got to get out there and lead.
     
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  19. At all Times
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    At all Times At all Times

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    I hear what your'e saying @PouchPantyLover I hope that you both get where you want to be....
     
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  20. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    Maybe the re-start we needed? My wife and I have been fairly sexually active over the last week. She got me to stop masturbating because I always wanted to be ready for her. Yesterday we were at the 3 days without sex mark, which is my usual default to masturbate. Through-out the day she kept dropping hints about sex tonight. I had a couple of opportunities through out the day to take matters into my own hand, but decided to wait.

    After the kids go to bed we fool around on the couch together for awhile and head upstairs to bed. She announces she wants to cum using her toys. I've done this a few times while unlocked, so I'm happy to oblige. I've always enjoyed her orgasms. After she climaxes I go and put the toys away and climb in to bed naked and ready. As I snuggle up to her I discover she's put her underwear back on.

    WTF is my first reaction. "Hey, what about me" I say out loud. She replies "you get to hold me and have one last night unlocked". I'm not enamored with this answer and begin to try and work her underwear off while nibbling on her ear. She rolls over, gets up on her knees and straddles my chest and says something like "Bitch you need to learn to listen". She then proceeds to slap my face, not once, but three or four times, alternating between hands. Then she leans in close to my face and says "what do you have to say". I'm in a bit of a state of shock, but I say "I'm sorry Mistress".

    She climbs off me and again rolls over and pushes her butt up against me and says "snuggle". Since the "I'm taking what I want" approach failed, I switch to the have pity approach. Beseeching her that she had made promises during the day and that if she was really going to lock me up I should be allowed to cum one last time. All she says is "No! Snuggle". I try the indirect approach by going for the breast, hoping to stimulate her into the mood and again in a flash she's up straddling my chest and slapping my face back and forth even harder. She ends with a threat delivered inches from my face "If I have to do this again, you'll be sleeping on the floor". She doesn't even have to ask me. I'm stuttering out my apologies.

    This morning rolls around and while we're both laying in bed she says "time to go lock up". I explain that I need to shave before locking and that I'll take a shower too. My plan is as soon as I'm in the shower I'm going to give myself a nice soapy hand job. I dutifully shave my caged area, take my morning pills and brush my teeth. As I climb into the shower I remember my promise to her. That if she comes up with a plan, I will follow her lead and lock-up as instructed when she's ready. I realize that all of this, including my initial frustration is part of her plan and that if I masturbate now I'm going back on my word and undermining her plan right from the start.

    So I'm locked now and no O as she directed. She's off at workout right now, but mentioned she'd have more instructions for me before the day is over. Not sure where she's taking this, but excited that this might be the re-start we need. I'm still not feeling very submissive right now, but there were moments both last night and this morning where I was.
     
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  21. L-u-c-y
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    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

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    Well done Mrs PPL! Beat some sense into the brat! :)
     
  22. Mandynjack
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    Mandynjack Long term member

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    There is a bottom line to think about. Unless a woman feels dominant, she's never going to be thinking domination. It's a mindset underwritten by mood, character but mostly situation. It really is in most of us women to be dominant to one degree or another, but whatever, it often takes quite a time to manifest. Sometimes you have to create the energy and often keep it going until the penny drops. Patience and persistence are your friends.... and enemies of course. Glad your family feel safer, maybe things are not quite ready yet though. Take care.
     
  23. guest 2942
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    guest 2942 Long term member

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    sounds to me like you have one too many orgasms lol.
     
    PouchPantyLover likes this.
  24. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    CRUNCH! That's the sound of our chastity hitting a brick wall. So Sunday night was the face slaps and Monday morning was lock-up. Didn't think much would happen Monday as kids were home from school and not much did. Some playful groping and some hints about my having a busy day tomorrow was about it, but I was really excited to see what she had come up with. Unfortunately my throat started feeling scratchy last night and I woke up with a full blown cold this morning. So instead of being a bitchy and demanding dom, my wife is being a nurturing and caring spouse. I totally get it and I think it would be hard for either of us to be into it with me blowing snot everywhere. (Sorry, probably too much information). The thing is as miserable as I'm feeling I didn't ask to be unlocked. I'm still wearing my jailbird. I'm pretty sure if I asked she'd let me out, but I'm afraid if I go out I won't go back in again. So for the time being I'm sucking it up and hoping for a quick recovery.
     
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  25. Jack344
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    Jack344 New member

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    Thank you for posting! I think there have been many men in "fight or flight" mode when danger shows up and the dominant attitude can be lifesaving. My route back to submission is to stop viewing submission as weakness. When you get a sense of accomplishment, satisfaction, and personal growth from serving a woman there is no fear of weakness that pushes you back to wanting to be dominant.
     
    Mash2214 and Love&Passion like this.
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