Thrills and hardships of a man wanting permanent lock up

Day 19, no orgasm
Today is the day My Love has been looking forward to all week, we have both trimmed and shaved ourselves, She is doing some last minute errands, I had to stay home and clean the tub and sink, I was not allowed any clothing today. By the time She returns I have to have all Her toys and the suitcase packed ready by the door, I have completed both tasks. My Love will let me know when She is on her way home. I am to be sitting on the stairs with my clothes She picked out for me beside me and only then I am allowed to get dressed so I can load the car. My Love instructed me to double check Her bag of toys and to "make sure you pack my whip"
I will undoubtedly be used tonight for Her pleasure and am looking forward to having Her enjoying Her pet no matter what that might entail! Her satisfaction is most important!
My Love did tell me this morning she had an amazing week and is seeing the benifits to Her of having me locked up, I've have been attentive and very helpful around the house.
Thank you all for your advice and support on our journey!

 

Locked and anxiously waiting for My Love to get ready for supper

 

I agree with comments about not pushing the envelope too far from your side. That said, have you talked to her about CM? Does she know you keep a journal?

No Breathe, My Love does not know about this. I started this journal because I feel better when I put my thoughts in writing and also to get opinions of like minded people.

I must say @Breathe it is an honour that you are following our journey.

 

So now that I have some time, I figure I'd update my progress.
We had a fantastic weekend, Friday night I helped My Love clean the house, instructed to clean in the nude, My Love was thankful however i told her there was no need and I should be doing more to help around the house. I have been putting in extra effort in this and was told that She has noticed.
Saturday started by sleeping in a bit then a foot massage while She had her morning coffee. After Her coffee she took a bath and shaved to get ready for our evening away, I did the same including douching to be sure I was clean and ready for whatever may be in store for me.
Once we got to our room, I was immediately stripped of my clothing, collared and leashed. We sat and had a couple glassss of wine and had an amazing conversation about this whole idea of me being locked up and denied. I explained that it is not necessarily a sexual thing for but a reminder of the fact that I feel Her needs should come first and I want Her to know that I'm not satisfying myself and leaving Her to fend for herself. She was surprised when I told Her that I haven't masturbated or played with our toys without Her knowledge for months, however there are times when it is difficult to fight the urge and being locked up helps.
She was also very surprised when I explained that I enjoy being denied, I enjoy the high I get when I get to bring Her to orgasm and She leaves me without, I told Her I enjoy seeing her satisfied and want nothing in return. She asked how long can I go on without an orgasm, so I went on to explain that after I have one it usually takes 3 days or so before I start to crave another, my record was just set and I went 19 days, she was surprised that I hadn't cheated and got myself off.
So we began to lay out some ground rules, being locked up 24/7 is not in the cards at this time, My Love explained that, at times, She enjoys seeing me "flop around" and that She enjoys feeling me hard and pressed up against her body. I explained that I was fine with that and that it is about what She wants. The compromise to begin with is that when she is away, visiting friends, shopping for the day etc, if I am struggling with the denial to let her know and she will permit me to lock it up, when she returns with the key, if She so desires I am to unlock and not complain about it. She will also allow a 24 hour lock up for the duration she is on Her period so I don't cheat. We agreed to these terms and will re-evaluate in a couple months time.
I was quite satisfied that She is willing to entertain these thoughts and thank Her for the open conversation.
We then got ready for to go out for supper and we enjoyed a nice meal, couple of drinks and more great conversation.

 

Short update, My Love has honour her end of the bargain on the first chance she had. Gone to a friends for the evening, I'm locked up until she gets home, list of small tasks left for me.

 

Day 4, no orgasm.
Day 4 seems to be the day where I begin to crave some sort of release, it's the day where the high we crave from being denied begins to pop up. It's the day where I start to crave and edging session to really get things pumping, it's the day where the cuddling becomes more exciting and gets me thinking of the importance of pleasing My Love. Its the day I begin to fantasize about Her texting and instructing me to do what She pleases. It's the day I begin to crave being on my knees at Her feet like a good pet.
It's the day that when She says "good boy" Her toy twitches.

 

Well there was a mistake made last night.
When I got home from work My Love told me that I would be making love to Her that evening, with a complete body rub! Needless to say I was quite excited to hear that I would be used for Her pleasure. We went on with our normal routine, cooking supper, making lunches, doing dishes etc. All the while there was flirting on Her part, I could tell My Love really needed to be satisfied.
We went to bed after our bath and I began to rub Her body and got quite excited, She enjoyed my hardness pressed against Her bottom as I slowly massaged the tension out of Her. Things went from there, She pleased herself with our Magic Wand while I rubbed Her legs and breasts. My Love slowly allowed me inside Her, using Her property to bring Herself to Her first orgasm, it was incredible to see Her enjoying the pleasure of it all.
We moved positions and She began to enjoy reaching a second orgasm, I was right on the edge, holding back my own orgasm, She was really enjoying it and told me "I'm going to squirt!" In the ten years My Love and I have been together She has only achieved this once, the thought got me really excited and I told Her I was going to push myself too far, as soon as She said "No! Not yet" it happened.... I pulled out of her thinking I could stop it but I ended up ejaculating, in my defense, although I shouldn't have one, it was a ruined orgasm, no spurts just slowly drizzled out, I could have went again but My Love was disappointed because She was so close to a full blown squirting orgasm, that it was over.
I felt like an idiot, My Love was not mad, just disappointed, I apologized and She said it was okay, "I had one" but She is used to multiple so I feel bad.
After we cleaned up, She did ask what happened, I had no excuse, She said that perhaps we need to get back to edging for more practice on stopping myself before going over the edge.
I apologized again this morning and told Her I'd make it up to Her, lets see what the weekend brings

 

Last night My Love and I were joking around about having sex and She said "what's the point, I'll only get one orgasm!" Ouch!
To be serious I was glad She said those things, I deserve to be laughed at for that, I deserve to know She was disappointed in my performance. I thanked Her for pointing out my weakness.
We are back to edging, My Love laid beside me last night as I was instructed to masturbate to edge and hold myself there for 20 minutes, My Love did not touch me, only timed me, again this morning for 20 minutes while She had her coffee.
I was told that I would be "in training" for the next few days, first time I heard this terminology used by My Love, I am not sure what to make of it.

 

Thank you @Breathe

I am quite surprised at how My Love has been participating in this journey since we began to openly discuss it. I feel so much closer to Her. I also truly believe that She is enjoying all the attention it brings Her.

Loving life!

 

So begins Day 4, no orgasm.
Well we had an incredible weekend. We had the whole weekend to ourselves except for some company late yesterday afternoon.
To elaborate on my post from Saturday morning, My Love meant what She said by "in training" She had me naked and leashed all day, except the few times I went outside, She had me edging myself all day, whenever she seen fit, always under supervision, I think she has the humiliation aspect covered. I lost count on how many times, it was torturous!
Saturday evening we had a great conversation regarding edging, She asked if I had always done that, to which I replied "no, I discovered how useful it is while researching chastity. Doms used it as a control technique". We then spent some time on the internet researching and reading up on its rewards, it is so nice to see My Love attempting to understand why I want to give Her control.
She does not understand why I would ever want to be denied orgasms however she is open to it, "Hell, if want to torture yourself and I reap the benefits of having you eager to do whatever I ask, give 'er, just don't expect me to do the same" was her exact words. After our wonderful conversation it was time for Her full body massage and bed time. With all the edging I had to do and the feel of her naked body you can guess how excited I was.
Sunday morning started out as usual, we woke up, I went to make the coffee and bring it to My Love, we laid there talking and cuddling while we sipped our coffee, mine was done and I was going to get a second when I was asked where i was going, "no second cup until you do somebedging" I thought to myself that I didn't think I could go through another day like that, by the time I fell asleep Saturday I felt like I could explode at the drop of a hat.
This morning was slightly different, My Love told me she wanted to do it to me. So I was instructed to grab our Magic Wand and stand at the side of the bed. She began and it didn't take long for me to become hard, I was given a safe word for when she was to stop, over and over she would get me to the edge, I wanted to burst but I knew if I did, the progress we have made would have been for nothing. Once She was satisfied that I was going crazy from it all she stopped gave Her toy a kiss and told me to carry on with getting my coffee, I think I was hard for at least a half hour afterwards. This went on three more times throughout the day, we finished it off last night with Her usual massage, I also was privilege to give Her two orgasms with Her Magic Wand and dildo, nothing for me other than the pleasure I get from servicing her.
All in all an amazing weekend, communication is so important!

 

Day 5, no orgasm
So I must admit that the advice I was given about slowing things down and creating an open conversation with My Love has paid off. I only talked about these things when She wants to, I never bring it up.
This morning My Love used some of the things She has learned to Her advantage, considering all the edging I endured over the weekend you can imagine how easy it is to become excited, so when we were cuddling this morning, My Love could feel my hardness pressing up against Her "I see someone is excited but I'm wondering where my coffee is?" I told Her the other day how getting Her coffee, glass of wine etc. Makes me feel like I'm a servant, which is all part of the submission I crave, so when She told me to go get Her coffee it excited me even more.
My Love recently asked why I am always half erect when I do bring Her morning coffee and I said that I am always anticipating She fondles Her property, this morning She did not touch it, well played. I did however get a good slap on the ass when I bent over to pick up Her pajamas She left on the floor last night, a nice sting first thing in the morning!
After bringing Her pajamas to the laundry I returned to our bedroom and requested to be allowed to dress for work, She said "Turn around" so I did, "come closer" so I did, She wanted to make sure there was redness from Her slap. I was told to turn around again, She looked me over and instructed me to be sure to shave and trim this evening, Her property needs to be well kept. As I walked around the bed to my dresser I could feel Her looking at me, once again, I was told to turn around, few seconds later, turn around, She was inspecting me! I was then permitted to get dressed.
Now, this was really the first time that I felt like I was being inspected and I was amazed how it was turning me on.
When I arrived at work, I text Her and thank Her for making me feel like Her property this morning, all I got back was "You're welcome"
I think things are progressing and I think My Love is also enjoying it.

 

Day 8, no orgasm
Since My Love and I began this journey, and more so over the last few months, I have come to see a pattern in Her participation. Now please don't get me wrong, I understand, as She has stated, that She does not want to live and breath this part of our lives, She does not want it to consume Her every thought. I see Her point, choosing to have Her control me is my decision and not Hers however when I get to this stage of denial I sometimes have difficulty thinking about anything but how much I want to kneel before Her.
We are at the stage in this pattern where My Love is not in the mood for much of anything other than Her nightly back rub, for which I am grateful, as far as affection goes, a goodnight kiss and a kiss goodbye when I leave for work in the morning, that's about it.
These are the times I struggle with, this is when the selfishness kicks in, the resentment of being pushed aside, not being paid attention to, poor me right? That's not who I want to be.
In the past when I felt like I wasn't be paid attention to, when I felt my needs were forgotten of, when I was wanting release, I would say, to hell with it, pull out the toys and pleasure myself, done! Satisfied! End of story but like I said that's no longer who I want to be. I no longer want to be selfish.
These are also the times I feel most vulnerable, where the submissive part of me wants to cry, where I feel like I did something wrong and need to beg Her for forgiveness, but there are strict rules on begging, never does she want me to make Her feel bad for my denial, nor should she. Never does she want to feel like I'm angry at Her for not taking care of my needs, wants or desires, nor should She, those are a distant second to Hers.
During our conversation a couple weeks ago we did talk about these times, when My Love has no use for Her property it is then I asked for her to lock it up, I am afraid to ask but it's bad when you can't leave your desk because you have half an erection.
I mentioned to Her that it is easier for me to get through these times when She has it locked, that I feel it symbolizes Her desire to take a break. Her property is not needed therefore should be locked, however I don't think I can ask, I want to but I know the rules.
I also mentioned to Her in our conversation that when I feel this way I will tell her and she agreed however I am nervous it will come across the wrong way and My Love will become irratated. I am having a hard time with this, not sure what to do.

 

Day 10, no orgasm
I have the day to myself, My Love is shopping with a friend. No tasks to complete, I have been given a day of rest.
We spoke this morning, I was asked how I was feeling so I took advantage and explained to Her that I was having a hard time to focus, my craving is at a high and that wish nothing more than to cuddle naked in bed with Her, that being impossible as She did have plans. So, I lay here in bed with permission to edge for as long as I'd like today but I think that would just make it more difficult.

 

Day 12, no orgasm
Very quiet week so far, not much to add to my journal, My Love is still on the downswing of her pattern.
I was questioned upon Her return on Sunday if I had edged much, to which I replied yes, I was questioned on if I orgasmed to which I replied no. I was told I was a good boy for listening.
My urge to orgasm is horrendous today but I will get through it, I am not locked and merely using the honour system. I become half erect every time I go to the bathroom and touch it, I have begun to sit so as not to touch it, this is so much easier when caged.

 

It's getting more difficult with each passing day. My record was recently set at 19 days without an orgasm however I was locked up for the last 12 days of that run.

 

It

I totally agree, being locked is so much easier. It's easy when I know My Love is enjoying seeing me struggle.

 

Day 13, no orgasm.
I am sure that My Loves cycle is almost complete, She was quite cuddly this morning before we got up.
I tried a little defiance last night, we were watching TV and I got up to go get a glass of water, I was naked as always and she asked that I turn around, I did not! I pretended not to hear her, as I continued to walk away I heard her say "did you just ignore me?" I looked at her and said "no, did you say something?" She knew I was lying.
This morning when a I brought her coffee she was already out of bed, very unusual, when I put her cup down then reached for her clothes on the floor she slapped my naked ass harder than most times. As I abruptly stood up straight she grabbed me by the back of the neck, told me to bend over the bed, she proceeded to spank me again, asked me if I liked it, of course I replied yes. She stuck me even harder, again posed the question, struck me again even harder and this time I flinched because it hurt, "did that hurt?" I replied "yes". "Good, now the next time I tell you to turn around, don't pretend you didn't hear me, now get dressed"
Interesting.

 

Thank you @Allen1987, I agree that I need to let her set the pace! I am truly enjoying this journey and I too am seeing the rewards this new way of thinking brings.