Thoughts about understanding feminism through chastity

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by AMwriter89, Jun 9, 2021.

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  1. AMwriter89
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    AMwriter89 New member

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    Hi,

    Was wondering if anybody on here had any thoughts about how chastity has helped them to become more empathetic towards their female partners - and perhaps even to understand feminism/the role of the patriarchy on women's lives better? Would love to hear thoughts!

    Also, as a side thought: a lot of men on here seem anxious to share their experience with male friends (don't talk about it with male friends etc) why is this more of an issue than discussing chastity with women do you think?

    x
     
  2. Eric Ny
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    Eric Ny New member

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    Well, as “stupid” as this remark may be, you figure out that you need a. to sit to pee and b. a WC whenever needed… hence changes my “normality”

    Then, libido is channeled to the very woman you love and the cage is a constant reminder of this bound…. Hence the flirting that is socially accepted for men doesn’t feel good anymore or happens under the mindset “I am charming but belong anyway to my queen”.
     
  3. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Fiona with the Magical Velveteen Pussy

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    Enforced chastity by woman upon her male just doesn't align with any patriarchal concepts in my mind. I think it's all about empowering the woman, at least insofar as sexual activity is concerned. This morning I spent some time with my Wife standing over me, holding her dress up around her hips, as I knelt in front of her, licking her sweet pussy, and then she replied to my question about a release with, "Oh fuck no, you had one just 2 days ago. You have at least a week locked before you are getting out again." Then she left for work and I'm left to stay home and clean the kitchen and do laundry.

    I guess if you combine a FLR with chastity most signs of a traditional patriarchal relationship fall away.
     
  4. true42
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    true42 Member

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    Empathetic, yes. I don't think about "the patriarchy", though. I just lovingly obey and serve my wife, because it makes her happy, and that makes me happy. I guess that makes ours an FLR.

    Guys don't generally talk about stuff like that with other guys. I've never mentioned it to a guy friend, although I do have a few guy friends that I could tell everything without being judged, i.e. I'm not afraid at all to tell them.
     
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  5. Locked Unloaded
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    For me at least, they are intertwined and one doesn’t lead to the other in any causal or sequential way. What follows is just my view and it will be one view in millions. If it helps as context I am a cis/het male who paraphrases Simone de Beauvoir “One is born male but one can learn to be more like a woman”.

    There are many things in the world that make me angry. Both because they are unfairly biased due to biological sex but also because I feel powerless to change them in any meaningful way. I can’t change the world but I can change myself and the relationships I have with those who are important to me.

    The expectations placed on women to always be well-dressed and groomed is one example. This is why I keep my body hairless below the neck. Not because it makes my body look better (it doesn’t!) but because this is an obligation placed by society on 50% of its population simply due to the fact that they possess a hole rather than a pole. It’s a chore for me and I feel guilty when I neglect it – but that’s the reason behind why I do it.

    PS: I exclude my nipples from this hairless regime. Have you ever tried shaving, epilating or depilating the hairs around your nipples?

    To me, intimacy can be an example of the “patriarchy” and we all know the meme of the aggressive male come, roll over and snore leaving the woman staring forlornly at the ceiling. Gender archetypes tell us that men and women want different things from intimacy; both physical and emotional. And while archetypes are not the whole truth neither are they wholly false.

    This is where chastity comes into play for me: I want to enjoy the foreplay; I want to enjoy the connection that comes from close contact and mutual pleasure; I want to enjoy the pleasure for its own sake and not because it’s simply a pre-cursor to an orgasm. Chastity is the brake on the male race-urge to come, roll over and snore. I want to do things for my loved ones simply for the pleasure of seeing them happy.

    The kind word, the lingering glance, the touch on the shoulder, the warm hug, the attentive ear. These are all moments of intimacy that are more meaningful to women than to men. But they don’t have to be. But to learn, I need to shift the focus away from my orgasm.

    And, yes, putting a cage on my cock and being denied does excite me and it is a fetish so I’m not claiming I’m a paragon of virtue. But I do find it difficult to disentangle the two.

    I’m not going to address discussions with men or women in this post because I think they are two different things.

    /JMTC
     
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  6. HusbandX
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    HusbandX Active member

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    I don't have a burning desire to talk about it with men or women. I don't use the chat feature here, and have had some creepy enquiries when turning it on ("what are you wearing?"). So, I don't.

    That said, if women want to know how chastity affects men, they need only ask. I think it likely affects each man differently, and it's clear there are myriad motives for engaging in chastity, as well as many ways of practicing it, or meanings applied. It may be well to tackle those, first, given that how chastity impacts a man's views on feminism may depend on how and why he practices his chastity.

    It may also be well to ask what is meant by feminism, as it's hard to answer the question unless one knows what is being asked. Just as there are many ways to interpret chastity, there are many ways to understand feminism. As the original poster invoked the issue of patriarchy in women's lives, and a sympathetic understanding of a man's partner, I'll enter there.

    I don't understand. That is to say, I don't think I'll ever understand my wife, or women in general. I don't think I can. What I can try to do is be as accepting a partner as possible, and to present the least obstacle in her life, and attempt to be her greatest supporter. Doing those things doesn't necessarily equate to understanding, but they do imply a life long effort to understand, or at least understand what she wants. I'm not sure either are possible, but the effort is to try.

    So far as patriarchy, I grew up in a single parent home, and came from a world in which constant fear was in play. I grew up with dishes smashing on walls, screaming, being thrown through a plate glass window. My father chasing my brother and I down and stabbing at us through a closed door, with a rake handle. I still remember it bursting through the door itself, between my brother and I, as we braced our backs against the door. I recall very well, as a teen, being bounced off the wall above my father's head, for tipping over a bottle of model airplane paint. I was there on a visit, having already left the home with my mother years prior. It was my last visit, a long time ago. In context, patriarchy to me represents unrighteous dominion, lack of empathy, anger, and an unsafe world marked by terror and fear. All things I strive not to make the hallmarks of my own world as a male, a husband, a father, a leader, and a commander.

    I don't know that chastity tempers that world view, but it serves as a reminder. In all that I contact, I find good and bad, and I try to incorporate and emulate the good, and reject the bad. There are endless examples of leadership, and I have spent a lifetime as a student of what I do not wish to be. What I am, and hope to be, is an ongoing effort, always an act of creation and art. It's an imperfect effort, often marked by two steps back for each one forward. Chastity is a personal reminder that plays on a constant chord common to me and all men: sex. I'm hungry regularly, I'm tired regularly, and sex is a constant thought in the foreground or back. For hunger I have food, and for rest I have sleep, but for sex, I can either entertain it until it occupies an uneven share of my mind and time and effort, or I can try to focus on life and reduce my pavlovian slavery to my own hormones. I play to that with the use of a chastity device, on occasion, but more importantly, my aim is higher, toward my wife and women in general.

    I placed my mother on a column of that-which-is-good, far more so than my father, and I grew up and into manhood with a foreboding sense of self-unworth. I was, after all, the son of my father, his copy, the thing I loathed and feared, and clearly a useless figure in a child's life; I viewed myself as a bee that serves briefly and is found dead on the road, no more use to the queen. I suppose I've never lost that: my self-worth is dependent on my productivity and what I can contribute. If I can't, then I'm worthless to anyone. When my kids were small, I was their hero, I was someone. I was briefly a god. But no more. They've grown, they have their own lives, and I work, and travel almost all the time. At some point, I won't be able to bring home the income, and at that point, I will be done, and of zero value. In fact, a drain, and a liability. But I will cross that bridge at the time, and don't expect to survive long enough to be on that boat.

    That said, in the interim, I found myself at loggerheads with my wife, and when we argued, it became apparent that a truce would be best accomplished by one person stepping back. "You win." If it's pre-decided on the winner, then there's little point in arguing: the war is no longer fought, and when I discovered the concept of FLR, it was an epiphany. We don't live in one, as my wife doesn't really desire one, but the elements are there to practice. I work, my wife doesn't. I try to ensure that she has what she wants. I do practice chastity, but to me chastity has a different meaning than the self-promoting game of tickling my own sexual fetish; it's about focusing on her. She doesn't much care about chastity, so it's a one-man band much of the time. At it's root, it's not about locking up genitalia, for me, but about a ritualistic recognition of fidelity, a rememberance of what's important and priorities, and it appeals to the boy inside of me who never grew up as a mean of homage, play, sacrifice, and respect.

    Wearing a cage (or much of the time when i can't, due to travel and duties), I practice a constant deferral to my wife, but it's expansive: I feel that around all women. I feel chivalrous, or am reminded that the man who throws his cloak in the mud for the woman to pass by, isn't dead, and isn't a hollow concept; it's me, or must begin with me, or I am nothing without that practice, as it defines me and in serving others, I gain back some small measure of worth. It's selfishness. Respect for one woman means respect for all, and respect for all women means respect for all people until they no longer merit it. It means the same respect for dogs, cats, birds, and that larger view which is all things. It means focus on being a good citizen, an abider of laws, and a protector. It serves as a reminder that among the world, I am least of all, that I stand ready to forfeit everything, including my own life to protect another, to serve another, or that my life is of no value a world where life holds great value; mine should never be considered so important as to stand in the way of being of service to others. Only in that, can I have any meaning or value at all, and only then in the act of serving. The little ring and cage, when worn, remind me of those things. When not worn, they remind me as well, and that is what chastity means to me, to my view of feminism, and of patriarchy.
     
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  7. tomf_22033
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    tomf_22033 Active member

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    I’ve always thought feminism was crap. Then taking graduate sociology classes I confirmed it. Why I say this is I believe in female supremacy. And imho feminism and female supremacy don’t align.

    That said, I do think chastity has helped my understand that women are even more superior to men than I thought.

    Now I’m not talking in a kink or political way. I’m referring to women being smarter and superior to men in many ways.
     
  8. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Active member

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    the patriarchal societies most of us live in lead us towards particular ways of thinking, which generalise and compartmentalise men and women into defined roles. Chastity allows you to think differently.
     
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  9. HusbandX
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    HusbandX Active member

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    If chastity allows it, how so? Not arguing with your premise, but looking to expand. Can one think differently without one's dick in a vise, or is there something unique about locking up one's genitalia that permits thought, of which one is not otherwise capable?

    I don't disagree that the practice of chastity limits one focus, and much like depriving sight to enable other senses, does send the mind in other directions, but how does chastity allow different thought?

    A worthy sidebar, I suspect.
     
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