Those who have been in a full fledged FLR for a long time. Do you feel that your life is better?

We started after a 3 year spell of literally no sex due to multiple surgeries. After everyone healed up, we started looking at new toys. Our kid was officially an adult, so we were trying to rekindle some romance. I ran across a cheap metal chastity devise, put it on the Amazon wish list, then we talked about it, and ordered. We both spent some time doing research, and one of the things we learned about was female ejaculation. We bought the book, read it and learned all women can ejaculate also. (Also called squirting or gushing). The ironic part for us is now I get to ejaculate and he doesn't. After much trial and error, 2 short term contracts, 6 devises, and many nights of conversation, we have settled into chastity. Since I am a submissive turned to the dominant role, I still have many struggles displaying a dominant side. He is very patient, and only tops from the bottom sometimes. I would say the help he has always provided I appreciate more since I now realize not all couples share everything like we do.

The best thing I can tell you is to open the discussion, research information together, and do not overwhelm your partner by wanting everything all of the time. Life does interfere with chastity, so you both need to be considerate and patient with each other. He is not caged now since he had a sleep erection that caused some raw spots we are letting head, but he is still denied.

 

Very nice report.
Ss

 

Thank so much for this thorough and clear summary. I really appreciate it.

 

Your welcome. Glad to be of help.

 

We've been married 9 years. I brought the idea up and my wife has almost mastered her persona while I'm hard headed. I sent an article ( I may regret this) explaining the need to be demanding, consistent while rewarding for a job well done. We are as close as two people can be and this makes it difficult for her to play certain roles. When she knows what she wants I give her full authority to do whatever is needed. It will take work. The sooner the changes are made, the sooner we can enjoy the lifestyle that is most pleasing to her.

 

Definitely yes, I am no 'doormat' and there were lots of grey areas in the early days but with the aid of a flexible Contract, our FLR has developed and let to a better life. I can only recommend it .

 

Alot of great posts above... Many remind me of my own relationship, the changes and benefits that we've seen...

I haven't "officially" been in an FLR a long time, though as I look back it's clear that it's been moving that way for a few years. . . I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 8 years , and most of that time we pretended to be sort of egalitarian but she really called the shots , especially about money. I am the breadwinner but I'm just not good with money, so she's gradually moved into handling that for us over the past 5 years.

The past 12 months or so we've moved towards a 'real' FLR ... especially starting around fall of last year. We've always been a bit kinky, into BDSM, tying one another up and so forth , at least every now and again over the years.

As for the FLR aspect, now that it's out in the open, our relationship has never been better or stronger. It's been a lot of effort, but now it's really beginning to show dividends. We fight so much less (she hits me on the ass if I get too proud to swallow my pride or if I get moody, and she's less inclined to always be right all the time, and now actually owns her own screw ups).. So we are more playful, and we are definitely much closer in terms of intimacy of all types (we've always been close, but even more so lately).

"I've noticed so many women in a well-established FLR say emphatically that they would "never go back".It makes me wonder why there are not more candidates for taking control..."

My girlfriend used to be naturally sexually submissive (and she still is sometimes... once every month or two, she instructs me when and how she wants me to top her in a scene), but at this point day-to-day in and out of the bedroom, she is far more dominant with me than most "natural" dommes or pro-dommes might be. There's something to be said for having someone who loves and cares about you, that really goes along way. I don't think my girlfriend would be interested in taking control over anyone's life but mine, but certainly not unless she was in a healthy and solid LTR with them. I think alot of women don't even realize how much they would like it , unless they actually try it out with a partner they love. I think that goes for a lot of things. That's why submissive men can never find a "domme" by looking on craigslist -- they'd be better off finding a good partner , then introducing them to their kinky side.

As for "never going back", my gf insists that we are going to continue to do things "the new way" and work through it no matter what (as she assures me there will be more bumps -- on my side and hers)... I've explicitly asked her during difficult periods recently if she wanted to take a break or try something different, and the answer has basically been akin to "I never want to go back" ... I think mainly because it's much less stress on her, life is more pleasant, there's less uncertainty around my moods or our finances, etc. Before during a fight we'd feed off one another... now if I'm wrong or get moody there are consequences she sets up, and if she's wrong about something, she'll actually acknowledge it (which she never did before) knowing that's it's not really diminishing her position .

We keep a calendar on the wall , and she marks each day as "red" , "yellow" or "green" depending on how we've gotten along and how things have gone with me generally. Red is bad and is -1 point.. .that'd be like if I got mad and slept on the couch , or if during an argument I lost my temper. I get punished for these. Yellow is neutral (0 points)... that'd be if we had a decent day, but I was also moody and difficult a little bit. Green means all around we had a wonderful and pleasant day, if there were chores like dishes I did them, etc. I need a zero balance to be able to get off, but that just makes me eligible, it's still up to her. I can trade in points for various rewards etc.

The way it all started for us is we were buying some bondage toys together on sub shop , and she saw male chastity devices. She bought some goofy gates of hell sort of thing that was vinyl along with our other BDSM stuff. I told her that I thought it was a huge turn on -- she was about 70% curious and about 30% turned on by the chastity idea -- this was my first realization that I'd like male chastity. Anyway from there I bought a cheap knock-off CB6k on Amazon, which was okay, but was limited because I couldn't wear it for more than 6 hours b/c of hygeine. But she slowly took to the whole keyholder thing.

After a month or two of that, I told her I wanted to do this "for real" and get a mature metal device that I could sleep in. We talked about it for a number of weeks on and off, and eventually took the plunge . She picked out the model (Queen's Keep). Since I learned how to sleep in the mature metal device, I haven't been able to "cheat" like with the cb6k, and this has all become very real.

What Id recommend to anyone looking for a partner for FLR... Or how to get their partner into FLR-type things or anything else kinky really... First, find someone you like and who you think you could fall in love with on the basis of their personality alone. Obviously looks are a criteria for most, but what I mean is don't pick a partner purely on the basis of a fetish or MC. That sometimes works , but I've had more success in my life (this relationship and my kinky previous ones) by simply finding good partners with big hearts, and being open and honest about my kinks. Sharing sexual fantasies with one another is really really important. Make time to do it -- it really brings you closer really quickly

Usually in the past I've started to share my kinks with a new partner about a month or two into dating, usually after we sleep together but before things get too involved. I remember telling my current partner I was a cross-dresser about a month or two into the relationship... her reaction was "okay! that's cool" and she didn't really think much more about it but was really accepting and positive. I had to explain that it was a part of my identity rather than something I merely did, but now I couldn't ask for someone more supportive. I know for a fact it wouldn't have turned out so well if I sprang that on her 6 years in ("SURPRISE! I can fit in your clothes!") , rather than tell her at the beginning.

Anyway... If I was trying to get someone I'd been with for a long time into FLR or something else like this again, I think your best bet is to keep it fun, lighthearted, honest etc. I know if I set my partner down a year ago and told her I wanted her to take control of many substantial aspects of our lives I know she'd be overwhelmed and probably anxious and a bit upset. But if you treat it as something you are doing together, that you are exploring together, a fun journey and that both of you will be free to explore and try new things in a fun way without harsh judgement, that will go much further (as a general way for exploring new sexual things or even a serious FLR).

For specific advice for introducing FLR to an existing partner, mine would be "find something your partner has always wanted to do (anal sex, swingers club, whatever) that you might not be so keen on, but figure out what you're okay with and set it up for them and try it anyway. That effort you show in trying to realize your partners fantasies will go a long way in terms of them being inclined to accept and indulge in yours. As for bringing FLR up, I don't think there is a wrong way as long as 1. you aren't too serious... make it fun. make it funny. keep your sense of humor. and 2. don't try to introduce too much at once and overwhelm them. one thing at a time." you may be pleasantly surprised.

 

I have been with my wife dom kh for about 10 years and I have to say it a lot of the time not close or sexual like a couple should be. In the last 6 or 7 months since she has really realized she likes this flr and is a natural at it and likes to keep me locked and into bdsm. The whole relationship has only changed for the better. WAY BETTER: this is by far the closest we have been, I look forward to pleasing her and making her happy and feel loved, I am and she is so much More open minded and she even joined here and likes it. She is taking it and running with it and loves how much closer we are. All the weird feelings I had and she had in last about this kinda stuff have all gone away we can talk about all kind of things all kind of kink things she would of never talked about. We go out now on a regular basis and I have lost all my anxiety in going out now all because she owns me and I feel like a new person and feel good in my skin. We barely fight which is a great thing. Also I am happy making her lunch and coffee every am in the morning before she goes to work and I go to gym then work. Then when she gets home I’m getting her bag cleaning up the dishes and I do all the laundry and dishes food shopping trash duties and all fixing up house stuff. I try to make it so when she is done work she doesn’t have much to do so she can have more tine for herself and that makes me feel like a good slut husband sub for her and I am truest happy doing it and submitting to her. She has a high stress job and works more hours then me. I work and have a good job but she makes way more money than me and I don’t mind at all. I also just give her my checks and she does the banking. She is in full control and things have not been better. We have not been closer and our sex kife is by far the best it has been. I even have started ordering lipstick for her and i totally surprised her and myself that everything I have ordered for her she loves and would of never bought if I didn’t. I guess I am a natural sub slut for my wife dom kh and I love her. I recommend to anyone having issues in relationships and if you may like this lifestyle to give it a shot

 

To answer the question posited by the original poster, we both feel infinitely better off in our growing FLR.

Married 39 years and living an FLR for the last 2 1/2 of that, she has become much more attuned to leading, and I have become much more attuned to putting her ahead of myself. Our communications are better. I have become much more vulnerable and open in my submission. Our intimacy level has increased exponentially. She has become more open to taking what she needs and leaving me wanting more. We are nicer to each other, more loving to each other, and more in lust with each other than we have been for decades.

Our goal is for her to be the open leader of our union. We have exposed our new relationship slowly, so slowly that most would think we have fallen back in love, or that I am reborn pussy whipped.. Personally, I think we have always loved each other, but we had a time in our relationship that I was hard to like. Owning up to that, and asking her to accept my submission was key to giving our marriage a necessary rebirth. I am a lucky man.

As for "manning up", I don't see that as an issue in our relationship. She knows I am there for her in all ways, and her well being and security is paramount to my success in serving her. I believed she continued to love me through our rough times because she knew that push come to shove, despite the differences we were having at the time, I would be there for her. I have never given her any chance to think otherwise after I divulged my submissive nature to her, and we altered the course of our marriage to wife led.

A common statement on this old thread is "never want to go back" … We both echo that sentiment wholeheartedly.

 

When Wife and I were dating I came out as a submissive about 6 months in. I gave her a chastity device for me to wear. We are now married. With children. And a full
Blown level 4 FLR. We never argue. We are both immensely happy and madly in love. We have a BDSM sex life, with some times of vanilla sex as she sees fit. I have only one condition, stated early on when I came out, and that is my commitment to baseball. Goddess let’s me have that.

 

Lady Kat and i have been married 22 years, she has been in charge in the bedroom since day 1. The FLR started about 8 years ago with several pauses along the way for one reason or another.
With the children in their late teens and 20's, we have much more time for ourselves. Our FLR has grown stronger with each passing day and we have never been happier. Lady Kat rules the house, i know and love my role as her sub.

 

Yes are marriage is way better now. She handles finance now and all aspects of every day life. She definitely likes being in control and that makes her happy. As it is said: A happy wife a happy life.☺

 

FLR and strict chastity for almost 2 years so lots of time to get the dynamic right for her. All things in our marriage are better. The house runs smoothly, i'm smoother!, her life is much much easier with a high level of servitude expected and now she has incorporated domestic discipline to ensure standards are kept up. The future is bright!

 

As you spend more time exploring the mansion @wanchin you will find the answer to your question is without a doubt “ Yes “