This s@#£ has just started to get real

Thank you for that. You've made my day. It is great to think I might have a positive contribution to make. It's partly why I write the journal. I have been thinking I've been a bit lax in posting, and should do more, even if it is short and not much happening. You are welcome to PM me if you want more specific advice. As you know I just dropped it in her lap, so to speak. Made and still make a lot of mistakes. If you're here, then it's likely you want to stop masturbating or something like that? You say you casually mentioned Chastity?

 

Last night.....I massaged one of her feet on the sofa, right one if I think about it.

When we went to bed, she said

"A foot rub would be nice"

I quipped "I already did one of your feet"

"Did you?...I think I must've been asleep"

"Well I can't remember which one, so I guess I'll have to do both" I lied

"Can't you? Which way was I?"

"It was under a blanket, either foot could have been forward, I'm just gonna have to do both"

She smiled. I set to work.

She rubbed my cage and balls gently through my tight boxers, and it felt so so good worshipping her feet. After a while, a cat scratched at the door and broke the spell. I was having trouble getting back into it, so I asked if I might remove my underwear. Permission was given, though I was already starting to yank them off. She grabbed my balls and squeezed a little. I said.

"Keep going....I'll let you know if it hurts".

I was really getting so into deeply massaging her feet, and she kept going and going....Slowly but surely squeezing her balls, her cage, her man. Tighter and tighter, then pausing but not relaxing her hand until she felt me relaxing through the ache.....Then she increased the pressure just a little bit more. I was shuddering and shaking and bucking....So desperate to come, but so thankful to be denied.

I have no idea how long it went on for, she won't stop me ever when I'm massaging her feet, so it was a good while. Time stopped. It was an eternity in my mind. A dream from which I may never awake.

........................

Something I said to her yesterday before the last session I think may have really struck a chord.

She said something like."But this isn't like me"
And I said something like. "Neither am I, but I do it because I want to change for you, and I know you prefer me this way, I see it in your eyes"

There was more to it, subtext, a feeling, a look. Damn my ADHD brain, wish I could be more clear. I felt like we made a step or two forward, then the feeling of the teasing and denial afterwards was something new, a small, almost imperceptible change in the warm breeze. Time will tell....

 

Nice shortish edging session this morning, followed by a maintenance spanking with the riding crop. I was horny all the way to work. Listening to Ally the open minded keyholder somewhere around chapter 9-11


Jah: I feel so in love with you. Thank you for looking after me so well. XxxxX

I want you so much

I can't stop thinking about coming inside you, and you saying your birthday (not mine), Good play! I'm gonna be a dribbling mess for you. I almost want to cry. I don't know if I can last any longer...(As my KH it's your job to see that I do, it will pass)....I want to make love to you so fucking badly.

Mrs Jah: I love you xxx hope your meeting goes okx will be missing you and thinking of you.

Jah: Just think....I'm only about halfway to my birthday.

Less than a quarter of the way to yours Does that please you Goddess?

Mrs Jah: x

Jah: Have a great day my darling. You are just so perfect

Jah: Can we pretend tonight, I want you to wrap your legs around me and pull me in, control my rhythm

I need to imagine I'm fucking you

To remember what it feels like


I had butterflies when I got home, before I even got out of my car. I went into the living room, and sat on the sofa rolling a joint. Mrs Jah was standing at her work-station with her back to me, concentrating. Every time I glanced up I felt a twinge and an overwhelming urge to air fuck, I had to concentrate myself to stay calm.

Caught between pleasure and pain, heaven and hell. I'm a complete mess for her.

Bedtime has been no easier. She got her massage, but isn't in the mood with her new job occupying her mind. Nevertheless, she played with my cage a bit as she fell asleep. I did get to go on top a bit, but just for a gentlemanly kiss good night, with a little gentle grinding. And we had a good begging session. I couldn't stop telling her how much I wanted her, desired her, needed her. And she told me "It's gonna be a long while yet" I thanked her. "You can do this" Yes my love. It is really hard now. Something like 11 days I think. Lost the plot.

 

12th May

Day 10 actually, I worked it out.

Feels like more.

She edged me this morning a bit and I climbed on top of her. As she wrapped her limbs around me, I made love to her. There was no penetration and no release, but I felt like I had fucked her afterwards, though my frustration was through the roof.

The drive to work, my mind was racing.

Texted:
Jah: You are the most gorgeous, incredible, evil temptress. I would do anything for you. I am completely under your spell. Thank you for allowing me to exist for you. XxxxX

Mrs Jah : Love you tons and miss u have a good day xx

Jah: I haven't released since Southampton 10 days ago! I am so messed up for you. My birthday is at 18 days, yours is at 49 days. It's kind of scary, not knowing what you might do??? I think you won't, but I'm not sure. Then there is a tightness that gives away my true feelings. They betray me!

I want you so much, I tell you that, and I really mean it. Really really mean it.

I imagine you saying to me...

"Aww...my poor boy...are you constantly hard for me..gooood!..I want you so much too baby, but you are so much better a lover, a husband, a person when I keep you denied.... You want to be perfect for me don't you? And I promised to be your keyholder.... That's keyholder, not key user....I love you so much"

I'm twitching by now

"See...you say you want out, but every time your cock says different"

"No!!!! please baby"

"You can bring me to orgasm with your tongue, I want to come for both of us"

"Thank you my Goddess"

Have a great day xxx

Jah: Nothing in the universe is more sexy and more powerful than you. You are my fantasy.

I didn't get another text, but she phoned me about lunchtime, making me very aroused. I asked if she liked my text,.and she laughed.

"You could really be in trouble" she said.

I got a terse response when I kissed her neck when I got home, " I am working!", Oops! So I left her alone. Still got butterflies for her.

At bedtime, she was cuddling one of the cats, we have four, and I was head to toe stroking another, whilst massaging her feet. Her other foot found it's way to my cage and I was instantly hard and twitching desperate for that final release as she pushed my cock down. I managed to get myself under control a bit, then she hooked her foot under my balls and applied pressure, pushing it up.

I wanted to fuck her so much, to feel her pussy but knew there was no hope of release yet. I actually got a pretty good night's sleep when I calmed down.

 

Mrs Jah tugged on my cage this morning. I begged to come, and she said...

"Maybe you should have a release this weekend." She's too kind.
"You shouldn't" I said or words to that effect.

When she got up, she whipped my arse quite hard, as I buried my face in the pillow. Never for long in the morning. Then she ordered me out of bed. I didn't bathe yesterday so I washed down there and handed her the Nub.

"I want you to make me wear it till bedtime"

"Okay"

I put my penis in and squeezed it together, making mincemeat out of my growing cock, and groaned as I lined up the locking mechanism. She put in the lock...turned the key and pocketed it. Then with surprise (she'd never noticed this before)..."Oh my God...your balls... They are so blue"

I went to work glowing, but relaxed. Horny but soft. The Nub making sure of it.

I texted as I often do, her hotness burning into my brain all the 25 minutes to work.

Jah: I adore you so much. Don't let me off so easily. My balls might be bluer than yesterday, but in some ways I'm a little more calm than yesterday. Slept better. I love you more. Can you try to learn the words I sent yesterday. I want to hear you say them to me again and again. I may say I want to come, need to. But you must break me. I want to shatter in lust and love for you.

Jah: I must be crazy. "Crazy in love" uh oh! I hope you have a wonderful day. Xxx

Jah: Please Goddess, Is there a small chance you might let me edge myself so much, I have to beg to be locked back up this weekend? I promise not to come. Please Goddess. XxxxX

We spoke on the phone about lunchtime and was trying to apologise for not messaging me back, I stopped her.
"It's fine...I'm fine...I knew you were busy and wasn't expecting a response"... We chatted about everyday stuff then my office got too busy with people wanting answers, so we hung up.

My mind goes to her often, but today I think things got a little easier for concentration.

I'm wondering if I'm in the Nub now for a while. Last time she forgot, and because I'm not reminding her, and I'm kinda getting off on the possibility that she probably will forget, we will see. It feels different. Very different having nothing at all to hold. Not as comfortable sitting around the outside, even though it's the same device as my normal HTv4 Nano or small

 

Friday 13th Night time

She got a lovely massage going to sleep. She tried to hold my balls, but I'd done my job, and she was too relaxed. We spooned and we made love clothed. I was so aroused that she warned me to "be careful". I said I was "really on edge but didn't think I could come if I tried" My breathing was intense and I was shaking like an industrial potato peeler on a washing machine. I was surprised the Nub didn't control my arousal more, it seemed to throughout the day, though it wasn't as comfortable as the Nano. I begged her to tell me to stop. And about 10 minutes later she said "Stop!". Just at that moment, for the first time that evening, she pushed back. And I groaned. Not for the first time tonight. She pushed back again, and again and again....I had to turn myself down a bit. I told her.

"We just made love"
"No we didn't"
"I really feel like we did. It feels like we haven't stopped making love since Southampton" Monday before last when I came last, and inside her.
"That's lovely, I love you so much" she purred
"I love you so much too and want you so much"

I had to come down for a doobie to calm myself.

 

Slept well, but woke early. She played with and gently slapped my balls. No mention of the Nub, she can be unobservant sometimes but surely she must have realised.....

Nevertheless, Mrs Jah did not mention it. When she turned away and pushed her arse back into my groin area, the Nub doesn't stick out at all, so I don't think there was any contact at all, but OMG!!! I fucked her. Unable to contain myself for a long time. I fucked the air near her pussy. I told her how much I wanted to come inside her. I was so close to coming but felt like I was falling of a cliff in slow motion, trying to reach for the ledge but it was always just out of reach. I had to stop in the end, exhausted mentally, but still wanting to fuck the air, the essence of her.

As I sit here writing this, little micro ruined orgasms are ejecting tiny spurts of come every minute or so. It is putting me in a cathartic state, for now. But I'm now just soft and horny and dripping. I am lost in lust locked under her spell.

 

Saturday 14th May

I wasn't much calmer when I climbed back in to bed after my cigarette. When I did relax a bit, I heaped lots of verbal loving on her. I told her how beautiful she was and how thankful I was to make love to her this morning.

It is like; somehow the air humping of her ass has become my only relief and frustration wrapped up in one. I'm absolutely loving it.

I reminded her of the Nub, and after a brief consideration, she decided I was staying in it.

I then went to work for a while to check the screeders were getting the heights correct on the floors. I found the Nub a bit irritating. When I move around, the skin bunches up over the back of the tube and pulls side skin strangely around the ring.

I think the irritation affected my mood a bit, and she was picking up on the vibe and getting a bit annoyed with me for no reason, but nothing escalated. Maybe it was a combination of that and a small hormone change after the Caged Ruined Time-Traveling Multiverse Orgasms of this morning?

At about sundown, I moved in to kiss her on the sofa and asked.

"May I change back to my regular cage?"

"Why?.....Are you in pain?" She said with a.wicked smile.....

"Well...No" I stammered...

"Then I don't see any reason to" she cut me off in a heartbeat.

There was a long pause as I tried to gather my thoughts and the words to express my feelings, as my cock quickly awoke in my HTv4 Nub cage but had nowhere to go....

Eventually I said "At first it was having a positive effect, but now it feels like it's having a negative effect on me"

"Quickly go and change it then" she said kindly.

It took a minute or so to get it clean and stuffed in. I was rock hard after that exchange. Then I went and thanked her with another kiss.

I'm much more comfortable now, but I almost dread going to bed in a way later. (Not really)

It's just that the normal way we hold each other when we go to sleep sends me into overdrive, eventually I have to turn away, but I can't and I'm stuck in a loopy feedback loop of increasing arousal that seems like it will never end.

Is that what Viagra is like? I've never tried it.

But in bed is where we are the closest, what I really dread is being in that state.

No that's not it either. I love that feeling, so aroused but can't end it. It's wonderful.

The dread is the desperate need for begging.

No. Love that too.

It is more about how I beg. I'm increasingly aware that if plead for example like this:

"I need to come"

She will feel guilt, that I haven't come in ages, and start thinking she should find a way to make that happen sooner, rather than later. (Even though I'm really up for the challenge of waiting, and enjoying the increased.arousal, and hope for a firm, but kind "No")

This knocks her confidence,.by sending mixed messages.

I have to be more intentional and controlled with my begging, so as not to undermine the power she has. She is too kind for the cruel, no mercy mistress my erect brain sees before me.

She good....oh so so good. But through rose tinted spectacles. I see her ahead of where she actually is in this evolution in our relationship.

And an evolutionary process it most definitely is. Little tweaks. Tiny changes, that build into something quite different than before. I see changes in myself, and changes in her. Little things, that you aren't even aware of in yourself at the time.

Little flash's of public and private dominance and confidence. And, now I think also, an enjoyment of my predicament and my increased lust for her, as the days locked get well into double figures.

Even when she is not in the mood,.she's Ben there for me. She has had no interest for herself,.except for massges since her new job started, which is fine with me, though I really missed licking her to orgasm in the week leading up to her TofM. It's a lot to take in for her, and her brain is constantly in work mode or sleep mode.

I told her this morning, after explaining my ruins, it was the first time we'd had sex during her TofM. Which made her smile and say. "I guess it is"


Denial adds courtship into a relationship.

Remember a time in your youth when you had just met someone new and you were both head over heels in love. But you weren't ready to have full sexual intercourse yet. So you would kiss, maybe go a bit further. There was a lot of denial going on, sweet and innocent, a hand pushed away that strays too far. Newly exploring sexuality. That buzz was electric. In some sense we had a very short period like that, and maybe part of this journey is to rediscover that feeling.

It is this feeling I seek. If sex and usually orgasm are a given, where is the courtship? Without courtship where is romance. Without romance "Where is the love?" Without love where is The Black Eyed Peas

 

Her first words to me this morning were.

"Would you like to come out for a bit?"

"I would very much like to" I replied.

She turned away to grab the key from her bedside table and sat up. Her hands moved to my cage.

"Are you still in the small one? I thought you'd changed it" She sounded surprised. I was a bit shocked.

"It is the bigger one" I said in a slightly mock hurt voice.

"It looks small to me, very small" She said with a smile. (Oh so hot, my wicked temptress)

She unlocked me and pulled gently on the cage.

"It's quite stuck in there" she said as she pulled a little harder and it popped of and sprang back.

"Go and wash"

I washed and dried then lay naked on the bed. She started slowly playing with my cock, it was perfect. Almost too perfect. She was expertly pulling back my foreskin just the right amount, and then forward, at the perfect pace, but I was getting too close too soon.

"Don't make me come too quickly" I moaned.

"You aren't allowed to come at all" she said matter of factly without skipping a beat, making me closer than I have been in nearly two weeks.

I grabbed my balls to pull the foreskin right back and her hand glided over the head. I can hold on much longer this way, but the intensity is greater. I looked wild as I gazed deep into her eyes. She edged me again and again.

When her hand tired, she let me have a go. I'm sure she knows by now, that with my experienced hand I am teetering in under 30 seconds, and have to stop to avoid an accidental spill. Then seeing I was pausing, she said.

"Right....Put on the cage...that's enough....stop touching it."

I pushed my balls through the ring and grabbed them so they wouldn't pop straight back out. Folded my rock hard cock in two and stuffed the end in, thankful of the copious amounts of coconut oil used during the handjob, and I was through. She pushed my cock inside the cage, and with a full hard-on pushed the two sections together, inserted the lock, and removed the key.

We went to the carboot sale for a short walk, I dared her to show the key, and she pulled it out of her top. "No one will know what it is" I held her hand walking slightly behind her and on the outside of the stalls, so as not to impede her view, feeling wonderfully submissive to her, and slightly aroused.

She bought a beautiful axe. Then we looked online at the same knife maker, and spent another £300 on some beautiful handmade kitchen knives, a separate knife and another axe all with folded steel blades that have this incredible wood grain like patina.

 

Been getting a.lot of physical attention, she makes me hard and frustrated so much, and I'm caught between the feeling of wanting to be inside her, then wanting only her to come and keep denying me.

Tuesday morning text...

Jah: I must confess, that though the stretch this morning was amazing, I wasn't going completely insane beforehand.

It would seem that as I approached the two week mark, things have got a little easier, less tight. Though I miss the insanity of a few days ago a little.

I beg because I want you to know how much I love and desire you.

I beg because I want you to feel like the beautiful sexy woman I see before me.

I beg because I want to hear you deny me again and again, until I have made you feel so loved and sexy that you just have to fuck me. I want you desperate for my cock inside you, though of course I want you to know I want that too, so I say "I want you..etc..." which really means I want you to want me. I want you to have to have me.

I don't beg because I need you to let me out, or need you to let me come. It's all reverse psychology.

Mrs Jah: I appreciate your thoughts and everything you do xxxx love

Jah: Really looking forward to my birthday. I think I'd like to have the Lego Vespa to build. As for anything else.....

Jah: Whatever you decide I will be grateful for. Not knowing if, what or when is very provocative.

Another wonderful edging and foot massage session. One significant thing new happened. She was really getting me riled up, and the tone of her voice, as she continued to fondle my balls and said "Focus on my foot!" The feeling rushed through my whole body. Firm, kind and beautiful. I focused.

She sleeps and something she said earlier about when she is ready made me worry so I texted for her in the morning.

Jah: When we both haven't come for quite some time, something deep inside me needs for you to be first. Then I can relax knowing I've done a good job as a man(Grrr!).

I remember, once before, it really knocked my confidence, I felt less of a man, when I came, and you didn't. Then for some reason the opportunity for me to make it up to you wasn't there for some time.

Nobody at fault, but it did affect me quite badly with self-doubt.

I don't wait all this time for you, so I can pump you 4 times and leave us both unsatisfied and disappointed 30 seconds later. I want you to need me. Let's make some electricity!

Now my cigarette my love and then off to cuddle you till morning.

 

Why is it that when I'm not so horny that I'm begging to fuck, lick or just come....I say things like "You know, before I get too horny thinking about it and start to beg, I should tell you that I am happy to wait until you are ready, how ever long that is, and it's quite reasonable to expect me to wait." we got into a back and forth. Her saying "That might be a very long time" Me asking all sorts of leading questions. Telling her it's 33 days till her birthday. It's two to mine! How she surely will want me before then? How she is being the best keyholder. How close I feel to her. How good I want to be. I laid it on and she responded with denial. I'm curious to see where this goes. I'm laying the foundation to really let her lead. She seems to need permission to take it further, and not get guilty. Begging is fun and I can't help it sometimes, but it can have an effect on the Domme, especially mine. So I need to balance "Want" passion with lots gratefulness and reassurance that I want her to push my boundaries. She is such a selfless person, she needs at least one person that really puts her first.

At the end of her massage I was stood by the side of the bed, and she played with my cage. I folded my arms behind my back and imagined them tied. I was so hard and thrusted at her hand as she clenched my package.

"When are you cuddling me" she said

"I can't my arms are tied"

She pulled a little harder. Then pulled me closer to the bed. I sat down with my arms still folded and she untied me.

"I might get a bit excited cuddling" I said

"That's okay I like it when you get all out of control.and horny"


Beautiful impromptu bondage scene with no ropes. Did it awaken something in her? There was something so naturally erotic about it.

 

This morning I was super horny. And she allowed me to fuck her. Caged and clothed. There was three layers of cloth between us. Her pyjamas and panties, and my stretchy but snug boxers. I started from behind, getting into quite a frenzy, then she rolled onto her back and I mounted her missionary style. And just fucked her and fucked her. Each time the tip of my cage pressed against her crotch I got closer and closer. Easing off to prolong and picking up speed. I really felt like we were having some of the best sex I had ever experienced. Eventually begging to be allowed to come, I was a few pumps from exploding....No.....Not today darling.

Texted her on the way to work:

Jah: This morning was amazing. I was so close that if you had told me to come in my cage I think I would have. Thank you for stopping and keeping me feeling soo so good.

Kinda hot to think you can make me come without touching it though

Mrs Jah: Yes it is xxx

Jah: Buzzing... Wobbly legs.... Close my eyes and I'm there with you. Can't get out of the car to get my lunch.

Have a good day my sweet....I miss you when I'm not holding you. Just thought about last night as well and how that moment when you untied my arms. It was so erotic and impromptu.

Sorry I will leave you alone now. Xxxx Thank you.

Mrs Jah: xxx

Fuck this is so hot.

 

Every night recently I've massaged her and she has teased me to the edge of insanity.

This morning was no different. Except it's my birthday and with her TofM over, I got to go down on her. She was very responsive to my touch and after five minutes or so I felt her come.

She got the key and unlocked the cage, releasing me with an 18 day hard-on. Then I entered her and we fucked. Very slowly. I was hanging on by the skin of my teeth. Then, after a while, during a pause, deep inside her I came without moving.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I cried as she clenched her pussy around my cock, and forced out my ejaculate.

Kissing my face and neck she said "Baby... it's ok..it's ok. That was amazing...Happy birthday...Now lock it back up"

"Will you put it on...ring and all?'

"Ok" she said, a little reluctantly She pulled the skin through and got one of the balls through, got my penis through, then exclaimed "I've lost the other one"

"It's gone inside my body" I said, and popped it out, and through the ring, as her eyes widened. ""It actually feels quite pleasant" She put the key around her neck and we cuddled for a while.

Drive to work I was buzzing, I think the long denial has had an effect.

I only got to come once at the beginning of the month and then today, and there was about 10 days before. So I've been pretty full for a long time now, like a month.

Is this my optimal level. 2-3 weeks? One come, and I stay high? Or am I going to get a drop tomorrow?

I hope this extra teasing she has been doing is a sign that she will try to optimise me, for both our benefit. I'm so much happier full. But we will see. When she wants my cock she is going to get it, and if that gets in the way of my denial, then I have to do better at lasting.

I like the fantasy (for me) of punishment of longer lock up's, but with her need for vanilla sex, that kind of threat is not on the table. If she's angry with me, I can't get hard anyway. That's a weird side effect I wasn't expecting.

She texted:
Mrs Jah : I love you and miss you and promise to keep you safe and secure. Just think new timer starts now. xxx

Jah: I am so fucked aren't I ? I've feel like you are getting to really like keeping me "safe" more and more. You've got me all wobbly again... already!

Got nice Lego from my lot and some mouldy garlic from my mum. Seriously!?

Not expecting much tonight, she has a bad neck.

 

Made love again, and although I came, and Mrs Jah enjoyed herself, she didn't. Then drama with a teenager kinda put a damper on the day. Went for a short beach walk then to the cinema to see Dr Strange in the Multitude of Silliness. Seats were too hard and gave me instant sciatica, and despite rave reviews I have seen better. Just keepin' it real.

 

Been looking back at the start of my time in chastity. It's quite interesting seeing the changes to how I thought then, what I've discovered along the way, and how I think now, and where we are with it.

https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...n-chastity-the-beginning-of-my-journey.39134/

 

We made love this morning after I had made Mrs Jah come with some worship. I didn't last long once inside her, despite having come myself three (wonderful) times this weekend. It might be a while before I'm properly desperate again, though I look forward to it, almost as much as making love. It's as if not having sex is almost as good as having it.

So why do I want her to deny me more?

It's not because I don't want sex, I so do. I'd do it right now if I could. But, the part of me that wants to be denied knows that the less I'm allowed to come, the better I am at listening, empathising, focusing etc on her.

The more I focus on her the happier she is.

The happier Mrs Jah is the more I feel validation. That me being denied works for us.

Which feeds into my self-esteem, and makes me very happy. And I seem happier the more denied I am.

Still. It's her choice, and to deny her for my own ends is wrong. If and when she is ready to push the boundaries further and be stricter with denial, the benefits are clear to me, and I believe it is what she deserves.

Maybe it's enough for her to know that I'm doing my best at any given time, even through the SubDrop. It's quite a symbol of intent and devotion to lock yourself up and hand over control of your orgasms, that is appreciated in it's own right.

Maybe she doesn't feel she wants or deserves such a horny devoted beast all the time. I just love the building up of love, want and lust. Feeling full is frustrating and fulfilling (try saying that 10 times fast).

 

Mrs Jah kept me locked this morning as she took 10 minutes to rattle my cage. Then I was up and off to work.


Is this one of those "Be careful what you wish for" moments? she was teasing me up to my birthday about keeping me till hers. I would dearly love to try fauxing again, but she will probably want me inside her before then. Then again, maybe not. I will prepare for long-term, and know it's gonna be a fun ride. Strap-in or Strap-on.

Coined a new chastity expression today:

A Soul Erection - When you are aroused but not hard.

 

Oh shit.....I think she might be serious about my next orgasm being on her birthday which is 20th June. Typing it has taken my arousal up a notch.

Is she talking what she wants, or what she thinks I want? Probably a bit of both.

I have been wrong before about things that felt significant at the time, a watershed moment.

A time you will look back on as pivotal.

First lockup. First full week. First full month. Those are the easy ones. But the moments you realise that a another penny has dropped in your wife's mind and you see them grow in confidence, are up and down. In and out. Two steps forward one step back Sometimes.

First thing this morning:
We had a quick talk after some oral for her. I worshipped her pussy for a good 20 minutes or so. She was very wet, but said afterwards that she enjoyed it but didn't climax, even though I was trying really hard which she appreciated.

As she tugged on my cage, I asked if she felt on the edge. Not really discussed this with relation to her orgasms/arousal. She said yes.

Mentioned the fauxing and it wasn't a "no" so we will have to see.

I went easy on the texts, which paid off. I was just thinking in the car it had been a while since she had sent a meme.



And got a thumbs up. I've only just found out about them thumbs up. Lol.

I'm hoping she might allow a caged orgasm mid-term. I'm pretty sure I can get over the edge just by dry-humping her, with a bit of encouragement to come with her blessing will do it. It is really hot to think about, and last time I was close but not granted permission, so I backed off. I'm in little doubt that if sufficiently denied it is doable. Is that the definition of a "Hand's Free" Orgasm? Almost maybe.

Might try to discuss lidocaine as an option, if she wants sex but is not wanting me to come, maybe she can enjoy my cock and I can hold off. Then again, it's difficult to switch off that coming process inside her, when I know she won't actually mind if I come. Or at least pretend to mind. It would be good to hear her say "You can be inside me but you are not to come" but I don't think that's how she sees it. She gets pleasure from me coming inside her, but then goes and washes it out. Lol. But if she wants me to come who am I to argue.

That sense of fear and arousal....is it just like that "Fuck....what have I done?" Feeling. Like just as the first stroke of the crop stings my arse. "It seemed like such a wonderful idea a moment ago"

 

As I left for a second dad taxi run, Mrs Jah was coming out of the bath. "Should I cream up or wait for you to do it?"

"I would love to do it, you should wait"

"Are you sure?"

"Absobloodylutely" or words to that effect...

Later....

So just before I rubbed moisturizer all over her body, I said. "Would you like me to use the rose sucky thing on you" she smiled and rolled her eyes. "You could have a quicky? You say it works quickly. You deserve one after missing out this morning" more eye rolling but I can see a maybe in there.

"I wish I could be as horny, as often as you" she said.

I massaged her and avoided her pussy but got a great view, which I commented on after. Then suggested a five minute window for worship then I finish, whether she has it not. See how it is for me, I joked. She laughed.

"See if I have my pants on when you get back".

As I left I pulled them onto the floor. As I went outside, she was up and wandering around talking to our 15 year old son, so I think I'm out of luck tonight.

When I got back in she was wearing some silky knickers. But our 18 year old son had just got back. I got to massage her feet and at the end rub her pussy a little through the silk, but it was way past "lights out", so I spooned for a bit, as she pushed back, then we slept.

Maybe I will suggest a five minute challenge. Make a game of it. Ideas forming into making a game of it.

This morning I was tugged for a while and then Cropped. Not too hard this time.

 

Thursday night Mrs Jah was quite suddenly really not in the mood. We've since discussed about the possibility of the inset of menopause. She didn't want to be touched at all, and we fell out. It was a dreadful weekend up until Sunday lunchtime, as I tried to accept and understand.

From my point of view I need to learn to not take it personally, though that's really difficult, and I've started reading up a bit on the likely symptoms etc. I want to be more supportive, but when you don't understand what's going on, and haven't processed it, it's easy to get your wires crossed. Being locked and not knowing why my Domme was angry was really depressing. I felt nothing down there, which after 6 days locked made it feel like I had circumstantial ED. I've done this to myself, I cannot get hard in my cage if she is upset, (or is it upset with me only. Not sure). It just won't work. This made me quite emotional. A bit tearful. Just want to fix it. It's a bloke thing.

From her point of view... Well I guess hopefully both of us recognising and accepting what is going on will help. It's going to be a learning process.

So late Sunday morning, and still fighting, I announced that I was going to Clymping Beach. "I've got water, money and a bag, and I'll be in the car sorting out my music".

Eventually we left, still moody with the 15 year old too, almost came back a couple of times, but I was determined to break the cycle and staying at home wasn't going to cut it.

We got to the beach and had a good walk. By the time we turned around and headed for the car we were holding hands and tensions were easing.

We had a super lovely meal in a harbour restaurant. She had mushroom risotto balls (arancini), I had a burger and some calamari to share. Our son had a Chicken schnitzel, picked off a lot of the crumb, then ate most of it off the side of the plate, which made Mrs Jah laugh for ages. Then I drove home and we chilled.

I gave her foot rub at bedtime, and after sometime....(I wasn't horny, I was too emotional and didn't want to upset her, pressure her. I was hopeful maybe)......She touched my leg...her hand moved closer....and closer.....then she gently touched my cage sending a spasm throughout my whole body and a slightly tear-welling "HMmm" short and sharp. The next good while was a blur as she edged me with just the slightest touch.

Then I suggested she turn and we spoon. I held her so tight and so hard in my cage, after a while I had to relax just to let her breathe. I was shaking with arousal, but by this time not actually hard. She started counting me down from five to stop and go to sleep, but I was kinda done. The intensity had peaked, and my body needed to calm down from the feedback loop I was in. I turned my body slightly down, so my cock wasn't pressing against her but we were still connected.

She tugged me again this morning and it was delicious, I badly wanted to make love to her, she made mention of her birthday again. Tease. Or will it be true? I asked if she would like to crop me and she did.

All of the negative feelings a fading memory as I buzzed to work. Like day 2 and 3 once the arousal kicks in it feels like I'm happy forever....Past, present and future. I read recently that people with ADHD don't live in linear time like "normal" people. I've been quoting it myself, as I think it has some truth to it.

 

We were still slightly at odds this week, there has been a lot of external stress adding to the mix. I always go in to the tough conversations thinking I've got the perfect way to explain how I feel about things. I get it wrong a lot.

I think I need to focus on how to help her be less stressed, and we had a good chat about breaking routine and creating more stimulating new experiences. I suggested an evening class together, which she liked. We will look into jewellery making, I would enjoy that, and it has been something she has wanted to do for some time. It would be good to meet new people as well.

This morning was truly amazing. I had asked for a release last night, but it was late and Mrs Jah said "Not tonight", so I thanked her and we went to sleep. She suggested I wash, which I did.

Then I laid on the bed and was given the best blowjob I ever had. I had a great view as she slowly but quickly brought me to a climax, then squeezed my cock as I came softly and perfectly ruined. I was already hard again by the time I went down stairs thinking about it.

Thinking about it now is making me very tight again.

Been looking at the Cherry Keepers again, but think I'm getting closer to a decision.

 

Am I finally ready to stop being a brat. Mrs Jah has been needing space. I'm not good at that. I need to be better. More self sufficient.

 

Mrs Jah was in the shower when I went up this evening, then I followed her.

I offered her a foot rub and she invited me to close the door. I massaged her feet and back for a while and then she asked me to cuddle and keep her warm. We kissed and everything felt natural.

She asked me to massage the top of her legs around the groin and I positioned myself with my head on her stomach. She rubbed my neck and back with her nails sending shockwaves throughout my body culminating in my own groin.

I sensed that she was in the mood for more so I slowly adjusted so I could kiss her vulva through her shorts. I felt another wave of emotional arousal as I thought about how long it had been and how much I had missed her pussy. Pulling the material to the right I kissed her perfect shaved pussy softly again and again. I then got between her legs and lay flat down, pushing my cage flat against the mattress, squashing any physical pleasure, I wanted to make it about her. I was just kissing and barely licking. I focused on her movement teasing her to come in quite a short time with a final few licks to finish her off.

"Thank you. That was lovely.... I think we're gonna keep you locked up tonight"

"That's okay. Thank you for allowing me to help you come"

Perfect.