This did not go as I expected

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Chastity Chris, Jun 27, 2022.

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  1. Chastity Chris
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    Chastity Chris New member

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    This week has not gone as I imagined at all. Mistress and I have the house to ourselves this week. (Kids are at summer camp.)
    In my mind, I thought we would lounge around naked. I would wait on her hand and foot, paint her toenails, servicing her orally as often as she wished. All the time, I would be naked, just wearing my chastity cage. She would constantly tease and deny me, fondle my balls and cage. Walk around all day just wearing a little sundress with no panties or bra. Flashing me her pussy or tits randomly. She would make me stand there and watch her masterbate using her big black dildo, talk dirty, and things like that just to keep me straining in my cage and leaking. The whole week would all be about her pleasure and my denial and humiliation.

    That's how I thought it would be....but, this is how it really went.

    She kept me locked in chastity. She only let me pleasure her orally once. We did not have sex. She did wear a sundress a couple times, but never flashed or teased me. When I walked into the room naked, just wearing my chastity cage. She told me to go put clothes on. She has given me a list of things to do everyday, but not like a Dominatrix, Just like a housewife. She really hasn't been in the mood at all. I think she has been masterbating while I am at work. I keep finding her dildos in different places in the house.
    I am horny as hell, and frustrated that things have not gone as I imagined.

    As I thought about it, I guess this is what an flr is all about. She is getting to pleasure herself till she's sexually satisfied, while keeping me locked in chastity. She is getting done around the house what she wants even though I am not getting the sexyness that I was expecting.

    What's everyone's opinion on my situation? Should I say something to her or just accept it's what she wants and accept it?
     
  2. ChasteMarriage
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    ChasteMarriage New member

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    Please start communicating with eachother and share your expectations. Ask her why she didnt take the control? Also you took your clothes of, but it is not your decision anymore, right?
     
  3. cdsub2wife
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    cdsub2wife Member

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    I suggested the wife led marriage to my wife. She does want to be the dominant one in the marriage and wants me to obey her. Like you I thought of a wife led marriage in kinky terms. My wife was not interested in that. My wife led marriage really started to click once I stopped pushing the kink. I still want lot's of kink but have accepted that it is her choice.

    You should talk to her. Maybe you can reach an agreement where both of you are happy. For example I am not allowed sex or licking her but she often does tease and denial with me and let's me cross dress. A Woman's sex drive comes and goes especially after menopause
     
  4. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    You wrote a long paragraph about YOUR fantasy. FLR is about her, not you.

    It sounds as if she is adapting and getting what she wants. It will take time for her to decide how things will be going forward.

    This may be your “Be careful what you ask for” moment. As soon as you hand her the keys and ask her to take charge, the uncertainty begins.

    But, you might find it helpful to sit down once a week to talk about the previous week and how things are going. This is a good opportunity for you to not criticize, but rather compliment and help her build her confidence.

    You will do ok, it just takes a change of mindset.
     
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  5. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    i think what the man has sayed above here is rigt and that you shud not moan cos She dont do what you want.
     
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  6. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Long term member

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    Everyone is different, but communication is a must… however, don’t you think you ideal scenario is a little far fetched? I am positive you two can meet somewhere between what you consider ideal….

    there is a good chance what you are doing now still isn’t exactly what she wants though… there is a chance she doesn’t really have an ideal scenario in her head though…

    Myself, I have become quite happy if I get a 1 to 2 minute tease daily… and if I don’t get one for a couple days I’ll give her a pathetic “it’s only 1 minute teasing me with a finger or two, you’ll probably even laugh while you do it”.

    The thing my wife likes is how easy the intimacy and attention goes with this, but it took her awhile to figure out that for herself… not to feel bad at getting a laugh at my expense… it also took a while for me to stop “topping from the bottom”.

    It’s hard to admit when you are wrong when you think you have played your hand perfect, but most hands dealt to the male in chastity are shitty ones that you need to recognize & fold… giving more chips to your partner until they are ready to play.

    Even in those circumstances we end up losing too, lol.
     
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  7. Chastity Chris
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    Chastity Chris New member

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    Thank you all!!!
    You are all right. I ready do need to communicate better with her. We are clearly not on the same page. Thinking about it, she is probably just as frustrated with the situation as I was.
    Also, I think that this week really has been an eye opener about what a flr is truly. It is not her fulfilling my fantasies. It is about me submitting to her wants and needs.
    I do love chastity. I can see the difference in myself. I focus on her wants and needs more than I ever have in the past. I do little things for her, without being asked. My focus is to do whatever possible to make her day better.
    I think I lost sight of that this week.

    Again, thanks all !!!!!
     
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  8. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Good job, there is hope for you!

    You may think you are losing some control and freedom, but it is far less than what you may gain.
     
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  9. Kiesela
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    Kiesela Long term member

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    Accept it
     
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  10. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    Sounds like she's happy with things, so you should be too
     
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  11. Andy88
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    Andy88 Long term member

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    she might think by locking away your penis.. you are done for good... you wont be bothering her.. you are within the realm of your kink and she is within hers... you have your toy and she has her dildos.. since you deny your ownself orgasm.. she is getting hers all by herself... maybe you should suggest to her that you would like to help her with her dildo at the same time pleasuring her with your tongue? and while you are doing that... suck on that dildo too and talk dirty... which women will resist that? Any women at an advanced age may not dwell in orgasm several times a day... but seems thats what you are wishing for by being naked and sexy with her entire day(s) long with the house all by yourselves.. maybe you should tone down your expectations slightly a little.. but i think your mistress is ready, you are ready...just that she needs more 'me time' ...
     
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  12. starflyer
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    starflyer Junior Member

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    Sounds like she's losing interest to me
     
  13. Giles_English
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    Giles_English Chaste slave

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    Just to add. FLR is a long game.
     
  14. Guest 3729
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    Guest 3729 Long term member

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    I think a lot of us know how you feel. There have been times when my wife and I will have free time which is incredibly rare anymore it seems. I’m like you, where I’m very kink minded and want to use opportunities like the kids being away to live out a fantasy or two if possible. My wife has plans for me as well and her plans are more like yard work and housework lol, she’ll fit a little time for sex in there if possible… maybe. The irony is that her mindset fits the ideal framework for a chastity and FLR relationship not often pandering to the fantasies I hope to live out. So in a way I adore her for that kind of “my way” thinking and truly making it about the things that she wants to do and get done instead. It’s not like she doesn’t know what I’m thinking or what I really want so communication isn’t the issue but she’ll hold sex over my head kind of like the carrot in front of the donkey or that’s at least how I feel. So I struggle with an internal tug of war that ranges from loving the sex being held over my head to… why can we just have fun living out a naughty fantasy that we’ll both enjoy now that we actually have the time. So frustrating sometimes but I also know that the frustration can be a big part of the lifestyle.
     
  15. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    No kidding. It's a good bit of 'careful what you wish for' but once you yield and submit unconditionally... there is no telling where She will lead you to.

    The one known is that it will always be evolving. After 5 almost 6 years our FLR continues to be very dynamic.
     
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  16. HusbandX
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    HusbandX Long term member

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    It's her world. You only live in it.
     
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  17. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    That is what we all want, but for a relationship of any kind to succeed, both parties must share equally in the benefits. Ignore the needs of one of the parties and you will have friction. Locked and forgotten is a common fear in these parts.

    If you willingly abdicate traditional relationship benefits, fine, you are getting what you need and @HusbandX is spot on.

    The key is frequent communication, ensuring each person’s needs are being met.
     
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  18. HusbandX
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    HusbandX Long term member

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    That would really depend on the genuineness of one's request to be locked, dominated, denied, teased, controlled, or whatever. The original poster describes what he hoped would happen, or his fantasy world.

    If the fantasy world is expected to be reality, and the FLR merely play-acting or a sham, and what is really expected is a payoff and quid pro quo (I wore the cage, so you owe me some action) and not really a female-led relationship, then perhaps he should feel jilted.

    If instead, the state is one of truly recognizing her as in charge, and if one does intend to bend to her will, then one has already abdicated "traditional relationship benefits" by virtue of asking to be lead, denied, and wearing a cage. Pick up one end of the stick, pick up the other.

    What might or might not exist in a "traditional relationship" is irrelevant in a non-traditional relationship. Most certainly if one is forging ones own trail, off the beaten path, then one must establish the ground rules. If that's not done, one may simply be meandering without any clear direction. If it's truly about her wants and needs, then it may be perfectly adequate to simply follow her lead and give her what she wants. That is, after all, the basic concept behind requesting to be lead, dominated, directed, denied, and so forth.

    Communication is never a bad idea so long as both parties are open to receiving it. Communication can lead to problems depending on the timing, delivery, and reception; much like real estate, it's about location, location, location, and of course, presentation.

    There is certainly something disingenuous about saying, "lead me, I will tell you exactly how," and more so about saying, "you are in charge and I wish you to deny me: I am now outlining a list of benefits that I expect."

    When one hands her the reigns, one has already abdicated choice, leadership, and privilege to her, and one exercises the trust and faith to accept her choices from that point forward. A co-equal cooperative is not female-led, and it's very hard to assert otherwise when one requests that one's dick be locked up with her holding the key, and one has requested to be denied. She might just rightfully argue that she is already doing what was requested...but if the female-led relationship is genuine, she doesn't have to argue anything. She's in charge.
     
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  19. Shepherdsflock
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    Shepherdsflock Long term member

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    I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that with the kids gone, her plans for the week were to just chill out and relax. Sexy stuff probably didn't even make it onto her list.
     
  20. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    Sounds perfect. For the list of things you said that you were expecting, you can find them at Porn Hub :p
     
  21. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    Awesome response!
     
  22. Trapped
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    Trapped Long term member

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    I really and honestly think communication is key. With my wife we have our known roles she is the top and I am the bottom. I do what ever she asks of me and then i try to go further than that. We have a lot of affection in our relationship. (One of the rules in our contract was that i be more affectionate and must spoon her while we sleep) Maybe the way your wife is running things she believes that is what you have in your head? IDK. But I think talking is the best way to find out what is going on and discuss how it makes you feel. I don't see an FLR being truly all one way, just heavily weighted to the wives side. husbands still have needs and deserve respect and attention. I feel like I gave up a lot but what I got back made up for it.
     
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  23. lockedUp24byKH
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    lockedUp24byKH Yes Dear...Right away.

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    My own wife doesnt take advantage of when no kids are home too, I've often made a move or made a suggestion when they are at school or away for some time, The old chestnut "the kids are still awake" doesn't apply when they're not around but none the less nothing at all develops.

    I understand how you feel but unfortunately our women don't think the same way, When the kids are gone it's Chore list time around the house until exhaustion sets in leaving nothing left to give to each other and then the kids are back.

    My only suggestion is next time don't stay at home if your kids are also away, Go stay in a hotel for 2 nights where chores and daily life doesn't follow her.
    I say 2 nights because nothing will happen the first night as she will just want sleep, Maybe the next night things will happen.

    This is my plan for my wifes birthday and a romantic dinner and a trip to the cinema and shopping , Fingers crossed global inflation doesnt out price everything further.
     
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  24. cogman
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    cogman Long term member

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    One thing to remind yourself, is chastity impacts how YOU think a LOT more than it impacts the way she thinks.

    Fact is as a lifestyle, most of the time your fully clothed and a normal caged male partner.

    I have been in this for over a decade, recently my partner told me she wanted a break from me wearing the cage because she was tired of thinking about it!

    I am wearing again, because I explained to her that it was OK for it to be JUST ABOUT BEING KEPT FOR HER.

    She doesn't need to think about all that other stuff, i am willing to be caged just to save myself for her when she wants to have sex. which is about once per week or two....there are little things in between but not like what you describe

    Actually made a hell of a difference to her attitude.

    We have done most of THOSE things in the past and her response was we will do so again, that its nice to be not under any pressure to do all "those other" more out there things.

    My Two cents
     
  25. Chastity Chris
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    Chastity Chris New member

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    Again, thank you all.
    I love that this community is here!
    Having a nontraditional relationship, I have been struggling with finding real help and information. Twitter is ok, but I have discovered, it's not very realistic.
    And as mentioned by others, being locked in a chastity cage is a big mental adjustment. Much more so for the man, than the woman.
    I have definitely found that to be true. I have that constant reminder every time I move, get aroused, or have to sit down to pee. The reminder is always there. Where she snaps on the lock and forgets about it. I have never thought about it that way.
    Once again thank you all for helping me see things from a different perspective. I have read all your comments and paused to think about each and every one, and how I can use the knowledge you have shared to make me a better husband, submissive, subbie, cuck or whatever best describes me.
    THANKS
     
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