They don't want to talk about it.

sounds like they don't really want to participate in the game anymore and it will become a matter of control over you rather then mutual fun..If you can't discuss things and have fun with it, especially sex, what's the point?

 

I agree, I like to talk about it to, but luckily my madam does to. She loves to poke fun that I am unable to do anything as I am locked up. It sounds like you might need to have a talk with your keyholder/wife as it seems the mutual interest isn’t there any more.

 

I’m still in the phase of trying not to make it all about ‘it’ so my wife will accept it. I’ve said countless times that it’s a deal breaker for me to be locked and forgotten but here I am 10 days in and.... nothing. No mention of it, talking about it, teasing... nothing. But... I’m not being pushy and will see where we go. Maybe she’s just had a bad week but that’s why we’re doing this - it’s her decision.

However to have a rule that it will never more be talked about unless they bring it up sounds completely wrong (to me). It has to be mutually beneficial. I don’t think ‘deal with it’ was in the small print?

 

You know I think it was Adam talking about the apple all the time that finally got Eve to eat it.

 

OK, got my comedic response out of the way, so now my soapbox. I think it is ok for subs to have a minimum expectation of treatment. Yes, she is in charge and yes she should call the shots, but you (we) are not an inanimate object. Even a dog or a cat are entitled to a minimum expectation of treatment and I would argue a submissive human can and should too. If losing this is taking it too far for you, you have to express that. It doesn't mean unfettered talking about it. She should have restrictions such as never more than once a week or when I say were done talking were done talking. Just make sure you are sure this is that important to you, because if she doesn't accept your terms she can simply give you the key back. That is the boat I find myself in. I told her I couldn't serve her unless she met a minimum level of domination towards me. That ended things for now and maybe permanently. It makes me sad, but less sad then where I was before I stood my ground. Meek little corner of ground that it was.

 

I have experienced that feeling of being forgotten, like your penis is locked, out of sight, out of mind, and the wife doesn't want to talk about it or anything. It's hurtful. Fortunately, in our case it seems to be cyclical. There are certainly times of the month that she is less interested in talking about it or teasing me or whatever, but then there are other times (like less than an hour ago) where she rubs me through the cage and gets me hard and, whether she says something or not, I see that devious smile on her face indicating how happy she is to have me locked and to be able to drive my crazy.

 

Like most of us guys when starting chastity I couldn’t shut up about it. It was so different and so many new things to learn and try. Although Wonder Woman was very intrigued by chastity from the start it definitely was not something she liked to talk about very much or at least as much as I was. Fast forward nearly 5 years and it’s very much different now and chastity and related topics are discussed often.

Wonder Woman does like to know that I’m frustrated and horny but if I start talking about it to much she just gets irritated and annoyed. She thinks I’m just trying edge my way into getting her to have sex with me lol.

 

I am in the same position, I am Locked up by my wife for coming up to 2 weeks, she has locked me up before. but this time she seams more serious about it. I would like to discuss with her how she feels about it from her point of view, however she is very reserved but for a couple of comments referring to me not being released etc if I say something out of line etc. However really I am I a good position and don’t want to push it with her, but difficult to trying to hold back from saying anything more. I am just trying to let her lead in her own way. As long as she has got the key from my point of view I am a winner.

 

My ex wife would not talk about it, as i seemed to bring it up when the kids were around so she would stop me right off. Even alone she wouldn't but once in bed she always every night backed her ass into me and rubbed causing frustration and a laugh on her part then her saying good night

 

Since I am self locked, there wasn't ever a discussion about a chastity device, and my decision to be locked permanently, until a couple months after I was already locked full time. She knew nothing about them. It wasn't difficult to hide it from her.

When I was absolutely sure about my decision that this was it for me, I tried to have the talk. She did not want to talk about it. Gee, what a surprise....not! So, I had to wait again for an appropriate time.

Finally, she acquiesced and let me tell her that what, how and why. It made here feel bad because it highlighted her limitations and created a sense of guilt for her health situation.

I told her that my very reason for doing this was for her to NOT have to suffer those feelings. She had enough difficulties, I didn't wanted her to be additionally burdened by sadness or guilt.

It was still tough to bring it up on future occasions. When finally getting her into the headspace I needed her to be in, that is when I was able to back away and finally let it go.

It is still a bit uncomfortable for to talk about. However, she has reached a point where she has acknowledged it with a grateful attitude, thankful that I was kind to do something like that for her. I let her know how much it meant to me for her to actually acknowledge and be accepting of it.

So, it takes a lot of patience when dealing with a wife who doesn't understand at first, and also has other circumstances. It really doesn't come up at all anymore, unless she happens to see my cage. Then she may make a comment, and I may respond or not, depending on what she says.

I am just so glad for the fact that she is accepting it, and, more importantly, that she now has an understanding that I did this for her, to unburden her mind, and, for me, it is a means to permanently restrict any access to myself.

She wasn't at all interested in holding my key, but that is ok. I am just thrilled that I can be locked permanently 24-7-365 because I was willing to be patient and use discretion to finally have "the tatk".

 

Your experience is similar to mine, but I have learned to shut up. I know - because she has told me in no uncertain terms - that Xena prefers me chaste. However, the point for her is "no dick", not endlessly talking about dick.

 

My Wife does not like me bringing it up either. Only She can talk about it. I do find this difficult but She has made this quite clear

It helpful for me to learn here that i am not alone

 

I struggle with this. It has taken 3 years for my wife to get on board and take a more active interest. Now she has and it’s incredible to be living out my fantasy. Of course she can talk about it whenever she wants to but we set aside time on Saturday mornings for me to bring up chastity related things for discussion. That seems to work well although she usually has little to say.

I will echo what many others have said: the reality of chastity is VERY different than the fantasy. It is very hard to let go and follow your keyholder when things don’t happen the way you want them to. But I will say that it can be amazing and gratifying if you can just let go and submit. Many here talk about the physical longings and desires. They are real but I have found the mental aspects of power exchange to be more challenging.

BTW, I’m on day 36.

 

I been involved in chastity for 15 years only for a few early months my wife kinda was interested but it faded and now she has no interest in chastity or kh she never asked
I pretty much lock over most of the year
She said if I need to find outside interest it ok so I have online kh

 

from their point of view, it must get tedious having to talk about it on a regular basis. What else is there to say except "you're locked"? I understand totally your frustration, but from their perspective, the time for talking about it is over.

 

This is a fascinating thread. Though, obviously, some partners are "yeah, whatever it's your thing now shut up about it", I'm pretty sure that in most cases something different is going on.

If you google around (e.g.), you find that historically eunuchs have been objects of both male and female desire. There's something about a man with a disarmed penis that pushes the buttons of some women. In other words, your "keyholder" may like you chaste, but as a done deal.

Even without the button pushing, there is evidence that some women go off penetration as they get older - only a small proportion get off on penetration without additional stimulation anyway. So taking the penis out of play may be a genuine benefit, but again as a done deal.

Finally, if there's power exchange and chaste = submissive... well again, it's the done deal that's interesting to the dominant partner.

So if your partner doesn't want to talk about it, but seems onboard and even enthusiastic, it may be that they are into the absence of the penis rather than its locking. They may also have complex feeling that they don't want to examine too closely.

 

There's an irony in that, at least at first, chastity cages seem to focus a man's thinking about his penis.

 

There certainly is Tom

I have found that we can from time to time go for some time without discussing how I feel about being locked and denied. Not contrived at least not by eme.. it just happens sometimes

My Lady does sometimes ask how her penis is .. which I have learned is not a cue to start a discussion though she does sometimes instigate one of those.

Those periods where my prediciament is largely forgotten or ignored other than for reasons relating to discomfort or cleaning can be quite calming and thoughts about myself and mt predicament are just quitely pushed into the background.

Sometimes I think I am being groomed for a locked denied and largely ignored future at some point. I think if that should come about it might be a quite a good thing long term .. as my Lady mentioned then perhaps the occassional chat about my feelings about being locked denied and ignored might be the only 'treat' I would get and such chats would necessarily have to be a very long time apart.

It would certainly be a lot closer to the aspirations of some women... training a guy to be a locked denied and ignored unconsciously submissive just doing whatever she needs done and mostly without the need to be told. My Lady agreed with that but as usual gave no indication as whether ot not that would be a preference for her. Not practical in our case due to our seperate locations

Some guys fantasisze about this and I always dismissed the possibility of it working for them, after all if your penis and your self perceived needs being ignored is fantasy of yours. then the fantasy being fulfilled is surely fuelling rather than ignoring both the predicament and the fantasy.

For us though it raised the matter of

Or general chastity acceptance by the guy

maybe even that rather than not being allowed to mention anything to do with one's being locked and denial, It and perhaps one's service to one's Lady just becomes so normal that it does not get mentioned any more... not expected but taken for granted.

The guy's fantasies of being locked denied and any sexual feelings being ignored by their significant other and themselves in an FLR all lost to the mundanity of their absence being the normal state.

Of course you might ask would a woman in such a relationship prefer this state of now unconscious status quo submission to the the relationship thy both have to work at and he consciously has to demostrate?.

There is it seems always some food for thought on this site.