Then and Now

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by PouchPantyLover, Aug 1, 2019.

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  1. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    We had one of our spin outs a couple weeks ago. I think there's been too many too close together. It feels different this time. Some of it is probably linked to her new job. Some is linked to the closing weeks of kids summer vacations and the usual scramble to fill their schedule while maintaining our own. Who knows where this goes from here. I was musing on this when I got up this morning and comparing my daily schedule Then (FLR) to Now (No FLR).

    Then - Wake up 15 minutes before her assigned waking time. Go downstairs, start the coffee and load blender with smoothie stuff, but don't start it. Bring coffee to her at her appointed time (usually 6 AM) and gently wake her. Return downstairs, make the smoothies for whole family. Prepare her to go bag with coffee in thermos, fizzy water in hydroflask, snack, lunch and utensils. Make sure the kids are up and have enough to eat. Ask her permission to go take a shower.

    Now - Wake up when I need to (usually 6 - 6:30 AM). 50/50 who makes the coffee these days, but everyone serves themselves. I still make smoothies most mornings. Go get in the shower after having my smoothie.

    Then - After shower lubricate my base ring and slip on a pair of panties and pants. Make the bed and check to see if I need to start a load of laundry. Make sure she is satisfied with all of my preparations and see if she has any assignments for me today. If assigned to, take the kids to school. Return home and make sure the Kitchen is cleaned up. Grab a second cup of coffee and head into the home office.

    Now - After shower put on a pair of boxers and pants. Bed hasn't been made in two weeks. What's the point, we're just going to mess it up in the evening. We negotiate who takes kids where and it's about 60/40 on me as I work from home and she has to commute. If I made the food, someone else can clean the kitchen. If someone else made the food, I clean the kitchen. Grab a second cup of coffee and head into home office.

    Then - Check in with her via text mid-morning. Ask if she has any specific instructions for dinner and what time she wants it on the table. Also see if she needs anything from the store. Based on her instructions, prepare a shopping list if need be. If laundry needs to be done work on that. These are the times where she will sometimes instruct me to crossdress while doing chores. Go out to my jobsites to check on progress and go to any meetings I have. Do shopping on the way home if need be. Return to office until kids need to be picked up if that's assigned to me or work until it's time to start preparing dinner.

    Now - Sometimes I check in with her just to say hi. Let her know when dinner will be ready so she knows when she needs to be home. Confirm who is picking up kids. Go out to my jobsites to check on progress and go to any meetings I have. Do shopping on the way home if need be. Return to office until kids need to be picked up if I've agreed to do that or work until it's time to start preparing dinner.

    Then - Make dinner, set the table and wait on her pre-dinner needs such as a drink or cleaning her dishes from work. I always serve her dinner. After dinner clean everything up and get coffee set up for the next day. Wait on her post dinner needs and make sure kids are doing what they need to, to be ready for bed. After kids go down ask her if there's anything she needs. This usually means anything from a foot-rub to bringing her dessert. Once everything is done I ask if I may have permission to sit down with her and watch TV. Sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes it's a reminder that something else needs my attention such as putting the trash out. I am usually reprimanded and assigned strokes for these oversights or any deficiency during the day. If I'm allowed to sit down and watch, we watch what she wants.

    Now - Make dinner and announce when it's ready. She or the kids set the table and get ready and everybody serves themselves. Since I cook I don't clean, but I'll help a little. Usually I go sit on the porch with a glass of wine. Help with moving the kids towards bed-time. I'll turn the TV on once kids are in bed. If she comes in we'll watch something we both like, otherwise I'll watch something I like on my own.

    Then - I am not allowed to go to bed before her. Once she announces she is going to bed I am to immediately begin preparations myself. I walk the dogs outside, put the puppy in the kennel, make sure all lights are off, doors are locked, driveway gate closed and alarm is on. After brushing my teeth and re-lubricating my base ring I come to bed. I am required to ask each evening "Mistress may I have the privilege of pleasuring you?" The only exception is if she is asleep. If I wake her I am punished with slaps on the spot or assigned strokes. Similarly if I go to bed without asking her and she is awake, I am punished. If I am lucky enough that she says yes I get her toys, close our door and provide her with an orgasm. I then clean-up open the door and climb into bed where i lay awake aching from the confines of the cage.

    Now - I go to bed when I am tired. It's about 60/40 she is in bed first. I walk the dogs out very rarely, like if she is sick or something. I'd rather not have dogs so they are her idea and therefore her responsibility. I do make sure lights are off as I seem to be the only person in my house capable of turning off a light switch. I'll make sure doors are locked. Alarm and gate are again her idea. If she wants them, she can deal with them. She usually does everything but the lights if she goes to bed before me as that way she knows it's done. If we are both awake in bed at the same time I'll usually try to initiate something. She hasn't been overly receptive. I can't imagine why? :rolleyes:

    Then - If I had an after hours work activity or wanted to do something with friends I would ask permission. If given permission to go I would ask if she wanted a meal prepared for her and the children and then would do as instructed.

    Now - Unless she has something scheduled, I schedule what I want and give her at least a few days notice. They can figure out what to eat on their own.

    Then - She would simply tell me I'll be out late on such a such night. I was not allowed to ask what she was doing. I was expected to ask her if there was anything I could do to assist in her having a pleasant evening. Sometimes I was told to prepare a dish for her to take to a party. Sometimes told to pick up a bottle of wine. No matter how late she was I was to be up to greet her when she returned.

    Now - She's free to make plans as I am, but I expect to know what they are and when she will be home. I'm happy to take care of the kids anytime she needs a break.

    Then - On weekends I am up at 6 to make a sumptuous breakfast in bed that is to be delivered at 8 AM exactly unless otherwise instructed. I work at least part days in the office on Saturday, but this is also my day to catch-up on laundry and any chores that I haven't accomplished during the week. I also spend hours on Sunday doing shopping and food prep for the week.

    Now - On weekends I get up when I want on Sunday. I still work Saturday, so I don't sleep in too much then. I've helped put away folded laundry, but haven't done a load in weeks. Still do some food prep for the week as the mood hits me.

    One would think with a list like this that the now is much better than the then. In all honesty it is in some ways. I'm more rested, I've been more productive at work and let's face it; laundry sucks. Still I feel like I've lost something that I really prized. If this is it, I can say it was fun while it lasted. I can say I've still got a great wife and life. On the other hand maybe this is just another one of those roller coaster hills we seem to ride. Maybe that chain is pulling me slowly up to the top only to have me rocket off into a loop. I guess only time will tell.
     
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  2. madams-sissysub
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    Try not to get to disheartened about it all, as it’s a big change for her with her new job, and she must want to be the best she can at it, I’m sure once she has settled in and found her grove with it, things will start to get back to normal for you.
    There have been times my flr took a rest, but i was never released though.
     
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  3. Mistress Jules
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    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
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    As you mentioned previously, the new job your wife has is important to her and she will be very focused on finding her feet in her new position. You just never know what is going to happen just around the corner and you should probably try starting to do a few things around the house again, probably starting with the laundry.

    Personally if I was your wife, I would be hurt that all that attention was only when there was sexual games involved. At a time of great change and challenges for her, it must be difficult to feel that you are no longer the caring and devoted husband you seemed to be before.

    I hope you manage to find a place where you are both enjoying helping each other in the very near future x
     
  4. Peaches
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    Peaches "kinky guy"

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    All I can say is I feel you. I got a small burst of my wife's dominant side and it left as quickly as it came. We are definitely not as experienced as the two of you. It's definitely been an emotional rollercoaster for me, and I hate it. I'm not an emotional person. This week I slacked off, hoping I could spark some of that Dom in her. She wasn't having it. We would glance the topic of the pile of laundry, or the dishes and other chores that didn't get done with the enthusiasm they did last week.

    She just needs time. I'm just impatient.
     
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  5. Peaches
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    Peaches "kinky guy"

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    Thank you Miss Jules. I needed that perspective. Even if it wasn't directed towards me, it hit home.
     
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  6. Anonoman
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    Anonoman Long term member

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    I feel really sorry for your situation. I’m not in and have no intention of, a FLR (least, not that I’m aware of...!) but for anybody who is happy with a way of life, for that to change or come to an end, is not nice at all. If it’s not too prying, how did it stop? The benefits of the ‘before’ are certainly very compelling - I can’t even see any opportunity for an argument...
     
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  7. PouchPantyLover
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    PouchPantyLover Long term member

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    @Mistress Jules you know by now I value your opinion. I think if you examine the now portion I am still doing a fair bit of the domestic responsibilities. I still do all of the shopping and cooking. I have taken on the bulk of child transportation duties that she used to handle 90% of. I still tell her I support her in her new endeavor and I'm proud of what she's doing. In short I think I'm being a good partner and husband. She in her passive aggressive way has said I'm done with chastity and FLR. Just as she stopped punishment, she just started doing laundry. Just as she had me unlock and did not request or demand a re-lock, she just started getting her own coffee and cleaning up after dinner. This is her choice.

    @Anonoman as to how it stopped, she just made it clear she was done. In our relationship I am the talker that wants to "work things out". She is more the silent type that can be very passive aggressive. Frankly we have been struggling in our roles going back into the May time frame. After returning from vacation in mid-June she told me she wanted me to lock back up. We sat down and had one of our outside the FLR heart to hearts. I told her I can only be submissive to her if she is dominant towards me. We discussed this in light of her new job and what the bare bones activity would be to keep me in that mindset. We agreed three things were critical for this to succeed.

    1. She would keep me locked up and denied. This is different from locked up and forgotten. That denial was an act of inducing the desire to have an orgasm, without getting it.
    2. Our weekly punishment session was the most powerful tool at reducing me to feeling as submissive as possible.
    3. Once a day, some small reinforcement of her position. An order, a fondle, a word or a text. Nothing grand, just some daily reminder to both of us of our respective positions.

    Essentially in a three week period she unlocked me twice and allowed me to have sex with her to climax. She blew off two out of the three weeks of punishment. She slowly stopped the once a day reinforcements. After the last orgasm she didn't even bother with lock-up. I went about 24 hours unlocked and I realized whether she admitted it or not, she was done. I think bottom line is she likes me being submissive, but she doesn't like being dominant. For me if I'm not doing it because she demands it, I am doing it for myself. That doesn't work for me. I can still be a loving and devoted husband without being her servant. I would be happier if things were different, but I'm not miserable. I don't know if things will stay this way or not. Kids go back to school in a little over a week and a new routine will be established then. Maybe she's waiting for that. All I know is if she wants it, I'm in. If she doesn't want it, I'm not doing it.
     
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  8. Guest 2014
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    Guest 2014 Active member

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    This right here is what I have referred to in another thread. I have no issue with being locked & denied, but don’t forget I exist. That is what is ruining the wonderful things that started earlier this year. Being ignored and shot down for anything to key a spark of interest is colder than the stainless steel cage when it comes out of the drawer.
    Like you, I would do damn near anything for her, but leave me ignored & the beast becomes frustrated over nearly anything.
     
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