The Upgrade - a one-sided dialogue story

Discussion in 'Member fiction' started by keephimcaged, Jun 9, 2016.

  1. keephimcaged
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    I just read another thread with a penis extender story linked in it, and I thought I'd take the challenge to write a little one of my own! Let me know if you like it. I thought I'd do it a a little dialogue between wife and husband where you can fill in the gaps for what he says (I tried writing the male voice but it sounded awful...)


    "So sweetheart, I know you've been waiting for your special present I promised for our anniversary. The box is heavy, isn't it. Open it, I'm so excited!

    "Yes, it's a penis extender! I know, the seal's broken on the box, there's a story behind that, I'll explain in a... no, I haven't used it without you! You're so paranoid! Now let me tie you up and we'll get started!

    "It's not huge, darling. From what I read it's really quite normal. And honestly compared to all those posts you show me on Tumblr, it's small if anything. Just, not compared to, you, you know?

    "No don't get upset, it's just a toy baby, I like your cock, I really do, but ever since you showed me those pictures I keep imagining what it would feel like to have something, bigger. I kind of wonder, you know, if.. it might even make me cum?

    "Yes honey, I know you make me cum, and I love that, but you don't when we actually have sex, do you? You have to use your fingers, or our vibe or, well now more than ever, your tongue. But I keep wondering, maybe it's not me... maybe I just need something bigger than your little cock.

    "Sweetie, it's just a toy! If you held it in your hand you'd be okay. But this one fits over your cock, it's great. It leaves your hands free for other things. Or like now, you don't even need them!

    "No, I don't have to unlock you, look at this, see, it fits right over your caged cock, isn't that amazing! God baby, look how big it is! It's like it's yours now! You always wanted to be this big didn't you! How's it feel to look down and see that beautiful big cock between your legs? Isn't it the perfect gift, for us both!

    "Is it weird... if I go down and suck on it honey, is that okay? Oh god darling, look, I have to stretch my mouth open to even ummmpfffhhh. Ugrghff mmmpffh ffo uud

    "Oh my god, did you see that? I just slid it down my throat! I think the problem before was yours didn't really, get to my throat darling! As soon as I got it past the back of my mouth I almost didn't need to gag at all! Wow, now I feel better about it! I love this thing! Umm, is it, okay if? Oh of course it is, I want it in me baby, okay? You just lie back and watch - hah, you can't do much else right now can you darling!

    "Oh fuck, it's so big! Oh my god, can you see it stretching me! Oh that's so intense. I, oh my god, this is AMAZING, and that's just the tip! I, I... oh my God, it's reached my g-spot, oh fuck I think, hold on. Oh shit I nearly came! I can't believe it! Could you see how close that was, I'm shaking already! Ssshh, be quiet honey, I need to concentrate.

    "Oh fuck oh fuuuuuck! I've never had anything this deep, it's incredible. Is there more, can you see baby? Oh my god, I can feel it sliding past my cervix I think. You never even reached that. That's.. kind of weird but oh, I think I like it and yes, I can feel it even deeper, oh my god it's.. I can't even describe it. Look how deep it is! Oh I have to fuck it now, help me baby, fuck me! Yes, oh my god, oh my GOD. Fuck me, harder, yes I feel, oh shit, it feels so good, don't stop, don't stop, don't...

    "OH FUCK YES I'M CUMMING ON YOUR HUGE COCK BABY! Fuck me, fuck me, yes yes yes yeeeeees! I'm still cumming, I can't hold it in, I'm, oh shit I'm going to pee I'm... oh my god I'm squirting! It feels so good, keep fucking me, don't stop! Don't ever stop!

    "Oh baby that... that was the most incredible thing I've ever felt! It's okay baby, I'm crying because I'm happy. I just never knew anything could feel that good. Mmmm thank you darling, just hold me, okay? I love you so much.

    "Oh it feels so big in me, just.. oh yes, just move it like that again. Are you horny baby, is your dick all squashed up in the cage. Fuck me with it, yes oh my god, don't stop, I'm going to cum again, oh yes, yes, YES!

    "Holy shit darling, I just came twice, and you haven't even touched my clit! Can you believe it? This is incredible. Can we just stay like this all night?'

    "Umm, no I wasn't going to unlock you, actually, I have a little confession. I'm afraid it's a bit more complicated now. I told you there was a bit of a story didn't I? I actually got it from Emma. No silly, she hadn't used it! That would be disgusting. No she bought it for Alan but he was much too big to fit in it, so she was going to throw it out but I said it would fit you perfectly. Yes, I did say that! So she knows you're not very big, it's nothing to be ashamed about. All my friends know already, what do you think girls talk about when you're not around?

    "Anyway, when Emma gave me the penis extender, I was so delighted I asked if there was anything she wanted in return. She asked for your key! I know, I was surprised too! But really I think she was doing me a favour, I'd told her how hard I found it not to give in when you're all desperate like this. Now if you want to cum you'll need to ask her for it in advance.

    "Sorry baby, don't be cross. I was a bit tipsy at the time. I probably shouldn't have told her she should make you work hard for it should I? She thought that was very funny. What really shocked me was when I mentioned I'd want it back sometimes, and she told me I'd have to work for it too! Who would have thought tame little Emma could get so dominant!"

    "Anyway, not to worry, now we have this new cock for you, there's not really much reason to let you out any more!'

    "I think I'm ready honey. Let's do it again...'



    It's my first time writing anything like this so do let me know if you like it! I'm open to any feedback on how to improve it.
    I've tried a few shorter captions at my blog keephimcaged.tumblr.com but this is the longest one so far (no pun intended!!!)
    If you're curious, yes we use one sometimes... it's the Mega Mighty 3 Extra Inches Extender from Lovehoney (although we've never used it over a cage, we use our strap on for that)


    Jane xxx
     
  2. Billus
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    I liked it very much. It's good to see a story written from a KH's point of view with a unique structure. It's well written and polished, and moves along quite nicely. I see a lot of stuff written here that's afflicted with bad grammar, little or no editing, and it really distracts from the flow of the storyline. The dialog seems natural (not 'forced'). It got me stiff in my cage, so it achieved the desired result. I look forward to more from you.
     
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  3. DonnaSue
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    Very well written and extremely HOT!
     
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  4. keephimcaged
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    Thanks so much for the feedback Billus and DonnaSue, it's most appreciated! I love knowing it had that affect on you, thank you! I was honestly despairing that no one had even made a comment.

    I do want to say though, of the 58 of you have read that story that I put time and effort into writing for the forum, I've had three likes and two comments. I don't know if it's because I'm a woman, or if you just think it's rubbish or what. But If you seriously can't even bother to click a button to say you liked it (let alone give me any feedback) then I certainly can't be bothered to put the effort in this required (it takes a surprisingly long time). It was the longest thing like that I've ever written and that's really quite a depressing reception.

    Thanks to you two who did though, you cheered me up a lot!
     
  5. Jasmic68
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    Oh wow. That was an experience!

    When I first started reading it I thought it wasn't going to work. Just as back when I watched porn I needed to be able to imagine myself or my Wife in the picture with someone else I thought I would need both sides of the story for it to work and turn me on. But then something strange happened, I did actually start putting myself into this predicament and imagine that it was my Wife saying those things to me. I started to imagine my own responses.

    I think you know what happened next. My Holy Trainer very suddenly got very tight!

    Please, please don't stop there! This story needs to continue. I love it.
     
  6. keephimcaged
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    Aww Jasmic, you're always my hero, you say such nice things <3 You're in my good books already but have an extra star!
     
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  7. Jasmic68
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    PLEASE write more! I am going to ask my Wife to read it out loud to me on Saturday. It would be amazing if the story continued. I loved it. I'm even considering asking what forfeit I would have to pay to convince you to continue! Gulp. I've never been tempted to do anything like that before and I know how strongly you feel about guys going behind their partners back. So if you are going to come up with something make it couple friendly.
     
  8. Jens
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    Very talented, to keep it as a monolog or one sided dialog..... A clever scheme - underlining the female power;-)
    And hot!!:)
     
  9. keephimcaged
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    Oh now this just got interesting! Make me an offer! Always fun to hear what you think might work first!

    But, more seriously. I loved your feedback on the format! I've never seen anything like this, it just happened because I tried to write the man's response and it sounded shit, so I just left my bits, and I thought it kind of worked? What happened to you is exactly what I was hoping! Is there even a name for a one sided dialogue? lol Have I invented a new form of literature?
     
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  10. keephimcaged
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    The Admin said he liked it, the Admin said he liked it! Okay, I'm happy now! (See the wonders of nagging a bit...) :p

    But seriously, thank you!
     
  11. Jasmic68
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    This sort of monologue idea goes waaaay back. My mother used to like a comedienne who would do skits like this, pretending she was a teacher talking to naughty children. It's a lot like Rowan Atkinson when he did the schoolmaster reading out a register and then some messages. I think this is the first example I have ever seen that is sexual though!

    As for making you an offer for a forfeit I honestly cannot think straight right now! Obviously it cannot put my Wife's anonymity at risk (and by association mine!) and it has to be something I can introduce her to. Don't forget you have her email now so you could talk to her directly and cut me out of the loop altogether! You are much more experienced at this than I am.

    Oh man, yes, the story is even hotter reading it a second time, this time my swelling hasn't gone down while I have been typing!
     
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  12. Jens
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    I would suggest you stick to the "one sided dialog" WHEN You continue this story - or start another one. The format makes wonders:) Happy writing !
     
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  13. Jasmic68
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    I totally agree. It is interesting to hear you describe how you thought your male voice was rubbish. I have heard how you can tell a really good male film maker as they manage to create convincing female characters, or they listen when a woman tells him that they wouldn't say or do something they have been asked to in the script.

    But I am more than happy to put my own dialogue in the gaps. It totally puts me into the story. I think the second time it was hotter as I was used to the format and didn't try to read it as a straight story.
     
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  14. DonnaSue
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    I think that the "one sided dialogue" is appropriate for this chastity site! After all, everything about being in chastity is pretty one-sided! (And I love it!)
     
  15. prien2
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    I also am looking forward to the next part.
     
  16. Jasmic68
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    This one has really got to me. I have just woken up with a raging attempt at an erection at 03:50! I was having a dream that my Wife was really doing this to me. I am so turned on I was close to having a nocturnal emission.
     
  17. Jasmic68
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    This story is partly responsible for dreaming myself to a half awake ejaculation. This time I was lying on my front with my Holy Trainer tucked between my legs. I had an attempted erection that made my ring get tighter and tighter.

    All of a sudden it happened. I had pressed my device down onto the bed and I could feel a tightness building up in my groin. I came, completely hands free, the thought of this scenario happening to me the impetus.

    I have told my Wife as I have done each time this has happened.
     
  18. Jasmic68
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    You might have received a slow start here but it is getting plenty of love and shares on Tumblr!
     
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  19. keephimcaged
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    My life ambition is now to write a book that gets the above as its Amazon review! :D
     
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  20. keephimcaged
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    Yep, it's gone a bit crazy there hasn't it!!! See, Tumblr boys are well trained to press the like button :p I hit 4,000 followers there today, how amazing is that!
     
  21. kellysbitch
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    That was an amazing story and I really liked the one sided dialogue. It had me as hard as I can get in my contender while reading it.
    Can't wait for the next chapter.
     
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  22. Jasmic68
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    She did it. My Wife read this out to me. I'm still trembling now, it was incredible. It was better than I hoped.

    My Wife was lying on her bed, on her front, reading the story from our secret shared Tumblr. I was giving her a back massage. At one point, while she was teasing me about the size of my penis and then reading out one of the orgasms I stopped massaging her back as I was trembling so much. She definitely let me know that I was expected to carry on massaging her back.

    I am proud to say that afterwards I repaid her by licking her to a really strong orgasm of her own. The reaction I had to the story helped as it turned her on that I responded the way that I did.

    Thank you @keephimcaged you are responsible for my most incredible chastity based experience since we started all of this last October.
     
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  23. Jasmic68
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    Oh, by the way, she let me out of my holy trainer while all of this was going on, then totally denied me an orgasm of my own. I have been a good boy, just not quite good enough.
     
  24. CagedAnimal2
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    This was absolutely AMAZING!!! Even better on your blog with the pics to go with it. I love the clear one you've shown before, To see his hard cock but feel almost nothing must be so intense!
     
  25. Jasmic68
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    I totally agree. The only problem is in the story the guy is tied up, but in the picture he is very definitely not! But that is a totally minor detail and literally the only thing I can find wrong with it.
     
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