The story of slave chris

Good morning everyone. It's my hope to document my journey in this blog in the weeks ahead. And possibly provide you with an entertaining window on a slave's life.

my Owner would like me to make weekly entries, approved by Her, that detail my feelings and experiences for that week. This form of confession will expose me to Her, and to also expose me to all of you.

Thank you in advance for reading, and commenting. i welcome all your feedback and reaction.

*kneeling naked, eyes on the floor*

c

 

Lester and Joey thank you both!

 

Starting at the beginning

... where all stories begin.

i am a survivor of childhood abuse. The details are sad and scary and disturbing. i won't burden readers with them.

But the most important part of that beginning is "i am a survivor." i am proud of that, and happy and grateful that i can say it. i survived. Barely.

i started having consensual sex at age 14, with a girlfriend. It wasn't regular sex, although it was years until i understood that. She would remain clothed, i would strip naked. She would suck my penis but not to orgasm ... i would beat off while She watched. Often we finished with me giving Her oral, but i never saw Her naked. She never let me fuck Her. the power exchange was express, but i didn't think about it. In retrospect i recognize my sexuality in those teenage days, but at the time it was instinctual, not fully conceived.

i went to college and fucked as much as i could ... a lot. i kept looking for a Woman who would accept power over me, but that wasn't available. No one wanted anything except a hard cock. i would often cum thinking about being dominated, but in real life i played the toxic male stud.

i met my ex-wife in college. We had children and a normal life. All the while my need for submission ate away at me, and at the same time remained unacknowledged. i could not confront my true sexuality and my real needs - instead i used substitutes to numb the pain.

By mid life i was very unhappy. i drank heavily. i sought sexual relief in an affair that became a long term relationship - more on that later. But my inability to admit to myself that i needed to confront my real sexuality and embrace it led to a deepening downward spiral. In my affair i tried to be the dominant, ruining the relationship and failing to see what i really was. What i am.

The affair broke up. The marriage broke up. my children stopped talking to me. i lost my job. A second marriage lasted less than a year. i hit bottom.

It was time to either confront what was broken in me, or complete the death spiral.

TBC ....

 

Confront what was Broken

In the fall of 2017 i found a counselor who helped me change my life. We made a list of the scars i was carrying from my adverse childhood experiences - scars i felt every hour of my life, but never thought about objectively. For long decades ...

• i was scared - always - that i would be hurt emotionally and physically. The fear obstructed deep feelings and kept me distant and fearful about commitment.

• i was angry - always - about my alcoholic father's abuse and the broken family i came from. The anger blocked my ability to forgive, and heal.

• i was ashamed - always - that the powerless i experienced as a sex abuse victim was deeply erotic to me. i was left craving what i loathed, and my shame about that froze me sexually, and stopped me from finding sane, consensual pleasure in my true sexual nature.

• i was hiding - always - from that true nature. i used drugs and alcohol. i acted out the role of a dominant toxic male at work, in the bedroom and in all my relationships. i was always in control - or at least i pretended i was.

i owe so much to those counseling sessions and the therapist who helped me see these things, and think about them, and finally fix them. i was able to change my life ... confront my scars ... and move beyond them.

Like everything in my life the path to full, permanent submission was crooked. To understand what happened next you have to meet Nancy.

TBC

 

Nancy

my oldest friend. The person who's life is most completely threaded with my own. my Owner.

Nancy will have her own voice in this blog, appearing as and when She chooses to share whatever personal details She wants to. But in order to tell my story i must share these details:

Nancy and i met 28 years ago at a job. She worked for me for several years. When She left that workplace we began an affair that lasted over a decade. As i've said, i destroyed that relationship by requiring false dominance and being a toxic male. Nancy pulled away many times over that decade - eventually She left me.

Five years ago i attempted to renew the relationship, beginning to explore my submissive nature, but my male toxicity raged and my self-destructive behavior ruined the reunion after three painful years.

Last year i hit bottom, as i've recounted. i sought help. i confronted the deep scars that drove my terrible behaviors. And i realized there was only one person who could help me save myself.

On November 30, 2017 i masturbated, twice, draining my sexual need. And with that clarity i drove to Nancy's house and knocked. i expected Her to turn me away. She had every right to. But instead we went to dinner and i shared what i've said here.

i begged Her to take me back. She set conditions. Permanent chastity and permanent orgasm denial. Full slavery. Complete FLR. No second chances. i accepted immediately. No one knows me better, and Nancy knew right away what i needed - more than i did.

Tomorrow marks our first full year together. Tomorrow Nancy will marry me. i will be Her wife, and Her slut, and Her property. She will be my Owner, my Goddess and my Master.

In the next installment(s) i will share some of the details of the past year, and how Nancy has helped transform me into what i truly am - Her slave.

 

Thank you Penney!

 

Wedding

This is what we did last Friday ... it was perfect. Pictures are found in my photo album 'Wedding."

Ritual of Binding and Possession
11/30/18​

• The bedroom will be lit with candles
• The slave will wear its collar, leash, Kali’s Teeth, chains on its nipple rings and cuffs
• The slave will kneel naked in the bedroom until the Owner chooses to enter the room
• Upon the Owner’s entry, the slave will attach alligator clips to its nipples and await the Owner’s presentation of Owner’s Feet.

When permitted, the slave will worship Owner’s Feet and recite slave’s vows:

“Master i submit to You
Master i surrender to You
Master i give my body and soul to You
To do with as You please
Forever”

When the slave is finished giving its vows, the Master will accept them:

“slave I accept your submission
slave I accept your surrender
slave I accept your body and soul
To do with as I please
Forever”

The slave will continue to worship the Owner’s Feet until it is directed to stop.

The binding and submission will be sealed by four rituals, symbolizing the past, the present, the future, and eternity, followed by copulation;​

1. The slave will be whipped 365 times, one for each day of the year, to scour away the past and atone for past sins
2. The slave will be edged 52 times, one for each week of the year, to represent the Owner’s complete control of slave’s need and denial
3. The slave’s genitals will be cut 12 times, once for each month of the year, to represent the death of slave’s male gender, and its genderless rebirth
4. The slave will release once, representing the Owner’s eternal Power and the slave’s eternal submission to that Power

As the slave cleans its filth from the Owner’s Feet the Owner and slave will recite the ritual’s conclusion:

[Owner}: With My Whip I bind you and possess you
[slave]: i am bound and possessed by Your Whip
[Owner}: With My Denial I bind you and possess you
[slave]: i am bound and possessed by Your Denial
[Owner}: With My Knife I bind you and possess you
[slave]: i am bound and possessed by Your Knife
[Owner}: With My Cock I bind you and possess you
[slave]: i am bound and possessed by Your Cock
[Together]: Forever

The Owner will mount the slave and take what the Owner desires, today, and for eternity.

 

2017-18

Nancy took me in on 11-30-17 and spent a year helping me to become what i truly am deep inside - a submissive slave devoted to serving Females.

i want to stress that everything we did, and everything we do, is voluntary and consensual. i have never been forced to do anything i didn't want to do. And i have never refused to do anything Nancy has told me to do.

i obey because i exist to serve. my submission helps to extinguish my toxic male self that has ruined large parts of my life. The deeper i am submerged into slavery, the more peaceful and content i become.

Here are some of the things Nancy required of me in order to serve Her:

• Starting 11-30-17 no more orgasms.
• Starting 12-1-18 permanent cock caging.
• By 12-31-17 both nipples pierced.
• Starting 1-1-18 all body hair below shoulders permanently shaved.
• Starting 2-1-18 toe nails painted.
• Starting 2-1-18 daily wearing female panties to work
• By 2-28-18 a reverse Prince Albert piercing in my penis.
• By 8-1-18 permanent "slave" tattoo over my pubic area.
• From 12-1-18 through 2-1-18 daily teasing and denial and no releases.
• From 2-1-18 through 3-30-18 weekly releases on Nancy's Feet, licked clean.
• After 3-30-18 releases reduced to roughly once every 3 months.
• Starting 9-1-18 daily whippings and anal fucking.
• From 11-30-18 releases only when Nancy is amused by them, and daily whipping and anal use to continue.

All of this has changed me profoundly. i started by begging to cum ... i now beg for pain, and humiliation, and the chance to give Her orgasms. my piercing makes erections painful, and full orgasms impossible. i am transformed, thanks to Nancy's Power over me, and Her loving use of Her Power to deny me the worst parts of what i was, and empower the best part of what i am.

Her slave.

 

Orgasms

For most of my life i had powerful, explosive orgasms. my favorite ways of cumming were intentionally humiliating to my female partner - gagging her as i ejaculated in her throat, or whipping her back as i came in her ass. i was loud, and aggressive, and angry. It felt good.

Nancy calls this 'toxic male orgasm.' She has strictly prohibited me from ever experiencing this again.

Nancy has taught me about ruined orgasms - ejaculations that finish without physical contact. These too are forever denied to me.

Nancy has trained me to 'release' without any force or squirting ... She only permits me to use a vibrator, never manual touching of the penis. i must fully relax as the fluid filth inside my body begins to flow out. No spurting, thrusting, moaning or other expressions of pleasure are allowed - because i do not experience pleasure.

Releases are exactly like pissing ... i relax and the vibrations make the fluid pour out. Normally i am kneeling naked in front of Nancy, with Her Feet positioned to catch the mess on Her Toes. We talk as i empty myself, with Nancy commenting on the pathetic condition i am reduced to by Her Power.

When i am done relieving myself i slurp up my discharge. This is mandatory and strictly enforced. And unlike an orgasm, where i would feel satisfied and lose motivation, after a release i feel hungry for more humiliation and horny for submission. i eat eagerly, even though it is always disgusting.

In the last six months Nancy has allowed me to release three times. As She trained me She has reduced the opportunities for release. In 2019 i have offered to go without any releases, but She has decided that i will release because it pleases Her to see me so humiliated. She has decided that i will not have any input into when releases are allowed.

i hope this illustrates an important aspect of our relationship. Nancy's control of my body is an expression of Her fantasy - not mine. my fantasy is to never cum again in any way. Her fantasy is to force me to cum against my will, very infrequently, because that pleases Her more.

Her pleasure is all that matters to me. i will do exactly what She commands because i want to please Her. What i want is meaningless, except my desire to serve my Owner.

 

Gender

Nancy is a biological Female. Her Breasts and ovaries have been surgically removed. She presents in public as a Female. In the bedroom She presents as a Male. As a result Nancy occupies both genders in our relationship.

i am a biological male. Nancy has feminized me (daily female panties, pink nail polish on my toes, and lingerie), branded me with a 'slave' tattoo, had my nipples, scrotum and penis pierced, and (sometimes) banded my penis shaft. The piercing in my penis is intentionally too small, so erections are painful, and penetration is virtually impossible, and very unpleasant. Combined with my permanent orgasm denial i feel neutered - no longer male. Nancy takes me anally almost every day, reinforcing my slave status. i have no gender.

In our relationship Nancy is the Female Authority, the Male sexual aggressor, and Goddess divinity. i serve the Female, service the Male and worship the Goddess as a slave, neither male nor female.

 

A typical weekday morning

Up early at 5:15 ... She showers as i walk the dog and get coffee ... 30 minutes later i am kneeling naked on the bed, face down. i have clothespins on my nipples.

At Her leisure She approaches my exposed ass and begins whipping me. i must count every lash out loud. It hurts and my pain excites Her. 20 to 30 lashes is normal. i usually whimper pathetically.

When She is ready She pushes Her 9 inch strap-on into my hole and begins humping me. She goes hard, climaxing multiple times. my feet curl around Her legs as She orgasms, accepting my role as Her fuck toy.

She finishes. Reaches my clothespins and yanks them off. Feels between my legs to be sure i am soft and dripping wet. Slips off the strap-on and sends me into the bathroom to clean it.

A hug and a kiss and i am dismissed.

i will leak precum from my flaccid dingle for an hour or more. i will translate my pent up need for sexual release into a deeper need for more pain. Both of us will text each other during the day about the desire that the morning ignited, until we see each other and i can hurt myself for Her again.

 

Unexpected release

On Saturday i was not used at all ... i was kept naked and needy.

On Sunday i was ordered to the bedroom after i had finished breakfast clean-up. i attached clothespins to my nipples and knelt naked before Nancy, who was sitting in Her chair, clothed but barefoot. She ordered me to worship Her Feet and i spent 10 minutes licking and sucking. my penis swelled but the piercing ring hurt.

Cleaning my Goddess' Feet with my mouth is deeply arousing for me. i have always had a Foot Fetish, but in my toxic male aspect i saw painted toes and high heels as a gateway to sexual conquest, the more aggressive and violent the better. i used to get hard looking at pretty feet, thinking about how i would fuck every hole, hard.

Nancy has trained me to understand that my toxic male desires only hurt me, and everyone around me. Now as i lick and suck Her Feet i am both humiliated and excited ... humiliated by my former disrespect and lust, and excited that i am allowed to indulge my sexual obsession with Feet in a healthy, submissive way.

Once Nancy was satisfied She had me rise up from Her Feet, still kneeling, and inspected my dingle. She asked me if i could jerk off, and i responded that i could not unless She ordered it. She was pleased and handed me a vibrator, talking to me about how pathetic it was that i could never pleasure myself again.

She ordered me to use the vibrator to spill my filth on Her Feet. It took a few minutes for me to find my release point, carefully making sure that i was fully relaxed so that i would not spurt or enjoy the semen spilling out of my body. As i worked toward my discharge we talked about how i did not want to do this, but how important it was that i do what She wanted.

As i thought about how my release pleased Her, i spilled, upright on my knees, silent and motionless, the filth running out in a weak stream over the vibrator head and onto Her waiting Feet. After making sure that i was fully drained i knelt back down and licked up my mess. Then She dismissed me. As i left i was more horny for pain and service and release than i had been before the session began.

i want permanent denial. But Nancy enjoys using Her Power to make me drain myself, demonstrating that Her Will controls my body. And i belong to Nancy, and i obey.

 

No Patterns

As i write this i am leaking precum from my limp little stub. Nancy has just left for work after our morning session. Today i was whipped 20 lashes, pegged hard until Nancy was done cumming, and then fondled as She removed the clothespins on my nipples. She left satisfied, and i was left hungry for more.

i present myself to Nancy every morning (naked, kneeling and clothes-pinned), but She has made it very clear that She will not fall into a repetitive pattern of using me. The only thing i can be certain about is that She may do anything, or nothing. The central focus is Her pleasure, and my uncertainty is another way She gets off on Her Power.

Nancy uses the word 'organic' to describe these moments of choosing how to use me. By design there is no fixed pattern, just Her desires and Her imagination in the moment. i serve her pleasure, however She decides to pursue it.

 

A normal day

 

New Year's Day approaches

Traditionally we all make resolutions, and i suppose this year i will as well. But unlike any other year, tomorrow night Nancy will be making several resolutions for me - things that She will require me to do over the coming 12 months.

Some will undoubtedly be sexual in nature. Possibly She will add an additional form of ritual worship to our daily sessions ... serving as Her toilet paper every morning has been one of my fantasies ... but what She decides won't be about my fantasies ... it will be all about what She wants from my slavery to Her.

What pleases Her. What excites Her. What makes Her life better.

my reward will be Her pleasure. Nothing more is expected or needed.

 

Living without orgasms

Today is my 13th full month in orgasm denial. 395 days. Since my submission on 11/30/17 i have not been allowed to experience the raw explosion of toxic male ejaculation. Not once.

i feel the denial every day. But Nancy has trained me to channel my desire into offerings of submission, humiliation and pain that i bring to Her every day. i have found fulfillment in permanent orgasm denial, and purpose in my slavery to my Goddess.

i thank Heaven that She accepts my sufferings as Her pleasure, and allows me to continue to serve Her.

 

Happy New Year!

We stayed up last night and watched the ball drop, after a strong session of whipping, teasing, nipple torture and deep anal.

The morning started with immediate Foot Worship, and i hope there is more to come!!