I've seen comments in one or two threads about difficulties in balancing communicating what you want with not topping from the bottom and similar such issues. I'd like to tell you about a game my wife and I invented 25 years ago, when we were young and shy, that was a fun and kind of innocent way of dealing with this. (Not that we'd have known what "topping from the bottom" meant.) Both of you, if you choose to, write down a fantasy that you would like to come true on a slip of paper. Then you hide it somewhere in the house. It has to be somewhere that your partner will probably find within a month or two; not too obvious, not too obscure. You can have as many fantasies/pieces of paper as you can think of hiding places for. When you find your partner's fantasy, you open it carefully, read it, fold it back up and return it to the hiding place. That way your partner doesn't know if you've read it or not. If the fantasy appeals to you, you can make it come true as a lovely surprise. If it doesn't you need never mention it. In fact, we made that a rule of the game - never mention whether or not you read a fantasy - even if it's not going to come true you can still enjoy the anticipation of wondering if it is.