Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by mobico69, Dec 19, 2010.
Giggles, for a minute there I thought that you might have been Mobico's wife.
Just bumping this because this is such a great thread. Best of luck in your new life Mobico!
Well, well M! I dare say you were given 'fair warning' by SFD and others so I am not surprised by the outcome of your Wife's training. Now that She has turned you into a cocksucker, learning to get a man to orgasm using your mouth, lips and tongue, you probably have also developed a taste for cum as well as cocks!
Just makes me curious why you haven't been allowed computer time. Maybe with Ms Suz contacts in the D/s realm, perhaps She has introduced your Wife to a more Dominant Alpha type man that now restricts and controls your freedoms of expression. Paying homage to an Alpha for your Wife's enjoyment is what your fantasies and porn collection all aspired to, right? How's the pegging coming along M?
You know that's right slaveboy! It would be very interesting to learn how M became cucked, with all the juicy details of course!
If you follow the trajectory of Mobico's progression, I wonder when he'll end up tattoo'ed branded and burdizo'ed???
I couldn't stay away. It's been four months since we've heard from M. We can speculate about many reasons for his absence, but we're only guessing.
I just wish him well. He's got about 3 more months left in his annual agreement. Maybe we'll hear something after that.
Hi. Sorry I've been away so long. I've pretty much been out of touch with the world these past months. The "play" is no longer play, and has really become my lifestyle; for better or worse, if you know what I mean.
The reason I'm on now is my mistress's father passed away on Wednesday, and she flew out to take care of the estate this am. She is going to be gone all week; and when she gets back, my access will be closed again. This is actually the first time I've been without her in months.
To put an update out there, and as much, to document this amazing trip into true submission I'm going to babble a bit, so please excuse me. First off, I was released from my job in March. This was a little nerve-racking at first, as I have worked all my life, but she took charge right away, and put me into a daily routine. Of course, most of it is centered around her routine. I don't have a lot of down time. I'm pretty much her butler, cook, cleaner, driver, personal assistant, etc. I am surprised at how quickly time goes by when your doing the same thing day in and day out.
Our relationship has obviously changed significantly over the past year. She and I have both become very comfortable in the roles we play. I no longer need to be teased on a regular basis to keep me interested in serving her. Intercourse is obviously out of the question. In fact, I don't dare ask to be released from my arch as it typically results in a long session with a whip or cane causing broken blood vessels and very raw skin. She takes serious delight in CBT and is feared by the slaves in Ms. Suz circle. (There have been some crazy ass parties over at Ms. Suz house - and even out our house)
One of the things I miss is my friends. Many of them have written me off - wondering where I've went to. Its the thing that saddens me the most and I think about it a lot when I have downtime. Obviously if I called them up, they would love to hook up, but I don't know what I'd talk about, as my life is hers now.
She really doesn't push my limits anymore with regard to being around men. Earlier this year, she had me doing a lot of oral on demand but since I got over the homophobia, she doesn't ask. And yes, I'm still a virgin; I don't think she wants me there, but if she did, I'd do it for her.
So I'm going to head off for a bit, and enjoy the weather. Its been so long since I could do what I wanted, I'm going to lay in the sun.
Again, sorry for being away so long.
Long time no hear.Welcome back!!
Wow great to see you post!! Questions....are you happy? What happens when your year is up? Would love to hear more about how things have been going and how you expect things to go In the future!
Welcome back. So I assume this is one of your 4 weeks of vacation? How many vacation days do you ha left? It sounds like you really needed this break. It's not healthy to never have a break in four months. Are you still under a one year contract? What's you and your wife's sex life situation? Do you service he orally?
Very nice to hear from you again. I honestly thought we'd never hear from you again.
First my condolences for your father-in-law and I'm sorry about your job, although now you can really get into serving your wife. Your posts have become a role model for some people here. Your journey has inspired others to follow in your footsteps.
You mentioned becoming comfortable with your new roles. Can I assume you're both very happy as well. It's been a long trip for you but I think you've finally arrived, and, in a sense, are really starting your journey.
There are some downsides like losing friends. It's can be hard to balance normal and 'slave' life together.
You said no intercourse. Does your wife enjoy that? Are you using substitute toys for your cock? Do you think cuckolding is in your future? Do you still enjoy some sort of sex life with your wife. Do you guys still share basic kissing and hugging?
Sorry for all the questions. Your story fascinates me.
And please, more juicy details about Ms Suz's parties.
Are you still going to have the opportunity to opt out of the lifestyle after your contract year is up? Is there going to be punishment and blackmail (ie: revelation of the pictures) if you choose to opt out at contract completion?
If you can get out of the hardcore submissive lifestyle with no repercussions when your contract is complete, would you want to?
And sorry for the personal question, but do you feel your wife still loves YOU, or just the power she has over you? It's somewhat hard for us readers to get a clear picture of the answer to that question since you are the one living the life and we are only reading about it...
No disrespect, but this thread is all about you and your wife and you've been absent for four months, now you say you're available but we haven't heard much from you So far this week. There seemed to be database issues for a day but that was two days ago.
Can you give us more updating?
It's most likely that M is in California at a funeral.
Right you are, SFD. I got back this am, and after crashing for a while, locked myself back up. It was very very hard not to 'play' before doing so, but she'd know and I'd be in some serious trouble. So the key is in the combo lockbox, and I'm in for the duration.
So I'll try to answer your questions, and see if I can articulate more about our relationship.
So No..This was not my official vacation. I don't have any of those days left as I gave them up in the heat of the moment to have an orgasm. And though I'm sure your right that its not 'healthy' not to have a break, I do enjoy the days. If I really wanted a break, I'm sure I can get one; but I'd have to pay for it in some way.
The contract is just an agreement and there is no current end date. Now if I demanded to get out of chastity like I did before, or I decided one day to just disobey her, there is doubt in my mind she'd out me to my friends. She has plenty of pictures and video of me that I would not want to get out. or if I changed my mind afterwards to not be ousted, I'd be punished pretty hard over a period of time.. She holds the control now and she takes it very seriously. I do too. On the other hand, and probably hard to relate to, if I did not want to continue in the lifestyle, she really can't keep me subservient to her. Over a period of time through communication, she'd eventually let me out...Its one of those things where you don't go in guns blazing, you have to have the discussion over time if that makes sense. Either way, I don't want to end this. I'm having too much fun. Life is completely different than it was before, and really I don't have any responsibilities and daily stresses. Life is good!
Does my mistress love me? yes. though our relationship is different, we both care for each other very much. Its just that it is not a mutual balanced relationship. We don't discuss things like we used to. I am out of the decision making role; and just go along with what she says. If she makes a decision I don't agree with, I don't bother bringing up my point of view anymore. She is just too erratic in that she might blow up on something minor, or brush me off on something major. I have a hard time reading the way she will reacts to things.
No. I don't kiss and hug her, but she kisses me ;-) And as for intercourse, on occasion. I don't get any true feeling though, as I'm numbed out with that cream and condom on. Its only for her, and only for as long as she wants. Don't get me wrong though..I do love the feeling of closeness you get and feeling her body on my is just incredible. (Did I say I'm freaking horney all the time?!?! - She is very good at keeping me on edge constantly.
No..I don't see cuck in my future; as there really aren't any free men in the community we play in. This is a community of women and their slaves.
I'm going to go. I will be getting back online again. but probably not for a few more days...
Enjoy, and I appreciate the community here!
I am so glad you answered those questions Mobico! It is so hard for us readers to get a clear picture of your situation as we are only seeing bits and pieces and you are the one living the full lifestyle. At times it is very difficult (for me at least) to understand if you are truly happy deep down inside with the arrangements or if you are only happy because she is happy.
You have to understand that many of your readers are unable to relate to much of your story because after the first few pages of this thread you are moving into uncharted territories that are only fantasies for most of us. For example, I started reading your thread and was able to relate 100% in the beginning. I constantly struggle with my wife taking control & I am always walking the fine line between hinting about my desires & pushing her to take control. I see how pushing too hard often has the opposite effect with a woman that doesn't fully understand our desires to be submissive to them.
The post where you explained about the time when your wife told you to strip down and wait upstairs by the bed for her, only for you to discover that she was downstairs watching TV while you waited sticks out to me. The way you described your feelings gave me comfort in knowing that I wasn't alone. I thought I was doing something wrong and your story always helped me (and my wife) understand my feelings as I am not the best in articulating my own feelings. Your stories mirrored my life 100% and I could always envision myself in your shoes since we have nearly identical fantasies and desires. I almost felt in the beginning that I was Mobico!
Once your wife met Miss Suz your story seemed to take a dark turn that most of us will never be able to relate to. It always seemed to me that your wife was being manipulated by the professional dominatrix to abandon your relationship and your feelings by going overboard on living the fantasy (for better or worse as you said). I can tell you that your updates have been hard for me read because I feel that we lost you. One particularly hard thing for me to read was when she was forcing you to spend insane amounts of time living in a homemade prison in your basement. That crossed the line 1000% in my books. I understand it was part of her "training" but I can never imagine my wife doing that to me or me doing that to her in the name of love! How is that fun or sexy for either person? To me it seems like a total disregard for your emotions and feelings. Then to watch your story progress deeper and deeper has been even harder for me to read. Another breaking point for me was when she pushed you past your hard limit of oral on a man. As I said earlier I have the same desires as you and I also have the same limits. Men are one of my limits, although I can understand how it would be exciting to be pushed past the limit by a dominant wife. But I feel like it would be total disrespect for me and my feelings. Yes, it would be exciting in the heat of the moment but what about a half hour later? How do you feel about it when the passion and excitement of the moment wears off?
I hope you are able to understand my concern for you and your feelings. I have honestly cried for you while reading your updates and have spent countless hours thinking about your situation and letting it depress me. I have always felt that you have been dehumanized and brainwashed into liking your situation. I feel like you aren't able to step back and be old Mobico from 2010 and think about whether or not you even want to live like this anymore.
But please don't take offense to my feelings. I don't want you to think that I am talking down to you or your wife in any way. You have to understand that many of the people reading your updates are the guys that are standing naked upstairs waiting by the bed for their significant other while they are downstairs watching TV. We simply can't relate! To some of us this lifestyle is only a fantasy and actually living in it seems almost like a horror story.
Your latest update and answers to our questions are really helpful. I feel a lot better knowing that you two do actually communicate about this lifestyle and she does take your feelings into consideration. I have always struggled with that because a lot of your updates have come across to me like she is extremely cold towards you and she has no regard for you or your feelings.
Thank you for the clarifications and I hope you are happy and living the life of your dreams!
A year ago you valued your freedom enough to take a break. If you were an employee, or even a non-sexual slave, you would have one day per week of time off. It's in the Bible, "Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to The Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days The Lord made the heavens .... But he rested on the seventh day."
I'm sorry to get religious or sound judgemental, but you've traded your humanity for a continual sexual high. Perhaps you no longer feel any need for a break as you did a year ago when you had an agreement, that agreement no longer exists. You are now a complete dependent and you love it. You have no job, no financial resources, no freedom of any kind.
Can there be love without choice? You are very far down the road of "the real feeling of chastity". You're correct in that I'm having a hard time understanding. You seem very content. I appreciate whatever you can share. Yet you no longer have had that freedom or choice to participate in this community for the past four months. As a complete slave you no longer have enough humanity left to contribute. This is just a small example of what you've sacrificed of your gift of human life to be able to enjoy a continuous sexual sub-space high.
I'm very sorry to be so judgemental. I offer these thoughts out of love for you as a human.
If your only role in life is to serve your wife as her slave, then why are not not still with her in California where she is. Would she rather have an idle untended slave in New York than to have you temporarily act as her husband in front of her relatives? Or some other reason?
What was the reason you lost your job? Was it purely economic or was it somehow related to performance due to the distraction of serving as your wife's slave?
Does your wife milk you or how else is she providing for your prostate health?
One more question
Your wife used to have emotional sharing sessions with you where she edged you by stimulating your penis. Does she ever let you share your feelings anymore?
Guys I think it is pretty obvious that Mobico is a happy man. As he stated: "I am having way too much fun" and "life is good"
Mobico also openly shared his porn collections which included cuck, forced bi etc. I am sure she took all of that into account. Its what they both wanted in the end. People only do what they want to do. Mobico already had a summer long break and wanted back in knowing that his wife was going to take this all the way.
I do have one question though. You mentioned that you have lost contact with your friends. What about family like your parents, siblings if you have any etc. How do you interact with them if at all. Just trying to get a better understand of your life.
Hi ILP; Wow. I completely relate to what you said; and really appreciate the comments. I clearly recall the 'tv' moment. Yes..Ms. Suz was a turning point in my relationship with my mistress. Her hate towards men is apparent, but without her my mistress would not have been able to move to where she is now. She guided her to where she is today, and good or bad, that is the way it is. Without her, I'm sure she'd have grown tired, or confused or timid. But my mistress wanted to deep dive into this, and she spent a good deal of time seeking her out.
Don't 'cry' for me. Seriously. This is a completely wild ride, and I'm loving most every minute. Looking back, getting pushed beyond my limit was very wild. I was in a very safe environment, and had a lot of encouragement from some very beautiful women who all wanted me to go there. Afterwards, my thoughts didn't go to what I did, but the entire experience with those women. It was very very wild night; one that I'll remember without remorse. The only time I actually felt ashamed was in May she crossed a line. I was brought up from the basement and told to give oral to one of the other mistress's men. I thought she just wanted to show her power over me, but after I was done, the woman gave my mistress a $100 bill and they left. It didn't take long for me to communicate that that was too much - and of course, that was the last time I have given head.
SFD: Get real. "you've traded your humanity for a continual sexual high". Seriously? I didn't loose my job; I am a consultant and the gig ended. I just haven't felt the need to work again. And her father's estate, we are financially secure. She is with friends this weekend, and next weekend has to deal with the estate.
why are not not still with her in California " Sex play is the very very very last thing on either one of our minds right now. And there are responsibilities here..
Prostrate health; she milked me once a long time ago; not her thing. I get orgasms; I don't think I could live without them. The only thing is I don't know when they are coming. They are on her whim..Its not regularly scheduled. I never go more than 10-20 days now though.
Emotionally sharing; I think I wrote about this a while ago. The teasing sessions stopped, along with our 'nightly' talks. If I have something to say, I ask permission. To get a yes, its really a timing thing. Usually after she orgasms is the best time.
Finally SBM; I keep in touch with my family via phone. Though it may sound like it; I'm not a prisoner in my own house. Who do you think does the shopping, groceries, etc...
I am getting the idea that everyone things I'm a lost little pup brainwashed into servitude. Not at all. I'm in a loving committed relationship with a woman who enjoys topping as much as I enjoy being the bottom. This is the first time in my life that I really have had no responsibilities beyond her. as SFD put it; Oh; the humanity! ;-)
I guess I was correct that you are both where you want to be. Glad to hear it. Congrats and I wish you well.
In regards to the last paragraph in your last post please understand that since you used this forum as a sounding board it has come across at times as if you were some poor soul who was being pushed deep down a rabbit hole that seemed far too extreme. I think that SFD and the rest were just concerned. no harm.
I at times was concerned for you until it clicked in my head that you were fine. It suddenly became obvious that you were just being a bratty sub who was scared of going where he deep down wanted to go. It happens to all of us, I know what it is to be scared of being pushed past a submissive limit. Kudos to your wife for understanding you and your needs.
I hope you update us from time to time. Your journey has been a fun one to follow.
I appreciate the response Mobico. It has always been hard for me to understand the relationship completely & I struggled with understanding whether or not this is where you want to be. Your latest response has helped me a ton.
I guess the thing that has always bothered me (& I am sure this is why others are showing concern) is the fact that your relationship has traveled down a one-way street & there seems to be no way out. From the updates it has always come across that there is little regard for your emotional needs & it doesn't seem like there is anything you can do about it. I do understand now that you are exactly where you want to be, but what it you decided tomorrow that you wanted to be done with this lifestyle? I feel like this is not possible and this is part of what saddens me.
I don't for a second think that you are a lost puppy dog, but I do worry about when you get to that point where you are no longer excited living this life & you want to go back to having a normal life/wife. I know this point may never come in your life, but what if it did? Could everything ever go back to normal? Would your wife ever have the same amount of respect for you & your desires as she did 4 years ago?
Thanks for the update. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions.
Less than a year ago we were reviewing a book advising wives that they need to think of their husbands as dishwashers rather than humans.
I appreciate your sharing with us.
One thing that happened is this environment was a sounding board while things were progressing. Now that things have reached a status quo, there's less need to vent/describe/complain. So things changed, without that change being expressed here, presumably because it was acceptable, instead of purely because of restricted access.
Since most D/s relationships have a strong focus on safety, and consensual activities, which were never in practice here, due to one partner's inexperience, the other's lust, and an external influence who apparently respects nobody; each moment of apparent "abuse" was cause for concern, not celebration, as things happened that weren't desired.
Without any indication that things settled into a bearable circumstance, much less pleasurable, a reasonable possibility was that things had continued on as they were going.
I'm glad the amount of hurt has been bearable, not permanently debilitating, and although the "wild ride" hasn't been described in particularly positive terms, it has been defended from negative perceptions, both of which are certainly telling it seems to me.
I know I always say this, but thanks so much for sharing!
PS: Fun might be a top "threatening" to make someone provide a BJ for compensation, but faking it instead of really exchanging money, if that was their kink.