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The Pleasure Conundrum

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Mistress Jules, Mar 11, 2016.

  1. Mistress Jules
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    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
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    So you have been in this chastity world for some time now and your partner has started to take part also. This obviously is a great result and means that the two of you can enjoy the benefits of you being locked up.

    Let’s have a look at these benefits

    Benefits for your partner –

    You are more submissive

    More eager to please

    Happy to help your partner

    Totally focused on your partner’s wants and needs

    More help round the house domestically

    Keen to pleasure your partner whilst denying yourself



    Benefits for you –

    You get your sexual kink indulged



    Basically for the majority of guys, chastity is a sexual kink. It will probably have been introduced to partners as a sexual kink. So whenever you do something although it is most probably really appreciated, at the back of her mind, she knows you are sexually motivated.



    Picture the scene – you have been in the house all day, done all the housework, cooked dinner, the bath is drawn, wine in the cooler etc. Your partner is on her way home on a Friday night and you are ready to help her relax and enjoy the weekend.

    Answer honestly, what else do you have planned for that evening together? Giving your partner as many orgasms as possible because she deserves to enjoy as much pleasure as you can give her or something similar?

    How about maybe thinking that it could be possible that your partner doesn’t want anything sexual? What if when she gets home, it is from a long and tiring day and much as she loves and appreciates what you have done for her there is a feeling of dread?

    Dread that although you have done all this it has been for a purpose and that purpose is sexual? Maybe instead of being your Goddess/Princess/Mistress etc, she just wants to come in to her home and relax. Not think about anything else apart from being able to stop and take stock.

    If she knows things are going to get sexual, then the bath won’t be relaxing, it will be shaving and exfoliating and such. Preparations may have to be made, these are not relaxing these are pressures.

    Why not try offering a romance night – kisses and snuggles galore with no other sexual contact intended. Let your partner know this as soon as they come in the door so the pressure is off and she can relax and enjoy. This is much more likely to get you the appreciation you desire.

    Please remember, in real life, being given multiple orgasms at every given opportunity is not often top of a female’s list of desires. Feeling loved and cared for rates way higher. So ask yourself, just who is deriving the most pleasure from your actions?



    Originally posted on MJKHScotland
     
  2. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B
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    Jules, I think that about sums it all up, perfectly.
     
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  3. Thank you for sharing the Mistress Jules.
     
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  4. well said :)
     
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  5. Great post!
    Valid points!
     
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  6. I am lucky in that my Wife does not let me anywhere near her sexually unless she is 100% in the mood, no matter how much I have done to prepare her for such an eventuality. She does not feel any pressure to let me pleasure her and I know better than to complain.

    It helps that my Wife gets turned on by me not doing the sorts of things you mentioned and rarely by the same thing twice. It could be that I help her in the garden, or maybe just sitting with her quietly. It could be driving her to work so she can relax, or even just 'letting' her have her own space for a while. I never know what it will be apart from the fact that she appreciates my company and attention.
     
  7. @Mistress Jules@Mistress Jules a very good post. For me the trick is I'm not locked but I have not had any form of orgasm or release since January. Mistress still gets what she wants from me when she wants it but there is no pressure from me as I haven't got a belt on driving me mad.
    Hugs
    Lucy x
     
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  8. @Mistress Jules@Mistress Jules You know there is nothing I like better than a night of kisses and snuggles locked or not.
     
  9. As Mistress and I are somewhat older than most here, our relationship is not as much about sex as it once was. Being together, snuggling, cuddling, and knowing when She just needs her space is what its about. Good post!
     
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  10. Well said and that was really a great perspective of the mistresses side of MC. I need to remember this at times when I feel like I'm not getting enough attention. Thank you
     
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  11. This is a very meaningful post, and it is one that is filled with treacherous waters. As a sub one has to be very careful of not falling into the "I deserve some attention" trap, I know I do it...I try not to but after 10 days of no orgasm and no play, Mistress may be too busy with work or too tired..I try and keep up the good work...and be patient but even so the play clock spring winds up no matter how hard one tries not to, it ends up winding up putting pressure on Mistress to "do something", even if it does not involve the cock coming out of its cage

    How do you avoid the clock spring effect, none of us a perfect.

    Even though one can make every effort to make sure Mistress is under no pressure or obligation....she "knows" its there, all we can do is make sure that she knows that there wont be a tempter tantrum...that I "will wait" till she is ready.....

    Yet there is always something of a two way street perhaps

    What works for me though is when I am tightly wound up....to the point I think i cant stand it any more is when Mistress simply acknowledges that she "knows" I am wound up....and loving tell me that how she likes me wanting her and that she appreciates all that I do for her, and that the time "will" come...and that it will be worth the wait when it does, just not yet. Even if its a slight painful grab of the caged balls while she tells me this...its amazing how such a simple acknowledgment that costs nothing can put ones mind back where it should be without the pressure of giving or receiving a orgasm.

    Sometimes even mistress forgets this, but usually not...thankfully

    Ignoring and indifference is the mind killer, both for mistresses and subs alike.

    But yes unpressured cuddle nights are nice :), one should not always expect to play, Not all women even want to orgasm during a play session, some do it because they want to not for the orgasm..
     
  12. @Mistress Jules@Mistress Jules and @cogman@cogman you two have expressed exactly the dance that the two of us, Mistress and me, dance on a regular basis. It's in my contract that all sexual events be initiated by her though. I've made it very clear that it's important that I be recognized for all that I do though, appreciation can be extremely powerful with just simple words. It's easy to take things for granted, I know I have in the past, but it's something both of us need to come to grips with. Yes I have many sexual fantasies and I'm dealing with the fact that I have a higher libido in general, so I have to tamp down all those aggressive "I need sexual attention" signals, but also I still need to have my hard work recognized. This is a working FLR and we are transitioning to 24/7 365 as I will be dependent on her both financially and emotionally. Now if we only had a bath so I could draw some hot water for her. I'll have to settle on making meals and setting a romantic atmosphere, plus a zero expectation/zero pressure environment.
     
  13. How do we make Ms. Jules observations stand-out from all the other content here?

    Sexy as it may be to read about (especially for the males here after being deprived for some time)...........

    Housework is not foreplay and unwanted D/s sex is still unwanted sex! and women are still the victims!!!!!!!

    And while I'm on my high horse...... why is "housework" part of humiliation for some of us? If housework is seen as a traditionally feminine activity shouldn't being a good homemaker be satisfying in itself for the subs and sissies here? or for anyone for that matter? .......................and again - satisfying in itself in terms of good meals, clean sheets, fresh laundry and clean living spaces to share with family and loved ones? (instead of as a segue to sex?)
     
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  14. I totally agree. I am not humiliated into washing up, doing laundry, mopping the floor and so on. I do it because I am at home and my Wife is at work. I do it because to do so means I get to spend much more time with her. It also makes her happy having a nice clean house, and she notices and comments on what I have done and that makes me happy.
     
  15. i does it cos its my job to do it and if i didn't Mistress wudnt have me. so i do it. everbody has to do something don't they.
     
  16. Very well said. I don't agree that all the man gets is his kink indulged though. There are real, objective benefits to a Lady being in charge: better decisions are made, less arguing, the man might have (or perceive to have) less pressure in other parts of life, getting to know each other better etc. Those are benefits for both partners :)
     
  17. Mistress Jules
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    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
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    Having read a recent post, I thought I would resurrect this one rather than derail a thread.

    Please remember guys, most ladies are not looking for a relationship that is based on sex and arousal. For many females the thought of a relationship of that kind makes us feel like all you are looking for is to live out your porn fantasies. That is not a compliment, that is a huge insult.

    Although an FLR or WLM is a popular fantasy, please remember it is a fantasy in most cases. You may be lucky and get a variation on the theme, be thankful if you do.

    Romance is the most popular genre of novels, there is a reason for this. Ladies like to feel loved and cared for. They really don't want to feel they have to play with your dick for you to show your love.

    I am writing this to try and help you get a handle on what women want - not the easiest thing to describe I know but hopefully it will help some of you get a better handle on how your partner may be thinking.
     
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  18. Sometimes that is all that we need after a full working day.
    You couln't be more right about this, sex is not so important, hugs and caresses are!
     
  19. Although I still hav had very few “service” days, built around pampering, cleaning, and in general being very submissive etc, still...none of those days led to sexual contact to me or even her for that matter.

    I guess the bath I gave her I touched her but it was in a tender way and not sexual groping. It’s not that I would have objected to contact, or refused to please her sexually, it just wasn’t about that so it didn’t happen. If she would have initiated something I surely would have followed her lead or directions but it had never occurred to me that once I washed her hair she owed me sexual attention. In fact that is something I wouldn’t have really been prepared for. I was prepared for getting things done for her, to make her feel special, and shameful as it is, waiting to see the look of pride and satisfaction on her face that I did well.
     
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  20. I think these fantasies bring a lot of guys here. It turns them on. But yes thank you for pointing out most of them are just fantasies. Kinda tired of seeing tons of guys come on here and getting advice to turn their wives into cruel femdoms. Most women in real life just dont fit into that mold and in the end the chastity experiment explodes.
     
  21. very important :D
     
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