The New Agrement

I’m writing to describe a new phase of chastity that M and I have entered. Everyone has a different reason they do chastity and mine is helplessness. I am excited by the feeling of helplessness. And it is best if it is real helplessness. Over the past couple years we found some chastity devices that I can not defeat. I have a Lori tube and a Chinese copy of the Rigid Chastity devices. With my PA, I can not escape these and can not climax in them. As long as she has me locked up I’m helpless.

But not really. I give my consent to M to lock me up but I can always withdraw it. As long as I can get out by calling chastity safeword, I’m not really helpless. We play at chastity and I am of two minds. One is “oh, I’m so desperate, please let me have some pleasure.” The other is “I could just call safeword. Why don’t I call safeword? I’m complicit. I’m doing this to myself.” I feel significant mental dissonance. Helpless – not helpless.

We play along at chastity like this. I’m locked up for 6 weeks or so and then something happens (eg trip) and I need to be unlocked and am unlocked for a week or two. The break is a relief, but I’m not getting the feeling of helplessness that I crave. I would like to experience true helplessness – for a limited time.

Some people write here about being helplessly locked by their partners and I wonder how that could be. As long as they are a free person, they have the ability to withdraw consent. Possibly what they mean is that their partners require chastity and will impose a cost of not complying. Maybe the threat is the partner will blow up the relationship, take the house, or something. Whatever it is, if the consequences are worse than chastity, it will keep a free person “helplessly” locked in chastity.

I’ve been trying to think about how to apply this concept to my relationship with M. She enjoys teasing and denying me but it is not necessary for her sexuality. M is not going to insist on chastity. Since I can’t take away my ability to withdraw content I need some undesirable consequence to withdrawing content. Something that can be pre-arranged, easily implemented, is not unreasonable, and will seriously deter me. After considering several options I decided the best solution was a monetary consequence. I put some money into escrow and if I do anything that breaks our chastity agreement, M gets the money. I can always withdraw my consent but now there is a price to be paid.

I wrote out and explanation of this. Some text describing why and a one page agreement. I was concerned about presenting this to M. I had some memory that she didn’t like the idea of mixing sex and money. It was possible that there was something she would find objectionable. I was putting myself out there. This is how I figured to get the experience I wanted. I was afraid she would reject it.

I waited as she read…. In the end, she said “yes, definitely. This looks like fun.” She even observed that she has some income uncertainty this year and if she were super strict that might solve her problem. I pointed out that, while the agreement allowed, I trusted she was not a person to manipulate the situation just to force me to call safeword. M agreed that was not something that she would do.

However, M said that I can expect her to be strict. A good consequence is something that M would be happy to have happen and I’m quite convinced that she would be happy to receive the money. M won’t try to force me to call safeword, but I think she will be strict and any difficulties I have will not trouble her much because I also have an escape that she would be happy for me to use. From her side, it is win-win. So, I think this is going to work quite well.

In fact, M had a bit of gleam in her eye – some idea of how to use this. I don’t know what and she would not tell me. The result was that I came away from our conversation and little scared. Good scenarios of helplessness should bring up some fear. Helplessness comes when I’m ready to escape some difficulty and find that I cannot. So, it is reasonable to feel some fear of the inescapable difficulty, but inescapable difficulty what makes it exciting for me. More indication that this is a good set up. But M scared me enough that I said I had to think about it.

I did think about it. I have a craving for helplessness that I’m going to go through with this. I don’t want to miss out on that experience. I even added another condition to the agreement that gave M more power. One way for me to cope with frustration is to get busy and distracted and avoid getting aroused because that just builds desire. I could skip out on play sessions with M. So, I added the condition that M may require me to do a play session any time there is a 2-hour gap in my schedule. If unable, I must offer a reasonable alternate time. If I fail to make myself available, I forfeit the money. This gives her significant control, but I doubt she will need to use it and trust she won’t abuse it.

We signed the agreement last night. I put $7,500 one of her accounts. The agreement goes for 3 months. If I don’t call safeword, the agreement ends and I get the money back. My only escape involves loosing the money. I’m motivated to not loose that money.

We have not had a play session yet. I wrote that I didn’t expect how we play to change significantly. No pressure on her to do anything differently. However, I think M has some ideas…