The lure of being locked by a vanilla keyholder

prefers to be locked by my partner in a happy FLR

 

I would question why can’t it be both? My kh can get as kinky as the next gal, but she doesn’t wear that on her sleeve.

When we play she doesn’t dress in leather garb, put on a bunch of make up, or wear shoes she’s going to trip around the bedroom in.

She’s a dominant kinky sexual woman, but doesn’t feel the need to treat the bedroom like a masquerade party.

I believe that is what most couples are like, minus a few treat sessions. So captions reflect the fantasy of the reality they would like...to have their partner except and enjoy being in control.

My two cents anyway.

 

I like to see more pictures like that of normally clothed women. While there may be a bit of fantasy in a leather clad dominatrix that isn't something that will happen in reality. If I was ever going to share these pictures with my wife then I'd rather they be more realistic to our relationship than a fully nude or leather clad lady.

 

Much prefer to see a a vanilla dressed woman in a dominant pose and/or teasing a naked man in chastity. Some of the best stories I have read, were found on the now defunct website SatinSubmissions.com portraying every dominant women enforcing men to submit to them dressed in satin or frilly feminine lingerie, often kept locked and denied.

 

I do have to say that I don't find any of those pictures to be anything my wife would even think to say. They are all based in fantasy in my experience. Mind you, it might be stuff that more dominate women say but I doubt I'll ever find that out.

 

The way i view it is that I don't think clothes are what make a woman dominant. A dominant woman can be sexy in whatever she wears, whether vanilla clothes or fetish wear. For me, the power of a dominant comes from within and it's that power that I am drawn to. So either type of picture is ok for me.

While the fetish wear type picture does appeal to a certain fantasy, the vanilla wear photos also speak to a certain fantasy. That is maybe, for example, that a person from ones ordinary life can be there key holder, hiding in plain site and it could be anyone you know. In a sense, vanilla clothes are what most of us see in our ordinary lives, so it makes the fantasy more relatable, in a way.

I do like sexy clothes, too, but my tastes aren't limited to any particular type of clothing

 

So let me get this straight? It’s you who are uploading the photos to Twitter, therefore you can pick and choose which ones you like? There are plenty of caption photos that have leather-clad women in them, doesn’t take much to find them. There are also ones with 30 and 40 something women in them, normally clothed as well but of course no men like that age - too old. The photos uploaded to twitter give the assumption that these men are going to meet someone half their age on here. Totally not true. The majority of KH on here are in their 30s (like myself) to 50s. I don’t mean to be harsh, but perpetuating the myth that men only like young, innocent, fresh-faced, vanilla looking women who happen to want to lock them up is harmful for us. Maybe I’m just getting crotchety as I age, but see the difference?

 

@Thatgirl, I'd disagree that men don't like older women. I think submissive males adore and respect all dominant women between the ages of 18 and 108 - it's more a state of mind than a state of dress - in my experience that's kind of how it works.

I thought the photos were just for fun, some were quite clever, a wicked sense of humour at work. I'd love to see some older women too. Maybe a lot of women are becoming empowered at a younger age and the pictures depict that in a lighthearted way.

 

Personally, the idea of a vanilla relationship where the man is simply subservient to the woman seems far more appealing. It reverses gender norm power structures and takes the trill of being in chastity (which is a thrill) into a mainstream arena. There is a reason the girlfriend experience is most "working" girls' most common request (even has it's own tv show), people want a sexual thrill to appear and feel normal.

 

As both a malesub and an erotic novelist, my take is this:

This is a find blend of (1) the girl next door fantasy, (2) omg what if my chastity was normal, and (3) many of us don't need the dominatrix performance to want to submit to a person.

 

Think my perfect mix would be:

70% kinky dominant female
30% girl next door

 

I have to say the leather clad domme woman does nothing much for me at all. It's just a fantasy, and even worse, it's not my fantasy.

Being dominated by someone like that wouldn't do anything for me. It would just be play-acting. But being dominated by an everyday person, a woman who to all intents and purposes is just an ordinary citizen, that becomes intriguing.

The reason is that there is the possibility of a connection being made between sub and Domme. It's a real-life exchange, not a wank fantasy. The leather-clad woman is a product of male wishful thinking. The true Domme is a product of genius.

 

Prefer a woman who is comfortable and confident in whatever she chooses to wear. Women dressing to please men are being subtly topped from the bottom.

 

i dont think age matters, i like all age ranges, its the women, the attitude, the confidence, and the converstion, ok ok, and the eys, the toes, the calves, the neck
giggling, jemmi

 

I think a "totally vanilla" partner would struggle in some ways to understand the psychology of a locked sub. I imagine a vanilla keyholder would be doing it because it's a 'bit naughty', maybe exciting, but forming a connection with a locked submissive would be very difficult I feel. Therefore, I believe a kinky mindset is a necessary part of being a keyholder.

On the age question, being in the "upper middle" of the age range under discussion I do feel that the young, kinky Mistress as a keyholder is more of a fantasy, though some happily fulfil it. But I don't think age is a true concern when it comes to building a real connection through chastity - it's about the person, or rather the people at both ends of the equation. There's no doubt that experience brings much to any kind of lasting relationship and I think that is true when it comes to chastity-related relationships. Note I'm talking here more about chastity-based relationships, not relationships where chastity is simply a component of what two people share.

 

Goddess Lucy,

both please

 

I kinky would be cool but girl next door would be hot.

 

well i think that Ladys who has got leather and that on look a bit scary really and the only time i seen Mistress in scary clothes was at Lady Delias and thats cos men there likes it . but its still a bit scary.

 

As a chastity enthusiast, I want a keyholder that is kinky to the extent that she enjoys holding my key and denying me pleasure. The enjoyment of putting me in chastity in and of itself makes her kinky in at least one way, regardless of what clothes she likes to wear.

Additionally, one of the things I love about chastity is that it is inherently long-term and continuous. I have other fetishes that are inherently done during a session or play, maybe leather or whips makes sense for this type of play. But to me what makes chastity different than tease and denial is that it is continuous, for more than a day at the minimum. As in, I am locked up whether we are actively playing/doing something sexual, or whether I am at work or at the store. This long-term nature to it means that it goes beyond kink attire. She is my keyholder when she's at work, when we're walking around the city, all the time. And that difference to me makes it more "real" in terms of submission (at least, as opposed to being tied up or hit with a whip). A chastity caption of a keyholder in regular clothing shows that in a sense. This isn't just play. This is life.

Finally, as someone who has made many chastity captions, just a practical note. It is far easier to find good pictures of women in every day clothes than it is in kink-wear. If I only liked captions of women in leather, I would have a very small selection of photos to use.

 

Well to be honest I've always found women a bit scary! Some are scary run away from types and some are scary in a lovely way! I personally don't mind a bit of "dressing up" but women don't have to "dress up" to look sexy! Normal clothing with a sultry look, wink or lick of the lips or just a smile are all equally alluring! With regards to age, well in my case looking at sexy young ladies doesn't feel "quite right" after all I'm a father to a tall, slim blonde with long legs in her mid 20's. Her mother is closer to 60 than 50 (as am I) but she is still the hottest bit of stuff in the world! Each to their own though!

 

It is this notion - that it is not about me or my fetish or my penis - that has come as a revelation to me in recent months. Previously, I scoured Fetlife in search of a cheap thrill and quick satisfaction. Then I came to realise there was no satisfaction. Not in that way. It was just empty, meaningless, dull.

That's when I began to understand FLR, and to understand myself. I'm not totally there yet, but I'm working on it.
Thank you, Miss.

 

It has been my experience that the 'girl next door' type is often the most kink obsessed if compared to a burlesque type or dominatrix, and the latter are near non existent, especially when considering the known cliché.

My preference is for cunning intelligence and wit, confidence, and a sense of humor.
Clothes do not matter, but I think everyone can agree that some fashion appropriate attire is often fun and sexy, and doesn't tarnish the sacred 'vanilla' label a bit. lol