The denial and caging rules we currently use

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by keephimcaged, Apr 5, 2016.

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  1. keephimcaged
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    A friend asked me what rules we currently work to and it turned out a LONG answer so I thought some of you might be interested too.
    Just to give some context. We're a long term kinky married couple, in our 30's, discovered caging last year, BUT I'm traditionally the submissive one, although we're both very open and switchy. We've been fans of denial forever, but it's mainly been me denied (I've done six months orgasm denial before now).

    The main stress of all this has been me having to take the lead and make decisions so our current rules are designed to minimise that and have him still taking the initiative a lot of the time. I don't give a crap about him 'topping from the bottom', in fact I like it. What's most important is the intimacy and fun we have from it.

    He is NOT caged all the time, we're exploring both caged and uncaged denial but you'll see the rules have subtle ways for him to get caged if I haven't already locked him up.

    This isn't how we do things all the time, sometimes we take a week or two break, sometimes we do some really intense periods. I really like variety or we both get bored. For example we did a six week lock up as a challenge up to Valentine's (and our friends did it at the same time too so it was like a competition, so much fun) and rules were much stricter then. We had a 'Denial Advent' game where we did crazy things most days up to Christmas, etc. You can see more on my blog.

    But right now the rules are designed to make this as stress free and easy for me as possible:
    1. He is not allowed to masturbate without my permission, whether caged or not
    2. He has to ask me at least twice a day (or three times if he's working at home) 'Is there anything I can do for you?'
      Now I might ask him to do a chore or anything... but the main idea is it gives me a prompt to say 'Make me cum' or more specifically something like 'I want your mouth' or 'Get the vibe' to instruct him to give me some orgasms. If he fails to ask the quota of times in a day, he IS NOT going to get unlocked that evening or he'll be locked up if he isn't already.
    3. Every day we both have to post something to our shared secret Tumblr account, romantic, sexy or both. It's also where kinks that intrigue us can be posted without judgement and we will look it over once a week to review any of those (we tag them #curious) and talk them through. But if I'm not interested or he isn't, we just say 'not for now' and it can't be flagged up for at least two months. (We've always had a 'try anything twice' rule so 'nope never going to do that' isn't an option).
    4. I edge him most days, either a quick play in the morning (if he's out for a shower) or a longer one at night, or both but this is entirely at my discretion and he can ask for it once but not complain if I don't.
    5. If I'm edging him and he goes over without permission it will be ruined, he'll lose his coin tosses (see below) and he has to eat it (experimenting with that right now, still not sure).
    6. If he is caged, and I unlock him to play, he will ALWAYS go back in the cage at the end unless he earned a full orgasm (this is the time I find it hardest to decide to put him back in so the rule does that for me).
    7. We use the Coin Game I've adapted as our default way of rewarding him - basically he earns coin tosses for every time I cum and gets rewards for a certain number of heads. The idea of this is again, it reduces my need to make decisions, unless I want to!
    8. We have a weekly date night that he is responsible for organising. All coin tosses that night count as a 'head'. We alternate weeks of who is responsible for the date night sex plans (we tend to use it to be most experimental). At the moment those rules means he's almost guaranteed a weekly orgasm but I'm just switching that to once a fortnight I think.
    9. He can use a safeword to stop whatever we're doing at any time, or another one to signal he wants to stop the denial for a bit (that allows him to complain about it but if he doesn't use the safeword I know he's just enjoying being tormented - this is important). I can just say 'I'm not in the mood for denial honey' and he isn't allowed to ask about it for a minimum of three days.
    10. If he wants me he can take me at any time (because I LOVE that) BUT it's a week lock up without release if he does.

    So regarding rule 2. It took a bit of time for me to get used to but omg it's amazing when you do. The big trick is just do it, say 'make me cum' even if you're not in the mood, and as soon as his mouth is on you or he's vibing you you get into it, it's amazing. After about five days I wanted it most times anyway. He'll ask me first thing when we wake, at lunchtime if he's working at home or the weekend, and either in the evening or in bed.

    You may think your sex drive isn't that high but I've honestly got used to cumming once or twice a day and my libido is so much higher now. But, obviously if you don't want it you just say 'no thanks darling' or come up with something else you want. Sometimes I just ask for a cup of tea! lol

    We also use a whole lots of little text emoticons to send cute texts with (not so) secret meanings. Make up your own, it's a lot of fun!

    The other clever thing that can happen with it is it gives him a subtle way to get locked up without having to ask directly - this is on purpose! Yes it's 'topping from the bottom' but it works for us. So now if hubby doesn't ask me if I want anything before I get up, I know he's in the mood to be locked up. And I'll simply say 'you forget to ask...' put your cage on. If I don't want to cage him then I'll say 'You forgot to ask but I don't want you caged yet' (so it's acknowledged I noticed).

    So hopefully you can see how the rules mean HE is having to take the initiative a lot of the time, and the coin game is a great fall back for when I don't want to decide anything. This is still all a massive work in progress but it's working well for us at the moment. I hope it's useful!

    Jane

    PS If you're another woman wanting to quiz me about how it works feel free to get in touch, I love to help.
     
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  2. Jasmic68
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    I so wish I had friends like you guys, to both help and encourage my Wife. She is doing a fabulous job being my keyholder but she is doing this in isolation. It would be so much fun to have a chastity competition with another couple.
     
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  3. keephimcaged
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    Well tell her to get in touch! The friends I was referring to are a couple who contacted us through the blog, so we still do it pretty anonymously (we joke that we might know each other in 'real life' and play games pretending who they might be). Have a look at things like the Locktober tasks on my blog for the kind of thing we get up to (now I think about it I don't think I ever posted the advent denial tasks, it was just private between us).
     
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  4. rhodry04
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    Thank you for sharing!!! My fiancé and are still figuring out our contract/plan and I love some of the aspects of yours!! I especially love number 1 and number 10!!
     
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  5. keephimcaged
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    Thank you for the feedback! (I hardly ever get any on the blog) and yeah, number ten is so hot lol

    I think the other point is that it's very malleable. We'll just change it as we fancy really. I have to say, I don't know if I'm the norm in this, but the whole 'contract' thing is a bit of a turn off. Discuss rules, yes, write them down if you have to (the important ones are used if you write them down or not) but the whole rigmarole of a contract is so 'slavey' and unless you're a domme wanting that, a bit intimidating and unsexy.
     
  6. Jasmic68
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    I will introduce my Wife to your blog on Saturday. That is her rule, I was overwhelming her with information so now I am only allowed to do so then. We had a bad experience with Tumblr (my fault) when we first started. I am going to mention maybe doing the secret tumblr just for us to her.
     
  7. rhodry04
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    I agree and all we really have is a list on a clipboard of things we like and how we want to incorporate them into our lives. My fiancé has talked to you a bit she said and I think we are of similar mindsets about what we want out of chastity. We both like a lot of your ideas and your blog is great. I don't know where you found that video near the top with the girl in the blue shirt but that is intense.
    Thank you again for sharing and I look forward to you and my Mistress sharing ideas!!
     
  8. keephimcaged
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    Thank you! And that video is called something like Amber's Psycho Handjob - I've seen it before. It annoys me every time she misses out on using his cum as lube (as messy as that is lol)
     
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  9. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    it is a messy thing and if it drys in your hair its dreadful to get out.
     
  10. keephimcaged
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    [​IMG]
    'WHAT DID YOU DO?!!!!'
    lol, been there, done that, just before we were about to go out too, nowadays he'd been locked up for a month! :p
     
  11. Lockedwithlove
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    Lockedwithlove I am my Queen's toy

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    Wow that's really a great system you guys have set up. Mistress and I don't have such a formal arrangement, it's up to her on whatever she wants to do. She hates when I top from the bottom and ice really had to learn to hold my tongue.
     
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  12. CagedAnimal2
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    Great rules and I LOVE your blog! Thanks for sharing all your insight and experiences. I find your realistic approach and loving vibe truly inspirational!
     
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  13. keephimcaged
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    Aww thank you so much, that really means a lot!
     
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  14. jemima
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    please Mistress, curtsy. it was when I was at a party with my Mistress and i was making a man happy. :oops:. i think that some men do it and then laugh cos they thinks its funny.
     
  15. SheLocksMeUp
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    This is really great stuff.
     
  16. chastitylockdown
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    Love the coin toss idea. My g/f keeps me locked and she's naturally submissive. She loves to keep me locked up, but she doesn't like the pressure of deciding for how long. The coin toss will take a lot of pressure off of her. Thanks!
     
  17. keephimcaged
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    The other one I posted on my blog this weekend was the idea of having a bunch of keys that look similar and you pull one out every time you make her cum, or one a day, or similar, and try it and if it fits you get unlocked and edged, if not you stay locked up. Another good one for us subbie keyholders!
     
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  18. anasyrma
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    Yes, I recommend this one too. My wife has all the keys to many locks on a key ring and when allowed out I have to try each key in turn to find the right one. Limiting this to trying only one or two keys each time would make it harder to escape. Adding more key(s) each time the right one is found gradually increases the odds against finding the right key next time.
     
  19. Her Dividend
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    I love the fact that you don't have anything insane listed and have not made long bouts of endless chastity your goal. Your program is about bonding, sharing, and maintaining an exciting connection.
     
  20. PuellaPurpurea
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    I think I needed to read this. Seeing a chastity-minded couple where the keyholder is submissive but the relationship works great anyway is really inspiring to me. I personally am typically the dominant one in my relationship with my boyfriend (our chastity play has been on and off while we try to figure things out), but we're both very switchy as well, and as fun as it is for us to think and talk about locking him up long-term, there's still that small part of me that doesn't want to give up the times where he surprises me and roughs me up.

    This gives me hope that we can figure out something that works well for us. A big part of my problem is that I'm quite forgetful and easily distracted and can let sexy/kinky things fall by the wayside; some of the things you've listed here sound like awesome tips we could borrow and use to keep me more riled up, and thus more demanding, more often. Which is awesome, because damn, do I love me some oral from that fella. <3
     
  21. keephimcaged
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    Thanks for all the lovely encouragements! And just to emphasise again, the rules are there for when I don't want to do something else. So they work as a fallback to make it easy to just have a way of maintaining the denial without me having to think too much about it.
    And 'something else' CAN mean, take a break! The easy way to do that is just to make him cum which gives me a day or two off while his libido builds back up. The hotter meaner way is just not unlock him of course :p

    Also the 'fuck me when you want but get locked up for a week' is such a great rule for keeping those 'rough me up' moments. We had one this weekend where without warning he went from going down on me to flipping me over, I thought he was going to lick my bum, but instead he pulled me down the bed and fucked me in the arse instead. So fucking hot <3 But he held off cumming so he avoided lock up! (I could punish him but I just love it when he does stuff like that so want to encourage it). Honestly right now part of my objective in teasing him is to take him over the edge so he does things like that - it's a new motivation I hadn't really tapped into before.

    I was actually goading him this time, I have no idea how he found the self control to stop! Stuff like 'Come on honey, empty your balls in me, punish me for keeping you denied - then I'll lock you up for a whole week and just use the big toy instead' kinda thing. So. Hot.
     
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