Seems that Sue Johnson got it wrong. The individuals are the ones who let "the dance" happen. How can they not be a problem?
Metaphoricly, we're skiing down an alpine slope, the exhilarating sensation of blistering speed and cool, crisp mountain air in our hair (her hair. She has hair) as we outrace the elements through space and time. That may actually be a york peppermint patty, now that I think about it. Pretty sure it's not a dance, though. More like what the albino atomic hippo does to danger man on saturday night wrestling, where danger man winds up like pretzel and the albino atomic hippo walks away with an extra cool two million in junk bonds and the key to a small island off the coast of manhattan, for the weekend. Danger man spends that weekend in traction, drinking through a straw and watching a small cartoon bluebird go clockwise in near skull orbit, right at eye level while humming Disney tunes. Maddening.
The longer we've been married, the shorter our arguments have become. I've learned that disagreeing with Lady has little use, better just to go along with her.
I do the dancing after an argument with M. She always has the final word. After her final word I always hand her a paddle. She starts swatting and I start dancing.....
This thread reminds me of the Garth Brooks song: Our lives Are better left to chance I could have missed the pain But I'd have had to miss The Dance
Love that song and it's it's message. It is a message I carry with me daily in my life. Thank you Garth