I find the most difficult part of being locked up are the times when you aren't feeling particularly engaged by being locked. Either because you've been locked and forgotten, or because your just having an off day. There are forums on here for everything under the sun related to chastity, but I find there is a lack of support for the weak moments I have when I'm questioning the whole arrangement. Being sexually frustrated or teased and denied....these are the reasons we do this!!! It's when neither are occurring and we consider throwing in the towel that we need support. Reminders about why we do this are important: for her and because we want her to be empowered and free from our advances. Not sure where I'm going with this post but I feel there could be more support here to help us get through the lulls of chastity. Sometimes I look for that support in the chat room but that can be hit or miss. Almost need a 'sponsor' like they have in AA lol!
I had a couple of those moments. My wife and I are still new to it all and she loves me being locked and has told me i'll never masturbate ever again and has never once mentioned a release day or timeframe. When i had those moments of not really feeling into it all (they were few and brief) I realised that those were the moments where I was truly feeling being out of control and at her mercy the most acutely. Locked up wether I like it or not. It would be terrible if it only happened when I was into it wouldnt it? She is happy with our new arrangement 24/7 and sure to be 365 too and that's all that matters
Yeah, those days I don't find too bad. It's made easier when you realize that THAT'S when it becomes bondage. Usually, though, I just forget I'm wearing a cage. and then two days later the horniness returns with a vengeance. If you could unlock when you didn't want to be locked, it wouldn't be enforced chastity.
I do like the idea (of extra support for when your down). There maybe is even a need for similar for KH's. Then again the whole Mansion sort of serves that purpose. I could see a forum for "Coping with Chastity problems", much like the one on cages but focused on the mental side. In my case, almost everytime I get very ramped up - she blows me off (for instance tells me she is coming over and then never shows up). I then get upset (I agree she is the boss, but if she gets rude or takes me 100% for granted it really spoils the mood). This has happened so many times Im starting to think it is subconsiously intentional on her side.
Good question. I'm not sure this has been debated that much before. I guess it's like everything. Sometimes you just have to grin and bear it.
Agree with you there, it is vary rare my madam will have an off day, and if she does then it’s not with me saying anything, because then it will become an off week, or month!
Great insight into the hardest part of chastity. You know your wife loves it. So if you're down or feeling not into it or feeling ignored that's on you. You're in chastity! Of course there are those moments, it's like the whole point. So when those moments hit just keep reminding yourself "she likes it, she wants it, I asked for this, it's making me a better husband, I'm improving my marriage, my wife is growing in her confidence and authority, this is good for me and good for us." Then repeat.
The cage is part of our life now. We go days without any T&D. It's very frustrating to think your penis isn't the center of attention anymore. There are times I'm so horny and I would do anything to masturbate(Like this morning). Sometimes when I get down and think of throwing in the towel, I remember who I'm doing this for and just grin and bear it. I have become trained to think that it's not about me anymore and have even turned down orgasms because my Wife(KH) tells me it not a good idea to cum, so I don't and I'm locked back up for the next time...I do like coming here to hear others talk about how they handle it, sometimes that's enough to get you to the next time...
I have felt the same challenge multiple times. Most of the time it was related to my wife being stressed with work, family or something else. The best way I have dealt with the situation was be even more supportive and it usually passes if I think about her other than myself. If that does not work we have taken occasional breaks that have proven to be very effective. After a short break she misses my attentiveness that only comes when I am in the cage, just not the same when I am unlocked know matter how hard I try. She then normally brings out the cage and it is sort of a reset.
We deal with her (wife/KH) chronic pain (Fibromyalgia) condition. More often than not she can't participate other than me giving her a massage. I can get too caught up in my desires and have to reorient myself to thinking about her needs. In the year we have been doing this I have found that attending to her eventually leads to much better things for me. It is sometimes a struggle to remember that in the moment.
I think as it is with life in general we all go through down times about many things. The way chastity is used and the relationship I think has so much to do with the general feelings and attitude. We have a very interactive lifestyle that has revolved around chastity. It's not a punishment, it is not forced, it is being able to approach her at anytime and love her anyway she wants. Touching doesn't have to end up in bed. Sometimes women just want to be touched and we should be sensitive to what they want. I know when she has a busy week she can become distant. It may seem like she just wants to be left alone. When that happens I will usually get a few towels and sit at her feet and put lotion on them. She just gives me a smile and I know who I am to her. Our emotions and feelings change with the wind, but our love and commitment doesn't have to. Maybe you are right, we should have a place where we can just let our thoughts out to others that are in the same boat and understand what we all go through at times. Sounds like a good suggestion.Hang in there.
I think we all feel from time to time, locked and forgot. I know I do. I guess it's like my man period or something. I wear a belt because my wife wants me in a belt. This is where the WLM also kicks in. It's really not what I want it's about her and what she wants. Learning to be a good submissive is the key. IMHO
Well, chastity can be a lot of fun, but it can also lead to mis-matched libito in maybe several ways: > The guy is constantly being reminded and excited from denial. So he's READY. > The woman may be just going about her daily life, not wanting to be frequently reminded, and preferring a normal cycle or rising sexual interest & then sexual satisfaction. > Further, if the Man's heightened state makes the woman feel things are out of balance, or his interest is non-stop or exaggerated, she might become LESS interested in sex than normal. > She may also be in the mood for her pre-chastity partner sometimes, and want a break, but it can be hard to communicate & accomplish with a male in "chastity mode", as he may feel let down, or silly being released just because she's not as interested in chastity right now.
I'm getting better at accepting that my wife isn't nearly as much into sex as I am. The cage helps me remember that if I masturbate I'm separating myself from her. I'm in the cage 99% of the time, having it off only to shower. I have free access to the key; one of them is always on the bathroom counter and the other on her necklace. I am definitely on the honor system and I am honorable, even when she's not giving me the attention that I crave. We've been doing chastity for a while. [I forget - 1 1/2 years or 2 1/2 years] . I've gotten much better at riding along, confident that the wheel will turn once again. Right now I'm really horny. I would love a good orgasm but I'd also be very happy with a role in the hay that didn't include me cumming.
I appreciate everyone's thoughts on this. Lots of things to think about and I now have several new perspectives on how to deal with periods where there's a lull in the action. Very helpful! While perusing this site I had a song in my head that I suddenly realized was very relevant.... 'The waiting is the hardest part...' I wonder if Tom Petty was into chastity?
I agree that those moments when you feel ignored are the hardest ones. In my case I met someone professionaly and after several meetings and conversations a natural atraction arose. In a very mature way we both knew that nothing could progress beyond friendly conversation. The time came when I revealed to her about me being in chastity. Now I am very lucky to have a friend with whom to talk among many other things,about chastity from a third partie's perspective,which by the way results very teasing,funny,encouraging,etc. and definitely helps cope with those difficult times mentioned.