The Alpha and HER mate (the ongoing saga of a caged wolf)

Thank you Leading Lady!. I try to do all I can, but Mistress Wolf still like to do things around the house Herself. We have been all over the map, but believe we have finally found a path that works for us.

 

Last week I believe Wednesday evening, Mistress Wolf requested my attentions, nakedness ensued, followed by much pleasure for Mistress, with my only pleasure being the giving to Her. Extended oral service, followed by spray and wrap with 2 condoms... I felt nothing, and continued to feel nothing for about 4-5 hours afterwards!

Mistress though was riding a near continuous wave of pleasure for almost 45 minutes, and was totally satisfied by my attentions.

We also spent a weekend out, without Little One or the furry kid. unfortunately Mistress received 2 texts from someone She does not want contact with an longer, and it put a total damper on any pleasure or play. Still a good weekend, as we were able to talk freely, and I admitted an issue that had been causing me a lot of stress for a long time.

The end result of the conversation is that I will be wearing diapers from now on... WITH Her approval, as I had been doing so without it for the past couple of years.

 

So, it's Friday, I've been diapered during the day from just before leaving for work until I take my evening shower. Overnight I'm using Depends male maxi pads. Mistress Wolf is still good with it, but is not involved in changes, etc.

To explain more, over the last couple of years I've had some bladder leakage, probably due to too many years waiting until I was about to burst before emptying. Wasn't an issue until I started spending more time out of the shop on the road, then I had a couple of leaks, so I started buying diapers for when I was out. That turned into wearing all day at work, taking off before coming home.
With the current job driving, and being out on te road for 7-14 hours at a time, the leaking has gotten worse, hit a bump in the road and dribble, get out to load or unload (with no facilities to use, and I was really having issues, including complete loss of control if I held too long.

I had jokingly hinted many times about diapers, and was told "No". I knew I was not following Her instructions, but my only other choice was to have accidents. The stress was not good for me, so I finally just addressed it straight on, and now here I am, sitting in a diaper as I type this. Not a bad thing, now that it's with permission, could definitely enjoy it long term 24/7, if it ever comes to that.

 

me either, really. it was really a minor issue that I could deal until I started the over the road truck driving. Think its a combination of previous damage and the long hours and vibrations of the truck that pushed it to this point. I have a Doctors appointment on 22 March to see what other options I have.

Humbling, to say the least, to think this may potentially be a permanent thing...

 

And last night/early this morning my bladder decided the Depends pads were not going to be enough. Woke up several times between 11 pm and 2 am, each time dribbling lightly, which the Depend pad would deal with, but when I woke at 2:24 it was just starting full flow. Was able to get it stopped and get to the bathroom, but decided to err on the side of safety (and a dry bed) and went ahead and put on a diaper, with a fresh Depends pad as a booster.

Finally back to bed and had a hard time getting back to sleep, worried that Mistress would not be understanding (She was). Finally fell asleep around 4 am, up at 5:15 am to start the morning, and was was a little shocked just how wet I was already. Am going to try the Depends pads again tonight, but I may really be entering 24/7 in diapers....

 

Last post for the Wolf.

Life is imploding, Mistress is done, I'm defeated, can't get ahead with work, finances or relationship. Everytime things start looking better the bottom drops out again sending me even further down. I can't dael anymore adn am taking my toys and going home.

Wanted to say thank you to those who have shared, commented, and supported this train wreck. I hope each and all make it work better than I have.

 

just to close this out on an a good note.

Mistress Wolf and I have worked things out, still together, still FLR, but with a better understanding of the actual dynamic. She will not tolerate any passive aggressive whining, secrets, etc.

I am still diapered for medical reasons, appointment iin 2 weeks to see wth is going on. Almost a month with no intimacy...

Who needs a cage when Mistress has learned to truly control me..

It's been fun, educational, and nice to have a place to share my thoughts on "things", but this really will be the last post on this thread... Asking Mod to lock it.

 

Mod can this be locked and stickied?

 

Thank you for the thought @SubVerity , and I will take it as intended...

@Nicoftime It's more than the medical issue, it's the whole status quo of the relationship and life at this time. I replied to @Jasmic68's post on why people leave with a little better explanation that I'm not really inclined to link or retype here right now. Basically, when you have nothing new or good to say why keep talking (or posting, in this case).

 

@SubVerity
To be honest, I'm not sure exactly what is going on. With all the outside stress, and the recurring various medical issues, something just seems to have shifted. Some of it is within me, some go deeper.

There have been some spiritual changes within me, and some of it has altered me significantly in my ability to submit, not so much to Mistress, but in most other areas of my life. An old part of me, what I consider my Wolf Spirit, has come back to forefront and I have had to learn to merge the 2 into 1 functional being. Mistress Is supporting and helping me through this change as much as possible, but... I am also an empath, and am finally accepting all that means. The emotional changes brought on by contact with others, or in crowds, etc, the energy drain if I let my shields down, the overwhelming crush of emotions while trying to drive in heavy traffic (I'm a truck driver). I am not who I was a year ago....

I have cut ties with people i thought of as friends (The Motorcycle club I was attempting to join), and several were, but association with them was not good for me. The demands on my being were to high for the reward. They were a part of what woke the Wolf up from his slumber, wanted me to be more assertive, more aggressive. Funny, now they find me too much so. After 2 years of association, dealing with the emapth issues among a bunch of loud, brash, often drunk bikers, the resulting migraines and energy crashes, the fight between finishing what I started and quiting and walking away (which is what I finally did a couple of months ago).

Mistress Wolf, while she supports me, is uncomfortable with the needs brought on by the current medical issues (diapers or pull-ups 24/7), which is understandable though I am still me. Some of the intimacy, the touch and compassion, seems to have evaporated. There are also control swings, from seeming not to care what I do all the way to severe verbal discipline (She has never physically disciplined me), and these may happen in a matter of moments. I am not sure what standards are in effect at any given time so I just maintain last known good instructions until told differently.

My medical issues and work stress play a large part in this I'm sure,

 

For those not familiar with what an emapth deals with here is a pretty good article :

https://www.parhlo.com/the-dark-sid...ou-rarely-see-and-must-always-be-cautious-of/

 

@SubVerity

Thank you for taking the time to post the above thoughts, but as you said, they are your .02 worth. You asked what was going on, I shared, and you shotgunned me for sharing. Awesome....

Being of Native American heritage, and beginning to accept and try to understand all that is has led me down a different path than yours. Your beliefs and ideology are not mine, but I accept that they are yours. I would appreciate in the future you not disrespect my beliefs and marginalize them based on your beliefs. You are not living my life or walking in my steps so how can you sit back and tell me that what I am experiencing is false?

As for being an Empath and my Wolf Spirit, again, you have not seen and felt what I have. My experiences have increased substantially over the past two years, and, while I am not going to share experiences here, I will say there is no doubt in my mind of my current abilities. My Mistress has seen first hand some of the things that have happened, and supports me on the path to find out all I can about these aspects of me.

 

And again, I ask the Mod's or @Administrator to lock this thread. No further good is going to come of it after this.

 

Well, hello again all.. I've got things (meaning my stress and obedience issues) under control adn am back in the right frame of mind to continue sharing again.

A lot has happened in the last 9 months or so since I asked to have the thread locked... Quit the truck driving job, got a new one as a welder/fabricator, weaned off diapers when Mistress Wolf became aware that I was enjoying it too much, and trying to truly make it permanent. Gave me an ultimatum, I chose to stay and serve....

Ended up in the ER for shortness of breath/fatigue issues, was very anemic.. lots of tests, meds, etc, finally surgery to remove a couple of ruptured hemorrhoids, was literally slowly bleeding to death. Surgery was Early February, still recovering, but back into the 90% okay range and back to work again.

Relationship wise, things have been a little rough. the whole diaper thing really turned Mistress off, and it has been a long road to re-earn her trust and attentions again. Averaged about one night of pleasing Her a month, went over 2 months from Early December until Thursday evening without any intimate time, beyond random hugs and minor teasing and nipple pinching on Her part.

We have, as of Saturday night, began attending a new Swingers club, hoping to find Mistress a BF, primarily, but, if someone is interested in me Mistress may allow thing to progress over time. Still hoping to find a semi-permanent Poly situation for Her.

I'm sure I will think of other things that have happened, but this is the big stuff.. Hopefully I will have worthy updates soon.

 

TWICE in one week! that hasn't happened in a LONG time, not even going to speculate just how long it's really been!

Yesterday (Mistress Wolf's birthday), was a good day, spent the day doing things with and for Her, then last night She has Little One go to bed a few minutes early. Once I had Little One in bed Mistress asked "Are you ready for some Nakee fun Time?" my reply "Yes, Mistress, very much so!", and off the the Master bedroom we went.

(Oh, should note, with my new job as a welder I often times have to work with Stainless Steel, which has a high nickel content... I have a nickel allergy. Was working some Stainless on Wednesday, adn apparently touched myself when going pee.. Nickel there causes swelling, and a couple of days later as the swelling goes down it becomes a rash. ?It's not as bad as the last time, a small spot, but, no touch there from Mistress)

Sprayed adn wrapped before starting, so was ready and totally numb! Some gentle touch, some gentle finger play, then Mistress Wolf tells me "You need to finish what you started with your fingers..". I take it literally and keep fingering... She says "You need to stop that and finish what you started! Now!", so I shift around, She is assuming I will enter her, but instead I shift lower and kiss my way down to give Her some oral attention first, bringing her to several O's before finally moving and giving Her what She really wanted..

Many more O's for her, ZERO for me, never felt anything, never got close. But Mistress has learned that She can control my cock by scratching my back (left 'Angel's Wings' last night), or by pinching and playing with my nipples. When She does that I get Harder and thicker, similar to what happens just before I climax. She did both last night, several times, sending Her over the edge each time.

After She was 'done' She was laying with Her head towards the foot of the bed, so I shifted to lay behind Her and pulled the comforter up over her to keep Her warm as She relaxed. Soon She got up for Her shower, Got Her dried and off to bed, then followed shortly after, where She rolled over to lay on my chest and shoulder to enjoy the warmth and to cuddle for a bit as we both drifted off to sleep.

It was a near perfect end to a great weekend, the only disappointment was that She said She had planned to orally tease me, but was unable to due to the rash from the allergy issue. So glad it was not a bigger issue and I was able to use the numbing spray and double condoms ao that I was able to pleasure Mistress Wolf.


Life is GOOD !!

 

Well, Valentine's day took a sour turn tonight... but this time it wasn't something I did!

Took Mistress Wolf out for diner, we had just finished eating and were waiting for desert to arrive at the table when a family came in and was seated next to us. Before they even GOT to the table the smell hit me, one of the two perfumes I'm allergic too, and it was STRONG! The wife (the perfumed one) sat at their table with her back toward me, about 3-4 feet away, adn it was strong enough I had to get up and stand near the food prep area where there was some air flow, and asked the waitress to make the desserts to go, politely explaining why.

The staff hustled and prepped the to-go's and the bill so I could get out quickly, and apologized several times, told them it was not their fault, things happen.

BUT, here I sit, the smell still burning my nose an hour later, and can taste the perfume in my mouth.. I'm breathing a little better, but the migraine it triggered is not going away, even with meds.

May be the end of any chance to pleasure Mistress tonight.. .

 

And, yes, the perfume incident did, in fact, ruin my chance to pleasure Mistress Wolf last night.This would have been the 3rd time in a week, something that has not happened since early 2015 when I broke my hand, and then my mom died unexpectedly, which sent me spinning down a rabbit hole trying to relearn my life.

Mistress came to me about an hour before bedtime (had been checking on me and giving me hugs throughout the evening), and ask "How are you doing?" I could see the 'look' in her eyes, but had to be truthful and answered"I still taste perfume and my nose still burns, my migraine is better, but still there..."

She replied "That's too bad, I'm still hot from the other day, adn wanted more.." With that She hugged me again as I damn near started crying, She followed with "I know it's not your fault, but this is a good thing." (meaning Her wanting to go play)..

Hoping She still feel the same way tonight, as I am finally feeling better this morning...